I wait until we arrive in the driveway; the awkward silence between us builds like a dam fit to burst. I feel as though I'm being choked, a heavyweight sits on my chest, and it's begging to come out. I have to tell him I can't live like this, I can't be in purgatory with my feelings for him.

"Have you calmed down? Can we talk about this like adults?" He asks as he opens the door for me.

"Have I calmed down?" I scoff, unable to fathom that it was I who was the irrational one. 

I was intoxicated enough to be uninhibited, but the joy of the buzz had gone; all that was left was the weight of disappointment.

 It's all coming to the surface now, and I can't escape it; it has to come out. 

"I still love you, and you're about to go on a dinner date with the devil herself! I don't want you to, I don't want you to be anywhere near her, and you're acting like it's no big deal, like I don't matter!"

I'm shouting now, unable to control my voice, unwilling to silence myself.

"Do you understand how hard this has been for me? How much it sucks that you fucked Anuetta, and I have to find some way to forgive you for that?! I shouldn't have to forgive you, Randy. You shouldn't do shit like this! How do I know you're not going to sleep with her? Or have her beat you again?"

Verando stares at me in silence, taking me in, as if he were searching for the audacity in which I question him. "You have no idea how important she could be to our cause. Nicolas, we don't have to like her. We have to get on with her until we have an idea of her plans." He laughs at me, and I feel myself threatening to teeter over the edge.

He refuses to give me back my nickname, even though he'd already slipped up a few times tonight, he was purposefully withholding from me. 

"I could have just lied. I was trying to prevent this! She said if I had sex with her, she would take her own life, and make it a suicide. Naptalion was looking for any reason to put me to death to get rid of me, and you were too busy planning your wedding and preparing to fuck your new wife to talk about it. It would have worked if I hadn't forgotten that bloody sword! Is that what you want?"

I grab a decorative pillow from the couch and throw it at him, making him roll his eyes at my attempt. 

"I'd rather you had killed her and gone to the gallows for that than fucked her! How am I supposed to forgive you?!" It keeps surfacing, a corpse that won't sink, infecting the beautiful pond we were trying to build.

"You shouldn't if this is how it will torment you! Why must you forgive me? Why can't you leave me behind and move on?!" Verando commands me, desperation in his tone, before he sighs, composing himself as the silence builds. I can't believe he'd say that to me, that I should leave him behind, that he wished I would move on. 

I rarely ever saw him lose his cool in such a way, to spiral out of control. 

"The same reason you followed me around when I was broken, when I couldn't even stomach you," I whisper. 

"That was different. You never did anything to harm me, I told you that I would love you no matter how, I could have you and I meant it, I was prepared for you never to want me again-"

"Is that what this is? Are you saying you don't want me?" I snap, feeling the choke hold of such a reveal tighten in my chest. Locking his burning gaze on my eyes, I challenge him, provoking him to take back such a suggestion. 

"The fact that I put up with your horrid attitude should be proof enough that I love you. What I'm telling you is that if you can not forgive me, then stop torturing us both and go home, Nicolas, because I don't know how much longer I can run from you. I don't want to be something you look back and regret, you don't have to put up with this.. you deserve so much more."

I grab his jacket, yanking him down to my level to crush my lips against his. "You're a damned fool, Verando Mercer, if you truly think that I can live without you."

He spins us around, shoving my back against the wall roughly as his lips find mine, and I taste the wine on his tongue.

"You are absolutely insufferable." Verando hurriedly pulls my jacket off, tossing it as I fight to undo his buttons, shoving it off his arms the moment they're free.

"Egotistical bastard." I knot his tie around my hand, pulling him forcefully to my height as I grab a handful of his hair and claim his mouth. He lifts me off the ground, and I grunt as he slams me against the wall with his body, making one of the various paintings fall to the floor with a loud bang.

"Spoiled brat." He retorts, biting my lip.

I shove off the wall and cling to him, causing him to stumble backward, taking books and a lamp with him off the end table before subsequently falling back onto the couch. I block his escape, one hand on either side of him as his hands find my hips and I hear his breath catch, much to my satisfaction. 

Taking advantage, I straddle his hips, hiding my amusement at his startled face. My hands hurriedly find the seam of his button-down, and I forcefully pull the pieces apart as buttons fly around us. 

I make a surprised sound as he flips us, forcing me onto my back and pinning my hands over my head as he kisses my neck.

"God, you're driving me insane." He sinks his teeth into my neck, and I flinch, arching up into him.

I buck my hips against him, shouting obscenities as I fight to get purchase against his hard form. Shredding my shirt in half with his hands, I take the opportunity to attack his pants and fight with his belt. 

We pant together in between insults, as fighting turns into desperation, and his mouth is on my chest, sucking one of my nipples as I tangle my fingers in his hair with a low moan. 

"Then shut up and take me." I snap back, whimpering as he snarls against my ear and grinds his hips so deliciously against mine through our clothes. "Or I'll have you myself." In a quick move, I shove him off the couch and onto the floor. Satisfied with the grunt the impact produces, he hardly manages to catch himself on I pounce on him.

On my hands and knees over the startled man, I claim his mouth with a slow, deep kiss. Savoring it, parting his lips with my own as I invade his mouth, I break the kiss suddenly to meet his gaze.

 As I sit on his bare hips, I grasp his tie and give it a hard pull. Verando swallows against it as I brace with my other hand on his chest.

"If you ever cheat on me again, I will adopt the Chinese method of servitude and turn you into a damned eunuch. Do you understand?" He nods, and I pull him to me, forcing him to prop himself up on his elbows as I kiss him. My hands tangle in his hair, giving it a firm tug that produces the most sinful moan.

His hands reach my pants, shoving them down around my knees, and I leave him momentarily to slide them off. In nothing but my torn shirt, I straddle him once more as I rake my fingers down his abdomen.

"Wait." He tells me firmly, and I practically whimper against him. He dodges my lips, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'm coming right back. Give me a moment." Sliding out from under me, he departs, and in my worked-up state, I follow after him.

"What're you doing?"

Verando produces the bottle from his nightstand. "I'm assuming you'll want lube."

It makes me pause as I watch him slide out of his pants and shoes, attempting to fold them. I quickly approached, desperation renewed alongside the horror of thinking I would have to wait a moment longer for him to reinstate order. Knocking them out of his hands, I shove him back onto the bed and climb on top of him. 

Straddling him once more, I wet my lips hungrily as my hand clutched his throat to pin him beneath me.

"What's a man have to do to get fucked around here?" I manage, my voice rough. "You're starting to make me worry you're not going to last long, and you're stalling."

Amid all that rage and passion, he thought about me.

He wanted me to be comfortable; he wanted to make it the best it could be for me. I snag the bottle out of his hand and apply it to him; when I return to him, it's slower, more deliberate as I melt against his lips. As he deepens the kiss, I roll onto my back and pull him with me, sighing breathlessly as he kisses down my jaw, towards my neck. 

Two fingers slide inside of me, and I inhale sharply as I writhe against him. I was glad to be mildly intoxicated, it helped me relax when all my body wanted to do was tense up from the anticipation. It'd been six long months, and in that time, I admitted that I had hardly touched myself. My libido had died with our relationship; there was nobody else I wanted other than him. 

My fingers find his back as I arch towards him, raking my nails down his back, my body on fire and pleading for release as he torments me, "That's enough, I want you inside of me." I pleaded, making him scoff. 

"Begging already? You're hardly managing my fingers."

"I'll adjust, I like the pain," I murmur, gasping as he adds a third, making me sink my teeth into my lower lip only for him to drag his tongue over the very spot I'd bitten. 

"We're completely alone here, darling, let me hear you." Verando reminds me; I shudder at the thought. His words burn me down to the pit of my stomach. 

Alone? Had we ever been truly alone? 

"You're so beautiful." He exhales as I moan, tortured beyond what I could tolerate by those sinful fingers. "You really haven't been touching yourself, hmm? You're so bloody sensitive, you might not even need cock."

I shake my head, whimpering as his mouth finds my neck once more. "Please put it inside of me."

"Put what?" Verando insists, withdrawing his fingers, leaving me a quivering mess beneath him. "You have such a filthy mouth, surely you can say it?"

The thought threatens to push me over the edge, of course, he would choose now to torment me, and yet I clung to the pyre. Embarressed but so turned on, it was as if my body was on a hair trigger. Every touch intense, every pass of his tongue left a burning trail, every stroke of his fingers pushed me closer and closer to my inevitable release.

"Please fuck me, Verando." I manage.

As he fills me, I cry out, reconsidering my stance of demanding to be had. 

It'd been so long, my body was tense and tight, and I gripped his arms as he placed one hand on the back of my knee to keep my legs spread while he pushed beyond my limits. Yet, when I open my eyes, seeing his flushed cheeks, his lips parted in a breathless gasp, I can't help but smirk. 

"Don't tell me you're already finished?" I manage, yelping as he rocks his hips roughly against me in punishment. 

"You feel absolutely incredible," Verando admits, his voice restrained, rough, and sultry. His hand wraps around my manhood, making my hips jerk as he strokes me mercilously slow. 

"I can't-" I gasp, gripping the sheets over my head as his body presses against mine. 

Pressing against me with every thrust as he keeps my leg firmly hiked toward my chest, I'm exposed and vulnerable to him as he uses me. I sink my teeth into his shoulder, scratching him, biting him, screaming for him with every stroke while he plunges into my depths.

"Endure, because I've reached the end of my tolerance when it comes to this body. You're mine, every damn inch of you." Verando exhales against my ear, moaning against my neck as I feel him shiver against me. "Nic..."

It was as if all of those 6 months were being laid out before us, here and now. I take everything he gives me, wanting him closer, deeper, harder. "Don't stop." I manage, rolling against him, submitting to him as he clings to me, my body tangled with his. "I want all of it." 

His pain, his torment, his rage, his undying love for me. I wanted him to bury it within me, to show me what I'd done to him in this time of absence and to reward me for my patience. 

Even though he wished to savage me, he made love to me in a way that left me desperate for more. 

As he moves, I build in an entirely new way. 

A participant, a lover, a partner, he meets my gaze to watch me as I climb, and I find I can't look away as I writhe beneath him, rocking back to meet him.

"Promise me you won't take it back. Promise me that you still want to marry me." I plead with him.

"Nic-" He manages, agonized as he meets my gaze, brushing his nose against mine as he groans against my lips. 

"Randy, please.. just marry me. In front of everyone- in front of the world, I want you to be mine." I manage, hooking my legs around his hips, clinging to his warmth as my nails rake down his back. 

 I was so close, my body was on the edge of what I could take.

"You're so damn drunk.." He sighs, burying his face in my neck. "I'll do whatever you want, I belong to you. I always have, I always will. No matter what. " He admits as he quickens, my words having been his undoing as I feel him throb within me. 

"Don't stop." I plead, panting, my body responds without my permission as I find my completion as he spills himself within me. The sound of him losing himself is enough to send me over the edge, and I writhe beneath him as I ride out the waves of my orgasm. 

We lie in a heap of two spent bodies as I try to come to terms with my current state of euphoria. His body is hot and heavy, we're slick with sweat, and I wonder if he might crush me should he pass out.

As he regains some semblance of self, he carefully rolls off me to lie on his back, grumbling to himself about sheets and laundry as he catches his breath. 

"You're heavy," I complain, stretching, only to roll to his side and pull the sheets over top of us to lay claim to this man who serviced me so thoroughly. 

"You're drunk." Verando reminds me, allowing me to nestle into the crook of his arm as my palm rests on his chest. "Why don't you ask me that question again in the morning? In case you change your mind."

"I won't change my mind. But I'll ask you every day... every day until you believe me."