lemme write some things please

(Tom's POV)

"Have you ever wanted to die?" I ask, staring up at my ceiling, the back of my hand on my forehead. My other arm hangs off the side of the bed, where Matt is painting his nails on the floor. It was our weekly Friday night where we just hang out in one of our rooms, not talking to Edd or Tord.

"No, of course not! Then people wouldn't see my face ever again." Matt answers, brushing on some lavender polish. "Why do you ask?" He glances at me. I hum an 'I don't know'.
"I just think sometimes. And I don't want to be alone in my thoughts." I answer, closing my 'eyes'.

"Do you ever have those nights where absolutely nothing is happening, nothing to do, no worries, but for some reason you feel a horrible dread? Like maybe you're forgetting something important or something terrible is going to happen?" I ramble in a monotone voice. "Yet you feel nothing, you don't react, just...empty? And you know that you should feel something, but nothing comes up?"

Matt stays silent. I continue on.
"Y'know, a lot of times when I hear something horrible happened to someone, or someone told me something horrible they did, I don't react. No expression, no panic, no pity. Nothing. After a while of hearing the news, I'd notice a growing weight or void...something would be at the bottom of my stomach, and my face would be warm. Like I'm about to cry."

"But I still don't do shit. And I know it's not natural, I know I should be feeling sad or sorry like other people do, but I don't. And- Jehovah, when I think back to these things, I would realize how terrible I am." I open my eye lids and smack my lips. "I realize that I pretend a lot. Pretend I care over text, pretend I'm about to cry. Acting is easy, I've even gotten to the point where I believe my own li—" I stop my rambling.

"Never mind."

I feel a hand snake up and grasp my dangling one, it warms up my frigid fingers.
"I may not know how you're feeling, or why, but remember I'm here for you whenever you need, okay?" Matt says softly after my rant. "Even on those empty nights, I'll come over if you need me to. We can binge on some Netflix shows, forget all of our worries. Even if it's only for a night, I'd come over anytime." Matt says with a gentle smile. He closes his eyes and leans back on my bed frame.

I let a small smile pull onto my face.
"Yeah, that sounds nice."

(I almost cried while typing that last part- which is strange cause I never cry while writing, even with angsty stuff—)

(Tom's POV)

"Tom?" I turn towards Tord.
"Yeah?"
"When did you get your ear piercings?" He asks with curiosity. I bring up a hand and touch one of my cartilage piercings.
"Oh..I got two of them in 5th grade," I say, playing with the ones on my lobes. "And the rest in 9th."

"Don't those hurt?"
"Mm...yeah, they did. But I have high pain tolerance, I didn't react much."

"...weird flex, but okay."

(this one was a 'why not?')

that's it, hope you liked them