First of all before I started venting, let's just get this over with.

It's almost 2018. This year, I've developed a lot as a person and as an artist, and have made some new friends that I really love! But it was a hard year for me, really hard, and 2017 just, sucked. But I'm glad I've made it this far, and I'm really happy with where I am right now.

I hope to have a better year next year, I really do!

—
Vent-
So as some of you guys know, my mom and step-Dad fight a lot. Well that had another fight a few moments ago, and it'll probably continue later.

So my mom made all this stuff for New Years right? While Josh was sleeping because he had work tonight (he doesn't anymore because he's a lazy ass-hole who doesn't deserve his job) and he comes out later, and everything was fine.

I was chilling in my room as usual, and then they start yelling at each other. Josh was yelling at my mom to go to bed, while she refused.

They stop for a few minutes and then Mom says, "do I get a thank you?" And Josh didn't say anything, neither does my brother who was also in the room.

My mom pushes, "so I don't get a thank you or anything? I made all this, and took all day to do this and I don't get a thank you?"

Neither of them answered, which pissed me off because Mom did take all day to make everything.

There's more silence and then Mom goes,"right, I threw it all away"

Josh goes "why"

Mom says "you didn't seem to care so it's all in the trash now"

My brother goes, "Mom what the heck, why did you throw it away,ugh thanks a lot. That's just great"

That ungrateful son of a bitch. Both of them, I wanted to go in there and yell at them, but I just sat there because it wouldn't have made a difference.

Josh tells Mom to go to bed, she goes probably just to avoid dealing with Joshs bullshit.

She comes out later to tell him to turn the music down because it was loud (which it was)

Josh got all defensive like, "oh now that I'm playing rap music you have to complain? You can just get out and go to a hotel drunk-ass, I'm tired of your shit fucker."

I'm pissed.

Mom tries defending herself, but Josh keeps retaliating with the same point, and Mom got sick of it and went back to bed, nothing has happened since.
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Right, so right now I'm in my bathroom, because as I was typing this I started crying, and didn't want anyone to see me crying and shaking so I came in here.

This past week at my moms made me realize that... I'm scared of them. I'm afraid of Josh, and my own brother.. josh is so abusive while my brother knows he can get away with a lot over here, so he takes every chance he can get to bitch and whine. Seriously, he yells at his tv, and-

Anytime I make him mad because of something stupid, anytime I wish I could tell him that yelling at his tv won't change anything I'm scared he'll throw something at me, or attack me... I'm afraid of what he'll do to me if I say anything...

And Josh, he threatens me with everything anytime I don't listen.. he's always telling me how he'll take my things, he even threatened to take my Christmas presents back on Christmas Day... he makes me so, scared.. I can't disobey him, otherwise something will happen. Something always happens.

Once he got mad that I shut a door too hard, he came in, unplugged all of my things from the wall, yelled at me, and turned off the light, leaving me to wallow in the dark.

Anytime I do something I enjoy they ruin it... they make me unhappy... and Josh's Son is just as bad..

He throws stuff at me, and hits me, and calls me an idiot and tells me he'd rather me be dead and mocks me. When I'm gone from my moms he comes into my room and destroys my room, and I get blamed, and I'm forced to clean it up, or face the consequences.

I'm afraid of them... I don't like it at my moms, I hate it... I try to explain why but everyone always says,"oh just give them another chance," or "I'm sure they aren't that bad"

They are. I'm always afraid when I'm over here. Angry, upset, and scared.. I want to leave, but I can't..  I want to tell others but I can't because then they'll tell other people, and then people will know who I am, what I'm going through. They'll worry about me.. I don't like it when people worry about me, I hate any sort of attention, I can't handle it.. I had a panic attack just a couple weeks ago because I was scared of attention, and had to sit with the school councilors for an hour because of it during lunch.

I'm just... constantly afraid... and I wish I could say something to them, to make them stop making me feel this way but I can't, I know I can't.. they won't listen, it'll make things worse...

This... this is why I have to have a councilors meeting every week. I haven't had one in two weeks... so many thoughts are building up, my head hurts, I can't take it.. they're pushing me too far... I want to go home.. to my real home with my dad... I want my REAL dad... I want real family... I just want to feel safe..

But I know that won't happen..

This has been way too long, and I'm sorry if I kind of ruined your mood I just... needed to say something, and get this stuff off my mind, otherwise I probably would have had a mental breakdown...

Again, I apologize for my sour mood... I-I almost finished the story board. I only have 8 more frames before I clean it up, and make the WIP video heh..

But yeah, that's it.. sorry for being a downer.. I was gonna draw something but, all that happened and I just... couldn't.

But I'm okay now.. well, better than I was earlier. I'm not shaking as much anymore..

I'll probably delete this later..

But yeah, have a Happy New Year everybody and I'll see you in 2018