Before I start my small.... Ok, huge rant, please take into account that in this chapter I will be talking about depression, and if you're suffering or if you get triggered by this topic, I don't want you to read this. Please.

I don't want to offend or hurt anyone, so before I begin, I suggest that for those who are affected by this topic, to please leave. I don't want to be rude, but I just don't want to hurt anyone.

Ok... Here we go... As I said this morning, I was headed to the doctors for some medicine for my cough. I thought it would be a, 'quick trip' but no. We ended up staying for 4 hours.

And that is because of me....

At the clinic I went to, there is a test that patients have to take at ages 12 and up, and it was a test to see if you had some sort of depression.

And my depression score was high.... I...

I am suffering from... Depression....

Before I continue, I, at the moment, feel fine. Yes, I am a little shaken up, but I am okay. I've never been physically abused, nor has anyone ever tried to abuse me physically. I am okay.

Physically....

Anyways, I never thought I was suffering from depression. I thought that depression was just a thing that came into your life if you were sad, or upset.... I was wrong.

Depression includes thoughts of suicide, and injuring yourself. Thought of being worthless, and alone. Thoughts of never being listened to, and.... Just a lot more I can't even begin to explain....

I have joked about this at school sometimes with my friends, and anytime I was upset or something I'd be like, "I considered suicide!" But of course I was joking.

Suicide is no joke. My cousin had to go to a mental hospital for 30 days because his friends killed themselves. I don't like to call him or his friends out at all, but I'm just giving an example...

Back to what I was saying before about my symptoms.... I, whenever I wasn't joking, and whenever my friends weren't around, I would think about things like, 'what would the people around me think if I killed myself?' and I.... I don't even know.

I, in real life, am an extremely quiet person, who never talks to anybody. So whenever I'd think about those things, I'd always come to the conclusion that it would not make a difference. In fact, sometimes I thought that it would make things better for everybody....

*sigh* Whenever the lady was asking me the questions for the, 'depression test', I answered honestly. My dad was in the room. At first, he thought I was joking. By the time the test finished, he knew I wasn't.....

I probably shouldn't tell you this, but from now on I'm letting my feelings out, so here we go...

When the lady left the room, my dad looked at me, and said, "I hope you were trying to be funny."

I didn't say anything....

He kept looking at me, and kept talking, "Life is really that bad is it? You don't even know how serious this is."

My heart broke when I heard him say these things. He said more, but I forgot the rest. Probably best that I did, because every time I think about his reaction, and the look on his face, my heart breaks...

The room was in silence until my step mom came into the room. She worked at the clinic, so she was able to go in there.

We all cried. Me, my step mom, and my dad. I had never seen my dad cry before in my entire life..... Well... Never heard him cry before. I was to afraid to look at his face....

After that, the doctor came in, and he talked with me, and me alone. He sent my dad and step mom out of the room, and we talked for two hours straight.

I told the doctor my feelings, what was happening, what my thoughts were. Everything.....

After that, another doctor came in, and talked to me about some councilors I might want to see, and she brought in my dad and my mom. My real mom, not my step mom.

She gave us some suggestions then we left. I was so upset. I was so afraid. I was so nervous, and stressed, and anxious, and.... Just... Depressed....

And it does not help at all when my step dads ex wife is putting a trial against my brother. I don't want to get into that topic since lawyers and the CPS is involved, but yeah....

*sigh* I.... I'm sorry... I'm sorry if this will affect my behavior, I'm sorry if this affects any of you, and I'm sorry if I scared you.

Honestly, I probably scared all of you. Anytime I vented about anything, you all were there for me, and I sincerely appreciate it....

I want all of you to know that I love you all, and that I love the support and kindness you all have shown to me ever since I joined this site. Heh.... It's funny how close one can get to their followers and supporters when they have never met them in real life.... Well, some of them at least.

But yeah, I'm sorry if this affected you in any way..... I know depression and suicide can be a very sensitive topic to talk about. Especially over the internet.... But yeah.... I love you all....

Thank you....