So in my Pre-AP English class, we had to take a sentence and make it into a paragraph.

Here was the one I chose: The hunted creature ran through the thick forest and screamed as the thorns cut into his skin.

And here's what I turned it into: Heaving as though its tired lungs would collapse at any given time, the small, frightened being sprinted as fast as its little legs could go, dodging every bush, branch, and boulder that dared to interfere. A cry of agony escaped the creature's mouth as an unseen thornbush trapped its leg with wicked thorns, cutting so deep that they may as well been sharp daggers. Ignoring the intense pain, the wounded creature freed itself and continued to run for its life as it heard the roar of anger coming from its enemy, who was now starting to catch up.

Thoughts??