The Strokes
••• Bad Decisions •••

oh baby, i hang on everything you say

i wanna write down every word

but do me a favor when you come through

when i look around, don't wanna see you

•••••

You know the drill! ;)

Artist: paracosmicThaumaturgist

Artist: ferretforrest

Artist: Al

Artist: manilamaiart

Artist: ichieditz

Artist: Salix

Artist: aquira

Artist: ta goes wamwam

Artist: marjorie

Artist: Yeet_Flan

Sorry this one took so long to write! Been dealing with burnout from uni as well as a couple of personal things

This is in no way proof read at all lmao I'll deal w it later

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  The words were embedded into my brain and took merry, torturous loops behind my eyes. They bounced endlessly within my skull like an echo chamber, like the little standby DVD icon that changed colours each time it hit the rim of the television. I watched it slide across the screen of my brain, changing neon hues reminiscent of the Pizzaplex.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  "NNGAAH." I slammed the pillow into my face and yelled into its soft plushness. All I could hear was Freddy's soft spoken, gentle confession and all I could see was the flustered, shocked look on his face after realising that I had, in fact, heard him.

  This is fucked. This was entirely, so, so, so fucked. This was beyond it. I thought his affection was nothing more than a crush. Not love. Had I just been in denial this whole time?

  I love you.

  I dragged the pillow down my face with a dry sob. I can't do it. I can't be in love again. All love does to a person is hurt them and be messy - I couldn't physically handle such a taxing escapade again, especially when I knew it was doomed to fail from the start. There was no viable way to be in a relationship with an animatronic that can't even leave his complex. There was no happy ending.

  I love you.

  I threw the pillow to the floor.

⚡️🧸🤖🧸⚡️

  Bonnie waited at the lobby for me to arrive with a coffee in his grasp.

  "Freddy's took himself down for maintenance," the bunny explained upon seeing my confused expression. I slowly took the cup from his hand and took a tentative sip of the hot beverage. "He asked me to bring you a coffee." Bonnie rolled his pink eyes. "Simp."

  I spluttered on my sip and coughed. How did he even know that word? Then I recalled Joey's frequent uses of 'fazussy' and immediately got my answer.

  "Did something happen between you two yesterday? Freddy's been acting weird all night," Bonnie asked after grabbing my jacket and hanging the hood on his ear like a coat rack. He eyed the side of my face as we wandered across the lobby. "And you look... tired, champ."

  I love you.

  I closed my eyes.

  "No," I replied with a practised smile shot his way. We stepped into the elevator. "No, it's fine."

  "Implying something did happen." Bonnie raised a brow. My smile fell. My gaze dropped to the floor. His voice was twinged with sympathy in a way that booth soothed and made me want to cry, resting a hand on my shoulder and bending down a tad in concern. "Are you okay, champ?"

  "I'm okay," I answered instantly. At the unconvinced tilt of his head, I wilted. "I will be okay. I'll... tell you later. Is that alright?"

  Bonnie nodded and released his gentle hold on my shoulder. "Yeah. That's alright. You tell me when you're ready."

  I nodded, quiet, silent. The elevator opened.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  My eyes meet Michael's in the photograph hanging in Rockstar Row. My steps faltered. His young, hazel eyes stared back, as if daring me to ever think of moving on from him.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  I tore my gaze away with a solid pang of my heart that reverberated throughout my whole, aching body. Freddy's voice became Michael's; looping incessantly, a deep, warm masculine voice, the very same of which would murmur me to sleep, the same of which would wake me with an affectionate morning greeting. The slight roll of a British accent not yet ceded away as he gave me his 'I love you's' - it was audibly branded into my brain.

  I could never get away from him. I was his prisoner, and yet I had no shackles.

  A deep shudder of agony rippled through me like a sound wave, vibrating hurt throughout the very atoms of my organic being. I could feel Bonnie's sorrowful gaze on me as I stood there, shoulders hunched, pinned by Michael's stare that wasn't even really fucking there, before forcing one foot after the other on the path to my office.

  A foolish, immature part of me played with the idea of simply avoiding Freddy for the day, just while I organised my feelings and how to approach this whole situation - but the bigger part of me, the part of me that was an adult who had bills to pay and at least a cat's mouth to feed, it knew that I couldn't risk losing my job over something so... elementary. I had to be professional.

  He stared at me and ran. It wasn't elementary to Freddy. It was probably terrifying. Had he even loved before? I doubted it. Does he even know what it entails? He probably did know - all the Glamrocks had a vast amount of knowledge that rivalled that of human adults.

  That just... made the whole thing harder.

  I found that I couldn't avoid Freddy even if I did end up choosing that path; he was booked in for a party that I was required to oversee. I didn't have a choice after all. I leant back in my seat and stared with dry eyes at the ceiling of my office.

  'I love you,' Michael's voice whispered.

  "Shut the hell up," I murmured, just as my Faz-Watch got a ping from Parts and Services - Freddy was returning to his room.

  I froze, staring at the notification. I had to see him. I had to talk to him. I had to do my job.

  My body refused to get out of my seat. I stared at the watch's face, words blurring into something watery, chest seizing with the reminder that Jesus Christ, Freddy Fazbear is genuinely in love with me. It wasn't even the part of him being Freddy Fazbear that frightened me to my core.

  I rubbed at my forehead in stress. What do I do? Turn him down? Suffer through his heartbreak just as much as he would? Or ignore what happened and simply keep him at arm's length, praying quietly that he outgrows it by himself? Quit my job, even?

  No, I don't think I could quit my job, not with the numbers of missing children rising. I hadn't even built up the courage to go exploring the catacombs of the Pizzaplex again for answers, the permanent, jagged scars dragging down my calf knotted me to the safer levels.

  My fingers found the drawer of my desk, sliding it open, revealing the crumpled yellow sticky note of a child with his head bleeding and the year '1983' sketched in an unconfident scrawl underneath it. Just the mere sight of Evan drawn in such a crude way had my throat closing.

  So many questions. So little confidence I had in searching for answers.

  I slammed the drawer shut with an irritated hiss between my teeth. If it were Michael in my position, he'd have no qualms in going back down to the underbelly and puzzling it out. But I wasn't him, I didn't have his ruthless, unfaltering spirit and hunger for justice. I didn't have his ability to box away his fear and push on.

  Children were still going missing. I'd watched with weary eyes as news reports played on the TV - four advanced to five, five grew to six. Poor, young souls, snatched from life. Michael wouldn't sit back and let his fright suffocate him like how I was letting mine do to me. He was always so much braver than I was.

  I'd been down there once and I would've died if it hadn't been for Freddy. And then I just pretended it never happened. Never spoke of it. The only reminder was the occasional ache of my leg and the shiny battle scars that I'd stare at while I was in the shower as purple optics lingered behind my eyes.

  And what of the little girl's voice down there? What of that freakish room that had every single surface covered by blankets of sticky notes? What of that footstep I heard? What of the endoskeletons at all?

  There were ghosts in the Pizzaplex. I knew it, I was sure of it. Just... not in the animatronics. For once.

  God, this is such a confusing mess.

  My watch pinged again - Freddy was back in his room. Fear closed around my throat and I shut my eyes. I was so tired of everything scaring me. I was so tired.

  Forcing myself out of my seat, I left the safe loneliness of my office and found myself hovering outside of Freddy's room. I bit my lip unsurely as I stared with uncomfortably dry eyes at the star on his door. It stared back at me; the little red silhouette of Freddy Fazbear encompassed by glossy gold that reflected my reluctant gaze.

  I could see it in my eyes; the hesitance, the unwanting, the innate fear of being faced with the one thing I didn't want to feel ever again. It was clear that I was cursed to only love one person and suffer from it. And now Freddy was part of this mess, too.

  I just couldn't quite wrap my head around that Freddy Fazbear had been dragged into my metaphorical curse as well - and in the worst way possible. I knew the pain of loving someone who was unavailable, but at least Michael's relationships eventually expired. Michael wasn't even here to expire ours. I was just... still so entrenched. Living without closure. Unable to move on.

  I raised my chin and let an exhausted sigh slip through my lips. The door was so large that it was intimidating, towering over me like the drawbridge to a castle. A really high-tech, neon-bashed castle. On the other side lay the docile, emotionally burdened dragon.

  My hand raised to swipe my ID to let me in but the door slid open before I could even press it to the scanner. Freddy and I both froze, eyes wide, staring, and he towered over me, a vast, metal behemoth of a god, and yet he looked just as frightened as I was.

  "Hi," I managed to choke out. A creak of metal - a single tail wag before it was abruptly forced to a stop. Despite everything, my heart still did a flustered little stumble.

  "Hello, m- manager Y/n," was Freddy's struggled, glitched reply. He was standing completely upright, perched up with his metal spine spoked like a straight shot to heaven as though he were a soldier awaiting orders. His usual slight slouch, a touch of human-like flaw he had when he wasn't around guests or performing, was gone. He had never looked more like a robot than he did right then.

  I dropped my eyes and let my teeth anxiously fiddle with my lip. His last night confession was pounding at the back of my head now, a relentless attack that spared no mercy of a peaceful thought. My chest was slowly growing tighter with each breath I took.

  "... we have a show in twenty minutes."

  My gaze shot back to Freddy at his break of silence. He was looking at me still, head slightly tilted, ears folded a tad. His face held so much regret and sorrow that it hurt to look at him, and I found myself wondering again at just how impossible of a sentient machine he really was.

  My eyelids fluttered with an inhale as my gaze fell away again. My clammy hands brushed down the front of my shirt, nails catching threads, fingers gripping fabric, tears of frustration wanting to fall like how my wrists dropped to the hem. I swallowed - my throat was so dry that it was painful.

  "Right," I murmured at his knees, because god forbid I crumbled under the crushing weight from the misery in his cerulean eyes. I was no Atlas. "We should get going."

  A creak of metal, a nod. Freddy hesitated before me, legs shifting to leave before stopping, and I watched as his intentions faltered. Finally, he stepped past me and began to make the same trek to the same stage he made every single day.

  His heavy footsteps faded down Rockstar Row. I raised my eyes to the ceiling and tried with fierce desperation to get my panic back under control, but the star-dotted ceiling just began to blur from woe. He deserved so much better than this. 

  With a deep, deep inhale and an attempt to settle my nerves in near-on comedic vain, I turned on my heel and followed after the equally heartbroken bot.

⚡️🧸🤖🧸⚡️

  After an awkwardly close pre-show maintenance check littered with stunted words and the inability to make eye contact, Freddy rose with the rest of his band on the platform to the stage.

  I watched them ascend while the backing track began caterwauling overhead. Watched as Freddy stared at his feet with a conflicted expression. He lifted his chin and plastered on a big, bright smile when the lights began to slide over the taller bots and pull them into the audience's view. His smile was fake.

  The crowd erupted into deafening, screaming cheers before muffling when the platform latched into place. I released an exhale and forced the tension from my stiff shoulders with a wince - what I'd give to have a day where my brain could just switch off and I was treated to a massage. Anxiety was a full-time job.

  Joey noticed the way my face twisted as I pushed relaxation through my body in a futile try to trick myself into thinking I was serene. He was just as observant as his charge was, it seemed.

  "You doing okay there, L/n?" Joey asked. His dark brown eyes, squinted in concern, reminded me of the hickory colour that Michael's hair was. I pushed the thought away with a disgusted, mental grimace.

  "Yeah," I replied with a tired display of reassurance. "Just a bad night's sleep."

  Thankfully, Joey was easier to fool than Bonnie. He nodded in sympathy and wished for a better sleep for me that night. I slunk away to my office to work on my emails and scheduling. Freddy's voice sang through the complex's sound system. Even when he was busy, I couldn't catch a break.

  I suffered through the forty minutes of the performance before a shrill reminder on my Faz-Watch called me to attention; Freddy had a party in ten minutes that I had to oversee. I gathered my wits and set out to meet him in the kitchen to pick up the cake.

  My only relief was that he'd be too busy entertaining a party of children to awkwardly converse with me - but before I could reach that reprieve, we'd have to walk to the party room from the kitchen together. I balled my fingers into fists and began the trek from my office.

  Freddy was already at the kitchen by the time I arrived. He glanced up when I entered before deliberately shying his marble blue eyes away with a grimace. A staff bot was carefully sliding an overzealously decorated birthday cake into his chest hatch. A second staff bot was watching with precarious caution.

  "Easy. Easy," the onlooking bot said in a monotoned voice.

  "I am going easy," the bot putting the cake into Freddy's hatch replied.

  "Easy."

  The first bot's expressionless face snapped to the onlooker in what I could only imagine was annoyance. Freddy abruptly snapped his hatch shut once the bot's hands were free.

  "Good performance," was my quiet peace offering. Freddy's gaze jumped to me, but only briefly.

  "Thank you, manager Y/n," he murmured. "It was enjoyable, as always."

  Was it enjoyable? Doing the same damn thing every day while his synthetic brain learnt more and more about how big the world was? The very world he'd never get to see? The only thing I could do was nod in response.

  "What is up with them?" the onlooker bot asked in its robotic, grating voice. Freddy and I shot the same disgruntled look at it.

  Freddy lead the way to the party rooms with a practised look of geniality and confidence. He stopped shortly for photos from the inevitable crowd he drew and I watched from afar as he said the same catch phrases, did the same poses, smiled the same fake smile.

Didn't it ever get bland? Wasn't he bored to tears? There was a hint of genuineness in the way his eyes lit up when a child laughed, but surely the same routine began to drag, right?

  I thought back to the list of extra mental stimulant Dennis made me compile for the night shifts entertaining the bots. It was shorter than what we both would've hoped for - the Glamrocks simply didn't quite know just how much entertainment was out there for them to pick from.

  As I watched Freddy gently untangle himself from the limbs of cute but stubborn kids, I wondered if extra stimulant would be helpful for him. At least it would get his mind off of things, right?

  Maybe I should just make a list of movies and send them to Dennis for approval? I could bring in board games, too, ones that didn't reply on tiny little playing pieces that would surely get lost in their gargantuan hands. I wondered if Chica liked colouring? I had a sneaking suspicion she would; and Freddy would surely join.

  We arrived at the party room and Freddy was met with pitched, joyous squeals from the crowd of kids that immediately leapt from their seats. The bear greeted his little fans with a hearty laugh that bellowed through the small room, carrying with it a false persona that he plastered on with ease. He was so good at acting.

  Freddy knelt down to the children's height with enthusiasm in his smile. I didn't hear his words in favour for stealing myself away to the corner. I was safe there, hidden behind the helium balloons and table piled high with wrapped gifts.

  The birthday kid - a little boy no older than seven - was located and sat on Freddy's knee like a robot bear version of mall santa. The boy, whose previous shyness was quickly brushed away by Freddy's soothing confidence, was telling the bear all about the remote control car his parents bought him and Freddy, the perfect idol, listened and nodded with rapt attention. The child positively and energetically bloomed under the undisrupted attention his idol was giving him.

  It was unfairly adorable, how good he was with kids. He was a expert at shepherding them away from both himself and the table so he could pull out the birthday cake with ease. He helped the boy's father hand out slices of cake for drooling, little mouths and grabby hands and his deep, handsome voice lead the happy birthday song with gratifying sound. There was always at least one child hugging a giant, metal limb of his.

  On more than one occasion, Freddy's cerulean eyes would drift to the corner and find me, leaning against the wall, watching him with an inexplicable sort of softness within my chest. I would draw my gaze away until he got distracted by kids wanting his attention, then I was free to watch again. The parents largely ignored me, though a few did invite me to their conversations, but they all knew each other and their mundane gossip held no interest to me.

  Michael would love this.

  I love you. I love you. Michael's voice began to loop in my head again. My nails dug into the flesh of my arms as I stared with dry eyes at my shoes.

  "Y/n."

  I didn't register Freddy's call, sure that it was just an added line to the disastrous symphony twisting a storm of a lover's soft-spoken words within my head. It wasn't until I felt the presence of a hulking mass approach did I snap back into reality.

  "Manager Y/n?" Freddy tried again, words clipped with a tense colour of nerves. His top hat was stretched out towards me, clasped in his hands, while standing himself precariously far apart. "Do you mind holding my hat?"

  My confused gaze jumped to the sheepish look on his face. Without his iconic top hat, Freddy looked... naked, almost - for lack of a better word. His shoulders rose in meek humility.

  "The kids would like to fit as many party hats as they can on me," he elaborated to my puzzled self. I gave a nod of understanding and reached for his metal hat. The weight of it was deceiving - looking as though to be nothing more than felt, but in reality being silk-draped titanium with a thick magnet at its base.

  The weight would've been the only thing to leave me jolted, if it weren't for the chilly contact of Freddy's fingers brushing mine. The cold gloss of metal startled my heart into a double-beat and imploded hot flames forth from my chest. It left me with the eerie, familiar sensation of being singed at my edges, sparks of ignition tickling down the plates of my spine.

  The moment seemed to linger for centuries, but I knew that I had not given a breath during it. A sharp inhale sucked a hiss between my teeth at our touch and Freddy swiftly jerked away, as if stung. The fresh weight of the hat made my hands drop in front of my thighs. The weight Freddy's pained gaze pinned me with was a far, far heavier burden.

  He abruptly tore away from our little bubble of space and I turned to the corner, hiding myself, gasping for breath and sanity and a modicum of composure. His touch sparked a fire along my fingertips and I felt it engulf the line of my arms, catching the rest of my body aflame while my nerves sang a song that switched haphazardly between Freddy's and Michael's names.

  It was dizzying. The floor beneath me seemed to sway, and my brain swayed with it.

  Freddy was far better at hiding his emotions than I was; already sat with a herd of children clambering over him like an expensive piece of playground equipment. They were giggling and placing as many party hats as they could on the beguiled Freddy; five, six, seven. The scene would've been comedically endearing if it weren't for the panic brutally sawing through my senses and engorging its appetite on me.

  The room was closing in, walls bulging towards me like outstretched hands. Everything was watery and mumbled, sliding through my ears like slop and not catching. My lungs clenched around little air - I couldn't breathe. Was I seriously about to have a panic attack simply because our fingers touched?

  I suppose it was the little things that unlocked an avalanche, like a single twig holding a gigantic boulder in place. It crushed me, snapped my bones to dust, it writhed throughout my body like a volley of snakes. The walls of the room were squeezing me now, a suffocating grip that clawed at me as though it were the one desperate for air.

  Freddy's eyes found me again. Watched in inexplicable worry as I placed the hat down on a table and quickly wound my way through little bodies to find the party room door. The laughing children and the gossiping parents didn't catch the panicked agony on my face - but Freddy did. He always did.

  The door slid shut behind me and I almost collided with a staff bot carrying a bag of trash from one of the other party rooms. It whirled in annoyance as it sharply swerved to avoid my feet. A broken apology gasped from between my teeth as it whirled off down the hall. I rested my forehead against the railing overlooking the Superstar Daycare.

  This was good. This was what I needed - space. Space to breathe, to unwind, to settle down from the electricity that had balled and grew within the enclosed space.

  I hadn't noticed the lack of lights in the daycare until the sound of creaking metal and rope above me bit through the muffled ringing of my ears. My watery eyes jumped up and found a body dangling just a breath above me from the rope latched to its back. I ripped myself from the railing with a gasp.

  The figure - a robot, of course - was immediately recognisable as Moondrop, the night-themed second half of the Daycare Attendant. His round face rocked gently on its axis as he stared at me, as though he were tilting his head from side to side. He shared the same eerie grin as Sun, but seemed to lack his upbeat energy in favour for quiet collectedness.

  "Jesus," I managed to choke out through the anxiety blocking my throat. Moon watched with glowing blue eyes, swaying gently on his rope as he stared, suspended. He lifted one long, slender finger to his grinning teeth.

  "Quuuuuuiet," he whispered, drawing the word out long in emphasis. His voice was deep and melodic, as though he were singing a lullaby with each word he spoke. "You'll wake the children."

  I was too stunned to reply. Any sort of coherency had been stripped and all I could do was stare dumbly at the robot in front of me. The rope lowered him until his jester boots, softly jingling with with bells, rested on the railing. He perched there with his arms dangling between his knees.

  "You're the manager Freddy speaks about," Moon's whispering voice noted with a full circle of his faceplate. He leant in further to examine me, extended his legs, rope holding his weight. I stepped back to keep the space. "I haven't seen you awake before."

  Creepy.

  "You're Moondrop," I replied unsurely. The robot relaxed into his perched position atop the railing, faceplate still twisting. His movement brought the soft twinkling of bells to life, as though he were an orchestra of stars. He was both enchanting and fucking terrifying - but at least he was distracting me from my emotional panic. "I haven't met you before."

  "I only come out when it's nap time," Moon explained with an oddly elegant hand sweep towards the daycare, which had been submerged into darkness, save for the light from the party room hall and glow-in-the-dark decorations. It casted the place in a soothing, opaque illumination. His blue eyes found me again. "You're anxious."

  "What?"

  "Anxious," Moon's melodious voice repeated. He dropped his head to the side with a curious look, night cap sweeping from the movement. A tingle of bells. "I can see it on your face and the way you hold yourself; humans are very easy to read. Is it Freddy?"

  I shouldn't have been surprised that Moon knew about Freddy's feelings for me. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if Music Man himself knew, too. It seemed as though the all the bots in the complex had tight-knit communication.

  "It is," Moon answered his own question with a cock of his head to the other side. I had barely known Moon for five minutes and already, he'd sussed me out faster than my own therapist. I stared at the floor with a strange concoction of shame and frailty.

  "Animatronics haven't... fallen in love before, have they?" I asked quietly. "I don't know what to do."

  Moon hummed. Bells jingled.

  "This wasn't the first time an animatronic has fallen in love," Moon replied in a slow, mellifluent croon. My gaze rose to him and he stared at me with a strange sort of knowing that had the small of my back tightening. "I have a feeling it won't be the last." 

  My furrowed brows rose as his words sunk in. Before I could ask for elaboration on what it exactly was that he had meant, a voice called out for the moon-themed bot before me.

  "There you are!" Tilly, the daycare attendant's handler, panted as she jogged up to us. Moon's blue eyes latched onto the auburn-haired woman as she greeted me with a smile. I managed a small one in return before Tilly turned to her charge. "I've been looking all over for you. I need your help with some kids."

  "Sorry, starlight," Moon apologised with a genial tilt of his head and a soften of his smile. The rope connected to his back unlatched with a click and he lithely dropped to the floor before us with barely a sound. He rose, taller than even Freddy, with such grace to his slender movements that I was half convinced he was modelled after a ballerina's poise.

  A sudden, loud chorus of children's laughter from the party room reminded me of the job I was supposed to be doing. Tilly fixed me with a bright smile, oblivious to my obscured predicament, and bid her farewell. Moon settled me with a look.

  "I hope your situation with Freddy gets resolved," he murmured in that lullaby-like voice of his. Tilly frowned in curious confusion, but Moon gently grabbed her hand and began leading her back down the hall and towards the daycare entrance. I watched as they went, engaging in quiet conversation that my ears couldn't catch, with Moon giving her his full attention.

  "Huh," I hummed.

  Ridding the budding theories that were beginning to bloom in the back of my head, I shook my head and entered the party room once again.

  Freddy didn't look at me again.

⚡️🧸🤖🧸⚡️

  I decided to change things up and head to Faz-Pad instead of El Chips for lunch when the bear went in for his recharge. I got my second coffee for the day (which was sorely needed) and ordered a healthy-sounding lunch of salad and club sandwiches.

  The photo op session dragged. It seemed as though the line of kids wanting to spend one-on-one time with their favourite robot star was ceaseless. I expected it; he was the most popular, the name of the entire franchise, but it was still exhausting. Even more so with this weird, tense energy between us.

  At least I didn't have to fend off any particularly horny parents trying to attempt the impossible with Freddy.

  Impossible? If he hadn't hunted me down and licked my neck like how he did in Fazerblast, then I would've said 'impossible' with full confidence. I wasn't so sure, anymore.

  Haa... what would Michael say about all this? It was a thought that routinely popped up, as though the only way I could cope was to imagine him sharing the scenarios with me. It ached to think but it helped, in some convoluted way.

  A ding from my Faz-Watch interrupted my deep thought. I lifted my wrist - it was Bonnie, requesting a call.

  "Hey, Bon," I answered after a bite of sandwich.

  "Where you at, champ?" Bonnie's voice came through the watch. The audio did nothing to falter the brightness in his voice, so clear that it was as if he were speaking right next to me.

  "At Faz-Pad," I replied. A staff bot passed by with a plate of grilled cheese. "Why?"

  "Joey and I are gonna join ya for lunch!" Bonnie chirped. "Hold fire, we'll be there soon."

  Bonnie ended the call before I could reply. I accepted that this was just my life now; too-sentient animatronics crashing my lunch breaks, and ate while waiting for the boys to show up.

  They did not five minutes later. Bonnie made a beeline to my table overlooking the lobby while Joey went up to order his own lunch. The seat across from me creaked under the weight of the eight-foot animatronic but miraculously held fast.

  "How are you and Freddy?" Bonnie asked the second he sat down. I stared at him from behind my half-eaten sandwich.

  "Not even a hello," I tsked.

  "Hello," Bonnie amended with a twitch of his pierced, crooked ear. His pink eyes held the same look of amusement as they always did, as though he were going to break into jokes at any second - but it was layered by a film of serious concern. "How are you and Freddy?"

  I inhaled through my nose. I should've ordered the grilled cheese. Joey took the remaining seat with a smoothie and a ham croissant and smiled, unaware of the tension. I may as well rip the Band-Aid off.

  "Freddy said he loves me," I mumbled. Joey dropped his croissant back onto his plate and shot a baffled look at me.

  "What?!" he spluttered, caught between laughing and gasping in pure shock. After a brief spell of being frozen, Bonnie slapped his hands to his face with a metallic 'clank.'

  "That idiot," he groaned as he dragged his palms down his cheeks in exasperation. I eyed him suspiciously.

  "Did you know?" I asked with a betrayed squint of my eyes. Bonnie dropped his hands to his lap and sent me a weary, tried look.

  "Of course, I did," the bunny grumbled, not even bothering to try and play dumb. Bonnie leant back on his chair and raised his eyes to the ceiling of the cafe. "What a moron."

  "I'm pretty sure he thought I was asleep," I defended. My reasoning did nothing to sway Bonnie's reaction.

  "I'm still trying to understand the fact that Freddy's in love with you," Joey gushed with wide eyes. His food was entirely forgotten, appetite eyeing something else; hot goss. "Holy damn, Y/n. Look at you go - queen shit."

  "Please stop," I groaned. Joey chuckled and took a bite from his croissant.

  "Do you not like him back?" Bonnie asked with a tilt of his head. Joey raised his brows at my hesitation.

  "I don't-" I broke off with an exhausted sigh and pushed a palm to my forehead. "I don't know. I don't know."

  "That's okay," Bonnie soothed, just as Joey murmured "this is revolutionary" from under his full-mouthed breath. The rabbit shot him an irritated glare before landing his soft gaze back on me. "You don't have to know right now."

  "What do I do?" I stressed. "Today's already been so awkward. I don't want this to ruin our friendship."

  "Just..." Bonnie exhaled slowly in thought. "Try your best. Try to move on from it - start with small talk. Then maybe you guys can discuss it later on when things have settled."

  "You'll be fine!" Joey reassured with a clap to my shoulder. "Freddy's a sweetheart. Whatever you decide, he'll be okay."

  I looked between them with an expression of desperation. Their advice was sound, but actually acting on it stressed me out; what if Freddy thought I was just brushing the whole thing off and ignoring it? What if he thought I was being rude? Would he hate me? Dark thoughts continued to spiral, dragging me deeper and deeper into their shadows.

  Joey poked the knotted crease between my eyebrows with his finger and sent a sympathetic smile.

  "You're gonna pop a blood vessel if you think too hard on it," he teased with a sincere softness. "If you're really not feeling well, you can always go home sick. Dennis knows how overworked you are as is."

  "But that's like admitting defeat," I said. My hands balled over my thighs, periodically clenching with each wave of anxiety. "I have a night shift tonight, anyway. There's no point."

  "Then Bon-Bon can keep Fredrick out of your way during your shift," Joey suggested. Bonnie's lips curled at his despised nickname but it dropped as he began to consider his handler's proposition.

  "That's not a bad idea," Bonnie hummed.

  "Thanks," said Joey in a smug sigh. He crossed his arms behind his head. "I'm full of them."

  "Of bad ideas?" Bonnie asked. Joey's cocky smirk dropped in confusion.

  "Wait. No-" Joey struggled to correct himself. Bonnie's pugnacious amusement grew with his grin as he watched his handler fumble. "- wait-"

  As much as I appreciated their ideas to help me out, the idea of Bonnie dragging Freddy away from me just so I could avoid him had a deep sombreness settling heavily in my chest. Besides, Freddy's smart - too smart. He'd piece together that I didn't want to see him and assume the worst. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already had in past.

  "But I don't want to hide from Freddy," I murmured. My eyes counted the crumbs on my plate, jumping from each piece of fluffy white bread. "I haven't been cared for like this since... since Michael. I think that's why I'm so scared." I perched my heels on the edge of the seat and hugged my knees. "I don't want history to repeat."

  I heard Bonnie slide down his seat and cross his arms. Joey slumped his shoulders and thoughtfully chewed his croissant. My chin dug into my knees as I held myself, as if it were the only way to keep my shattering mentality together - my arms was the sticky tape keeping me from succumbing to a complete and utter breakdown.

  "I have to go back," I mumbled into my pants. Their eyes followed me as I stood and brushed the front of my cardigan from dust that wasn't there. Stalling.

  "You just give me a ring if you get overwhelmed, okay?" Joey pressed.

  "'Kay." My voice was quiet in response. A surge of appreciation hit me out of nowhere for the curly-haired comedian and his best periwinkle friend. "Thank you guys, really," I said with a tired smile. "I know I'm a bit of mess... all of the time."

  "You'd do the same for us," Bonnie countered with a shrug. "It's just what friends do."

  It's just what friends do.

  I gave a deep sigh. I had to talk to Freddy.

⚡️🧸🤖🧸⚡️

  Freddy was just stepping out of his chamber when I returned. His blue eyes flickered back to their usual luminosity as he powered online again.

  The door behind me slid shut with a smooth hiss, trapping us in the room with the curtains drawn. Freddy's taken aback gaze landed on me at the sound of the door and his step wobbled from out of the charging station. His ears meekly folded back.

  I didn't dare let my eyes drop from his frozen stare, ignoring every social cue to hide my face and shelter myself. I balled my fists in the struggle - holding his gaze was more difficult than I had anticipated. It was as though every force in the world weighed down on my eyes, trying to pull me away. Freddy was stilled in shock.

  "Can we talk?" My quiet voice bounced in the green room. It barely managed to scrape over the sound system's music track that played from the inbuilt speakers in the ceiling. If Freddy were human he wouldn't have been able to hear my words, whispered by hesitation alone.

  Freddy silently nodded, still holding that same expression of his. His folded ears wiggled, his eyes watched as I crossed the room and clambered onto the too-large couch sized for an eight-foot animatronic. After a brief spell of hesitation, Freddy cautiously approached with a look of reproachfulness.

  I didn't know how to start a conversation. Words escaped me entirely, letting not a single syllable conjure behind my teeth. My hands fiddled in my lap and I watched them intently, mentally scrambling for a way to break this awkward tension.

  "I apologise." Freddy was the one to speak first. His usual loud, reverberating voice - built to be heard over an audience and crowds of yelling kids - had taken on a facet of near-silence. My thumb's nails flicked against one another and I couldn't tell if he was also avoiding looking at me as I was him, but I didn't have it in me to check. "I have put you in an awkward position. It was the last thing I wanted to do."

  I took what he said in, because I didn't know what else to do. Freddy's words hung between us, gaining more and more weight the longer I couldn't speak. Finally, with a swallow and a forced burst of confidence, I managed to scrape together some words.

  "I'm just..." still so in love with Michael. "I..." can't move on, trust me, I've spent eight years trying. I huffed in frustration and the inability to explain myself. "I can't. I'm sorry."

  Freddy was quiet. His silence yanked my heart from my chest and stomped on it until it was goo, until it was coating the floor and staining the carpet and leaking through the structure of this building that was already built upon spilt blood. Was this how he felt? So empty, so hollow? I wanted to see his face, but fear of being confronted with his heartbreak kept my head bowed.

  "Y/n," Freddy softly said. I flinched under the gentle inflection. "Please, do not feel the need to apologise."

  "But I'm-" a gasp choked my throat. My agitated hands immediately covered my face. "I'm so awful."

  "If you are awful, then I must be the scourge of hell itself," he hoarsely chuckled. Freddy's mechanical body hissed and clicked as he knelt before me and gentle hands pulled my palms away from my distraught face. "My dear, you are far from awful. You are the best of us. You are the best of me."  

  My eyes finally jumped to his. His face was pulled into a look of soft reassurance, not the look of harrowing agony that I had feared I'd caused. He tenderly cradled my hands in his massive paws.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't- I don't want things to get tense between us. I need you. I'm... I'm selfish, Freddy." I watched him in earnest while my tears began to teeter from the precipice of my lashes. My hands gripped his massive fingers. "You're one of the only things that makes sense anymore. I can't love you but- but I can't lose you, either."

  Freddy's gaze dropped to my hands in his. My humanness was apparent and frail in comparison to the paint-coated titanium and plastic shell, and he caressed the soft pads of his thumbs along my knuckles with an gentle awareness of how much strength his fingers alone held. His whirring mechanics had me mistaking them for hitched breathing.

  "The only thing I could ask for is your continued presence," Freddy murmured. "I am selfish, too. For wanting you at my side, always."

  My brows furrowed at the conflicted look on his face as he stared at my small hands engulfed by his. He looked as though he wanted to say more but couldn't muster the courage, faltered by something I couldn't understand.

  My watch beeped before I could attempt at breaking the silence and we both glanced to the screen - it was my reminder to leave work early so I could have a sleep before returning for the night shift. I held a sigh.

  "You must get going," Freddy said. His hands untangled and slipped from mine, fingers dragging along my own just slightly; a subtle attempt to linger, to steal just a little more contact. He stood. His hands clenched by his sides. "I'll walk you to the exit."

  It was bittersweet - part of me detested the idea of leaving, while the other side of me wanted nothing more than to escape. To flee this situation in which I had to acknowledge my forced emotional distancing. Everything was yelling at me to run away. Everything was yelling at me to stay.

  "Okay," I quietly agreed.

  After retrieving my things from my office, Freddy led the way through the complex, which had begun to quiet down before the evening rush. The lobby was nearly deserted by the time we got the exit, sans for the help centre and gift shop assistants - those of whom would ogle as the animatronic star walked me through the ticket gates.

  I kept glancing up at the side of his face as we walked, peering up and trying to pin down exactly what was going through that incomprehensible CPU of his. Was he really okay? Was he just putting on a front? I couldn't tell. If he noticed my frequent peeks, he didn't let on. Not even a twitch of an ear - appendages that were usually so telling.

  "Thank you," I said after a second of stalling - hovering - outside the ticket gates. I was vastly aware of the emptiness of the lobby amplifying my voice and the prying employee ears that were situated not far off, so I kept my volume to a lull. Freddy watched me pull on my coat with that indiscernible gaze of his. "I'll see you tonight."

  His only reply was a silent nod. I turned to exit into the dying winter chill with a heavy weight in my chest. Was it guilt? It must've been.

  "Wait, Y/n-" Freddy's exclamation almost made me jump as his words, stretched thin with some kind of desperation, hit me in the back. I quickly spun back around and found him with a truly tortured twist to his brows, to the curl of his muzzle. His eyes regarded me fully in torn agony.

  "What? What is it?" I asked in alarm when he didn't continue. His brows kept digging down over his eyes in fear.

  "I- I need to tell you something," he managed to feverishly choke out beyond a volatile glitch that tore through his words. I winced slightly under the staticky screech of his rushed implore. "It is of great importance."

  My concern piqued at the British tilt his accent had once again taken - something that I had learnt to correlate with emotional distress. I tilted my head as Freddy stared at me with wide, pleading eyes.

  "Yes?" I prompted. He opened his mouth, canines glinting pink from under the neon blanket of the lobby, before closing it again. A sharp, short whine pinched from his throat in frustration and he turned his head to the side.

  "I am... I'm..." he struggled before taking a deep breath in and holding it. I waited, eyebrows folded in worry, as I watched Freddy near-on incapacitate himself with how tight his stressed metal shell was creaking. "... I am glad we're speaking again."

  I was no fool. Freddy knew it, too. He knew that I knew that the sentence he chose to say in the end was nothing more than a misdirection, an avoidance of a truth he wanted to spill but couldn't. My eyes narrowed in curiosity as I regarded him - shoulders slumped, gaze avoidance, an annoyed clench to his teeth. I wanted to prompt him to reveal his truth, but the look on his face kept me from prying.

  I released a slow breath and pulled on a smile. A yearn to know what he was hiding niggled impatiently at the back of my head, but I pushed it away.

  "Me too, big guy," I replied. I patted his hip in parting. "See you later."

  Freddy gave a defeated exhale.

  "Goodbye, manger Y/n," he sighed.