Y/n Pov

I looked at a metal door next to me as I was leaned against the wall, my gaze shifted to a person in front, my partner in the ISF. "Simon are you ready to bust up this place." I said with a serious tone and he just chuckled. "We are going to make the same bet as last time right, the one who finishes last has to pay the dinner." He said and I just nodded. "Of course Simon." I said and pat his shoulder before I checked for a last time the gun, I had switched the safety trigger off on it. Simon Mikazuki is my best buddy and my first official partner not like those I had before where I only was to learn, with Lady Irene and my uncle Silver being those two.  

I breached the door by kicking it open and entered it. I scanned the place and felt a light stinging suddenly but shook it off thinking it was just an itch. I turned to look at every corner of the first room and Simon was inside as well. "Secure." He said and we walked to the next room checking again if there was something. We both heard voices and made ourselves ready to fight them. 

After the shooting Simon and I walked up to the dead bodies of the drug dealers and some gang members. I felt strange in my body and hazy. "Look aren't these the same guys from the one who drove over your brother." Simon said and I just nodded. "The one who calls himself Phantom Lord yes these are their markings, a gang full of bastards." I growled and felt my anger rise.

Simon looked at me with a concerned expression while placing a hand on my shoulder squeezing it comfortingly. "Listen Jellal, I know how much you want to kill that guy and every time we take down one of his gang hideouts you say the same thing." He said taking a deep breath. "That you want to take revenge on him for killing your brother, but revenge wont bring him back it will cloud your mind and make you insane." He said almost a whisper. I nodded slowly. "I know Simon but I'm not just doing this for him, it's because on my last mission with lady Irene I found out that he is behind our pain." I replied clenching my fist.

"You mean the Tower of heaven project which was made to enhance our mind and body?" He asked and I gazed at him. "Yes that project." I shakily said, suddenly I heard a gunshot and Simon was holding his hand on his chest. I looked down and my gun was pointed at him with a small stream of smoke coming from it "Jellal, what, why did you." He said before dropping to his knees and I caught him before falling down myself and blacking out.

I woke up drenched in sweat and panted heavily sitting up. I looked out the window seeing rain flowing down the window in streams and a faint thunder strike. I placed a hand in front of my face and closed my eyes again. Another goddamn nightmare. I felt the bedsheets move and gazed over to Erza who was looking at me worried. "Y/n what's wrong, you were shifting around and talking in your sleep, saying don't pull the trigger." She asked squeezing my lower arm gently. "It was just a nightmare Erza you don't have to worry." I replied shoving her hand away and she shook her head. "I do worry and I want to know what it was about." She replied sitting up.

"Erza I really can't talk about it I don't know what will happen if I do." I replied with a shaky and raspy voice. I felt her hands gently turn me to her. Her eyes were soft and warm. "Jellal you can tell me everything that concerns you, we are bestfriends and can talk about everything." She said with a gentle voice stroking with her thumbs over my cheeks. She uncovered us slowly. "I'll make us some tea to get your nerves back together." She added and stood up.

Moments later I was sitting in the living room and hues of orange and black danced around as I watched flames consuming the wood in front of my eyes in the fireplace that was still lit from when we came in the afternoon. The room was dead silent except the faint cracking of wood and Erza's almost cat like footsteps, I could only hear her approach me because she was wearing my shirt that was rubbing against her skin. I heard her footsteps stop and a second later I felt her arms slide over my shoulders and around me holding a cup of tea in her hand. She kissed my cheek while I took the cup from her hands and muttered a thank you.

She simply slid over the back of the couch and sat down next to me cross legged, laying her head on my shoulder while she had a second cup in hand. "Take as much time as you want, I'll stay here with you until you tell me why you woke up drenched in sweat and said don't pull the trigger." She said gently grasping my free hand and I let out a sigh. I took a sip from the tea, it was strawberry flavored. I let out a short huff. "You know Erza you are quite annoying when you don't let go of something but that's what I like about you." I muttered and she just tapped my forehead. "Don't change the subject Y/n." She said glaring at me before showing me her concerned frown for me. "I don't want to see you being miserable after what we both went through." She whispered before taking a sip from hers. "I want you to share your sadness with me Y/n because it's better to talk about it then to eat it up inside you." She added slowly moving her hand over my forearm. 

I let out a low groan biting my lip looking at her. "Let's be miserable together." She whispered squeezing my hand.  

I let my memory go over me as I remembered it Simon was one of my first friends, together with, Milliana, Wally, Sho and her Erza. I met them in preschool and we separated in elementary. But after a few years I met Simon again in the Tower of heaven project, I never knew what would happen at the time.

I bite back the feeling of dropping my face in my hands as I though of how I'm going to tell Erza that I killed Simon. My gaze shifted to her curious looking one. "Erza, I don't know how to tell you this but you know Simon died a year ago right?" I asked nervously and looked away from her.

She was dead silent now, her concerned face went into a sad one. "Yes I know he died, I read it in a newspaper when it happened, he died in a shooting as a ricochet hit him." She replied silently. "Simon, I thought that I wouldn't talk about this again. It was hard to hear a friend of mine died." She said and I looked down, knowing what I have to say now, the truth which is going to hurt her the most.

"Erza please don't think anything from me now but my nightmare that I had, it had to do with Simon." I said and she cave me a curious look by raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean, does your nightmare have to do with Simons death?" She asked in wonder. 

I bite back the feeling inside me, the excruciating pain of guilt that I was feeling from all my committed sins in the past. All my wrong doings flashed before me. Torturing the gang members to get information, killing and beating up targets. 

"Simon Mikazuki our childhood friend died from a single gunshot, but it wasn't a gang shooting where he got hit, it was a mission that him and I were doing." I said my voice getting raspy and my body feeling sluggish. I felt her hand on my back. "Jellal, let your tears out on me, if you want to say that Simon died from a gunshot from one of the gang members and that you couldn't save him I understand it." She said gently pulling me to her but I pushed her back surprising her. "Jellal, why are you pushing me away?" She asked baffled by my move looking at me shocked.

I shook my head wildly. "Simon wasn't shot by the gang members." I said and placed my hands on my face knowing I couldn't hold it and I will brake. "It was me, I shot him, I don't know how it happened but all I know is that I had some strange dizziness when it happend and I couldn't control it, I even caught him from the shock of what happened before I collapsed on the ground and blacked out." I said weeping into my hands. "Erza I can understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore now that you know I killed our friend and my partner. I should have killed myself after having done it." I said and felt that she stood up. "I think it's better if I leave you alone and walk away, if you want to avenge Simon I wont try to stop you. My life has been going down ever since those experiments." I cried still not looking at her. I knew she was mad or that she couldn't believe what I said and that it was a lie.

"Jellal look at me." She said with a voice of authority standing in front with her hands resting on her hips. "Do you honestly think Simon would want you to die." She added gritting her teeth and pointing at me. "What about your friends and family, why can't living for them be your atonement." She said with a stern voice. "Because I don't think it can." I replied looking down clenching my hands into fists.

"Why not." She shot back right into my face, still standing there in front of me and I held back a sigh. "Don't get me wrong when I first did all those things I thought it would bring me peace from what happened in my life, that I could atone for what I've done. But the things I've made back in the ISF can't be made right that easily." I said and pressed my hands into each other. "Is there really a point to what I'm doing. Will these horrible thoughts and nightmares ever go away? I feel so lost." I said and took a short breath. "Perhaps it's best if I died instead of him." I said and suddenly felt a loud slap and stinging pain on my cheek, I gazed up at Erza that had her hand raised up glaring at me furiously. "You'd be satisfied with the cowards way out!" She shouted in anger throwing her hand to the side.

"I don't have the strength to overcome this, not like you." I replied and she was getting furious. "You think you need to be strong in order to live? You're wrong!" She said balling her fists. "Life itself is what gives us strength." She added but I could hear her sad voice that was restrained by her ager. 

She put her hands on my shoulders grabbing them tight. "I don't see the old Y/n before me, that man was full of life. He would never give up without a fight." She said looking at me. "I've changed." I replied biting down the feeling of dropping down and she pulled me up to her looking at me in anger but her look changed. "Y/n, it doesn't matter what you did in the past, it only matters what you do now, atone for your sins by being there for our friends, for me." She said with a croak in her voice and the last words were almost a whisper.  

My breath stopped for a moment and I felt her arms move under mine taking me into a hug. "I don't want to lose you Y/n like I've lost others." She said looking at me and I couldn't avert my eyes from her. I saw a tear roll down on her left cheek. "Uncle Rob died back when I was little, you met him too, he died saving me from a gunshot, and Simon well I don't know the true story of what happened but I know deep down it wasn't your fault." She added cupping my face gently. "Live for your friends and your family because they need you." She whispered and I grabbed her hands gently to pull them down and hold them. "You care about me?" I asked her in wonder and she smiled softly before saying something that left me looking at her speechless.

"More than you know."