CHAPTER FOUR:
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"But here I am with arms unfolding
I guess it isn't quite the end
Oh, partner in crime, I am going to try
To fall in love with you again."

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We've come this far, further than I ever dreamed we could. I can see now that this isn't the end of us. I think we're going to make it.

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Amara woke to the birds lightly chirping outside of their bedroom window and a sense of peace and serenity hit her as she began thinking about their past month together as she realised that their efforts might be paying off. Amara had become re-accustomed to Devan's presence, and she had an inkling that he felt the same.

She continued considering some recent, and somewhat rare, good times they had spent together recently. As sun rays pierced through the bedroom curtains and into their bedroom, causing her to squint as her eyes adjusted to the harsh sunlight, her attention shifted from her thoughts and to the man lying beside her. She tilted her head slightly to the right and saw him still sleeping peacefully. Devan looked relaxed and at rest as he slept soundly, igniting a tiny spark of affection in her heart which, she hoped above all else, that it was a trace of their new beginning together.

Amara's attention then returned to the gradual and delicate remodelling of their relationship. Amara would wake up every morning and see him resting, and her heart would begin hammering in her chest as butterflies danced around in her stomach. This was a feeling that always terrified her, as well as greatly excited her. Soon, however, the butterflies stopped coming, and her heart consistently remained at the same level when their relationship began to disintegrate. She felt nothing. Even now, the strength and resilience of their relationship felt so far away; she could barely remember what it felt like.

Every morning without fail, Amara would place a light, feathery kiss on his temple and lie in bed with him for a while. She was brought out of her thoughts as Devan rolled over in bed, drawing her thoughts back to him as his hair splayed out on his pillow, reminding Amara how she would gently run her fingers through his messy hair affectionately as he slept, provoking an unconscious soft smile to form on his lips. Her heart ached when her mind focussed on the way he used to wake up and look at her with a small, heartwarming smile while stretching out his slightly stiff body and how she had ultimately stopped showing that affection.

Nonetheless, Amara craved for things to be different. The feelings she had just experienced were abnormal, and they gave her hope that it would be possible for them to repair their relationship.

She lay in bed with him for a while before carefully slipping out of it, making sure not to disturb him, sliding her bare feet into her slippers and shuffling downstairs. It was her turn to make breakfast, and she had planned exactly what she wanted to do. She moved carefully around the kitchen, grabbing all of the ingredients she'd need to make her favourite breakfast, pancakes. Devan loved them almost as much as she did, and they had often shared pancakes in the past. First, she took the syrup from the cupboard and placed it on the table, along with some blueberries, cut strawberries, and a sugar bowling. Then she set to work on the batter, creating the pancake mix and cooking it. There was a light patter of feet coming from upstairs, signalling that Devan had woken up. The sound of his footsteps got louder as he made his way downstairs and into the kitchen, standing in the doorway momentarily to watch her work. A warm smile built as he leans against the doorframe, and he realised that it had been a while since he had felt any affection for her without any hostility or doubt in his mind. Devan was more scared than he wanted to admit because the newly discovered affection wasn't something either of them had expected one month into their rebuilding.

Wordlessly, he took the mixing bowl from her hands and started cooking them while she started mixing up the next batch. They worked in tandem for a while, staying comfortably silent, making breakfast until they eventually finished. She quickly poured two glasses of orange juice while he stacked the last batch of pancakes before they both sat down and dug into their breakfast. Only then did they start talking.

"Did you sleep okay?" she piped up first while pouring syrup onto her small stack of pancakes. He nodded in response, taking a bite of his pancake and making a content sound, before replying with a small smile.

"Like a baby. Did you?" she nodded as the corner of her lips quirked up to a small smile of her own.

For the first time in a long time, they took their time to eat their breakfast and used it as an opportunity to spend some time together. They laugh and make jokes together and, for the first time in months, their kitchen is filled with the sound of laughter and joy instead of shouting and anger.

Eventually, they finished eating and began working on cleaning up the now very messy kitchen. Amara piled the plates up and carried them over to the sink as Devan worked on putting the fruit back in the fridge. When he finished, he made his way over to the sink and grabbed a tea-towel as she began to rinse the dishes. About halfway through doing the washing up, she splashed some of the soapy water onto his face, making him glare playfully at her. Suddenly, a small smirk appeared on his face, and he used the wet plate in his hand to flick water back at her. She too glared at him before finally cracking a smile and letting out a small laugh while nudging his shoulder with her own. He looked down at her and noticed that, for the first time in a while, the small furrow of her brow that she carried had gone, as was the tension she carried in her body when around him when she thought he wouldn't notice. The last time he saw this was near the beginning of their relationship and things had only gone better for them then. He briefly wondered if he too, looked more relaxed and at ease when in her presence. He supposed that he did, and it made his heart swell with happiness. Eventually, she pipped up again with a small smile.

"So I'm taking a day off today. I'm owed a few days off, and everyone has assured me that they'll be fine without me since we don't have any important meetings today. Why don't we spend some time together?"

His mouth hung open for a moment, making her chuckle lightly and gently close his mouth. He paused to look at her before he replied with a small smile.

"I'd like that a lot. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I thought we could go for a walk?" she suggested.

"Sounds good," he responded as he nodded his head.

A few minutes passed by as they discussed where they'll go and what they'll do, exchanging jokes as they did before they both made their way upstairs to get ready. They showered, changed, and she did her makeup while he sat on the bed, watching her as he waited. When they're both done, they make their way downstairs, grab their coats and leave the house and start heading towards the local park.

When their relationship was at its strongest, they used to take walks a lot, particularly in the autumn as they'd both decided it was their favourite season. They enjoyed being able to spend time together in the chilling and crisp autumn air, enjoying the satisfying crunch of leaves beneath their feet. This was no different for them.

He was hesitant at first, worried she'd pull away instantly, but he slowly reached out his hand to her while they walked and linked their pinky's together, something they did a lot at the start of their relationship when they were still cautious about coming across as too forward and making the other uncomfortable. Looking down at their hands, she smiled at the gesture, remembering all of the times that he did it in the past before she linked her pinky with his and continued walking, eventually shifting her hand so that their fingers are intertwined.

It had been what felt like forever since they showed any affection for each other in public. For a long time, it had been rare for them even to be out together and whenever they had been, it always resulted in an argument and them going their separate ways with one of them not coming home that night. While neither of them felt bombarded by butterflies in their stomachs like they once had when they held hands, both of them felt a flicker of something, and that was a good start.

They strolled around together for a while, still with their fingers intertwined, listening to the birds' chirp and the sound of leaves being crushed underfoot and the smell of moisture lingering in the air from the frost that covered the ground. They both felt at rest and relaxed as the autumn sun beat down on them as they walked in the brisk air. Hope began building and grew with each step they took as they started to relax more and more and enjoy each other's company. They walked mostly in silence, with one of them only speaking up to point out a feature or their surroundings.

After about an hour of taking a walk, Devan felt a small tug on his hand as Amara led him over to a small hill overlooking a portion of the little lake that sat in the middle of the park. She sat down, gently pulling on his hand as she did so, and they both took a seat and sat in silence as they absorbed and appreciated the extensive beauty of their surroundings. They both started to think about their relationship and how it had begun to improve over the last month, wondering if they would ever be the same and if they could ever fall in love again. For the first time in a while, it looked as though they could.

The low autumn sun bore down on them as it began to set, swiftly bringing them out of their thoughts, causing them to look at each other. The light from the sun reflected off Amara's silky brown hair, giving it a natural sheen. Devan realised that she looked stunning. His hair was slightly messy and tousled from the breeze, and he had a soft smile on his face. He looked handsome, she thought, and the realisation of just how lucky she was swept over her, just as it had when they'd first started their relationship. Her heart began to flutter at the thought, finally beginning to recognise how the real possibility that they'd be able to repair their very damaged relationship was.

They studied each other's eyes for a moment, both of them feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss the other. Simultaneously, they began to lean in, and their lips met in a slow and cautious kiss. It was not the most passionate kiss they had ever shared, but it may have been the most meaningful and significant kiss they had ever shared. As they pulled
away, she rested her forehead against his gently, savouring the moment, before they simultaneously turned to look at their surroundings again and wordlessly interlacing their fingers. They sat with content smiles on their faces, watching as the sun slowly disappeared. Goosebumps started to prick the skin of her arms as they sat together. He noticed this and gently and wordlessly began rubbing her arm to keep her warm. This startled her, not that she showed it, and Amara began to consider her future, a future she imagined with him next to her.

A few hours later, after grabbing some lunch and enjoying each other's company, they slowly began to amble back home. When they arrived, they dumped their coats by the door and headed through to the living room. As Devan took a seat on their sofa, Amara chose a random movie on Netflix and flopped down on the sofa next to him. Throughout the movie, they unconsciously shifted their weight so that they were sat close together, and their arms could brush against each other. Devan looked down at her, seeing her soft smile and relaxed demeanour, and slowly wrapped his arm around her, pulling her slightly closer to him. For the first time in what felt like years, Amara felt comfortable enough to show affection.
And so, she let him and leant into his shoulder, both of them never speaking a word, acting as though it was a completely normal thing for them to do.

About three-quarters of the way through the movie, Amara grew sleepy, rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, just planning on resting her eyes for a few moments. However, a few moments turned into a couple of hours as she fell asleep, and he didn't have the heart to wake her up. He sat there watching the genuinely awful movie she had chosen with his head resting on top of hers. Occasionally, he would kiss the top her head and smile to himself at the realisation that she's starting to trust him with her heart again. Then it dawned on him that he had begun to, subconsciously, push away the first layers of doubt that clouded his mind. A small smile crept onto his face at the prospect, and his arms tightened around her just slightly.

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Amara woke up after a couple of hours feeling slightly disoriented. Rubbing her tired eyes, she sat up and looked over at him, seeing his lips begin curling upwards.

"Sorry. How long have I been asleep?" she asked with guilt and slight embarrassment lacing her voice.

"Don't be sorry it's okay. You've been asleep for a couple of hours," he told her with a small smile that had fixed on his lips gradually growing wider. She immediately felt rather endeared that he stayed there for two hours, watching this god awful movie, letting her sleep on him. It felt like an eternity since they had last spent time cuddled together on the sofa. She looked at him rather sheepishly, causing him to chuckle lightly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay; I don't mind. It's not like I have anything else to do, I might as well spend time with you," he responded with a genuine smile on his face. Devan looked at her in a way that he had long forgotten about. He saw her looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered to her. He knew that the feeling would fade,  but he felt assured that things would return to how they were before.

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I'd started to think that she'd never let her guard down around me again. I didn't think she'd trust me enough to let me in. It's been so long. I know I started a lot of arguments and said things I shouldn't have said. I know she feels guilty about the things she said too. We hurt each other, and I thought we hurt each other too much to last. Maybe not. Maybe we're okay.

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After all the things I've said and done recently, I'm not sure why he decided to stay with me. I expected that he would leave me asleep to do something more important. But, he stayed with me, holding me. I surprised myself by looking at him like he's the only thing that matters to me. It scares me that, in this moment, he is the only thing that matters to me- him and fixing us. I am going to try to fall in love with you again.

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Word count: 2711
Reading time: approx 13 minutes

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