The sun was almost setting when I got to the cemetery, the bright ball casting a deep orange behind a white and gray sky.

After driving aimlessly, I found myself heading to this direction.

I parked under a poplar tree and walked to where my mother was laid to rest.

It's been a while since I visited her.

The last time was during her birthday two years ago.

I walked down the grassy path, the silence calming my nerves.

When I found her spot, the headstone was bare and dusty.

I kneeled down and cleared the name with my hands as I read the inscription on her epitaph—love is forever.

I stared at the words.

Dad chose that.

I thought of these words when he met Regina.

If love is forever, then why is he moving on already?

I didn't fully understand what it meant by then.

"Hello, Mom." I sat on the dried grass.

"I don't know why I'm here but maybe you do."

I felt a cool breeze and pulled the light jacket closer to my body.

"I don't know what to do."

"Should I even be telling you that I'm getting married? If you were here with me, what would you say to me? Will you be shocked? Excited? Happy? Or will you be like Dad? Accepting but suspiciously nonchalant?" I took a long deep breath, inhaling the dry smell of the soil and the crisp air.

"I love Helena or at least I think I do." The thought made my heart ached.

"This is so weird how I'm second guessing myself but she's been good to me. The problem was, when I went back to Manila to see Lolo, I reconnected with Julia." I smiled when I said her name.

"She has changed so much, Mom. Self-assured, accomplished and she has a gorgeous girlfriend. I got jealous when I saw the girl. Envious even. I thought how lucky she was to have Julia. Or maybe they were both lucky. I don't know. It was just too bad that she couldn't decide whether she wanted to be with Julia or not. I don't know why she's making it so hard for herself. You only have to answer one thing, right? Do you love her or not?" I sighed when I realized what I said.

"Mom, you always make things easy. Is that why I'm here today? It's funny how Shay and I are the same. Do I love Helena enough to marry her? Or was I afraid that I'm letting go of something good? Why am I even afraid? I was okay until she made me see that I have distanced myself from people. I immersed myself in my work but limited my contact with others. But I have always been this way and I thought it was okay. Maybe it was but I took isolation to a higher level. I didn't care to make new friends. I think there's a word for it—reclusive. Being with Helena reminded me that I'm just like everyone else, that I need love in my life.

But if I am only using her to satisfy a need, I don't think that's good enough to take to the altar.

She deserves someone better. Someone who doesn't hesitate when asked if she truly loves her." I absentmindedly pulled on the grass.

"It is easier said than done, though. I wish you were here to help me." I looked up at the sky, the sun was now obscured by thick gray clouds.

"I need a sign."

I stood up and patted the back of my pants.

"I really wish you were here to help me because I don't know what to do." I touched the warm headstone.

"I love you, Mom."

As I walked back to my car, my head and my heart were still heavy and unsure of what to do.

I was almost at the parking lot when my phone rang.

I pulled out the phone from my jacket pocket and quickly answered.

It was Julia calling.