I am merely a fraud.
A fake.
A failure.
A pawn.

I lust for your eyes to spotlight on me.
To glow like the moon everytime that you see.

I wish you could think all the ways that I do.
The way I'm entranced, but only by you.

I want you to view the visions I have.
Without hating them, or feeling bad.

I desire for someone to tell me Im wanted.
For her to want me.
Without it being a pretty little lie.

One that I'll soak in, and for a moment feel alright.
Until she's back to her old ways.
With no me in her life.
No me beside her.
I know I shouldn't stay, but Id always believed Id feel better this way.

I miss your honeysuckle lips pressed on mine as we lie crushed between the dismantled couch cushions.

I long for your tongue intertwined with mine as I try to quiet my thoughts because from your father we had to hide.

I crave your hand around my throat, whispering sweet nothings as I squirm from anticipation.

I pine for your mouth caressing my neck and all the way down my body, your "love" seeping into my bloodstream. You always leave light purple flecks all over me, you kiss me like it will cure this disease. I'll never recover.

I find the absence of your roughness so draining, I cannot live without your intensity. I love you as if it is breathing.

I have dreams of how you would treat me, perhaps I become obsessed too easily.

Where have you gone?
I was all wrong.
You are such a beautiful lie.
A liar, but I miss you.
All at the same time.

I still have thoughts of you throwing me against the wall, and making me feel so needed that I couldn't move at all,

I still remember the way your hips moved, how they brushed against mine, how it felt so sinful and so loving, how I believed you were mine.

The way you told me you loved me, ive never felt that way, I feel like I've sold my soul, but the intimacy I deeply pleaded for didn't stay, I feel like she was ripped away.

She tells me that she loves him, that his warmth is like no other, he tells me that ive lost this race and he will never take another, but I know the depth of her mind and I cannot handle all that they mutter.

I miss her, she's a sweet liar, but I cannot do anything but support her in her endeavors.

- Ariah Christman