I don't know what's happening to me.
It seems each day I get more and more weak.

I can't watch horror movies because it reminds me of death and I'll become depressed.

I can't listen to nostalgic music because it forces me to remember my past, I can't hear the songs I miss without being pushed under the sands of trauma.

I can't watch Spongebob anymore due to the overflow of anxiety it produces. It's not because the cartoon is particularly stressful, but rather Ive rewatched it so many times I cant help but repeat all of the lines in my head.

I can't go to bed because it's always too bright out or my matress is too soft or too hard. It's anything and everything. It's annoying, but I cant control it.

I'm constanly tired, but I never crave sleep.

I'm always hungry, but I don't want to eat.

I need so much, but Id rather die than even try to survive at this point..

I'm consistently paranoid and the slightest of noises can send me over the edge.

Everyday I get closer to the ledge, by the end of this I will fall off.

I don't know who I am anymore.
I haven't a clue where I went.
I am desperatly scratching at the surface.
But still barely making a dent.

I no longer recognise my face in the mirror.
I don't know who stands on the other side.
I live inside this body.
But I swear this isnt my life.

I'm being starved of compassion, normal existence, and even the right to stay alive.

I want to hug people again, and cry, and hear that it's alright.

I want to steal my name back, from the person who is my reflection.

Remove the bags from under my eyes and lead myself away from demise. I wish I didn't look in the looking glass to see something way more broken than the glass.

If I could be human again, perhaps the things I want could happen.

If I could be whole again, maybe I would be able to escape these chains that drain me.

I am dying.

And ive no longer a name.

- Ariah Diane