...

"If I have a panic attack on this plane, just smother me." You grumbled to your assistant who was excitedly staring out the window next to her, "I'm serious. Don't tell anyone. Just fucking kill me because I'd rather die than do this." You continued to complain and your assistant simply shook her head at you as she laughed,

Your assistant sitting alongside you ignored your protests as she settled into her seat, "This is like a fairytale and I'm getting the best point of view." She chirped, "I've always wanted to go to Korea. I can't wait to try all the street food, go clubbing and shopping. I know we only have a few days there but I made sure our hotel was booked close to the night life. We're going to be buuuuuusy!" She was practically bouncing in her seat the more she explained and you didn't even have the heart to tell her to pipe it shut before you smacked her off the plane.

Instead of answering your assistant, you sunk backwards into your seat and tried to get comfortable, eyes closing as you huffed, "I don't even know why he invited me to this thing. I don't know why he wants to even see me." You complained, "Couldn't he just leave it alone?" You were speaking more to yourself than to your assistant now, shaking your head in disappointment.

You couldn't for the life of you figure out why Kim Namjoon was doing this. 

Why was he inviting you to his exhibition? Was it to out you in front of all his colleagues? To embarrass you? No. It couldn't be. Exhibitions cost an arm and leg to put together. Months and years of planning to pull off properly. You knew all of this from experience. Every detail to host an exhibition was handpicked even down to the guest list. 

So, why would Namjoon decide to add you to his own?

"The real question is, why are you doing this? Despite saying all of that. Despite having all these doubts..." She smiled smugly as she unzipped her headphones from her case, "You still made a choice to come. You still made me respond to the invitation. You still packed your luggage. Still got on this plane..." She put her headphones and adjusted them, "And you're still going to the exhibition." She nodded, "You know what I think, boss? I think deep down... you want to see him too. Deep down you were wishing for something like this to happen so that you could see him again because lord knows you didn't have the guts to do it on your own." She was teasing you now, making fun of your shyness, "Deep down... you like Mr. Kim. Deep down... you want him just as much as he wants you."

You blinked with an unimpressed expression at your assistant and then rolled your eyes, trying to seem nonchalant although hearing her say all of that and more made you so giddy you could start giggling like a school girl any second, 

"What makes you think I want him? I'm just going to show my support because he invited me. That's all." You shrugged your shoulders and looked down at your nails, starting to pick at your fresh manicure, 

"I'm just going to show my face and then we're leaving to hit up whatever night market you wanna go to. I don't even have to see him. Just sign my name on the guest book to show that I was there. Maybe hang around and see what he has on display and then we're out of there before he even comes out. The end." You nodded in triumph at your plan. Feeling proud of yourself to come up with a strategy as such on the fly.

You could deny it all you want if that's what made your boat float. If feeding your own delusions of not wanting to see Namjoon helped you to make it through the plane ride, you would roll with it. You spoke all this nonsense into existence not for anyone but yourself to believe it.

"You got your nails done." Your assistant pointed out, "You never paint your nails. You always say that you need to be at your most raw and natural when you worked. But you got your nails done. In a pretty Indigo colour too. Explain that." She challenged, "You wouldn't venture out to the nail salon for no reason. You did it for him." She grabbed her tablet and flipped it open, connecting her headphones to it while you glared at her, "Anyways... Wanna watch a movie?"

You spat curses in your head to your assistant. Cursing her for how correct she was. Cursing her for being able to see right through you and tell you the things you felt about Namjoon that you wished you could say out loud. 

You would never agree to jump on a plane for anyone else. You've never been to Korea. Never felt the need to venture all the way to the other side of the world either. Not until Namjoon came into your life that one faithful night. 

Fuck, you felt ridiculous for getting on a plane for a man. But something about this felt good. Felt right... Namjoon felt right. Seeing him again would feel good. You knew that from the way your heart skipped a beat every time his name came into your head. 

You were into him and couldn't deny it even if you wanted to. 

The sudden realizations of your feelings made you mad.

So, you sat there and stewed. Declined to watch the movie with your assistant because you were pissed. Pissed that you had feelings for a person you only met one time. Pissed that if it wasn't for your resting bitch face, you would be bouncing off the ceiling of the plane from the sheer happiness coursing through your veins of getting to see Namjoon again.

...

Touching down to South Korea couldn't have been smoother. And although you took practically half the day to recuperate after such a long plane ride, you had the luxury to dine on some delicious food, enjoy beautiful city views and even had the chance to do some shopping after. Everything you hardly did in your own town; you took advantage of doing in Seoul. You were only here for a few days. Might as well make it count.

And now, you made it to your second night in Seoul. Namjoon's gala. As you prepared your nerves while on the taxi ride to the address of where it was being kept, you began to realize that everything right before this moment was meant to happen. 

Your auction... Meeting Namjoon... Everything was put in place by the universe and now here you were.

You felt the nervousness coursing through your body as you got out of the taxi. While you approached the museum where the gala was being held in. And even as you took hold of the length of your gown up and walked up a few timid steps up a flight of stairs leading up to the exhibition.

Damn, this place was ginormous.

Tucked away in the bustling city of Seoul, was the building Namjoon's exhibit was being held in and it was freaking huge. The first floor served as a bar and café. Making it easy for patrons to grab a drink before they headed up to the attractions. The second floor doubled as a historical museum and art gallery. Inside the museum was where the exhibition was being held. And if anything, the stairs were way too short because you had already made it to the large oak doors that led into the exhibition.

Holding the much-needed drink you scored from the bar tight within your hand as your assistant had your invitation checked by a doorman. You took a moment to appreciate your surroundings as you waited. Taking in the grand hall with restored walls and tiled flooring which most likely had never been changed since the building had been built. 

The building itself was a historical landmark in Korea and you wondered if that alone was the reason why Namjoon chose to hold his exhibition here. The building had a rustic feel to it. The space was timeless. With old relics on the walls and preserved artifacts in glass cases outside the doors. You would have a field day just touring the hallways on your own. Perhaps another time. You thought to yourself as the doorman opened the doors for you and your assistant to enter the exhibition.

Dang. Thank goodness you packed this dress because the moment you stepped into the hall, you were faced with incredibly well-dressed people. Socialites. Celebrities and fellow artists were just to name a few on Namjoon's guest list, and they surely didn't come to play with their outfits. 

You didn't need to be informed of the dress code to know that this was a black-tie affair. And the gown your assistant helped you pick to wear was more than perfect for the event. Fitting snug against your body. Silk in fabric. Long in length with a high neck and a clasp of jewels resting daintily around your neck to contrast the deep color of your dress. Your dress trailed behind you as you walked. Flowing prettily with the fabric concealing your body from neck to toes. Making heads turn and eager eyes set on you the moment you stepped into the atmosphere but still giving them a taste of what was hidden underneath the body fitting fabric.

The color of the dress drew attention to you almost immediately. The deep indigo color matched your nails and skin tone in a way that made you seem ethereal to the human eye. Heads turned in curiosity. Wondering eyes tracing your figure in hopes the attendees could figure out if this was really the artist they knew about. 

You were amazed to learn that your name had even been well known in Korea. And soon enough, whispers of your exact name filled the room. Heads turning to confirm that yes, the infamous artist that hardly left the humble abode of her own studio was here in the flesh.

It took every force of life in you to not meet their yes. Took every ounce of courage not to bring anymore unwarranted attention to you. Not wanting to cause a scene at Namjoon's own exhibition. This wasn't your day. This was his. And even though it wasn't your fault to bring attraction your way, you ignored it either way. Wanting the attention to be on Namjoon and him alone.

The nerves bubbled within the pit of your stomach once you and your assistant stepped into the exhibition hall, and you sipped idly at your drink. Letting the strength of the liquor coax your body into relaxation. You scanned the bodies making their rounds around the room. Everyone equally enjoying the pieces of art being showcased tonight.

You took your time around the room. Stopping to admire pieces of art you had seen before time and time again. You've been to the Musée du Louvre in Paris. The Vatican Museums in Italy. And of course, your personal favorite, The National Gallery Of Art right in your own city. You were pleased with the building's inclusions, but you weren't so much interested in the art that the building had to offer. You were more focused on other things...

...And by other things, you meant your desperate eyes trying to find Namjoon in the sea of humans so that you could turn and walk the opposite way of where he stood. No luck. He hadn't arrived yet. Phew. You eased at the thought of him not being in the hall yet and felt your body relax further. Not wanting him to be the first person you saw when your nerves were running this high.

You weaved through the bodies, drink in hand and eyes on the various art pieces displayed in the room. Finally, you made your way through the maze of the gallery and into Namjoon's exhibition. He didn't have an extensive collection but what he did have was the possession of pieces by artists who you had never heard of before.

Your observation led you to understand that Namjoon's gala was focused on shining a spotlight on the artists with intriguing pieces. Things that caught your eye and made you desperate with the need to have them for yourself. And the setup of the displays was genius! He strategically had them displayed in ways that brought out the true beauty of what they were no matter which angle you stood from.

Thankfully, you didn't spot any of your own work amongst the display. Knowing that if he had your art as part of his exhibition, it would make you drop to the floor with alarm, 

"His personal gallery is even better than my own." You complimented in awe while your assistant helped to lead you through the maze of displays, citing to you that ahead (where the crowd of people populated most) was where the main piece of Namjoon's exhibition stood.

Your assistant left you at that moment. Mumbling in your ear that she was going to mingle with other assistants and hopefully catch a glimpse of any other BTS members who might be in attendance tonight. Typical Army, huh? Always looking for the guys in everything you did. 

You didn't hear a single word she said when she left but nodded anyways. Too distracted by the crowd before you trying to get a glimpse of Namjoon's main showpiece.

The main piece was considered the heart of the showcase. The reason and cherry on top of his entire exhibition. 

You assumed it was his own art being included as the main showpiece tonight. What else would make the number of people surround the piece in the center of the room? 

Hm, what couldn't this man do? He was a musician, art curator and an artist himself?

Impressive.

You couldn't see past the crowd of people around the showpiece the closer you got. But the closer you moved, the more people moved and made way for you. Politely moving out of your way with heads bowed and apologies coming your way as if they were embarrassed to be in your way. Their eyes stole glances from your face as you passed by, and it made you almost quirk a brow at what people could possibly be so curious about.

You thought nothing of it. Besides, you were the only person that stuck out amongst the crowd anyways. You assumed your individuality is what made you stand out. That was until your gaze fixated on the center of the room.

Looking. Searching. Yearning.

You were beginning to think he might have not even shown up to his own exhibition. Some curators did that. The snobby ones. Ones that had already gained everything and simply had nothing to lose. Namjoon didn't cross you as that type, but you wanted to give up on searching for him anyways. To treat his absence as his own petty way of getting even with you. 

Hah. Good one, Namjoon. You jerk. Making me fly all the way to another country for you and then you just don't show u— Oh.. 

You found him.

Standing there amongst the crowd of attendees moving out of the way for you was the reason you were in Korea. You didn't have to look to spot him. His aura alone and the way he lit up an entire room was enough for you to sense that he was here. He was glowing. Or at least that's how he looked to you when you saw him.

You could feel him from across the room. And it was almost impossible to keep your eyes off the back of his head the moment you laid eyes on him.

He towered over everyone, and you would think his demeanor would be intimidating judging from the way he stood out amongst the crowd but that wasn't the case. Namjoon was the kindest soul you had ever met. Full of such warmth and hopefulness.

You were the opposite. Cold and hopeless. Unsure of yourself. Lacking in confidence. What he saw in you; you had no idea. What he wanted from you; you had no clue. But there he was. Sensing your own presence in the room. Feeling your gaze burning into the side of his chiseled face.

He heard whispers of your name throughout the entire curation... As if people knew you were here. 

He couldn't find you even if he wanted to. He refused to. Refrained himself from checking to see if you had arrived until he felt the energy he once shared that night at the hotel with you surge through his body. 

That connection. He could feel it. Now, stronger than ever. He felt it the moment you walked into the room. And felt it again even when there was a certain sparseness left in the room when people cleared out as you got closer to where he had been.

Why would they do that? There was a queue moments ago to see the heart of the exhibition...

Now... there was no one. Except you.

You were here. Namjoon was sure of it. He could feel you. Should he look? Should he spare a glance over his shoulder? Seokjin told him he would personally let him know once you showed up, but it had been over an hour and his Hyung was also now nowhere to be found. 

His heart told him otherwise. His gut told him to check. His intuition felt so strong though. His spatial awareness was so amplified that the hairs on the back of his neck raised. 

Maybe just a peek. Maybe just a look and if you're not here, he'll just continue with this night as if nothing happened.

It's now or never. Take a quick look. And that's when he turned around just to make the voice in his head shut up once and for all. Namjoon heard his own breath catch in his throat when he faced you and felt his heart leap in his chest. It was crazy. Unbelievable. You were here. And almost like a fairytale, the whole room stopped moving when you both locked eyes on each other.

It was like everything in this moment was meant to be and time slowed to a perfect halt to let the two of you have your moment. The universe made this happen. Your willingness made it happen. Namjoon's patience made this happen.

Did you feel it too? Did you feel the spark from across the room? The ignition? Did you feel the connection between the two of you even from afar?

Or was Namjoon just going crazy?

You felt your head completely deflating with all your thoughts and worries when you looked at Namjoon. Think of a balloon going out of air. That was your brain. The way this man made you feel was inexplicable. With his raven-colored hair pushed back to reveal his forehead. Dressed in a dapper, tailor-made suit fitting perfectly against his long limbs and strong muscles. He was gorgeous. Tanned skin glistening like always. Sharp, sleek eyes with a gentle softness in them melting into your own. He looked the same way he did the first time you met him.

Not that he could change much in a month but something different you did note was the way Namjoon looked at you. He looked at you as if he knew you his whole life. And that was saying something since you both had only spent one night together.

And Namjoon could say all of this and more for you too. He thought he would forget you. Thought he wouldn't recognize you. Thought that your face was nothing but a blur since the last time. But he was wrong. It was almost like time just didn't move. You both were back to where you started. 

Nothing seemed like it changed. But it did. More than a month had gone by since you walked out of that hotel room. And oh, did you spend that entire time sulking and moping over it.

All the self-doubt you had brewing inside of you went away the moment you saw Namjoon. Sounds corny but you truly felt as though he took every negative thought you had over the month, crushed them into fine dust within his hands and blew them away. Never again to return to your mind to hurt you.

How could someone you only met one time have such a strong hold on you?

Questions that you asked yourself every day since that night plagued you all over again. 

Did he still want you? Did he still want you the way he did that night at your auction? That night in his hotel room? Did he still want to touch you? To feel you? To see your smile? To hear your voice? 

Of course he did. That's why he invited you to come here. I mean, he could have just texted you and you would have been on a plane sooner. But something told you that Namjoon was careful that way... Not wanting to admit his own contradictory feelings in effort to protect his heart.

Well, fuck, he did it anyways. And this truly would either be the best thing that ever happened to you or the worst.

There was only one way to find out.

You approached Namjoon freely. Confidently. Your feet didn't feel connected to your body when you moved. It was though your heart began controlling you. Ignoring your brain that was pleading with you to turn and run the other way. No. You weren't going to run anymore. You weren't going to hide anymore. You were here for a reason. You weren't going to let your brain stop your heart from what it wanted anymore.

Despite your new found confidence, everything felt slow when you moved forward. The voices around you slowed to a dull reverb. Bodies blurred as cliché as it sounded. You realized now that this was all for a good reason. Meeting Namjoon in the way you did was for a good reason. Bringing yourself out of the depressive cocoon you had spun to protect yourself in was for a reason.

If you hadn't fought so hard to be where you were right now, you would have never come across a man like Namjoon. You saved yourself yes, but with just one look, it was as though he had saved your heart. You didn't want to waste another chance. Didn't want to lose another opportunity. You were done with second guessing yourself.

Namjoon moved to the side as you approached, revealing an easel propped in the middle of the space. It was a painting for sure. With lights pointed towards the display and a sign detailing the specs of the art. 

Now that he was not obstructing your view was when your eyes fell on the painting and then you gasped. Quietly. In awe.

It was the painting you had created after you met him. 

The heart of the exhibition was your own art... Arduos. 

The one he bought in your online auction. The one him and Yoongi bid on. Never did you think you would be seeing it as the main showpiece for his exhibition, but you were beginning to learn just how unpredictable yet incredibly romantic Namjoon truly was.

He bought this piece of your art just to highlight his exhibition with. It wasn't for sale. It wasn't a part of the pieces for the guests to purchase. It was his own piece from his personal collection that he handpicked and decided to share with his guests. Placed strategically in the middle of the exhibition hall for all eyes to see. No wonder everyone had been staring at you since the second you walked into the room. Your signature was on the art piece. Everyone knew it was you that made this with your own hands.

And now, it was Namjoon's as a keepsake forever. A personalized gift you created just for him.

How could he not use this as the highlight for one of his life's most important nights?

"I thought you weren't gonna come." Namjoon finally spoke first, his voice soft and full of quiet surprise while a small smile graced his features.

He wasn't scared to speak first like you. And deep down, you had a feeling he knew you wouldn't dare to break the ice either. Namjoon didn't mind. He had been itching for a month to speak to you again. 

And yes, he recited what he would say before he saw you. And yes, he forgot it all the second he did see you again.

He was winging it now.

Hoping for the best and just going with what felt right.... Just like the first time.

"Thought you were sending your assistant in place of you." He nodded towards your assistant with his eyes, and you only now remembered that you came with her.

You stood stuck in a frozen state of mind, wordlessly following to where Namjoon pointed with his gaze. You still couldn't form a coherent sentence and simply stared in the direction to where your assistant was mingling with other people. You didn't even realize you parted ways and you couldn't even remember when it happened.

She told you she was setting off to mingle but you were too immersed in trying to find Namjoon to notice. Nevertheless, you were at ease to find her happily chatting away with other assistants that accompanied the high-profile guests. She really thrived in any social setting, and you loved her for that. She was safe on her own. You didn't need to worry about her. The person you needed to worry about was yourself because you felt as though you were about to leap and fall into Namjoon's arms if you couldn't control what little self-restraint you had left in you.

"Well..." You swallowed hard and looked away from your assistant, eyes moving back to Namjoon who was already staring at you. With his eyes full of wonder. Curiosity and dare you even say it, admiration. He held you captive with his stare for a few moments and you almost forgot your train of thought all over again. How could he expect you to talk when he was standing there staring at you like that? You stammered for a moment and shook your head, letting out a breath, "How could I reject such a personal invitation?" You hummed out softly, silently laughing to yourself as you remembered the fit you threw the day the invitation arrived in your hands.

Namjoon held back a laugh, a hand covering his mouth to refrain from chuckling, "Well, you rejected me by leaving that night." He teased you, shy dimples peeking out at you from behind the hand over half of his face, "Thought I would try my luck one more time before giving up for good."

You fell silent at his comment, knowing that although he played it off as a joke, it bothered him that you left, "Namjoon... I- I didn't mean-" You attempted to defend yourself. Knowing deep down inside, you couldn't justify your actions no matter which way you spun it, "--This is a beautiful exhibition." You changed the subject as you looked away, your eyes on the Arduos piece, "You did a really good job with the set up." Your lips pressed together, and you finally mustered just a bit more courage to face Namjoon again, your voice trailing as you spoke,  

Namjoon had a hand at his chin, eyes on the same piece. You both admired it quietly for a long moment before he spoke again, "I really like how you got the piece of hair over my eye like that." He pointed out the fine details you meticulously added while you had painted him, 

"You made me look beautiful." He nodded, rubbing his chin in thought before he casually stole a glance at you. Longing eyes burning into the side of your face before drifting down to your dress. Studious eyes admiring the silky length of your gown. Noting the polish of your nails matching your dress to a T. 

You were so gorgeous and it killed him inside to know you couldn't see it.

He could feel the tension between the two of you. Both of you not knowing whether to hug and kiss each other at your reunion or just stand there in silence.

Namjoon decided that standing there in complete solace with you was better than not being in your presence at all.

He was fine with it...

As long as you were okay with it too.

You nodded in agreement with him, feeling your stomach flip at his careful attention to detail. It made you feel self-conscious knowing that Namjoon must have gone over your artwork with a fine-tooth comb. Noticing every detail you added. Even ones that you added as your special touch and were not intended for the looker to see. It appeared as if you passed the examination nevertheless as your piece did make it to his exhibition. 

Not just as a showpiece but as the heart of the entire curation itself,

"I just... painted you the way I saw you. The way I remembered you... Beautiful." You blurted, "I'm sorry." You caught yourself at the sudden comment, muttering under your breath a quick 'shut up' to yourself before fidgeting with your hands. 

It was way too soon to start talking like that. Even if you meant it. You weren't sure which level you both stood on yet to be getting all personal together... even if you had slept together. You hardly knew each other. You had to keep at least one wall up although you could literally feel it crumbling to pieces the longer you stood there with Kim Namjoon.

Fortunately, Namjoon didn't seem to mind your honesty at all because truth be told, at your comment, he felt his own stomach somersault within his body. His stomach dropping to the floor and then flipping back up to his diaphragm. Knocking the wind out of his lungs at once.

Before Namjoon could ask you what you truly meant by what you just said, you changed the subject once more. Not wanting to acknowledge your open compliment because you would die of embarrassment if you had to explain to Namjoon just how beautiful you thought he was, 

"I bet you wonder why I made this... especially after what I did." You hummed quietly,

"I was wondering about that, yes."

Namjoon searched the floor for something more witty to say but came up short. Settling to tuck his hands into the pockets of his dress pants instead while his shoulders raised in question, "Would you like to talk somewhere more private?" He asked the one question he had been fighting with himself to ask the whole time he had been standing there, "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..." He began to ramble, "I didn't invite you here to trap you—I just—If you want-"

"--Of course, Namjoon. I'd like to." You cut him off with a small smile, hand waving dismissively, "I'd really like that." You nodded and swore you saw Namjoon exhale a breath of relief at that.

Namjoon hesitated for a moment, and you watched him second guessing himself once again before he finally held his hand out to you, inviting you to take his hand in your own to hold, "I know somewhere quiet." He hummed out and you too hesitated for a moment before taking his hand, feeling and enjoying the warmth of his palm against your skin that had gone frigid from anxiety,

"Do you?" You questioned him, "It's not a hotel room, right?" You tried to make a joke, but Namjoon simply looked over his shoulder at you and smiled, voice exhaling a soft laugh at your effort to lighten the mood,

He led you out of the exhibition hall and into a short corridor, guiding you towards a staircase that exited into a terrace, "Do you want it to be..." He asked in retort, "...A hotel room?"

"Absolutely not." You answered (a little too) quickly as you followed Namjoon willingly. Your hand in his hand. Just like that. It felt so free being with him like this. As if you never ditched him that night to begin with. You felt as though you could laugh freely. As if he had the ability to ease the tension you felt with his calming persona alone.

Namjoon chuckled more from your response, nodding to himself through laughter, "I thought so." He hummed quietly, "Here." He led you up a few steps, pausing at the top stairs to ensure that you made it up safely, "Careful." His deep voice instructed you and you almost stumbled over your own feet at the sound of the octave, "Steps are kind of steep." He added, "I designed this spot when they were reconstructing the building. Wanted a little hideaway for people to come enjoy the scenery of the museum without having to go outside." He shrugged as if it was no big deal.

That's when you took in the empty terrace with complete and absolute awe. It was a small nook hidden away from the museum itself. With a glass balcony that allowed fresh air to fill the open space and a wall behind you lined with books of any genre you could think of. Shelves were filled with novels, literature material and old relics Namjoon handpicked to include himself. 

The space doubled as a small library with a beautiful, green view. Thoughtfully designed by Namjoon for fellow nature enjoyers and bookworms alike. Grab a coffee from the café downstairs then make your way to the classy art gallery on the next floor and if you're lucky, indulge in a book from the hideaway of the terrace. 

The space would be a hit once it was opened publicly, and you were grateful to be one of the first to enjoy it... with Namjoon himself.

You set your drink down immediately onto the ledge of the terrace after you both entered, instantly getting lost in the beauty of the balcony, "This is amazing." You whispered quietly, looking around at the serenity of the space, "So, you're also an architect." You mumbled, making Namjoon shrug his shoulders with a smile, "I like it..." You hummed, fingers tracing down a book spine that was perched on the shelf closest to you, "...The space, I mean." You corrected yourself, eyes glancing behind your shoulder to Namjoon whose eyes never left your sight since the moment he saw you again.

"I like it too..." Namjoon nodded as he watched you, lips stretching into a small smile, "...The terrace, I mean." He copied what you said prior with a chuckle and then he sighed, the mood shifting as his piercing eyes bore into your face while he leaned against the balcony of the terrace, "Y/N... I just want to apologize... If I made you uncomfortable in any way that night I--"

What is he even saying?

Your eyes went wide the moment Namjoon began to speak and you quickly crossed over to where he was standing, your hands going up in defense to stop him from continuing, "Namjoon, wait." You shook your head aggressively, brows furrowing, "Did you really--?" You sucked in a sharp breath and met his eyes, "Did you really think that's why I left?" You asked, eyes searching his own for some sort of hidden emotion,

Namjoon was silent for a moment before his voice came out quiet, eyes drooping to the floor, "I don't know what I thought." He muttered and you shook your head once more in dismay,

It was now or never. A small voice in your head whispered to you. You listened to the voice. The only good voice you've heard in a long time. Now or never. It said again and then.. you began to speak, 

"Namjoon, that night..." You forced yourself to inhale a breath, "That night... I don't regret anything that happened between us. I hope you know that." You nodded, resisting the urge to start picking at your nails and skin nervously, resorting to playing with your hands instead as you spoke, "I just... I don't warm up easily to people. But with you, I did. And I loved..." You took a breath, "I loved... every second we spent together. But it scared me. My feelings were conflicted. I've never felt that way before. I've never felt so... good before. Not with a stranger."

You could feel your lips beginning to tremble. Your thoughts now shouting, screaming and clawing at your brain to stop. But you continued. You didn't take a breath. Didn't pause to think about what exactly you were truly saying. 

You didn't prepare a script made up in your mind on what you would say when you saw Namjoon again and you were speaking from the heart now. You wanted him to know. To know exactly how you felt because there was no going back. 

You either left this country with the guilt in your heart or you released it to him and allowed for him to do what he wanted with the information,

"My mind felt warped. I didn't feel like I deserved to stay. And as shitty as it sounds, in that moment, I didn't feel as though you needed an explanation on why I wanted to leave either. It had nothing to do with you. You need to know that. It never had anything to do with you." You pressed your lips together and fought hard not to begin breaking down in front of him, 

"I'm... broken." You heaved, "Sometimes, I feel my heart tearing in my chest, and I don't know why." You had a hand over your heart now, desperate eyes on Namjoon's face, looking for a reason in his expression to make you stop but instead, he looked strangely calm and collected. Giving you the floor to speak and listening to every word you had to say,

"I'm not easy to love. I'm not even easy to talk to. I'm not easy to look at. Or easy to be with either. I'm just... a mess." You finally let yourself breathe but the pain in your chest only shocked your body more with every breath you took, "It's not your fault. It never was." Slowly, the intense jabbing feeling in the middle of your chest began to ware off and miraculously, you were able to take a more stable breath of air. Filling your lungs with the evening breeze and feeling your body go light as a feather from it... as if a weight had finally been lifted.

This was a lot even for Namjoon to unpack but he listened. He listened well. Absorbing everything you told him and digesting it. You were in pain. That's the first thing he could gather. You were hurting. You've been hurt. Been through so much. 

Behind the happy blog posts and bright smiles at your gala, you were a different person. 

Namjoon knew he couldn't take the pain away from you. He knew he couldn't change your mind about the way you felt about yourself overnight. But worst of all, it ached him to know that underneath the façade of being a content person, you were suffering in silence.

While Namjun spent countless nights rolling around in his sleep thinking he did something wrong to you to make you leave, you spent those same nights writhing with guilt over a decision you had every right to make. Namjoon wasn't mad at you for leaving. He wasn't hurt at all. If anything, he was pissed off that he couldn't do anything to make it right.

One thing about Namjoon was that no matter the case, he tried his best to understand. He always put himself in everyone else's shoes. Treated everyone as though he was looking at them through a glass case.

He saw your transparency and honesty... your ability to open up to him despite how difficult it was for you. He took your pain to heart. Siding with the belief that everyone in this world had lived through at least one same circumstance as the next person. 

He knew how you felt. He knew what it was like to feel lost. To feel broken. To feel as though you were living in a shell of yourself. He's faced his own bouts of depression and anxiety. He'd been through many moments of self-doubt and shame himself. 

If there was anyone in the world who knew how you felt, it was Namjoon. 

"아이고 (aigoo)" Namjoon whispered to himself, feeling his hand start to outstretch towards you. He wanted to comfort you. To bring you into his arms and tell you that all would be okay.

He knew from the way you searched his eyes; you were looking for a sign that he pitied... no, loathed you. 

Standing there with you and getting to see you at your most vulnerable made Namjoon's heart strings tug within him and in fact, he felt the opposite of pity. He was touched that you found the willpower inside of you to tell him exactly how you felt.

But you weren't finished yet and Namjoon knew that.

"I feel like there's more you have to say..." Namjoon nodded when you finished speaking, "There's a but, isn't there?" He asked, almond shaped eyes drifting to yours, holding your stare within his own as his heart threatened to combust out of his chest when your gazes locked.

Namjoon knew he couldn't fix you.

But maybe he could try...

Maybe he could pick your broken pieces up. One by one, slowly but surely and put them back together. Using his patience. His resilience. His... love as a glue to make your heart full again.

He knew it wouldn't be easy. You would never be whole again. But it was worth a try, right?

"--But I like you, Namjoon." You finally whispered, voice shaking as you spoke, "I don't want to hide that anymore."

...Yes, you were worth the try. 

... 

 End of chapter 6. 

-----

a/n - i did NOT proof read this very well at all but i'll come back tmrw and edit it lol 

Next chapter will be the final one for this short lil story! thanks for reading! <3333