13: eyes and skies full of stars
As the door opens and Narae comes in with her head down followed by Wooyoung behind her, the rest of them in the library have dispersed from their short discussion, keeping Narae oblivious to what they have been doing. Instead she comes in to them in their original places, some at the shelves, some at the table while Serim is obediently keeping a distance from the royals. They go back to being somewhat distant with each other, as Wooyoung from behind Narae tries to gauge what they have been discussing. Narae drags her feet to the table, whereas Wooyoung quickly nudges Mingi to ask what they've been talking about.
"Not much," Mingi whispers as he leans against the book shelf, trying to appear subtle so as to not make it suspicious. He turns his head slightly to the right where Wooyoung is standing near him to ensure that the latter can hear him clearer. "Everything's going the way it's supposed to be... only... Hongjoong... we think that he's serious about his feelings towards her."
Wooyoung suppresses a chuckle before commenting, "It's bound to happen anyway, but it's a pity though. Seonghwa must be tired of having to act like he despises Hongjoong all the time; before Narae woke up from her coma they had a huge row in her bedroom. Their fights were so convincing I'm starting to think they're enemies for real."
"Narae really has no idea..." Mingi laments.
Wooyoung sighs before they gaze their eyes upon the princess, who is currently having her head in her hands, contemplating heavily. He says to Mingi, "Well, that is the plan; everything is going well. We just have to act accordingly."
Mingi does a slight shrug with his shoulders before leaning his head against the books. "It really is a pity though; the princess is starting to grow on me. I would be sad to watch her go."
Wooyoung pauses before pursing his lips. "I'm sure we all would, but what must be done, must. The only thing we have to do is follow and act when necessary." He winks to the prince of ice before getting back into his role he's supposed to have in front of Narae.
The hunt for the Arcus has barely seen a large leap forward, yet the princes who are starting to shake from where they are standing are making it harder for Princess Narae to decide on what she'll do next. Some of the princes are playing around with their powers, conjuring them as they try to take their minds off the possibility of going on an adventure that might cost their lives, when in fact they could've kept their mouths shut before they recklessly gave their agreements. All they thought was that it was going to be some stupid fun adventure, to which Wooyoung and Mingi seemed very convincing to them.
Right now, the two seemed the most regretful.
"Do you possibly remember on how you could have gotten to Opal's Bay in the first place?" Yunho asks, taking a seat at the table in the library. "No one we have heard of have gotten out of there alive, even if there is, barely. Some die after due to extreme burns from the dragons."
Narae cringes, the mental image of what lies at Opal's Bay making her think of the exact same question, one that she has no answer to. She should be the only one who's able to give the answer, yet even she is lost in the sea of questions that's about to drown her. Nothing comes to her mind that it feels like her head is simply a vast field of nothingness, with not even a single blade of grass able to grow from the lack of substance.
"I really have no idea," is what she has been repeating for the whole day, until she feels that is going to be her automatic reaction whenever people ask her about anything. "Our powers..."
"Do little on the dragons," Seonghwa helps her. "That's why no one is actually able to outsmart them. Best solution is to stay away from that piece of land, let the dragons roam on their own there. They don't disturb us, we don't disturb them. Nothing goes wrong."
"Maybe... I was somehow... friends with them? Somehow?"
"Like how, you offer them meat as a sign of friendship? Honey, you are the meat," Yeosang deadpans.
"I don't know!" Narae wails, almost close to tears, flustering them all especially her brother.
"Wait, don't cry," Seonghwa panics, his hands flailing in the air as if that could stop her tears from falling. "You know what, the rest of you, go back home and sleep on it. Next morning, whoever hasn't changed their minds and decides to join, show up at 9 sharp. We... will figure out how to get there and retrieve the Arcus."
They start to shift, already looking to disperse before Narae lightly touches Hongjoong's arm, saying in a small voice, "Can you... stay back for a moment? I want to talk to you in private."
The rest look curious but respect her decision before they file out of the library one by one, with only the three royals left in the room. Narae has sent Serim away, saying that she could retire for the day.
Seonghwa breathes heavily as he looks back and forth from Hongjoong to Narae, wanting to say more but the only word that comes out is her name. "Narae."
"I know what I'm doing," she says, exasperated, before looking Seonghwa dead in the eye. "I told you that I trust him, so if you could leave right now, I would appreciate it."
"But-"
"Seonghwa, please."
"If you ever hurt my sister again-"
"I won't, because I never did," Hongjoong cuts him off.
With one last suspicious look to Hongjoong over his shoulder, he leaves the library grudgingly, purposely slamming the door loudly to tell both of them that he does not, and will never approve of their relationship.
"Thank you," Hongjoong enunciates, his voice reverberating through the empty library.
"Can we," she bites her lips, "take a walk while we talk? I've been wanting to look at the sky because that seems to help calm me down."
"Sure," Hongjoong says, but instead of the doors he heads for the window.
"Uh," she starts awkwardly, pointing a thumb to the doors, "Pretty sure the exit's there."
"Oh," he chuckles, and she swears she's seeing stars dancing around his pretty smile. "I just thought going down through the window would be much faster." He unlatches the window, with a dazed Narae following slowly behind him before he steps on the windowsill, looking at the ground below. "It's not that far from the ground, I can- um, hold you while we descend. If you will allow me to; I understand if you'd prefer to go through the door instead."
It's not the thought of Hongjoong holding her that's making her hesitant; it's the blurry flashbacks that she seems to get as she looks over the ledge to the ground below, making her breathing irregular as she holds on to Hongjoong for support.
"Are- are you okay? You look pale-"
"The tower-" she manages though her breath hitches, "I'm reminded of the tower. Falling from that-" Her body starts to shake as her chest feels constricted, making her find it difficult to breathe. She shakes her head as Hongjoong embraces her, trying to stop her from losing herself.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Hongjoong repeats while patting her head as she buries herself in his shoulder, trying to even her breathing. "Nothing's going to happen to you anymore, okay?"
Unknowingly she grips his shirt hard, her tears soaking into the fabric of his clothes as he hugs her, rubbing her back and muttering words to soothe her. She has stopped shaking but she keeps her face buried, strangely finding comfort in his embrace even though they've been told that they're nothing but strangers who were forcefully engaged to each other.
It's like she's returning to somewhere familiar as Hongjoong caresses her back, whispering calming thoughts to her until she doesn't want to let go. She has stopped shaking, but the warmth the king is giving her makes her hesitant to loosen her arms that she circled around his waist.
"Um, princess?" he mumbles into her hair, "You're kind of squeezing me a little bit too tight. I can't- breathe-"
"S-s-sorry," she stutters before releasing her grip and pushing herself away from the king, but the tips of her fingers still latch onto his shirt.
"Ah no, I'm sorry. I should've been more aware of your hesitation to go through the window." He smiles and she thinks on how her past self wouldn't even take a second glance at the king. What on earth was she thinking? "And thank you, for trusting me even though you should be the one suspecting me the most. How... can you trust me so much?"
"I don't know," she confesses, "but you just give off this vibe of someone who won't hurt another being. Plus, women's instincts are never wrong," she says with a light smile. She's pretty sure she's looking like a mess after her crying session, but Hongjoong is focusing on nothing else but her eyes. "I'm sorry with how my brother treated you, and because of him I feel like I've never had the chance to properly talk to you after I woke up."
"You're still up for a walk, or do you want to just talk here?" he enquires.
"The former, but can we go through the door?" she grimaces.
"Always a pleasure to follow the princess' requests," he says playfully, making his way to the doors, but not long after he realizes that the princess is tugging onto the hem of his shirt, following him sheepishly. "Princess?" He looks at her hand that's holding onto him as the corners of his lips curl upwards.
"Uh- right, sorry," she mumbles as she loosens her grip.
But before she can pull back her hand, Hongjoong reaches out for it, intertwining their fingers as Narae bites back a gasp. He chuckles as he pulls her gently so that she'll be walking beside him. "Wouldn't want my fiancée to stumble again or faint out of my sight."
His hand feels rough yet delicate at the same time, the grip so tight but tender like he fears he would crush her hand and his hand looks small yet she feels that with his clasp alone it's like she's protected from all harm. He doesn't look at her as he guides her out of the palace, as if he's the occupant and she's the guest. The servants all around bow their heads before a fleeting expression of surprise comes to them, seeing how the two royals are holding hands when their talks of marriage have been nothing but business before.
As they step out into the open, Hongjoong must have had a certain degree of command around the palace as the guards respect his wishes to bring the princess for a walk at the palace compound without anyone trailing them. What she notices is that the king does look like he holds power, yet the softness in which he carries himself makes her grip his hand tighter, as if fearful she would have to let go of someone as great as him.
They arrive on the pathway circling the vast open field, and as he's about to let go she doesn't let him, refusing to even uncurl her fingers. He looks questioning as to why the princess is too attached, but says nothing as they remain with their hands held, walking slowly under the blanket of stars.
"What was it that you wanted to talk about, princess?" he starts.
"I feel like I have a lot to ask but I don't know where to start," she admits. "Maybe... I don't know." She pauses her steps and he follows suit. "Our relationship... was it really as what they said?"
"We were engaged for business purposes," he replies. "No denying of that. The sole reason why we're on the road to get married is because I'm a king. You told it straight to my face too, that our reason of getting married was because you know you deserved this spot right beside me."
"Yet you still remained with the marriage. Why?"
"Because along the way I realized that I really did fall for you, even though all your actions never proved that you felt the same way. It was one sided, though... I don't know, until it changed that night."
"By that night, you mean-"
"The night everyone suspected me of being the cause of your accident. When people saw that I was the last person you talked to, whom you were with. Yet they didn't say that I was on top of the tower with you, but I guess it is warranted considering how of course the guards would report only what they saw."
"What did we talk about?"
She feels his grip loosening, and she sees that his cheeks are starting to get red. "I- I- mean, there's nothing of importance."
"Surely there's no reason for you to be this hesitant unless you have something to hide." She narrows her eyes, "Kim Hongjoong, I'd love it if you're honest with me."
"It's-" he lets out a heavy breath, slightly shaking his shoulders. "It- it was the night that I confessed to you about what I really felt, that I'm going into the marriage because I really do like you. I would never have admitted it if people were to do as little as asking me, though."
She squeaks, "And?"
"And... well... I expected you to call me stupid and walk away but you didn't. That night, you were acting somewhat strange. Unlike yourself, because usually you would even reject to walk around with me or to talk to know each other better. It wouldn't even be exaggerating to say that you despise me as your fiancé . But you surprised me saying that you-"
"That I like you too?" she cuts him off, feeling as if it's less embarrassing if she were to mention it first.
He nods.
"Oh."
To avoid looking at him as she feels herself blushing, she turns to face forward, continuing their walk. But still, they don't let go of each others' hands.
"And... then?" she asks.
Already as red as a tomato, he blurts, "Well whatever people do when they say they like each other."
"Like what?"
"Like you know... touching their lips-"
"You mean kissing?" She pushes her lips outwards in reflex, before she sucks them back in, embarrassed. "You- you could have said it like a normal person. How are you a king but cower at the mention of it?"
"Ah, I told you that I didn't want to talk about it, but you kept insisting because otherwise you'd suspect me again," he huffs. "It was so... sudden. You were there in front of me but then you were unconscious, unmoving. I was scared of losing you but your brother wouldn't let me get too close to you. When I visited you every day when you were unconscious, it took me a whole lot of acting to pretend as if I didn't care for you one bit, because I know my sudden show of affection to you would merely raise the suspicion your brother had again. He simply won't accept the fact that sometimes love do come out of arranged marriages."
"I'm the lousiest person you could ever like. I treat others like trash, I do whatever that pleases me, yet you're the complete opposite of me."
"Because there's something about you-"
"Oh please, not the Arcus," she says half-jokingly.
"It's not," he chuckles. "I just... I don't know. Do you actually need a reason to like someone?"
"It really makes me think whether I agreed to get married to you simply to form a stronger alliance, or I was just too egoistical to admit that I like you," she utters.
"I'm happy that you woke up. I was scared everyday that I would lose you, even though your brother kept on insisting that I should have been banned from even coming to the palace. Thank you for being the one to trust me even though the rest did not."
They stop under a patch of sky which seems to be where the stars are concentrated at, making it look as if the dots are about to fuse to form larger ones. They can't make any shapes out of it, but their eyes are too busy staring at each other anyway.
Nothing to her makes sense, how every single detail she's been fed has been the total opposite of what it actually is. From the cause of her accident to the retrieval of her Arcus, nothing has yet to be planted firmly on the ground. They are all bits and pieces floating in the air, missing the link that can glue them together to form the whole picture. She cannot stop to even think how she can connect the puzzle pieces, but even with so many people around her, it's like only she holds the definite answer to it.
"What are you thinking of, princess?"
"A lot, but I can't seem to reach it to make a picture out of it. Everything is jumbled up, holding no meaning to me. I hate it."
"Once you find the Arcus everything will become clear to you," he sounds so sure that there is no if, but a must. "Because the Arcus is the reason all of this started."
"You're saying that the reason of my accident is because of the Arcus?" she narrows her eyes, suspicious. "That it's because someone out there is intent on killing me because they want the Arcus?"
He shakes his head. "No, what I'm saying is, our mere existence is because of the Arcus. So once you find it... I believe that you'll understand."
She lets go of his hand, making fists with her own before putting it to her chest. "You know you're not making any sense right now."
He chortles. "Sorry, just wanted to help ease your mind a little bit. Thought that it'd help you if you put your troubles on hold until you find it. Forcing your memories to come back," he mutters as he helps to tuck her hair behind her ears, cupping her face before pressing his thumbs lightly against her cheeks, "is not good. You're only stressing yourself out."
They stare at each other, and Narae scolds herself for right now is not the best time for her to think about how soft his lips would be on hers, the delicate curves of his mouth pressed against her skin. Before she can think further, she breaks the eye contact and clears her throat.
She fully expects his next sentence but her shoulders sag immediately as he says, "If there's nothing more you want to talk to with me, allow me to return to my realm. My people are waiting for me, and I must inform them of my intent to follow you tomorrow."
He dips his head lightly as a sign of depart, but she quickly grabs his forearm, preventing him from walking away.
"Is there something else you want to talk about, princess?"
She realize how shameless she is as she asks, "Can you... stay the night?"
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