Comment down your thoughts for this chapter or tweet it using the hashtag: #ArcticHeartNinaWP

-----

Chapter 15
Mad

"Oh, look! You found my twin, Isha!"

Nalipat naman ang tingin ko kay Liana na kakarating lang at agad naman siyang napangiti nang makita ako.

"Zarina!"

She immediately came closer to pull me and give me a tight hug.

Panandalian kong naalala ang pag-uusap ni Dylan at ng kanyang mga kaibigan patungkol kay Liana. One of his friends had a relationship with Liana. That was how I understood it.

"I missed you!" she said. "Ang tagal na ng huli nating pagkikita. Noong reunion pa ang huli."

Ngumiti naman ako sa kanya. "Medyo busy kasi... Pasensya na."

"It's okay!" She giggled before she turned to her twin. "Jace, kanina ka pa namin hinahanap ni Isha. Kung 'di namin malalaman sa iba na nandito ka, hindi namin malalaman na pumunta ka pala."

Ibinalik ko ang aking tingin kay Isha na hindi pa rin nawawala ang tingin kay Jace. Pasimple ko namang nilingon si Jace at nakatingin lamang siya sa kanyang kakambal.

"I'm tired of you playing mute so please, speak up, twin," Liana irratedly said.

Narinig ko naman ang muling paghinga ng malalim ni Jace bago siya nagsalita.

"Excuse me. May kailangan lang kaming pag-usapan ni Zarina."

Hindi pa ako nakaka-angal ay agad na akong hinawakan ni Jace sa aking kamay at hinila papalayo kina Liana at Isha.

I saw Isha bowed her head when Jace decided to leave with me, while Liana had her brows shot up and a meaningful look.

Dire-diretso ang kanyang lakad habang hila-hila ako at napansing papalabas na kami sa Prive.

"Jace, saan tayo pupunta?" tanong ko naman sa kanya at bahagyang kumawala ngunit hinigpitan niya lamang ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko upang 'di ako makakawala. "Jace..." tawag ko ngunit tila parang hindi niya ako naririnig.

We arrived at the parking space, in front of his car, and he pressed his key fob to unlock it.

"Jace, nandoon si Dylan sa loob. Mag-aalala 'yon. Hindi ako pwedeng umalis," sabi ko naman sa kanya.

"We will just talk. I will drive you back," he firmly said and held the shotgun's door open for me.

"Paano si Dylan―"

"Fuck! Just get in the car, please!" He sounded so frustrated.

His blazing eyes made me shiver. Before I pushed his buttons more, I slid myself inside the shotgun seat of his car and primly sat.

Hindi pa man nabubuksan ang makina ng sasakyan para mapaandar ito at maramdaman ang lamig ng aircon ngunit parang hindi ko na 'to kailangan dahil sa panlalamig na nararamdaman nang makapasok siya sa loob.

"If you don't really want him to worry too much about you, just text him that you're with me," he said and casually placed his phone on my lap. "You can use my phone to send him a message."

I was completely frozen on my seat. Even when the car started to move that caused an external force, I remained still and executed a very remarkable inertia. I just kept staring at his phone on my lap that he permitted me to use. It was like he already gave me the key to enter his life without forcing myself to get in.

Jace drove us away from Prive until we reached Kasalikasan Garden which was not that far away from the club. He turned off the engine and got off the car. I hesitated going outside to follow him but when he surprisingly opened the door for me once more, I immediately went out of the vehicle.

He quickly grabbed my hand to walk towards the garden, before I even got the chance to settle my feet on the ground. Tahimik na ang lugar at hindi ko maiwasan ang mapalingon-lingon sa paligid dahil sa nananaig na katahimikan. Kung hindi ko kasama si Jace ay paniguradong kanina pa ako tumakbo palabas o kaya'y hindi ako magdedesisyon na pasukin man lamang ito nang ako lang mag-isa.

Nang makalayo na kami sa aming pinasukan ay binitiwan niya ang aking kamay at humakbang papalayo sakin. Hindi naman ganoong kalayo ang kanyang inilayo sa akin at tamang-tama lang upang makapag-usap kaming dalawa ng maayos.

"I thought you don't like the idea of meeting the Ortiguerras, but you did," he started to speak that caught me off guard. "And now, you're even close with Dylan."

The way he spat those words made me feel like I did something so wrong. His words can go deeper into my soul and make me question all my decisions. His words mattered so much. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi tama ang ginagawa ko kapag hindi niya iyon nagugustuhan. Kahit pa 'yon ang gusto ko ay parang mali pa rin.

I wasn't able to defend myself when he turned to me. His eyes were becoming a chaotic realm like having a winter storm inside his blazing eyes. It might be ironic but that was how I can describe how intensified it was.

"What's next, Zarina?" he asked, and the way he said my name so flawlessly clouded my mind. "You're gonna agree as well when your mom asks you to marry him for convenience? You will let yourself fall into that trap?"

I didn't know what he was talking about. The only trap that I fell in was his trap. It was not possible anymore to fall for another trap because I can't even get out from his.

"I thought you're better than that..." he almost whispered but I still managed to hear it.

Pilit kong hinila paangat at niligtas ang sarili kong nalulunod na sa kanyang mga salitang gumulo sa aking isipan. I shouldn't let myself get trapped more. Lumaban ka, Zarina!

I can do this. And even if I can't, I have to.

"Ano naman ngayon?" Sa haba-haba ng kanyang sinabi ay iyon lamang ang lumabas sa aking mga labi.

Ang kanyang mga mata ay naningkit nang marinig ang aking pabalang na sagot.

"What?" He seemed surprised.

Taas noo ko siyang tiningnan at saka muling nagsalita. "Ano ngayon kung pumayag akong magpakasal kay Dylan kung sakali mang ipagkasundo kaming dalawa?" hamon ko sa kanya. "I don't care at all. At least I was able to find myself a man to marry. Hindi naman mahirap pakisamahan si Dylan. I also think that he's not that hard to love. It will work in the future."

Kung kanina ay galit siya, mas lalo lamang siya nagalit ngayon.

"Can you even hear what you're saying?" he sounded so disgusted.

Come on, Jace. Hate me more! Hate me more so that I would do the same.

"You're willing to marry a man you don't love for the sake of convenience," he tried to make me understand a point.

"I would come to love him―"

"What if you don't?" he immediately cut me off.

"Hindi na mahirap 'yon, Jace. He's gonna be my husband. I will let my world revolve around him because I'm his wife. Hindi ko ipaparamdam sa kanya na hindi ko siya mahal dahil alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang kahahantungan no'n," sabi ko. "At saka wala naman akong mahal ngayon kaya madali na lang sa akin ang mahulog sa iba."

I didn't know how I was able to spit those lies in my last sentence without stuttering. Ang gusto ko lang mangyari ngayon ay makakawala sa kanya.

"Stop lying," he sternly said. Every word was filled with conviction.

Napakunot naman ang aking noo bago muling lumaban. "Hindi ako nagsisinungaling."

Napaatras ako nang mabilis niyang kinain ang distansyang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. Nakakatakot ang galit na ipinapakita niya. He was like a hungry lion coming to get his prey.

"I said stop lying!" His voice got louder, and I can already see the veins appearing on his neck.

"Hindi nga ako nagsisinungaling!" depensa ko.

"Talaga?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay at bahagyang ngumisi. "Wala kang mahal ngayon?"

Napalunok ako at sinusubukang buhayin ang nanunuyo kong lalamunan. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Nakain niya agad ako ng buong-buo. Hindi ko na alam kung paano pa lalaban nang magawa niyang ipangtapat sa akin ang pagmamahal na mayroon ako para sa kanya.

"You love me, Zarina," he stated like he was so sure of it. "You still love me even after all these years. Even if you left to forget me, I know you didn't succeed. I'm still the one you love, right?"

My lips parted as I was terribly lost for words. I didn't know how he got all of his accusations right. I tried my best to hide how I was still crazy for him but I guess, I didn't succeed in doing that as well.

"Kulitin mo ako gaya ng dati! Tawagin mo nang tawagin ang pangalan ko! Habulin mo ako! Harangan mo ang lahat ng dinadaanan ko! Guluhin mo ang buhay ko!" sigaw niya. "Huwag kang matago, Zarina..."

Napaawang ang aking bibig dahil sa pagtaas ng boses niya. Kitang-kita ko ang mabilis na pag-angat at baba ng kanyang balikat dahil sa hinahabol na paghinga.

"Stop lying," he calmly said. "Stop saying you don't love me when you clearly still do."

Lumala ang pag-iinit ng bawat sulok ng aking mga mata dahil sa nagbabadyang luha.

Hindi ko na kaya.

Aamin na ako at pagkatapos nito ay talagang kakalimutan ko na ang lahat. Hahayaan ko na ang sarili kong magmukhang tanga ngayong gabi. I'm gonna be true to myself and as well as to him.

"Oo..." Halos pabulong kong sabi. "You're right. Tama ka sa lahat ng sinabi mo, Jace."

Kita ko namang kumalma siya nang aminin ko ang aking nararamdaman para sa kanya. Na hanggang ngayon ay nagpapakatanga pa rin ako at umaasa sa kanya. Umaasa pa rin ako na posibleng mangyari ang salitang tayo.

"To be honest, I can still remember how that night felt." My honest answer to his question earlier was only answered now. "The way you waited for me at the end of the staircase, made me feel like the luckiest princess ever. When you walked into the dance floor to give me the last rose on my debut, it might be funny but you seemed like a model to me, and I was one of the audience completely in awe. And when your hands held me on my waist to dance with me... when I let my head rested on your chest... when I told you how I feel... I remember it all. Kahit ayoko nang alalahanin ay pilit kong naaalala."

Nagsimula nang umagos ang luha mula sa aking mga mata patungo sa aking pisngi.

"I did everything I can to forget, Jace. But I always fail myself because I constantly keep on looking for you. I wanted to know how you were doing while I was away. I even asked my best friend to spy on you because I wanted to be updated about your life without me on the scene," pag-amin ko. "At noong bumalik ako, sinasabi kong babalik ako para sa kompanya pero ang totoo ay bumalik ako para sa'yo. Kasi hanggang ngayon ay mahal pa rin kita at gusti kong masilayan ka. Pinilit kong itago 'yon dahil ayokong isipin mo na hindi ako marunong tumupad sa pangako ko sa'yong lalayuan kita at pipigilan ko ang kung anumang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo."

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luhang tumutulo sa aking pisngi kahit na mayroong umaagos na panibago.

"I thought it was just some kind of puppy love before... but I was surprised that even if I was away from you, my feelings kept on going stronger," I told him. "First, it was just a tiny snowflake but now, it was already a huge glacier. Even if I try to melt it down, I can't do it. It's too hard."

Dinala ko ang aking kamay patungo sa aking dibdib at pinipigilan ang sarili sa paghikbi.

"Kaso ang sakit-sakit na rito, oh..." Tukoy ko sa aking puso. "Sobrang sakit dahil alam kong kahit anong mangyari ay hindi mo naman mapapaunlakan ang pagmamahal ko. Pero kahit masakit ay tinanggap ko 'yon. That's why I want to move on and accept the offer of meeting the Ortiguerras. Maybe it's for the best. It's best if I would just settle with Dylan just like how my mom wants me to."

I heaved a deep exhale and brought my hand down.

"Jace, please do me a favor and make me forget you..." I begged him. "Nagmamakaawa ako dahil ayoko nang mahalin ka."

"No," he simply said before he suddenly pulled me closer to him.

My eyes widened in surprise as I stared at the moon watching us when Jace pulled me into a kiss. In my eyes, all of the stars suddenly twinkled as his lips brushed against mine. The gems of the night sky shined the brightest for us tonight who were currently lost in the moment.

His lips was some kind of luxury for me that I could never afford, but he gave it to me for free.

Isang halik lang galing sa kanya ay nagawa niyang baliktarin nang walang kahirap-hirap ang aking mundo. Lahat ng pagsisikap ko na makalimutan siya at pati na rin ang damdamin ko ay nabaliwala. Muli kong handang iaalay ulit ang puso ko at isugal sa huling pagkakataon para sa kanya.

After that wonderful ten seconds where his lips was planted on my lips, he slightly pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. I can still smell the mixture of alcohol and mint that I smelled when he pulled me earlier at the club.

His hand travelled to my waist from my wrist once again and held me there tightly.

"I won't let you move on from me..." he whispered. "I will never let your love for me fade."

Kinagat ko naman ang aking ibabang labi at hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang pagtulo ng aking luha. Kung kanina'y lumuluha ako dahil sa sakit, ngayon ay lumuluha ako dahil sa saya.

"Ang daya mo naman ata..." sabi ko. "Paano naman ako?"

"You already own me, Zarina," he said.

His hand gently placed my head on his chest. Napangiti ako nang maramdaman at marinig ang kakaibang bilis nito. I thought his heart was entirely frozen and covered with ice. But hearing and feeling it beat like how my heart did, I can't help but to question... was I the one who managed to melt it down?

"Can you feel that?" he asked me. "I didn't know when it started to beat for you, but lately, I realized that it does."

Napapikit naman ako habang dinadama ang mga salitang nanggagaling sa kanya. Sa akin ay tila parang isang pagkanta ang kanyang pagsasalita.

"It must be when I started to get mad at you for leaving without any good bye..."

Dumilat ako at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya na nakatingin sa kalangitaan.

"I was frustrated before because I wanted you gone but at the same time, I kept on looking for your presence as well," he admitted. "I even asked my twin to invite you to her debut which was also our birthday because I wanted you to be there. I just wanted to see you on my birthday. But you refused the invitation. You left without telling anyone why, and that made me mad. I didn't know why. I can't name my feelings before. I loved being alone, but it changed when you came along."

Binaba niya ang kanyang tingin sa akin at nang magtama ang aming mga mata ay nagawa ko nang pangalanan ang mga damdaming nakatago noon sa likod ng kanyang nagyeyelong tingin.

"Was I really mad at you or... was I mad at myself for letting you leave just like that?" he asked himself while staring at me like he was also asking for my opinion.

I bowed my head down and sighed. "I'm sorry..." I apologized. "I just left because I wanted to fulfill my promise. Kilalang-kilala ko ang sarili ko at alam kong hindi kita magagawang layuan kapag alam kong nandyan ka lang. The last days of our senior high year was already a punishment for me. Ang hirap iwasan ka gayong ang gusto ko ay laging makatabi ka."

"You don't have to be sorry about anything..." He lifted my chin up to face him again. "I should be the one apologizing for hurting you and taking your love for granted. I wasn't fully aware of my own feelings until my twin and my mom woke my senses up to feel and see what it really was."

Ang saya na sanang pakinggang nang mga sinasabi niya ngunit muli naman akong napayuko nang maalala si Isha.

Who was she in his life? Bakit ganoon na lang ang pinapakita niyang emosyon tuwing nandyan siya?

"How about Isha?" I asked him and played with my fingers. "Isn't she your girlfriend or something similar to that?"

He chuckled, and I creased my forehead before looking back at him. Inirapan ko siya dahil mukhang natutuwa pa siya kaya naman hinawakan niya ang aking kamay at pinisil-pisil ito.

"She's not my girlfriend nor something similar to that," he denied. "But she's a very close friend and that's it. Para sa akin ay para ko lang siyang kapatid. Mula pagkabata ay kilala ko na siya. We, somehow, have the same personality that made me comfortable being with her. Isha's close to our family because of her parents. Kina mommy siya hinabilin nina Tito Isaac at Tita Lorraine nang lumipat siya rito sa Manila."

Lumabi ako upang pigilan ang sarili sa pagngiti nang malinawan patungkol sa namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa. Nawala ang pangamba na aking nararamdaman.

"Hmm... Hindi mo pala siya girlfriend..." sabi ko na lang at tumango-tango.

He bit his lower lip before he smiled.

I wondered when will I be able to get over his smile.

"Yeah... She's not..." he said with his voice sounded so raspy. "But I want you to be... if it's okay with you."

Napalunok naman ako at nanatiling nakatingin sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung papayag na ba ako o magpapakipot muna. Pero wala naman sigurong masama kung tanggihan ko muna siya, 'di ba?

Inipon ko naman ang aking lakas nang loob at saka tumingin ng diretso sa kanya.

"Ligawan mo muna ako," hamon ko sa kanya.

Show me how does Jace Sy courts a girl.