Chapter 13
Emotions

The smile which was solely for me that he showed was only for a brief moment, but it lasted the longest in my mind.

Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawa 'yon. Sobrang dali niyang baliin ang determinasyon na inipon at binuo ko para pawiin ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

It was funny how one smile changed everything in an instant, but it brought me thousands of fear at the same time.

It scared me how my love for him was more than how much I love myself. I knew this wasn't right. This kind of love was a trigger for self-destruction once it fails.

Mas lalo kong kailangang alagaan ang sarili ko at mahalin ito. I didn't want to lose myself for loving him more than I was ever allowed to love.

Jace went out of the helicopter first and didn't move in his position for quite a moment. Nang maglakad siya palayo ay saka lang ako sumunod pababa upang makita si Isha na naghihintay sa amin.

She was sweetly smiling at Jace while he walked his way to her.

How fortunate she was. Alam niya kaya kung gaano siya kaswerte na kaya niyang mapaamo ang isang katulad ni Jace? Na kaya niyang tunawin ang yelo na bumabalot sa kanyang puso?

When Jace smiled back at her as soon as he reached her, I finally lost it.

I lost my heart.

Nabaliwala na rin ang mahalagang walong segundong ngiti na iginawad niya para sa akin.

His smile for me was nothing compared to his smile for her.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang nagawa kong kasalanan noon para masaksihan ang ganitong pagkakataon. Sobra-sobrang parusa ang nararanasan ko ngayon. Pero kung ano man 'yon ay handa kong pagbayaran, huwag lang sa ganitong paraan.

I didn't know if I should walk away or just watch them together so that it'll motivate me more to forget everything by breaking my heart.

"Why are you here? Are you fine already?" he concernedly asked Isha.

Isha chuckled. "I wouldn't be here if I'm not fine."

"Well, I know how stubborn you are sometimes. Gusto ko lang makasiguro," katwiran naman ni Jace at saka pinaningkitan ng mata si Isha.

Isha laughed heartily before she slightly pushed Jace away from her. "You're just like daddy, and I've had enough of that already," she said. "I can't believe that my parents flew to Manila just because of an almost accident."

"You can't blame your parents. They love you," Jace said.

"I know..." she said and smiled before her eyes found me.

Medyo nagtagal pa ang kanyang titig sa akin bago siya ngumiti. It caused Jace to look back at me who already seemed to forget that he was actually with me.

"Oh! Hi, Ms. Rivadelo," she formally greeted me as one of her clients.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha ang lakas ng loob na humakbang papalapit sa kanilang dalawa pero nagawa ko iyon ng hindi nadadapa dahil sa panlalambot ng aking tuhod.

"Tawagin mo na lang akong Zarina, Engineer. Masyadong pormal ang pagtawag mo sa akin," sabi ko naman at pinilit na ngumiti.

"Kung ganoon ay Isha na lang ang itawag mo sa akin. Drop the title," sabi niya.

Tumango na lamang ako at saka nilingon si Jace na pirming nakatingin sa akin at tila tinatantiya ang aking ekspresyong ipinapakita.

"I'm sure we're done now, Jace. I'll just set a meeting with to discuss and decide which of the four locales we found will be picked," I told him. "Mauuna na ako sa inyo. I still need to go back in my office."

"I'll drive you back to your office," agad na sabi ni Jace bago pa ako makahakbang paalis.

Agad naman akong umiling. "Ayos lang. Mukhang may lakad pa kayo ni Isha," sabi ko. "I can take a cab back to our company."

"Ako ang nagdala sa'yo rito, ako ang magbabalik sa'yo," seryosong sabi ni Jace.

Napalunok naman ako sa sobrang pagkaseryoso ng boses ni Jace. I suddenly felt Isha held me in my arm that made me turn to her.

"Hayaan mo nang ihatid ka pabalik ni Jace," sabi niya sa akin. "Huwag kang mag-alala. Wala naman kaming lakad ni Jace. I just wanted to surprise him that I was already discharged."

Naalala ko naman bigla na na-ospital nga pala siya na dahilan kung bakit hindi kami natuloy ni Jace noong isang araw sa aming dapat na lakad.

"Oh... Oo nga pala. I saw that you were hospitalized in Liana's IG story," sabi ko. "Ano pala ang nangyari sa'yo? "

"Well, Jace and I visited a site in Cavite. I was almost crashed by a falling debris there," she said and laughed. "But Jace dodged me out of the way right before it hit me. Apart from few scratches and slight traumatic experience, I'm completely fine. Jace just really over reacted and brought me to the hospital."

"Nakita ko nga rin doon. Mukhang alalang-alala nga si Jace para sa'yo," sabi ko at kahit parang pinipipi na ang aking puso ay nagawa ko pa ring magkunwaring ayos lang sa akin ang lahat.

My inner voice kept on chanting inside my mind how lucky she was.

I saw Jace's forehead creased when I looked at him again.

"Nakakahiya... Si Liana talaga," nahihiya niyang sabi at bahagyang tumawa.

Ngumiti na lamang ako at muling naghanda para sa aking pamamaalam sa kanilang dalawa. "I'm glad you're fine now," sabi ko na lang sa kanya bago sumulyap kay Jace na nakatingin pa rin sa akin. "Mauuna na talaga ako. Nandoon pa ang mga gamit ko sa office."

"Ihahatid na kita," muling pagmamagandang loob ni Jace.

"Okay na ako, Jace. At saka nandito si Isha," sabi ko na lang at tumanggi sa kanyang paghatid.

"It's okay, Zarina." Isha smiled at me. "I brought my car on my way here. Hindi naman pwedeng iwan ko 'yon dito. And besides, I'll wait for Liana here. We've got something to do."

Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako dahil sa pagkabigo na tumangging makasama pa si Jace ng mas matagal na oras.

"Kung ganoon... uhm... mauuna na kami?" nag-aalangan ko pang sabi.

She nodded at me before she turned to Jace with her constant sweet smile. "Drive safe, okay? Text me."

"I will," Jace simply said and averted his stare at me. "Let's go."

Halos mapasinghap ako nang hawakan niya ang aking palapulsuhan upang maigaya na papaalis sa rooftop. Iniwan naming si Isha kung saan siya nanatili at hindi inabala ang sariling sumunod sa amin pababa.

"Sinamahan mo na lang sana roon si Isha na hintayin ang kapatid mo. Kaya ko naman ang sarili ko," sabi ko nang makasakay sa kanyang saskyan.

"Isha understands..." he said while his eyes were focused on the road.

Isha must be so mature to let Jace drive some other girl. Kung ako siya ay hindi ko hahayaan si Jace na pagsilbihan ang ibang babae bukod sa kapamilya niya. Ang akin ay akin lang.

It sounded selfish, but I've longed for that kind of moment. But he's not mine so...

I decided to just keep quiet and pursed my lips the whole time. Hindi rin naman siya nagsasalita kaya mas magandang manahimik na lang din ako.

"Do you want to eat first?" he suddenly asked in the middle of silence.

Tipid naman akong ngumiti at saka umiling bilang sagot.

"I think we should eat first," he decided on his own.

"Jace, okay lang. I need to go back to the company," I tried to stop him.

I didn't want to prolong my agony by spending more time with him, but he already maneuvered the car to the closest Chinese restaurant he had in sight. Swiftly, he parked the car and killed the engine.

Nang bumaba naman siya ay wala na akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod sa kanya.

"I hope you're fine with Chinese foods," he told me.

"I'm not a picky eater, Jace, but really... we don't have to eat. I'm not hungry," I still tried to persuade him.

"You may not be hungry now but later, you will," he said.

Hindi na ako nakaangal pa nang pumasok na siya sa loob ng restaurant. I was actually surprised when the crew started to greet him like he was some kind of VIP. Napaisip tuloy ako kung madalas ba siyang kumakain dito sa restaurant na 'to.

"Good afternoon, Sir Jace," the manager greeted him without calling him by his title.

Simpleng tango naman ang ibinalik sa kanya ni Jace. "Is my uncle here?"

"Sir James is in our branch on Eastwood," agad na sagot nito kay Jace.

Bahagya namang nanlaki ang aking mga mata nang matandaang mayroon nga pala silang chain of Chinese restaurants as their family business on his father's side.

"But the private room that you reserved for today is already available. I'll be the one to guide you there," he informed Jace.

My forehead slightly creased before I turned to Jace who heaved a deep sigh before he nodded at the restaurant's manager.

The manager started to walk, and we just followed him to the private room.

"You reserved a room for today?" I asked Jace, curiously.

I didn't want to assume again but... did he actually prepare and plan for this early dinner?

I caught his expression and I can tell that he didn't expect that I would ask about it. Mabilis niya namang nabawi ang ipinakitang pagkabigla bago muling hindi nagpakita ng kahit na anong emosyon.

"Yes," he simply answered and talked to the manager about the restaurant just to shut me out from asking more questions.

Ngumuso na lamang ako at tahimik na sumunod sa kanilang dalawa habang iniikot ang tingin sa kabuuan ng restaurant. Maraming tao ang kumakain at batid ko'y karamihan sa kanila ay may dugong Chinese dahil sa kanilang naninigkit na mga mata. Ang ibang mga tao naman ay mahilig lang siguro kumain ng mga Chinese foods.

"I'll let your server in after five minutes. Please choose the foods that you want to order first. Xièxie."

The manager left us inside the private room after he escorted us. Agad kong ibinagsak ang aking tingin sa pagkaing nasa menu. I didn't usually eat Chinese foods that's why I wasn't familiar with most of the dishes on the menu. Pecking duck lang ata ang alam ko sa mga nakasulat at iilang Chinese dimsums.

"You can order foods that are not on the menu. I'll let the chefs cook what you want to eat. They're very flexible when it comes to cooking dishes. It's fine even if it's not Chinese foods," Jace suddenly told me.

Siguro ay nakita niya ang pagiging hindi pamilyar ko sa mga putaheng nakasulat.

"Ah... Hindi na!" agad kong pagtanggi. "Okay na ako sa uhm..." Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sa menu at pinili ang mukhang masarap at madaling kainin. "I'm fine with dimsums, and I want iced tea for my drink."

"You should eat rice," he told me.

"I told you, I'm not hungry.  Okay na ako sa order ko," sabi ko sa kanya.

When the server came in to get our orders, Jace spoke up for the both of us. Mabuti na lang at kung ano lang ang gusto ko ay iyon lang ang sinabi niya para sa akin.

Nang muli na naman kaming naiwan na dalawa sa loob ay nanaig ang katahimikan. Itinuon ko na lang ang aking buong atensyon sa isang baso ng tubig na nasa aking harapan bago napagdesisyunang pagkaabalahan na lamang ang cellphone dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtitig sa akin ni Jace.

I smiled when I opened my messenger and saw that my friends in New York made a groupchat. They named it "Vacation in Philippines". I read their conversations last night. They were planning to visit here because they missed me!

Nangunguna pa si Austin sa pagp-plano ng lahat. He was very willing to shoulder their accommodation just to put some color on their sketches for the trip.

I joined their conversation even if they're already asleep. I typed and sent message for them to read once they're already awake.

Zarina Cashe:
Tell me if you already finalized the details. I'll come with you, guys!

Ngiting-ngiti ako nang maipadala na ang mensahe sa aming group chat. Kung sila ang pupunta rito ay baka hindi ko na kailanganing lumipad pa ng New York. Sasama na lang ako sa kanila rito.

"How was your meeting with the Ortiguerras yesterday?"

Nawala naman ang aking ngiti nang kausapin ako ni Jace. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at nakitang ang atensyon niya ay nasa kanyang cellphone rin bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

"They are very kind. Madali silang pakisamahan," I answered his question.

"I bet you met Dylan already..." he said.

Ngumiti naman ako at tumango. "I did," sagot ko. "Akala ko nga noong una ay masungit siya pero hindi pala. He's a nice person."

Jace just quietly nodded before he pursed his lips and dropped his attention back to his phone. Ibinalik ko na lang din ang tingin ko sa aking cellphone hanggang sa dumating na ang aming pagkain.

Tahimik lang na kumain si Jace at ganoon an rin ako. Mabilis kong naubos ang pagkain ko dahil dimsum lang naman ito. Hindi ko rin inakalang nakakaramdam pala ako ng gutom hanggang sa nasa harapan ko na ang pagkain na inorder ko.

Jace caught my attention when he violently sighed.

My forehead creased while thinking what his problem could be, but when he suddenly shared his food and put it on my plate to eat, I just found myself staring at him.

"If you want more I can still order..." he said while he continued to place his food on my plate leaving him with just enough to eat.

"Ayos na ako... Hindi mo naman na ako kailangang hatian pa ng pagkain," sabi ko sa kanya at saka ibinaba ang tingin sa pagkaing nasa aking pinggan.

"You're hungry and you just won't admit it," he stated. "Still so stubborn..." he whispered.

"I'm not stubborn!" I defended myself. "Hindi ko lang naramdaman ang gutom ko kanina."

Muli naman siyang bumuntong hininga at pumikit ng mariin na para bang pinipigilan ang sarili sa pagsabog.

"Okay, okay..." he calmly said and opened his eyes to look at me with tranquility. "Just eat now."

I didn't push myself to argue with him as well. I was wearing a scowl on my face when I started to eat his food but eventually, my mood got better because of eating.

Bahagya naman akong naguilty dahil halos wala na siyang nakain nang dahil sa akin. Gusto ko sanang humingi ng pasensya pero nang may maisip ay tinikom ko na lang ulit ang aking bibig.

He didn't even say sorry for hurting me. Why would I say sorry to him just because of food?

I was actually proud of myself for surviving eating an early dinner with him alone. Maybe before, I would consider this dinner with him as a date. Baka abot tainga pa ang ngiti ko kung sakali. Siguro'y kaya ko ring ipagsigawan ang pangyayaring 'to sa mundo kung hindi lang ako natuto.

It was unfortunate that all my dreams were coming true when I didn't want them anymore. Kung kailang ayaw ko nang pangarapin pa ang mga pangarap kong ito ay saka ako napagbibigyan ng tadahana na matupad ang mga 'to.

Naramdaman ko naman ang pagtigil ng sasakyan at napalingon ako kay Jace na pirming nakatingin ng diretso sa kung saan na agad kong sinundan ng tingin.

Hindi ko namalayang nandito na pala kami sa kompanya at sa aming harapan ay may isang sasakyan kung saan sa tabi nito ay nakatayo si Dylan na tila naghihintay.

I bit my lower lip before unbuckling the seat belt to go out of the car and approach him.

"Dylan..." I called him and turned to look at me with a smile on his face, as soon as he heard my voice.

Narinig ko naman ang muling pagbukas-sara ng pintuan at nalipat sa kasama ko ang kanyang tingin.

"Jace..." Dylan greeted Jace.

Nilingon ko naman si Jace na tahimik lang na tumango bilang sagot sa pagbati ni Dylan. Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko kay Dylan at saka ngumiti sa kanya. Agad ko namang nakuha ang kanyang atensyon.

"Dylan... uh... bakit ka nandito?" nag-aalangan kong tanong at saka ko lang naisip na hindi maganda ang pagbubuo ko ng tanong na iyon.

Tipid naman siyang ngumiti sa akin. "I'm gonna drive you home," sabi niya. "Hindi mo dala ang sasakyan mo dahil hinatid kita kanina kaya naisip kong sunduin ka ulit."

Nahihiya naman akong ngumiti sa kanya. "Sana ay nagsabi ka man lang... Nakakahiya."

"It's okay," he said before glancing at Jace again. "I didn't know that you have a rendezvous with someone..."

Maagap naman akong umiling at nilingon si Jace na pirming nakatingin kay Dylan.

"Architect Sy's the architect for my first project. Umalis lang kami para mag-ocular ng lugar kung saan itatayo ang water park na binabalak ko," pagpapaliwanag ko.

I didn't want anyone to misunderstand anything. Baka makarating pa ito kay Isha at magkagulo. Ayaw ko ng gulo.

"Oh!" His face brightened up when he finally understood. "I'll drive you home, then."

Tumango naman ako. "Kukuhanin ko lang ang bag ko sa office."

"I'll come with you." He took a step closer to me before he turned to Jace. "Nice meeting you here again, by the way. Thank you for driving Zarina back here."

"You don't have to thank me," Jace simply said.

Pilit naman akong ngumiti at lumingon kay Jace upang magbigay rin ng pasalamat sa kanya.

Halos higupin ako ng kanyang tingin nang magtama ang tingin namin sa isa't isa. His eyes were finally expressing emotions, but I can't name them.

"Thank you for today, Jace. I'll just inform you about the meeting with Isha and Bench, plus the other members of the team," sabi ko sa kanya at saka nilingon muli si Dylan para maputol ang titig naming sa isa't isa. "Let's go."

Dylan nodded at me before he held my waist as a chilvaric move while we walked our way inside the company.