Artemis rested against my side, arm wrapped around one of mine. The door to her room was open, and every so often her mother would poke her head in.  She pressed her other hand on my stomach or sometimes my chest. The care and caution left me with a half-remembered memory of her brushing a cold rag over my forehead after a mission. Was it in the desert? It didn't matter. That alone meant I'd let Artemis hug me as long as she needed. I didn't care if it technically helped me.

Dinah would consider that progress and I tried to ignore the warmth that spread with the thought. 

Megan laid sprawled over my lap, messing with the fingers of my free hand, and occasionally mimicry's of my skin icons would spread over her arms. Her presence lurked at the back of my mind like a calming blanket. Sometimes it fluttered, and she'd search through my thoughts before she'd withdraw. The first time, I'd startled and looked at her with wide, betrayed eyes. It took only a simple nudge (she just wanted to make sure I was really there, not lost in bad memories) for me to let down what feeble resistance I could offer. She'd sifted through a bit more then, blocked some things that bubbled to the forefront at a too-fast movement or too tight pressure from either of them.

Dinah wouldn't like that, but it was better. They didn't need to worry. I came to see them so they wouldn't.

Artemis went with me to the Wayne Manor. She didn't say how she knew who Robin was, but there was some reason. Did all of us know and just were keeping the secret from each other? He'd would probably let us do that, or maybe if he put it to rest, Bruce would be upset.

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Dick curled against me again, letting me hold him. I wasn't supposed to be here, I knew that. So tucked into the corner of his bathroom was fine. I tried to not look at the razor on the edge of the tub. Bright blue eyes stared up at me with so much worry and care I almost broke down. I didn't. Just barely. Brother. My little brother, and I wanted to leave him alone.

I wanted to because if I didn't then it would make the fact that I'd have to worse.

He looked away, then slipped away, only to come back with a stuffed elephant. He asked me if I wanted to know about the circus. He'd grown up in one, lived there until his family was murdered and Bruce took him in. His voice was soothing, and I let him talk until Alfred called him for dinner and he helped me sneak to the basement.

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Connor was gruff, blunt, and so perfectly normal that I laughed. He and Wally stared at me, and then Wally followed suit. He threw his arm around my shoulders and guided me into the house. He tossed me a controller, said we were going to play video games, and that Connor wasn't allowed because he'd already broken controllers.

Accidentally, Connor insisted, and it probably was. He watched me. He watched like he always watched people and that was fine. It wasn't the way others watched me. It wasn't overbearing. No, it was cautious and unsure, and innocent in ways you didn't think it would be. How old was Connor now? Almost a year.

Wally's mother came in and offered snacks, fighting Wally off with a spatula. He didn't try to take my food, and I tried not to read into that. I asked for more once I was done, because then he wouldn't worry. They'd think I was doing better.

Not that I was ever the one too afraid to eat.

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Dinah let me lay on her. She asked me where I'd been. I told her. I wanted to see my friends. She hummed and kissed my head. i pressed into the touch and she smiled at me. There was concern there too, and she'd leaned close and asked me, very low and serious, if I was going to kill myself. I pretended that confused me, scrunching my brow and tilting my head just right. She'd said sometimes people are happier before they do and that seeing my friends and acting this way was worrying.

I'd seen my friends, some of whom I considered my siblings, for the first time in ages, was it a surprise I was happier?

She didn't need to know about the razor I'd slipped into my pocket. But I couldn't do it now, not when I'd lied to her, however avoidant that lying was. I took it out then, pressed it into her hand, careful not to hurt her.

She cursed and held me tight, kissing my head and asking me where I got it. I didn't answer that. Let her think I'd bought it. I shuddered wanting it back. Not to use, never to actually use, I lied to myself. But just for the possibility of using it. It was control. It gave me something I'd lost.

I'd lost so much, why couldn't I have something back?

I cried into her shoulder. I shouldn't have. But I did. She asked if I wanted Orin, and I shook my head. He wouldn't want to see me. Why would he?

I wanted to try a bit of a different style for this chapter, mainly because I didn't want to have to figure out the transitions between scenes, also because I'm trying to give more of detached feel.

And also a tiny bit because my stress addled brain does not want to figure out actual dialogue

See yah