Urinalysis results came back positive...

Now on notice...

My Navy career on it's way down the drain...

Don't have an idea what to do with this awful  pain...

My medicinal marijuana lingers too long so I turn to cocaine...

72 hours and I piss clean...

Days at sea wondering when will the next test be...

No one to talk to...

We are sea warriors...

Trained to endure the pain...

Still mine consumes me as we are continually subjected to prolonged battle drills...

23 hours a day...

No eating, drinking or smoking...

Which also means no pissing, shitting or sleeping!!!

Nothing except manning my assigned battle station!!!

The cocaine subdues the pain...

It eats away the hunger, the thirst, the constant desire to sleep...

It eats away at my being...

Another surprise urine analysis...

No worries about THC...

But wouldn't you know it...

Trace amount of cocaine now detected...

Next failed test means court martial...

No other way...

Navy career over!!!

Now out on the streets...

Ironically faced with the same anti drug doctrine as the Navy...

In retrospect...

It was just a sign of what was to become...

Unable to get and keep a job...

Because now I am in the biggest struggle of my life...

Losing sight of what is causing my addictions to linger I chase the relief from the pain...

Only to find that years later, I had lost myself to the pain and addictions...

And though I had struggled to exist during those cold and lonely years...

Now the struggle is to live and no longer just to exist...

        My Lifetime Struggle©
              EdwinBrown9®™
                    4/01-19/17