Heyy..... long time, no see. I'm just gonna drop this on you. Comment your thoughts on this :)
Trigger warning: Shows a panic attack and very dark intrusive thoughts. Enjoy!!

Rainbow stared into the full body mirror. A look of disgust and sadness on her face as she examined every curve, scar and mark on her body. The words of the bully ran through her thoughts.

Ugly.

Fat-ass.

Why would Applejack like someone that looks like that? Cover up, stupid.

Why on earth would the track team let someone like you join?

They probably only did it because they pitied your fat ass.

You only slow them down. They don't want you.

No one does.

Rainbow Dash felt the tears slowly building up behind her eyes. She blinked them away. She was not going to cry. That meant she was weak. And Rainbow Dash was not weak.

Usually.

Rainbow bit her lip. The memory of what happened that day in school replayed over and over in her mind, like a movie. The stares, the snide remarks, the snickers and giggling and pointing. The hurtful words that stabbed like knives, beating down her self-confidence little by little. All her flaws and insecurities thrown in her face.

Rainbow had always kept up a facade of cockiness, acting like she was the best and no one could beat her at anything. According to her, she was the fastest, the most agile, the strongest, most athletic. She was amazing. Or so she made it seem like she believed it. Every day was a struggle for her to believe the words she told everyone.

To tell the truth, she had always had that nagging voice in the back of her head, reminding her of all the ugly things about her. Years had built up, the voice painting a picture in Rainbow's mind. She could now see all the things the voice was talking about. She was flabby. She was uglier than all her friends. She was stupid. She caused only annoyance to her friends and family. No one really liked her.

Rainbow ran her fingers over her face. She focused on a tiny scar on her jawline. She had a lot of scars on her body, either from clumsiness, or from her childhood abuse.

Why can't you be pretty? Look at the girls. They don't have a flaw anywhere. They're beautiful and smart and supportive and amazing. You're just ugly and selfish and a terrible person. You don't deserve them.

Rainbow shook her head. She tried to push the thoughts away.

Applejack could do better.

Rainbow Dash felt herself getting choked up. She stared at her reflection. She hated what she saw. Ugly. What did Applejack see in her? Applejack was perfect. Sweet, kind, loving, funny, patient, beautiful beyond compare. She could have anyone.

Why Rainbow?

Rainbow could never understand it. Applejack knew she struggled with mental illnesses and trauma all her life. She knew how crazy she was. Yet, she still asked her out.

Rainbow had been so happy that day. But as time went by, she began to question Applejack's motives. Did she actually love her, or only pity her?

Rainbow wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself. She suddenly felt a tingly sensation in her hands. Clenching her hands into fists, she recognized one the signs of an oncoming panic attack. But she didn't care.

Rainbow's mind we're clouded with dark thoughts. It suddenly became harder to breathe. When had it gotten so hot?

Rainbow began breathing quicker. Her chest felt tight. She needed to breathe.

You're so stupid. Applejack doesn't love you. You're too fat and ugly to love.

The voice was right. She was fat and ugly.

Rainbow felt her heart rate increase. She felt like it would explode. She could hardly breathe.   It felt like the room was closing in on her. Rainbow brought her hand up to her hair, gripping it tightly. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"It's true." She said, her voice breaking at the end.

Rainbow squeezed her eyes closed. She felt her body trembling intensely. She opened her eyes, gasping in air. She began to sob. Rainbow pulled at her hair, making her head hurt. She deserved it.

Rainbow looked around. She suddenly caught sight of her reflection. She looked ten times uglier. She looked crazy. Anger bubbled up inside her. She rushed forward and raised a fist. She slammed it into the mirror. The mirror shattered into pieces on the floor.

Rainbow took a step back. She panted, looking down at the broken glass. She went back to gripping her hair.

Look what you've done now. You can't do anything right. Idiot. You've lost your mind. You need to be locked up and put away.

Rainbow smacked her head, desperate to get the voice to shut up. She didn't care if it hurt her.

Die. Die. Die.

She suddenly felt her back hit a wall. Rainbow slid down so she was sitting on the floor. She sobbed openly, rocking back and forth, her hands in her hair.

Through her panicky state, she could hear the sound of footsteps. The bedroom door was opened.

"Rainbow?"

Rainbow looked up. She saw Applejack standing there, shock and horror written on her face. Applejack's eyes went to the broken mirror and then to her. She gasped and rushed over to her. Applejack knelt down in front of her, concern in her green eyes.

"What happened? What's wrong?" She questioned.

Rainbow shook her head, continuing to cry.

"They-They were right." She sobbed.

Applejack looked confused.

"Who, baby?" She asked, using the pet name she gave Rainbow when they first started dating.

"The girls at school. The voice in my head. They're right."

Rainbow Dash sniffled.

"I'm ugly and fat. I'm not good enough."

Applejack sat there, shocked, her eyes wide.

"What?? What are you talkin' about?"

Rainbow shook her head, continuing to sob.

"I knew it. I'm fat and ugly. I hate the way I look. I don't deserve you. I don't. No one cares about me. You all hate me. I know you do. Those girls were right."

She'll leave you. You stupid, stupid idiot.

Rainbow smacked herself, shrieking in frustration.

"SHUT UP!" She yelled, banging her head against the wall.

Applejack quickly grabbed her wrists, stopping her from hurting herself.

"Rainbow, stop. Breathe for a minute. Look at me."

Rainbow shook her head.

"I can't. I don't deserve you. I'm horrible. I-I'm crazy. Don't look at me."

Rainbow weakly tried to pull away from Applejack, but the grip on her didn't loosen. Rainbow was still panicking. She gasped in air, trying to breathe.

"Breathe." Applejack said again. "Focus on breathing."

Rainbow did as told. She focused on her breathing. It helped a little bit. She was still very upset and still crying. Rainbow at least felt like she could breathe after taking a few deep breathes with Applejack. She sniffled, her body shaking.

"Please look at me." Applejack said softly.

Rainbow lifted her head up slowly, locking eye with Applejack. Applejack looked concerned and heartbroken.

Applejack tucked Rainbow's hair behind her ears, brushing them out of her face. She smiled gently.

"Hey, there." She said. "You're ok."

Her smile disappeared.

"Baby. Tell me what happened. Did you break the mirror?"

Rainbow meekly nodded, breaking eye contact.

"I hate my reflection. I hate it." She admitted, her face twisted up with disgust.

"Why?" Applejack asked.

Rainbow sniffled.

"I'm ugly, and I'm chubby. I look disgusting."

Applejack looked at her like she was crazy.

"Since when?"

Rainbow scoffed. "Since always. I've always been ugly. I just couldn't see it until now. I'm horrifying. It's so ugly. My body is full of scars and I hate them. I'm ugly in the face. How could ever want to date me? I'm obviously not good enough for you."

Applejack's face became stoic.

"Don't chu ever day that again." She growled, making Rainbow flinch.

Applejack shook her head.

"Baby. Ah don't think you're ugly. You're beautiful. Who told you you were ugly?"

Rainbow looked down at her knees. She pulled them closer to her chest. It felt good to get it all off her chest, but admitting her biggest fears to Applejack was scary. However, it was easy to talk to her girlfriend. So, she did.

"Trixie, Gilda, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon. They've been at it for a few days. I tried to ignore it. I really did. But I couldn't. They were right."

Applejack shook her head.

"No, they weren't. They were so mean. You didn't deserve it. You're beautiful."

Rainbow shook her head stubbornly.

"Stop lying." She whispered.

Applejack laughed. Rainbow looked up at her.

"Since when do ah lie to you?" AJ asked her.

Rainbow knew it was true. AJ didn't lie. She was very bad at it, anyway. Applejack was the most honest person she knew. If she thought she wasn't pretty, Rainbow would surely tell if she lied or not.

She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She's being nice. You're too naive and stupid.

Rainbow hit herself again.

"Shut up, voice!"

Applejack looked bewildered.

"A voice? In your head?".

Rainbow lowered her gaze.

"You probably think I'm crazy."

Applejack took by the hands. She squeezed gently.

"Ah think you need professional help." She said. "Look at me."

Rainbow made eye contact. Applejack reaches out and wiped a tear away from Rainbow's cheek. Her hand lingered there.

"Listen ta me. What ah'm gonna say is the honest truth."

Rainbow Dash nodded, sniffling. AJ smiled gently.

"Ah think you're beautiful, Rainbow. The most beautiful girl ah ever saw. What Trixie and them say to ya is lies. They're mean and cruel. You do deserve to be with me. You deserve all good things. You're not fat, baby. You work out all the time and take care of your body. You're the most sexiest girl in town."

Rainbow blushed, her cheeks heating up. She shook her head.

"Yes you are." Applejack argued. "Trust me. To me, you're amazing. You're smart and funny and beautiful and loyal. All the things ah love about you. Ah love that you're so slim."

She wrapped her around Rainbow's waist gently. She brought her closer. Rainbow rested her hands on Applejack's shoulders.

"Ah get ta haul you around and pick you up when ah want."

Applejack's eyes roamed over her. She looked at her face. She smiled.

"Ah love your smile." She said. "It's so beautiful and it makes me so happy ta see you happy. When you smile, ah swear mah heart skips a beat. And your eyes, goodness...."

She shook her head, chuckling.

"Your eyes are so bright and they amaze me with how pink they are. They're mah favorite color. And speakin' of colors."

Applejack reached up and stroked Rainbow's hair. It was probably a mess from Rainbow pulling at it.

"Ah love your hair." AJ said. "It's so soft and long and it gives you your name. Rainbow."

AJ kissed Rainbow's cheek. She trailed light kisses down her neck, making Rainbow almost smile. Almost.

"And the rest of you is just as beautiful." She continued. "Ah don't know where you got fat from, cuz all see is muscle and flesh. You're thin, and muscular. But not too muscular. You look fit. Perfect for the track team."

Rainbow's mode went sour at the mention of the team.

"I'm not good enough." She said. "I'm not fast enough. I slow them down. I make them look bad. I screw up all the time."

"No, you don't." Applejack said. "You take the team seriously. You train all the time to improve. You've only been on the team for a year and you've beaten Spitfire's record. You're amazin' and you're the star member of the team. They've told me how fun and hardworking you are. You make the team laugh and yet push them to work harder and work as a team. They love you. We all do. The girls love you."

"But I'm annoying." Rainbow said. "They're always rolling their eyes at me and telling me to shut up."

Applejack shook her head.

"They don't mean it like that. We love you as you are. The girls don't mean any harm by it. We want you around. Ah do."

Rainbow bit her lip.

"But you're you."

Applejack was confused for a moment.

"You're perfect." Rainbow explained. "Beautiful, nice, loving, strong, determined. You deserve someone way better. I'm-"

"Rainbow" Applejack said sternly, cutting her off.

Rainbow shut her mouth. Applejack cupped on of her cheeks. She stared into her eyes.

"Rainbow.... ah already have the best. You."

Rainbow snickered.

"Ah mean that." AJ said. "You're the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. Ah can't imagine life without you. Ah don't want anyone else ta be by mah side. You're amazin'. Nothin' less. You're brave and lovin' and protective and sensitive and beautiful, inside and out. You've been through so much in your life. Losin' your ma and then going through hell with your dad. You didn't and still don't deserve all that pain. You can't listen to all that negative stuff. They're just tryna keep you down and hurt you. But they're wrong."

The gently tapped Rainbow's temple.

"You have to know that that voice in your head is wrong. You deserve to be happy and in love and to be loved. You do. Ah will always love you. Doesn't matter what anyone else says. To me, you're perfect."

Rainbow's lips slowly pulled up into a soft smile.

"How did I get so lucky?" She asked.

Applejack smiled.

"Ah'm the lucky one, baby. Ah am."

She then went serious.

"We're gonna get cha help, ok? Those girls aren't goin' ta get away with that on mah watch. Ah won't let that happen."

Rainbow nodded, too tired to fight anymore. She felt exhausted.

"Ok"

"And from now on, if you're upset, come talk ta me. Ah'm glad you didn't cut yourself. That means great improvement. We'll have ta work on that hittin' thing you've got goin' on."

Rainbow lowered her head, ashamed.

"Hey, hey hey." Applejack said, lifting Rainbow's chin up. "But it's alright. We got this."

She smiled at Rainbow.

"We'll talk to your therapist. Maybe upping the dosage on your meds can help with your mood. And stress hand toys. Like your beanie toys. Do those work for your stress?"

Rainbow nodded. "And the breathing thing, but today was pretty bad."

Applejack nodded in agreement.

"Ok. Good. Maybe you can start with positive reminders or somethin'. We'll see."

She pulled Rainbow closer. Rainbow hugged her, resting her head on Applejack's shoulder, her legs straddling her.

"Thanks, AJ. Thank you for loving me even though I'm a mess."

Applejack smiled.

"No need. Ah'm just telling you how it is. Setting things right. You're perfect to me and ah'll tell you every day until those bad thoughts are distant memories. Now, c'mon. Let's get you clean up and I'll clean up the broken glass. Then we can cuddle in bed or somethin"

Rainbow had forgotten about the mirror. She suddenly became away of her throbbing hand. Rainbow looked at it. It was bleeding. Probably from the glass. Now that her adrenaline was gone, it hurt like hell. Applejack noticed it as well and examined it.

"C'mon." She gently urged.

The two girls got up. Applejack placed her hands on Rainbow's waist. She pressed a kiss on her lips. Rainbow Dash smiled brightly for the first time that day.

"Ah love you." AJ whispered. "Ah really do."

Rainbow soaked in the love. She hugged the taller girl, feeling Applejack's strong arms around her.

"Thanks, Applejack. I love you too."

She had some work to do. She was glad to have Applejack by her side, supporting her through it all and snapping her back into reality. She had no idea what life would be like without AJ. All she knew was that she was loved and everything was going to be alright. She was smart. She was strong. She worthy of love. She was loved. She was beautiful.

So, yeah. Comment your thoughts on this.