▬▬▬▬▬ CHAPTER SEVEN ▬▬▬▬▬

ESMERELDA AWKWARDLY HELD OUT THE box of tissues for him. "Um, here sir..." 

Remus, who had long since collapsed onto his chair, gratefully took a tissue and blew really loudly into it. He then took the rest of the box and hugged it against his chest. 

"So..." She trailed off. "You were my... um, dad's friend and you've known me since I was a baby." 

He nodded wordlessly, sniffling a bit. "I'm... a werewolf," he choked out, as if the word was a curse. "Have been since I was young... I met your father and his friends in Hogwarts. W-we were all rooming together. They found out about my... illness after we became friends. Rather than reporting me, they decided that they wanted to help me. They became animagus." 

She perked up at the familiar word. She didn't know that her uncle was an animagus. Andromeda hadn't told her... but she probably didn't even know.

"Illegal animagus, I mean," he corrected himself bitterly. "I was calmer during the full moon when they were with me in their animagus forms. That—that was why we weren't expecting anything to happen when Sirius brought you along that one night..." 

Esmerelda's face slowly drained of its color now that she understood the full story, the parts that Remus wasn't aware of. Had she not been there, everything would've gone perfectly, the same as it always was. But her presence—her demigod scent—disturbed that. When Remus fully shifted, he must've smelled her out and lost control. 

"Sirius could barely forgive me," he said hoarsely, looking broken. "He must have thought of me as a monster. It took him forever to trust me again, and—and when he did I screwed up again!"  He ripped out a tissue from the box but didn't do anything with it. Instead, he gripped on to it tightly, his nails ripping through the delicate fabric as his lips trembled. 

"The night he betrayed the Potters..." He whispered. "He came to my house, looking all mad and scared with you in his arms. I could barely understand him. He—he wanted me to look after you and then left right after, saying something about Death Eater attacks and Peter. I didn't know what to do, I barely trusted myself around you since that day and then—then..." 

Green eyes widened in realization. Dumbledore had told her that she had been 'abducted' while she was under someone else's care. Was that person Remus? 

Ohhhhh gods, she wilted. This poor man must be drowning in guilt... but really, none of these things were his fault. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know about her demigod scent and it wasn't his fault that her mother stole her away. He was innocent in all this, yet he was the one getting the brunt of the blame. 

"I don't even know how it happened," he muttered, looking down at himself. "One minute I was holding you... and then this woman appeared... I think... I think I gave you to her o-or something..." He pressed a hand against his forehead as he struggled to recall the memory. "Then I woke up and everything changed for the worst." 

She shook her head. "Professor, none of that is your fault." 

"It is my fault," he said bitterly. "I lost control and then I lost you. Gave you up to some woman—willingly!" 

No you didn't, she wanted to tell him. It was the Mist, charmspeak, whatever power she used. It wasn't your fault at all. 

As she looked at this man, looking so defeated and miserable, she began to feel a sudden bout of anger for him. Mortals always got hurt by the whims of the gods or anyone related to them. It wasn't Remus' fault that her scent smelled like food to him and he lost control. It wasn't his fault that her mother wanted to randomly steal her away without a single warning. He had done nothing wrong, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

I should tell him that, but... She bit her lip. Once you knew about the existence of gods, the existence of another world, there was no coming back. Sure she could always use her magic to make him forget all of this, but for once she didn't want to take control over someone's mind. 

"This must have been why they never told me that you were found," she heard him say to himself. "I wouldn't have taken this job. I'd feel too guilty, too ashamed to look at you..." 

"Professor," she began, coming to a decision. "There's... there's something you should know— "

"—Hold on," Remus suddenly said, looking at her with confusion. "What was that thing you called me before...? You... thought I was a—a stalker?" 

She reddened with embarrassment. "Errrr, I am sooo sorry about that Professor." 

He recoiled in horror. "You actually thought I was a—" 

"—I'm sorry!" She blurted out again. "It's just that you knew so much about me and sometimes you're oddly nice to me and stuff, like that one time with Draco, and you're always looking at me and staring, and—and I just thought you were a pedophile or something..." 

He nearly tumbled out of his chair. He gawked at her in pure mortification. "A pedophile?! That's what you thought?! This entire time I thought you knew who I was!" When she began to confront him moments ago, he thought it was the end, that she had somehow found out... Now that he knew what she really thought he wanted nothing more than to throw himself out of the nearest window (and lucky him, there was one right behind him too!). 

This was a complete misunderstanding on both ends, he internally moaned. 

Esmerelda began to panic when she saw the familiar expression on his face. "P-please don't cry again, Professor, I'm really really sorry—"

He raised a hand to stop her, face still flushed with humiliation. "No, no, it's fine... I don't blame you for thinking I was... that." He choked out. He recalled all the times he had acted 'strangely' towards Esmerelda, had accidentally slipped up and revealed a personal piece of information about her, and felt like smacking himself. 

Dear Merlin, I must have looked like a complete weirdo! He facepalmed. No wonder she mistook me for a creep! 

He cleared his throat. "Well, uh... Now that we've gotten over this misunderstanding... erm..." 

She stood awkwardly, fidgeting. "I should go... Got some homework to do..." 

"Y-yes, I also have some papers to grade..." 

Stiffly, Esmerelda walked out of the classroom. The first thing she did was Mist travel to the top of the Astronomy Tower to scream. 

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

"I really screwed up Professor..." Esmerelda lamented to her House Head once Herbology class was over and everyone had filed out of the greenhouse. 

Professor Sprout looked up from her pruning. "Oh Esmerelda, it wasn't that bad! At least you didn't kill the Puffapods this time..." 

"What? No, I was talking about Professor Lupin! Did you know that he was the one who was watching over me when I got abducted by my crazy mother?" 

The older woman grimaced. "Er, yes..." 

Esmerelda groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Uuuuuugh, why didn't anyone tell me?"

Professor Sprout set her pruning shears down. "How much do you know now?" 

She sighed. "I know that he's a werewolf and that only the staff is aware of it. I also know what happened the night my unc—dad got arrested..." And that he tried to kill me before, but that's really nothing new. 

"And..." Professor Sprout trailed off. "How exactly did you find this out?" 

Another whimper. "It was a misunderstanding. This entire time he thought I was close to figuring him out when I actually had another thing in mind. I couldn't take it anymore, so I... uuuuuugh, I accused him of being a pedophile... and a stalker..." 

"Oh dear," Professor Sprout said with wide eyes. "Well... that definitely explains why he's been looking so miserable lately..." 

"In my defense, he keeps staring at me during class! Heck, even when it's meal times!" She cried out. It was very uncomfortable to eat while someone was staring at her. "What else was I supposed to think?" 

Professor Sprout sighed, recalling all the times she had seen the new DADA teacher stare forlornly at the girl. Knowing their history, she knew he was only doing it out of guilt and shame, but out of context that definitely would've looked suspicious. 

"You have a point," she admitted. 

"I wish I could tell him what really happened," Esmerelda said miserably. "That poor dude keeps beating himself up over it! But I really don't wanna drag him into this mess... What should I do?" 

"Apologize." Professor Sprout suggested. "Maybe add some chocolate to make him feel better." 

Her eyes lit up. "He likes chocolate?" 

"Obsessed, more like," Professor Sprout rolled her eyes fondly. "But yes, chocolate will do. Don't approach him today though. Preferably sometime tomorrow. Tonight is a full moon and well... you know what will happen." 

Esmerelda nodded slowly, gulping. While she knew Remus would never hurt her or anyone, she was still weary of him during a full moon. He lost control when he was a baby after all. But one question came to mind, why hadn't he gone after her during the last full moon? 

"Professor, is there anything to help him during the full moon?" She asked curiously. 

She nodded. "The Wolfsbane Potion. Nasty thing, that one, but it works. He still shifts, but he's able to keep his human mind intact during full moons. I believe it was created a few years ago. Still a new creation." 

Well that explained a lot, Esmerelda thought. She eased herself off the stool and smiled reassuringly at her House Head. "Thanks for all of this, Professor Sprout. I know what to do now."

Professor Sprout frowned worriedly. Somehow she had a feeling that Esmerelda was going to do something.... illegal, or reckless, or worse. "Now hold on—"

"—I need to go to New York!" 

Professor Sprout's eyes widened. "What?!" 

But Esmerelda was already gone with a poof of green Mist. 

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

The next day, Remus was absent for DADA, which was to be expected. Had she known that Snape would be the one substituting she would've just skipped, but it was already too late. 

Alright Essie, you can do this, she encouraged herself as she plopped down on her seat. Just last this whole period and the day would be over. And then she could finally go to New York to pick up her order over the weekend.  

Ten minutes into suffering, the door to the classroom abruptly opened and in stumbled Harry. 

"Sorry I'm late, Professor Lupin, I—" The words died in his throat when he realized who was sitting at the teacher's desk. 

Esmerelda inwardly snorted. Same, dude. 

"This lesson began ten minutes ago, Potter, so I think we'll make it ten points from Gryffindor. Sit down." Snape ordered smoothly. 

Harry continued to stare at him. "Where's Professor Lupin?" He asked. 

Snape did something horrifying: he smiled. "He says he is feeling too ill to teach today." Which basically translated to Remus recovering from last night's full moon. "I believe I told you to sit down?" 

"What's wrong with him?" Harry asked, looking scared. 

"Nothing life-threatening," Snape replied, looking mildly disappointed. "Five more points from Gryffindor, and if I have to ask you to sit down again, it will be fifty."

Biting his cheek, Harry finally did as he was told. 

Snape looked around the class. "As I was saying before Potter interrupted, Professor Lupin has not left any record of the topics you have covered so far—"

Hermione spoke up, which made Esmerelda grimace. Hermione should know by now that speaking up to Snape would just get her punished... "Please, sir, we've done boggarts, Red Caps, kappas, and grindylows, and we're just about to start—"

"—Be quiet," Snape interrupted, giving her a cold stare. "I did not ask for information. I was merely commenting on Professor Lupin's lack of organization."

"He's the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!" Dean exclaimed, and Esmerelda wanted to sink into her chair. While she agreed with the statement, saying that would do nothing but piss Snape off.

As expected, the man was furious. "You are easily satisfied. Lupin is hardly overtaxing you—I would expect first years to be able to deal with Red Caps and grindylows. Today we shall discuss—" He flipped to the very back of the book and a look of relish crossed over his face. "Werewolves," he finished. 

Esmerelda tensed up at the word and she snapped her gaze to Snape, her eyes growing suspicious. 

"But sir," Hermione spoke up again. "We're not supposed to do werewolves yet, we're due to start hinkypunks—"

"—Miss Granger," Snape said with a deadly calm voice. "I was under the impression that I am teaching this lesson, not you. And I am telling you all to turn to page 394." He glanced around again. "All of you! Now!"

Esmerelda flipped to page 394 and was immediately filled with contempt as she skimmed through the chapter. While this chapter was certainly more informative than the rest, none of what was being written were any good. Most of them were full of negative connotations and there were more than five pages dedicated to how to take down/kill a werewolf. 

She did not like where this lesson was going. 

"Which of you can tell me how we distinguish between the werewolf and the true wolf?" Snape asked.

Hermione's hand shot up, but went ignored. 

"Anyone?" Snape said. He smiled when he was met with silence. "Are you telling me that Professor Lupin hasn't even taught you the basic distinction between—"

"—We told you," Parvati began, sounding frustrated. "We haven't got as far as werewolves yet, we're still on—"

"—Silence!" He snarled. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd meet a third-year class who wouldn't even recognize a werewolf when they saw one. I shall make a point of informing Professor Dumbledore how very behind you all are..."

"Please, sir," Hermione said, and Esmerelda wanted to smack herself. Hermione, noooo, she thought with despair. "The werewolf differs from the true wolf in several small ways. The snout of the werewolf—"

"—That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger," he snapped. "Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all."

Jaws dropped. Hermione went red in the face and put her down. Her eyes started to well with tears and everyone started to glare at him. 

Ron was quick to come to her defense. "You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don't want to be told?"

There was a tense silence. The students watched warily as Snape advanced to him like a predator. 

"Detention, Weasley," he stated. "And if I ever hear you criticize the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed."

The rest of the lesson went on quietly as Snape forced them to take notes on werewolves from the textbook. Meanwhile, Snape was busying himself with looking through old assignments Remus had yet to give out. 

"Very poorly explained... That is incorrect, the kappa is more commonly found in Mongolia... Professor Lupin gave this eight out of ten? I wouldn't have given it three..."

Esmerelda was so relieved when the bell finally rang. Just when she was about to bolt out of her seat, Snape held them back. 

"You will each write an essay, to be handed in to me, on the ways you recognize and kill werewolves. I want two rolls of parchment on the subject, and I want them by Monday morning. It is time somebody took this class in hand. Weasley, stay behind, we need to arrange your detention."

Esmerelda had had enough. Now she knew exactly what he was planning to do here. Snape wouldn't be back to accept the homework, no, instead they would be turning them in to Remus and he would be forced to read through each assignment, forced to read through papers written from his own students about how to kill people like him. 

This sick, twisted bitch, she thought. 

"I don't think so, Professor Snape," she said, putting as much power in her words as she could muster. The whole class froze when Snape turned to her, his gaze growing rapidly empty. "In fact, I don't think you should be giving out any homework today. You're only a substitute after all and this class has yet to even reach this chapter. You should let Professor Lupin handle this since he's better than you." 

The whole room stilled and she didn't need to turn around to see all her classmates gawking at her in pure horror. 

"Yes, you're right," Snape murmured much to everyone's surprise. "Forget what I said. There will be no homework today." 

She smiled smugly, already using a little Mist to tweak his memories a little. "Thank you, Professor." 

She left the classroom, leaving her classmates gaping and her Professor blinking back to reality. 

The next day was the first Quidditch match. Esmerelda would've skipped it, but poor Cedric had been a nervous mess all day since it was Hufflepuffs vs Gryffindor, and Harry was a very formidable player. She needed to stay to smack some sense into the older student, plus her cake order wouldn't be ready until after the match. 

"For hundredth time, Ced, you're gonna be fine." She emphasized. 

Cedric gave her an uneasy smile. "Yeah, yeah, I got this... I got this..." 

"I dunno," said one of the Hufflepuff chasers. He glanced out the window and grimaced. "The weather's not looking too good. Reckon you think that's why the Slytherins backed out?" 

"Obviously," Ernie snorted. "I bet you Malfoy's still weeping about his arm." 

Esmerelda shrunk a little at the mention of her... cousin (she still couldn't help but shudder at the word). Their last meeting didn't go so well, what with her trying to break his arm with her powers. She should probably apologize about that... 

Later, though. She decided. 

Professor Sprout entered the common room with a bright beam. "Time to go everyone! Chop, chop! Out to the field now!" 

There were cheers of excitement as students began filing out of the room. Esmerelda gave Cedric one last pat on the back before leaving his side, having caught the way Professor Sprout motioned for her to walk with her. 

"Tell me you didn't really go to New York," the older woman muttered amongst the noise. 

"I did," Esmerelda grinned proudly. "And my order of chocolate cake will be ready in a few hours." 

Professor Sprout stared at her, gobsmacked. "Dear Merlin, child! When I said to give him some chocolate, I meant something simple like a chocolate frog! Not a whole cake!" 

Her face fell a little. "Oh," she said dumbly. She hadn't realized she could've taken the simpler route... Oh well. "Too late. I already made the order and prepaid it." Not using real cash, of course. 

Professor Sprout just shook her head. 

The weather seemed to have grown worse when they reached the Quidditch Pitch. There was a storm brewing above and Esmerelda stared up anxiously, expecting lightning to come down and strike her. She already promised herself that she would leave at the first sign of thunder, Cedric and the Quidditch game be damned. She was just too paranoid. 

Oh no, no, no, no, she freaked out when she saw the telltale signs of thunder. It boomed and she flinched. 

"Where do you think you're going?!" Susan shouted through the howling winds and grabbed a hold of her arm. 

"The storm's pretty bad!" Esmerelda said. 

"So what? We have to stay and watch the game!" Susan shouted back. 

Gods dammit, she cursed. She prayed that she wouldn't get struck down today. 

Both teams entered the field. She spotted Cedric immediately, as he was the one meeting with Oliver Wood, the captain of the Gryffindor team. She couldn't see from that far, but she was pretty sure she offering Oliver a friendly smile (because he was just that kind of guy). 

The game finally started and she honestly had no idea how any of the players could actually play with this awful weather. Underneath a bunch of umbrellas, she watched as they all zoomed around the rain, miraculously not getting struck by lightning. 

Lee Jordan mentioned something about Cedric getting closer to the Snitch and Harry coming after him, but something else caught her attention. 

Dark cloaked figures flew into the field, rising up to the players. Someone screamed, and then she heard someone shout Harry's name. She snapped her head back up and saw him falling from his broom. 

Across from the Hufflepuff stands, Dumbledore shoved his way passed staff members, wand raised. He shouted something and Harry's body slowed to a stop... 

"Holy shit..." Susan breathed out beside her. 

Esmerelda was equally as stunned. 

"I-I told them not to..." She muttered, stepping back. 

She had told the dementors to never hurt a student or a teacher. So what the fuck were they doing disobeying her orders and attacking the game?

She looked at all the people around her, their faces no longer happy, but terrified. 

And that was when it clicked in her head. Dementors fed on the happiness of others, and this Quidditch field was practically a feeding ground for them since everyone was so excited for the game. They must not have been able to control the temptation of all these sources of happiness, everyone from the entire school was here after all... 

It was either that, or Sirius Black was nearby.

Around an hour later after that mess of a Quidditch game, Esmerelda angrily confronted the dementors over at a hillside right outside of the field. 

"You people had one job!" She fumed, stalking around and glaring up at each dementor she could face. The dementors stayed silent—which wasn't a surprise since they couldn't talk—but they had the air of a bunch of frightened employees who were about to get fired by their boss. 

"I specifically told you all to leave the students and the staff alone, but do you listen? No!" She cried out, glaring at their dark figures. 

"Don't you ever try this again, do you understand me? Or else I'll remove all the souls you've consumed. I wonder if you've ever experienced true hunger." She threatened darkly, and their billowing bodies froze up, as if they had been petrified. She actually had no idea if she could do this, but they seemed to buy it anyways. 

She scowled at them. "I better not catch either one of you slipping up, or you'll all get it. Now go!" She shooed them off, and they flew away in a hurry. 

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

Despite the Dementors interference with the game, Cedric still managed to catch the snitch and won the match. Feeling a little bad for Harry's loss (plus the news that his beloved broom had been smashed to pieces), Esmerelda bought a separate slice of cake when she went to pick up her order. She dropped it off for him at the hospital wing before going to look for Remus. 

It took her forever, but she found him in his office (she really should've looked there first). He looked awful; pale, skinny, and with sunken eyes. But at least he had somewhat recovered from the full moon. 

"Esmerelda," he furrowed his brows when he saw her, then glanced down at the box in her hands. "What brings you here?" 

"I, um," she said awkwardly. "I came here to apologize about... you know... thinking that you were a..." 

"Ah," he said weakly, cheeks flushed. 

She grinned sheepishly. "I also heard that you liked chocolate, so I bought you a cake!" 

His eyes widened with surprise. "You—you bought me a cake? Oh, you didn't have to do that!" 

"No, no, it's nothing! Really, Professor. I feel bad. Plus you deserve this from all the trouble I caused you." 

Whatever complaints he was about to say left his mouth once she set the box on his desk and opened it. It was a chocolate cake—which smelled absolutely divine—but it wasn't the flavor that caused him to go speechless. Written at the center of the cake with icing were the words: 

Sorry for thinking you were a creep :(

"Wow, I'm actually really touched." He admitted. This was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him. 

She beamed. 

He smiled genuinely. "Thank you, Esmerelda. This was very kind of you. And you don't have to worry about our, um, last meeting. It wasn't really your fault for thinking that. Out of context, I may have behaved... oddly." He still wanted to smack himself for that. "Sit down, have a slice." 

"Really?" She asked hopefully. Her mouth had been watering ever since she first laid eyes on the cake. She had bought it from her favorite bakery in New York, and the bakers there were practically god tier. 

He nodded and with a wave of his wand, a chair was moved towards her. 

"I also thank you for not telling anyone about my werewolf problem," he said as he conjured some utensils and a plate. He gave her a slice. "The only ones who are aware of it are the teachers and some of them didn't take kindly to it." 

"Snape, I guess?" She mused, enjoying the taste of chocolate. 

He smiled bitterly. "Yes. I take it his lessons were enjoyable?" 

She tried not to smirk at the memory of her Charmspeaking him. "It was decent." 

They made idle chatter like that and Esmerelda made sure to stray away from any mention of her uncle. She could tell that Sirius was still a sore topic for him, whether it was because they used to be friends, or because Remus felt bad for trying to kill her. Either way, she wasn't going to push him. 

After indulging themselves in cake, Remus gratefully kept the remainders of it and she went off to her common room. On the way there she spotted Draco laughing with a bunch of other Slytherins. She was immediately reminded of the time she nearly broke his arm. 

I should really apologize about that, she scowled to herself. Ugh. 

When nobody was looking, she Mist traveled back to a certain bakery. 

A few hours later she found herself walking towards him and his two cronies in the middle of a courtyard. The three of them stares suspiciously at her as she gripped the box in her arms tightly. 

"Leave," she ordered Crabbe and Goyle, and they obeyed her command with dazed expressions. 

Draco's eyes bugged out. "Wha—where are you morons going?! Hey, come back here!" 

"Draco," she spoke up carefully. 

He turned on her, grey eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you want, Puffball?" 

She rolled her eyes at the insult. "I'm... sorry," she forced herself to say. This is your cousin, this is your cousin, this is your cousin, she told herself over and over again. "About trying to break your arm. It was... cruel of me." 

He just stared at her in pure confusion. 

"And so," she continued, breathing in heavily. "I got you this cake as an apology. Here." She held it out. Dumbfounded, Draco took it from her. Curiously, he opened the box and saw a red velvet cake with the words iced in the center: 

Sorry for trying to break your arm, I guess.

"Bye now." She said abruptly, then turned and walked away, feeling satisfied with herself. 

Draco watched her go before glancing back down at the cake. He swiped a bit of it from the top and licked his finger. He made a hum of appreciation, completely oblivious that he was enjoying a cake from a muggle bakery. 

A few feet away, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were watching the scene with their jaws dropped. 

"What the heck?" Harry was supremely offended. "She gives me a slice while he gets a whole cake? How is that fair?!" 

— author's note —

Bonding With Your Asshole Relatives
by Esmerelda Black

Step 1: Cake

Step 2: That's it

Essie after making a grown man cry and realizing that he actually wasn't a pedophile OR a stalker: