▬▬▬▬▬ CHAPTER FOUR ▬▬▬▬▬

ESMERELDA HADN'T HAD THAT DREAM again for the next several days, which was good because today was now her fourteenth birthday and also the day of her first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson (which she shared with the Gryffindors). She had been planning on skipping it since Hogwarts had a terrible track record of hiring the worst teachers for that class and they always lasted for only year.

However, apparently the new teacher was different. According to some housemates, she overheard them gushing about how amazing Professor Lupin was far better than any professor they had before. And while that was all nice and good, what really caught her attention was that he apparently did practical lessons, something none of the previous teachers had ever done before (save for that one time with Lockhart, but that was a mess).

When she entered the classroom, she was very disappointed to find the whole class there and not the professor himself. It took him about five minutes to finally show up, looking just as tired and shabby as the day before.

He smiled at them and placed his old looking briefcase on the desk.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands."

Yes! Esmerelda mentally cheered. Turns out the rumors about him were right after all!

Once she put her things away, she filed out of the room with the rest of the class. Remus led them to an empty hallway, but as they rounded the corner they ran into Peeves. He was in the middle of yet another prank, floating upside down and stuffing a keyhole with chewing gum.

He broke out into song when he saw Remus. "Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin—"

Rather than getting annoyed, Remus merely smiled at the singing ghost. "I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," he said pleasantly. "Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms."

Peeves responded by blowing a raspberry at his face.

Remus sighed and took out his wand. He glanced over his shoulder at the student. "This is a useful little spell. Please watch closely." He pointed it at Peeves and said. "Waddiwasi!"

The chewed up piece of gum shot out of the keyhole and into Peeves' left nostril, making him fly away, cursing.

"Cool, sir!" Dean awed.

"Thank you, Dean," Remus smiled as he tucked his wand away. "Shall we proceed?"

They resumed their walk. Remus, for some odd reason, stopped outside of a staffroom. He opened the door and waved them all in.

The room was long and paneled, full of old, mismatched chairs and a wardrobe off to the side. It was nothing special, but Esmerelda already preferred it to the Professor Trelawney's classroom. The only problem was that Snape was there, sitting in a low armchair.

Esmerelda's hopes sunk. Was he seriously going to be in the room while they did their lesson? She was beginning to regret not ditching...

Snape scowled, which was might as well be his default face. When Remus was about to close the door, he said, "Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this."

Oh good, he's leaving, she thought with relief.

Snape started to walk out, but paused at the doorway. "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear." He said nastily.

Neville turned red with humiliation. Esmerelda could see a flicker of displeasure in Remus' eyes but he forced himself to school his expression. "I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation," he said calmly. "And I am sure he will perform it admirably."

Snape scoffed, then strode out the door.

"Now then," Remus smiled. With a simple wave of his wand, the mismatched chairs backed away to give more room. He beckoned the class to gather closer towards the old wardrobe. As he stood next to it, the wardrobe suddenly started to wobble on its own.

"Nothing to worry about," he assured them. "There's a boggart in there."

Esmerelda had heard of boggarts from a book she read from the library. They were basically non-beings that liked to hide in dark places. What they were really known for was their ability to shapeshift into a person's greatest fear. She also knew that there was a certain spell that could be used to ward them off...

She had a pretty good idea what they were going to be doing for their first ever lesson and she was feeling very apprehensive about it. What was her worst fear? And was everyone seriously going to be in the room to see it?

"Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces," Remus explained. "Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks—I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster if the staff would leave it to give my third years some practice. So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?"

Hermione, naturally, put her hand up. "It's a shapeshifter." She answered. "It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most."

"Couldn't have put it better myself," Remus commended, and Hermione beamed. "So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears."

Esmerelda gulped.

"This means," he continued. "That we have a huge advantage over the boggart before we begin. Do any of you know what this means?"

Esmerelda raised her hand, and she was the only one. Remus looked over at her, paled, then darted his eyes somewhere else. "Harry, how about you?"

Her brows furrowed and she cocked her head back, offended. Did he seriously just... ignore her? Harry wasn't even raising his hand!

Even the boy looked momentarily stunned. "Er—because there are so many of us, it won't know what shape it should be?"

That was supposed to be my answer...! She internally whined.

"Precisely," Remus nodded. "It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a boggart make that very mistake—tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening. The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing."

That was great advise... if only she knew what she was even afraid of in the first place. She wanted to be prepared for this, but how could she picture up a funny picture if she didn't even know what her fear was?

"We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please... riddikulus!" He exclaimed.

"Riddikulus!" The class said together.

"Good," he smiled. "Very good. But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this is where you come in, Neville."

He motioned the boy forward, and Neville walked as though he was headed for his execution.

"Right, Neville," Remus said as he positioned him in front of the moving wardrobe. "First things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"

Neville mumbled something incoherent.

"Didn't catch that, Neville, sorry," Remus said cheerfully.

Neville gulped audibly before whispering, "Professor Snape."

Esmerelda sighed. A student's greatest fear was a teacher. Surely that should be enough to ring some alarm bells but noooo. For some odd reason, that horrible man was still teaching!

"Professor Snape... hmmm..." Remus said thoughtfully. "Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother?"

"Er—yes," he said nervously. "But—I don't want the boggart to turn into her either."

"No, no, you misunderstand me," Remus chuckled. "I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?"

Ohhhhhhh, Esmerelda was starting to see where this was going now.

Neville blinked in confusion but answered anyways. "Well... always the same hat. A tall one with a stuffed vulture on top. And a long dress... green, normally... and sometimes a fox-fur scarf."

"And a handbag?" Remus asked.

"A big red one." Neville confirmed.

"Right then. Can you picture those clothes very clearly, Neville? Can you see them in your mind's eye?"

"Yes..." Neville said uncertainly.

"When the boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape," Remus explained. "And you will raise your wand—thus—and cry 'Riddikulus'—and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag."

The class burst out into laughter.

Remus grinned. "If Neville is successful, the boggart is likely to shift his attention to each of us in turn. I would like all of you of take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical..."

Esmerelda bit her lip as the room went quiet. What was she afraid of most? The gods? She nearly laughed at the thought of twenty feet tall Olympians appearing in the middle of the staffroom all threatening to kill her. She wondered how she could make them look funny without them smiting her if they were watching...

"Everyone ready?" Remus asked eagerly.

No, Esmerelda wanted to say.

"Neville, we're going to back away," he said. "Let you have a clear field, all right? I'll call the next person forward... Everyone back, now, so Neville can get a clear shot—"

They wall backed up against the wall, leaving Neville alone. He looked terrified, but he shakily held his wand ready.

"On the count of three, Neville," he said, aiming his own wand at the wardrobe's handle. "One, two, three, now!" A jet of sparks shot from the wand and the wardrobe burst open.

As expected, Snape stepped out, his vicious sneer directed at a frightened Neville. The poor boy stumbled back, his wand up but no spell leaving his lips. Snape was drawing closer now and that was when he finally reacted.

"R-r-riddikulus!" He squeaked.

There was a loud crack like a whip. Snape stumbled back, now wearing the most hideous outfit she had ever seen. He was dressed in a long dress, a large hat with a vulture on top of it (why, Esmerelda wondered), and a red handbag.

The whole class burst into laughter. Even Esmerelda was tearing up at the sight. Oh if only she had a camera, she would've loved to eternalize this memory...

"Parvati! Forward!" Remus ordered. The girl stepped forward and Snape turned to her. There was another loud crack, and his form had been replaced with a blood-stained mummy.

"Riddikulus!" She cried out.

The bandages unraveled and it's head rolled off.

Seamus was up next. He eagerly darted passed Parvati. The headless mummy turned into a woman with horrendously long hair and a skeletal green-tinged face. She opened her mouth and let out a banshee's wail

Somehow, Esmerelda was still able to hear Seamus yell out, "Riddikulus!"

Crack! The banshee turned into a rat, and then Crack! again, a rattlesnake. When Megan was done, it was finally Esmerelda's turn. She took a deep breath and stepped forward...

Only for the room to grow dark. She froze, as a dark grey room formed before her eyes. She knew it was an illusion, she could still see her confused classmates beside her after all, but what sort of fear was this?

Suddenly another form appeared. It was her, standing at the center of the grey room. She was shaken and scared, continuously turning around as if she could find something in that painfully empty room.

"Guys?" The other her said, turning hopelessly. "Where did you go? Come back!"

This is my fear...? She asked herself. What is this...?

"Esmerelda," Remus said her name, and she snapped out of it.

She rose her wand and thought of the room being decorated for a party and cried out, "Riddikulus!"

Balloons appeared inside, stuffing the room until it blew up with a small pop! sound. Esmerelda retreated to the back of the staffroom, shaken and confused as the rest of the class went on.

She was alone in that empty grey room... Was her fear loneliness? No wait, that couldn't be it. The other her was looking for someone, desperately calling for them to come back.

Abandonment, she realized, her green eyes growing wide. She had a fear of abandonment.

"It's confused!" Remus shouted, once again pulling her out of her thoughts. She tried to focus on what was going on. "We're getting there! Dean!"

Dean hurried forward just as the boggart—which was an eyeball at the moment—turned into a severed hand. "Riddikulus!" He yelled, and the hand was stuck in a mousetrap.

"Excellent! Ron, you next!" Ron went over, and the boggart turned into a familiar giant spider, an acromantula.

"Riddikulus!" He bellowed, and the legs disappeared. It fell and started rolling around, coming to a halt at Harry's feet. Just when he raised his wand, Remus stepped between them.

"Here!" He shouted.

The spider vanished and turned into a silvery-white orb drifting in the air. It was the moon. Why was he afraid of the moon?

Nevertheless, Remus didn't look afraid of it at all. With a lazy swish of his hand, he said "Riddikulus," and the moon dropped on the floor and became a cockroach. "Forward, Neville, and finish him off!"

Crack! Snape was back again, but this time Neville was ready for him.

"Riddikulus!" He shouted, and Snape was wearing the dress again just before it burst into wisps of dark smoke.

"Excellent!" Remus beamed as the class applauded. "Excellent, Neville. Well done, everyone... Let me see... five points to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff for every person to tackle the boggart—ten for Neville because he did it twice... and five each to Hermione and Harry."

Esmerelda tried not to fume at that. Those points could've gone to her...

"But I didn't do anything," Harry protested.

"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class, Harry," Remus said lightly. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on boggarts and summarize it for me... to be handed in on Monday. That will be all."

Class ended, and she left the room almost numbly. She was barely even aware of the professor's staring until she actually caught a glimpse of him just before she stepped out of the room.

╞═════𖠁𐂃𖠁═════╡

Do I have abandonment issues? Esmerelda asked herself as she sat at the Great Hall waiting for the lunch to come. Aren't people with abandonment issues super insecure and scared to form relationships with people? I'm not like that... There was no way she was, because she wasn't too insecure of herself and she formed relationships easily too. Like with Percy, Annabeth, Thalia, the Stolls, and her Hufflepuff friends...

Yes, she had been abandoned by Ethan and her siblings and... other people, but it didn't effect her too much. At least, she didn't think it did. She felt a reasonable amount of sadness when they left her—and still felt miserable and angry whenever she thought about them—but that shouldn't be enough to make her greatest fear abandonment...

The food appeared, but Esmerelda didn't start eating yet. Too busy mulling over her thoughts to even smell the food when suddenly the owls appeared. She saw Ted's owl, Lucky, flying towards her carrying a small package. Carefully, Lucky placed it in front of her.

She gave Lucky some food before turning her attention to the package. There was a note on it from Ted.

Dear Esmerelda,

Happy 14th birthday, kid! In here is my part of deal: the fried mac and cheese balls you want so bad. And because I'm really grateful for you getting me that Firebolt, I decided to make an extra five. Don't eat it all in one sitting, you'd probably get a stomach ache.

Enjoy and be sure to pay attention in your classes.

PS: Andromeda and Nymphadora also want me to give you their birthday wishes.

Sincerely,

Ted

Eagerly, she unwrapped the package and saw a plastic container holding the fifteen fried macaroni and cheeseballs she so desired. Her stomach rumbled at the sight of them, and she nearly melted when she popped the lid open and smelled it. Ted must have used some heating charm to keep the food warm because it smelled it like it had just came from the oven.

Delicious, she thought, taking the first bite. And soon enough, she was taking another, and another, and another, and another. Food made an excellent distraction from her first DADA class of the year, and Ted was such an amazing cook. It was so good that she ended up eating all fifteen of them despite Ted's instructions not too.

I shouldn't have eaten so quickly...! Now they're all gone! She internally cried out.

"Why the bloody hell did you eat all that food?" Justin marveled.

"I dunno..." Esmerelda whimpered. "But I really shouldn't have."

"Didn't even share," Ernie muttered bitterly.

"You were already eating your lunch!" She said defensively.

Ten minutes passed and she still felt so full that she wanted to throw up. It didn't help that she had drowned about two glasses of water while eating, because now she needed to pee too. She swiftly excused herself and hurried to for the bathroom.

After she was done with that, she started to return to the Great Hall only to see Draco heading for the bathrooms as well. She steeled herself as they prepared to walk passed each other, but then he said, "Hey pig."

She stopped walking. "What was that?"

"So sorry," he simpered. "I just couldn't help but notice the way you pigging out at the Great Hall back there. How many of that crap did you eat? Twenty? I'd watch the calories if I were you."

She scowled and closed her fist, a green glow encasing itself around Draco's arm and squeezing it tightly. "Say that again for me, will you?"

"What are you—what are you doing?! Stop tha—ow! Stop it!" He started to shout, trying to move his bandaged arm but it was forcefully kept still as that weird green force kept squeezing and squeezing. Panic was etched onto his pale features as he stared at his arm in horror.

"Your arm's perfectly fine Draco, but I'll give you a real reason to wear that sling if you don't watch your mouth." She threatened.

"You crazy little Mudblood, I'll—"

"—And that's ten points from Slytherin," a calm voice interrupted. Remus was walking towards them. Esmerelda immediately dropped her magic, but it was too late. He had already seen her use her powers without even needing a wand. Yet for some reason he didn't seem surprised at all...

Draco stumbled back until he hit the wall. "Professor, she's lost her mind! Why am I getting points docked?! You—you saw what she did!"

"I did," he agreed with a simple nod. "But something tells me she was provoked and well, with the way you behave in class, Mr. Malfoy, I wouldn't be too surprised if it was true."

Draco sputtered in disbelief. Esmerelda was in disbelief too, but she hid it well. She had just attacked another student with advanced magic no less, and Remus was just letting her go? Even more, he was punishing Draco? Why was he favoring her all of a sudden? Or did he just hate Slytherins or Draco in particular...? This was just too weird...

"Now go back to the Great Hall. No complaints, or I'll do more than just deduct points." Remus told him sternly.

Draco's disbelief turned into rage. "My father will hear about this!" He spat.

"No he won't," Esmerelda said sweetly, her voice laced with Charmspeak. "Just do as he says, Draco." She hoped Remus didn't notice the slightly dazed look in the boy's face as he turned around and did as he was told (though she doubted he did, since he was so focused on her).

"Why did he call you that word?" Remus asked her.

"Huh?"

"'Mudblood'." He clarified.

"Oh," her shoulders slumped. "I was, um, raised by Muggles. I don't know my parents too well, but I know that my mother was a witch." That was her cover here; that she was raised by Muggles and that all she knew was that she had a witch mother while her was 'unknown'.

The corners of his lips twitched upwards, before it fell. "Ah, I see. So he was bothering you about that?"

"Well, no. Today's my birthday and, um, a friend sent me some of his homemade fried mac and cheese balls—which are really good by the way—and I kinda ate all fifteen of them in one sitting. I guess Draco saw me eating and decided to tease me about it."

"It's your birthday...?" He asked, sounding almost shocked. "Today? Today's your fourteenth birthday?"

"Yes—" She nodded, but then froze. "Wait. How'd you know I'm turning fourteen?"

It was his turn to freeze now. "Oh—well—I just assumed. It was either that or thirteen, but—it was just a guess."

"Oh..." She said slowly.

He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "A-anyway, we should probably head back to the hall, yes?"

"Right..." She trailed off. Together they walked down the hallway, but another occurred to her. Initially she thought he had come here to go to the bathroom, as it was the first two rooms in the hallway, but clearly that wasn't it since he was already turning back with her. Did he... did he follow her here?

During class, he had frozen up when he saw her. He even defended her against Draco and somehow knew that she was turning fourteen today. Now that she thought about it, he even recognized her during the train ride to school! He said her name... and this whole time she thought it was because Hermione ratted her out about trying to draw a dick on his face!

Holy shit, Esmerelda thought with wide eyes. Is my teacher stalking me?!

Meanwhile, said 'stalker' was facing an entirely different issue as he walked side-by-side with her.

This is definitely Sirius' daughter, he thought with conviction. She not only had black hair (though her's was now marred by that streak of grey hair that he learned she received after being kidnapped) and deep green eyes just like the baby, but they shared the same name and birthday too. The Esmerelda he had let slip from his fingers would be turning fourteen today, and this Esmerelda had just turned fourteen.

This just couldn't be a coincidence. She was her.

They parted ways once they finally entered the Great Hall. He trudged towards the teacher's table, collapsing in the seat between Professor McGonagall and Professor Trelawney who paid him no mind.

"Professor," he whispered, and Professor McGonagall turned to him. "Is that—is Esmerelda her?"

She stiffened at the question, and that was all the answer he needed. "I'm afraid I cannot answer that, Mr. Lupin," she answered carefully. She scanned his face and softened. "You shouldn't let yourself wallow in guilt. It wasn't your fault—her being taken. That woman," she gulped. "That woman had done something to you, so you aren't to be blamed. You're innocent in all this, Mr. Lupin."

And with that, she returned to her meal.

"I doubt you'd say the same thing if you had known what I'd done," he muttered bitterly, his words unheard.

— author's note —

Essie has a fear of abandonment, which I think is called Athazagoraphobia... that's such a long name though so I'm never gonna use it lol.

It's only obvious she would have abandonment issues since pretty much everyone close to her has left. Examples being every foster parent that gave up on her for reasons that were out of her control, her mom who she worked so hard to please only to realize it wasn't worth it, half-siblings who joined the other side of the war, Ethan who also joined the other side of the war, and her dad (who died, but she still technically feels somewhat abandoned by him).

And oooooooh, more mystery! Remus feels guilty about something!! And btw, it's not because he let Essie get 'kidnapped'. I mean, yeah, he feels guilty about that, but there's something else too.

Speaking of Essie, that girl is just losing it bit by bit. She just physically harmed Draco, which is something she had never done before especially to a student. After everything she's been through, she's gonna start... changing a bit. The changes might not be so obvious, but if you guys notice it, then good!

Also, yes, Essie 100% legit thinks Remus is stalking her. I just added that there cuz I thought it was funny and a conclusion she would probs come up with lol 😂 😂