A/N
I wrote this chapter using my phone. *effort is real*
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This is a long chapter with scene jumps. When you see the dividing line/border it means there is a scene change, okay? 😊

Ready?

It was a grave decision I had to make.

No amount of coaxing could remove the tensed emotions in my heart. I'd always wanted the fated kind of love the heavens rewarded wolves even before their existence. It was rare and I hoped that what my father and mother had would be given to me.

However, now that it was in front of me and my mate was willing to be bonded with my soul forever, I felt reluctant. There was this hesitation of being tied to him as if I had felt this way before. It seemed like something in me remembered a huge mistake I'd committed in the past.

My memories were returning. How I'd lost them was not that relevant to me at the moment- what I needed to know more about was my real identity. I had to figure out who I really was first before deciding to commit the rest of my life to someone.

Am I really Freya or Amaree?

"Freya."

The Duke sighed, adjusting his cravat. The way his eyes bore into mine caused my heart to stir. This was him... the real Apollo. Did I have the heart to deprive us of a good future?

"I don't even know if I can ever trust you, Apollo." I passed him a look of despair.

Pulling myself up from the bed, shamelessly allowing the sheets to fall down on the floor, I grabbed the silk robe from the settee near the Duke and wrapped it around my skin.

Apollo's scent was of rosewater and ale. It had been a long time since I smelled him so accurately. My wolf sense had diminished for quite some time now, just like how he told me it would.

Sidus was the true realm of wolves. Therefore, this meant that our abilities need not be heightened for we had nobody to be afraid of but our own kind.

My shoulder lightly brushed against the Duke's chest as I headed towards the vanity table. However, his fingers wrapped around my arm and eventually he pulled me back gently to face him.

"Da mihi forte."

His hold on my arm was loose, and as I stared at him, there was an auspicious gleam in his eyes. It was faint but my body felt it down to my marrows and deep into my soul. I felt it.

Da mihi forte. Give me a chance.

I bit back a heavy sigh, holding my breath as I pursed my lips while looking down. None of these could wait, huh? A week from now, we'd be married in front of all Sidus, and to accept him seemed to be the most logical answer.

It didn't mean I would lose my battles because this was all part of my plan and he was just fulfilling his role in my very own game... but why? Why was I feeling sorry for him this time? I had sacrificed enormous amounts of time, thinking, and energy trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he was my fated and his effort to get me would never be in par with how I tried to save the bond. So why?

Why was he suddenly bringing me this deluge of dangerous hope?

"Oportet tentare si, Apollo." Try if you must. I whispered, ending up choosing the grey side.

A yes or a no would have been too definite, and I wasn't ready for another failure. This would be all on him and I opted not to spurn the bond.

Apollo's hand slipped away from my arm and he stepped back, providing enough space between us. He did not react on my decision but when I walked past him and sat in front of the mirror to brush my hair, he said something that meant he was taking what I said as a challenge.

"The Queen asked for your company today but I excused you from the wedding preparation. Meet me at the east wing after noon. I will show you the art of archery. Ulrich will be there to judge our little competition. He is the alpha of Orion."

I ignored him like the wind right until the door creaked as he left. I stopped detangling my hair and dropped the brush. I stared at the mirror with tightened jaws. I couldn't hide the fear and at the same time anticipation of where this would take us. The Duke's reflection was haunting me.

He was hungry for a win.

"Ah. Lord Ulrich?" Lord Dilmond mused. He pushed his plate away and gulped some water.

The morning quickly passed me by, and there were many people I bumped into from the royal family who occupied my time. Small chitchats with the guests here and there, a little talk with a few servants about some of my preferences for the wedding, and now a bountiful lunch with the young Hortons and Dilly- time was ticking fast without me knowing.

"Why he is a fine piece of asshat!"

Dilly's declaration made me drop my fork. Lady Claudia chuckled beside me, nudging me with her elbow.

"You have to hear this."

There was a mischievous grin on her face, and I prepared myself for what else the Earl of Horolgium had to say.

"Ulrich is nothing but a notorious manwhore who has no dignity to keep his dingle in his pants. I dare say, stay away from the impossible wolf. He is a noble on the outside but a rabbit on the inside."

Lady Claudia was now sniggering and her brother, Lord Gregory, had a wide smile too. I grabbed my fork again and brought a broccoli to my mouth.

"A rabbit? Aren't you being too considerate of him now, Dilmond?" Lady Claudia remarked. Surely, I heard a tone of sarcasm in that.

Chewing the crisp piece of vegetable, I stabbed a hefty strip of duck meat and shoved it into my mouth. All the while, I tried not to look at the exasperated Dilmond, not until...

"Oh milady, it is not that I am being kind, not in the very least to Ulrich Nornwood!" I thought I saw him roll his eyes.

"If it isn't for the innocence in Lady Freya's face, I wouldn't mind telling you I would be happier to call him a bullock once I successfully castrate him for leaving trails of broken heart all over our kingdom. Let me just say how happy I would be to feed my hounds back in Horolgium with his groin."

The servants stiffled their laughter at the Earl's words but the Horton siblings burst out laughing at the very suprising revelation. I almost choked on my roasted duck because of him.

How bold was his statement and if he did this in front of the Queen, I wouldn't know what would happen to him. I'd lost my appetite now and I wished I didn't ask him about the Alpha I would encounter in an hour.

"I apologize for the lack of more appropriate words to describe him." Lord Dilmond passed me a soft look but he seemed to have no regrets about what he said.

"I do hope you're just overreacting, Milord." Clearing my throat, I adjusted myself on my chair and feigned innocence.

"I'm afraid I am not, Milady."

I gave him a sweet smile that didn't reach my ear. Placing the utensils over my unfinished meal, I excused myself and stood from my seat. Asking the Earl about the Viscount of Orion turned to be unhelpful. If anything, it only gave me an unpleasant preview of the latter.

"Man, you really hate Ulrich, don't you?" Lord Gregory told Dilly as I went around the long table, heading towards the exit door.

"You bet! His brain seems to be located in between his legs. I wouldn't be surprised if one day he'd be coined the loin-headed wolf."

Lady Claudia's laughter echoed at the thought. The servants could no longer hold theirs too and the merriment resonated in the great hall. I wanted to join in but my mind reeled into how I'd interact with him now that Dilly's description already murdered his identity.

Oh god. I should have walked away faster. I could never undo what I just heard. I hated how my spot-on my imagination worked today, and as I left the dining hall, a rosy blush tinted my cheeks.

Concentrate, Freya. I sure needed some fresh air.

If there was any part of the Castle of Therion that gave me peace of mind, it would have to be the Queen of Sidus' rose garden and maze. Somehow today, it looked different, for the obvious reason that it was now winter and the last flowers in bloom looked frozen in time.

I walked through the avenue of red roses leading to the large maze. My eyes were trained on the tall, green bushes. The entrance was marked by a monstrous bush shaped like a wolf guarding its den. For quite a few times now, I had already tried to find the end of it but I never succeeded. The good thing was I always found my way back to where I entered because of the stones I left on the trails.

How marvelous were the snowflakes as they slowly made their fall, taking their time before settling together with the other millions to weave white blankets on the ground.

I picked one blood red rose before stepping into the green open labyrinth. It was a beautiful piece of flower but I had to tear its petals one by one, leaving red trails to mark the paths back to the entrance. All I hoped was for those not to be blown by the chilly breeze though I could rely on my footprints on the snowy ground as a backup option.

It didn't really matter to me then if I would find myself lost in this maze. I was craving for this kind of peace, a place where I could be alone and away from the devils of my mind and my reality.

Who am I?

I had removed around a quarter of the rose petals when I exhaled and asked myself that lingering question. Trying to distract myself from thinking too deep, I started whispering the words "He loves me and he loves me not" alternately as I plucked the petals once more.

"He loves me." I crouched down and placed one petal on the ground.

"He loves me not." Another one thrown on the snow floor.

"He loves me."

The statement was mindlessly slipping from my lips, had I been thinking of the two mighty men vexing my mind, I would've stopped breathing with every petal torn from the bud.

"He loves me not."

I continued doing this until I felt as though I'd reached the heart of the maze. The open space was cobbled, and a large draped female fountain centered the octagonal space. The carved statue was magnificent, embodying the petrifying form of the grieving Queen I had seen in my dream.

She was Lykos' mother. I couldn't be mistaken.

Her standing statue was surrounded by lotus and the very mouth of the fountain was circled with stone statues of wolf pups which acted as jets spouting water to her direction. Her carved face was looking up at the sky, a marbled jar was tucked in between her loose arm and right hip where water spilled like a small waterfall.

The water was clear, hinting that someone was maintaining it. There were even lotuses on the freezing water which would perhaps turn to ice later on.

I walked closer to the fountain, admiring its beauty. It bore a history I was probably part of if it were true that I had met the past Queen and her son. The dream returned to me and I closed my eyes with sadness, fingers fumbling through my furcoat to touch the sapphire. I held it close to my heart, hoping for an answer to who I really was and why I had forgotten those memories.

And the tides of another vision heard my plea...

There was warmth coming from behind but everything was dark. A hand was covering my eyes yet a smile couldn't help but stretch from my lips. His deep chuckles tickled my ear, filling my heart with an indescribable happiness. My cheeks reddenned as I felt his lips move closer to my ear.

"We are almost there."

I nodded and hoped that my ears weren't as bright as cherries.

"We're here."

His hands slowly crept away from my face and they settled on top of my shoulders. I blinked away the blurs as my vision readjusted. And blast! I was in awe of what I had seemingly seen for the first time.

"What do you say?" He chuckled once more from behind me. I wanted to turn around and see his smile but the view before me was very striking.

The sight of the fountain had never been more alive. It was spring and the roses bloomed in ethereal beauty. It was the first time I'd laid my eyes on the newly added masterpiece.

The Queen of Sidus was carved in a statue in the middle of the once gloomy and now crystalline pool filled with white lotuses. The little pups around the water were now spouting jets.

"This is..."

I couldn't get the right word from the tip of my tongue.

"Beautiful? Amazing? Breathtaking?"

He was supplying me with words, and this made me giggle my heart out. I nodded and agreed with the last word. 'Twas true.

"Her Majesty will love it! Oh, you're going to make her cry. It is indeed, breathtaking, Milord."

He was as sweet as a honeysuckle. His love was boundless. How could one be as perfect as the King? He was thoughtful, cunning, a great leader of Sidus with a heart of gold.

"You think so?"

I nodded once more before turning around to confirm it again. His face was bathed in sunlight, a reminder of hope. He was only eighteen, but his mind aged fast. I knew he had no choice but he took the risk. Heavy was the crown and yet His Majesty accepted it at the tender age of ten.

"It is a pleasant surprise. I am still in awe that I still can't find the right words to describe it, Your Highness." I gave him a smile so genuine it almost reached my ears.

His eyes were beautiful too, and I felt like the most fortunate woman when he spared me that look— one that said I was significant; one that said I was only his.

"Now that I see the beautiful glint of delight in your eyes, I am assured mother would be surprised too." He said, tucking the stray tendrils of blonde hair behind my ear.

Blonde? When did my hair turn—

"Close your eyes once more, Amaree."

Amaree.

There was another surprise?

I followed his command and pulled my lids down, welcoming the darkness.

I stood there with closed eyes for seconds, almost turning into a full minute and my heart welled inside my chest. I was becoming more nervous at every tick of the clock inside my head.

"You may open them now."

There was nothing new. It was the very same view of Lykos with a larger grin on his face. I thought it was a prank, something he'd always done to me when we were children, playing all day in the palace after his lessons.

"Look down." He whispered.

I didn't want to. It could be a bullfrog or a cockroach. Furrowing my brows, I asked him with hesitation.

"Promise me first that this is not one of your mischievous pranks."

The King shook his head to say no, biting his bottom lip to suppress another smile.

I stepped back a little before drawing my eyes down to his hand. Blood gathered all over my face and my cheeks felt warm.

"You are giving me a red rose?" I managed to say, almost breathless.

I knew then it was a very romantic gesture rooted from Sidus' tradition. Red rose should only be given to the only woman whom he was purely, madly in love with. It was a promise of faith and loyalty, one that should be taken seriously, and if accepted by the woman, it would bind them to an agreement to never part even through the toughest of times.

It was a simple gesture of giving a flower to Freya... But to the me in the past, i just knew... Amaree believed she had just received the greatest promise she was more than happy to accept.

She had fallen in love with the King.

I was in love with the King.

Reaching out to take the red rose in full bloom, a tear escaped my eye. I would never trade this kind of love for the world, even if it meant my demise. I wouldn't.

Lykos closed the gap between us. He cupped my face very gently as if I was the most fragile glass. His head dipped to reach mine, his lips only breaths away.

"I love you, mea regina."
 

My soul cried in joy when he called me his queen, and as if that wasn't enough to prove his love, he captured my lips with his own and I closed my eyes, relishing the surreal moment while it lasted.

Ours was a love buried deep.

"You lied to me."

I snapped out of the vision with a sudden quake in my chest. The memory gradually subsided; fresh spring turned into the gloomy winter and the bright red roses were now showered with winter flakes. I wiped the trails of tears that traced my cheeks.

There was someone here aside from me.

"You lied to me." The nearby voice of a woman resurfaced.

My heart hadn't recovered yet from the heavy memory. I pulled the hood of my coat over my head and stepped away from the fountain.

"If you would just listen to me, Illaria, you would understand where I am coming from."

I stopped as I recognized his voice. The latter was most certainly the Duke. His tone was gravelly and unnerving. I clutched my skirts in a hurry not to be discovered as their footsteps sounded closer to where I was.

Blood pumped erraticaly in my heart, dangerously bordering to an emotional attack from the bond. He was here with Illaria and they seemed to be trapped in a heated conversation.

I silently walked towards a nearby green wall, hiding myself behind it. As expected, the Duke and Countess of Crux emerged from the far end of the open space. The Duke was following the stomping Alpha. His dark hair was dishevelled and his aura was flickering in grey. His face was almost crestfallen.

What's going on?

Both of my hands held the sapphire, finding comfort from it as the bond slightly stirred. I was praying for the Duke not to feel me and find out that I was eavesdropping his argument with Illaria.

"Illaria, listen to me." The Duke gripped the Countess' arm, turning her around to face him.

Her back was now facing me, but before it did, I saw her tears flowing endlessly down her cheeks. Dark blue aura swirled around her. This indicated confusion and sadness. Was I ready to hear my fated speak to her? I could walk away from another impending heartache, but my body froze as a voice echoed from the sapphire.

"Manere." Stay.

My breath hitched but I managed to brush away the perplexity. The blue ball of fire was awake, and she spoke to me.

"I heard you loud and clear, Milord." Lady Illaria's words instantly snapped me out of confusion.

"And I have had enough of your senseless acts to avoid me. What have we become? Am I not enough for you?"

My heart fell as I listened to her words- words that seemed to be one of my own when the very same person broke my heart. He had been avoiding her? He had done the same to me. But why would he do that if he loved her?

"It is not what you think. I am doing this for your own good. You do not deserve me, Illaria. I am not worthy of being your partner. This is me... setting you free. I do not aspire to be any more selfish and I can no longer defy fate.

"I am to be the King and you do not deserve the hate of my people."

The Duke ran his fingers exasperatedly through his hair. His jaws ticked as he looked away. A second more and I knew he was about to cement his statement.

"We are not meant to be."

Silence.

There was that long, stretching silence, pulling them apart inch-by-inch every passing second.

Heartache.

She felt the deepest stab in her heart. The very wound that validated she wasn't as strong as she thought she was.

Foolish.

She never thought he was capable of leaving her, but reality was harsh to finally prove her wrong. She had been blinded and never saw it coming.

Grief.

There was melancholy in the air, howling around us... reaching our souls. Grief was calling to us, violating our peace.

It was merciless.

A drop of tear slid down to my chin as the world turned upside down. My heart never felt so heavy.

An old wound had just been re-opened with the very words Lykos had told me in my vision and now it was spoken by the Duke.

Lykos and I... we were in the same situation. He loved me and I loved him, but we weren't destined to be mates. He said we weren't meant to be... and he had to... Like Apollo...

He had to let me go...

"You lied to me." Illaria's voice broke.

"You told me no one will ever replace me in your heart. Fated or not, you said you ought to be with me 'til the end of our days. How could you?"

She was on the verge of breaking apart. Stepping closer to the Duke, she clenched her fists and hit his chest repeatedly whilst crying. Illaria's grief was tearing me apart.

"You lied to me." She kept on saying.

I watched her throw her agony towards my betrothed who allowed her to hurt him while standing rigidly. I would be lying if I said she didn't deserve the pain, but I would also be fooling myself if I denied the sympathy I was feeling for her.

I had been in that position and it hurt me until today, even when it was only through the vision of Lykos leaving me... or should I say Amaree.

Amaree had been in the same situation.

How cruel was fate to intervene between two lovers?

Destiny isn't always right. Destiny does not always bring happiness.

Apollo had decided. He wanted to follow what was destined, and because of this, he made someone's world fall apart.

He was choosing me now. I was elated but it just wasn't completely right.

My pulse quickened as the Duke finally made his move. Tired as he looked, he captured both of Illaria's wrists even when she was retaliating it with all her might.

Forlorn was the Duke as he struggled to make her stop, and when she finally did, he encased her in his arms in a tight embrace and closed his eyes.

Part of me was dying.

He whispered words in her ear that I didn't hear. My sight blurred in tears, swallowing the hurt going up my throat, seeing the Duke as broken as my Warrior King.

I could sense that he loved her... He truly did.

My fragile heart cracked at the thought. This was the kind of love I was longing for, and I thought Apollo wasn't capable of loving this hard. This sincere.

I felt like an angel with a broken wing, falling from the sky, waiting for the painful landing.

I wanted to be that person for him... We were the ones fated... but why? Why couldn't our hearts meet the same way theirs did?

"Elige autem tibi erit semper."

He will always choose you.

The sapphire spoke to me once more. The fire was alive, speaking to me in Latin as if she knew something I was oblivious of.

I wanted to leave the place and shake off the fear travelling through my veins. I was about to turn around when a sudden view knocked out the remaining strength in me.

My eyes glowered in shock and my knees buckled, and I touched my chest, unable to breathe at the burn crawling around my body.

My fated.

My soulmate.

My betrothed.

Time seemingly froze as I saw his lips locked with the Countess of Crux'.

A/N

*hides behind my mother*

Do I always make you sad?

I'm sorry. This story is more character and emotion-driven than plot-driven.

- Lady Therese