Authors note: so I l wanted to remind everyone that if I write in italics, it's Illiana speaking to herself. If it's written in italics and underlined, it's someone else speaking in her mind. Also, they graduated and are now starting college! (Since my characters are all 18 & I don't want my story taken down). There was a big time jump and I will explain everything through time. Thank you!

⚠️Trigger warning⚠️

This chapter contains PTSD, panic attacks, and flashbacks that have a lot of violence.

Illiana POV

I slowly open my eyes as I hear whispers around me. Rubbing my face, I sit up to see Sage, Calliope, Rissa, and Angela surrounding my bed. Sage holds a small white cake in her hands and a large smile as they sing Happy Birthday to me. Rissa and Angela look extremely happy while Calliope looks like she's ready to murder the two of them. "Happy Birthday!" They yell. I let a small, sad smile slip on my lips. "Thanks guys but I don't think I want to celebrate this year."

Calli ignores me and brings the cake over. She wiggles her fingers and the candles light up. "At least blow out the candles babe." I quickly blow the candles out without a wish and smile at the girls. Calli sits down on my right and sets the cake on my beside table, while Rissa sits to my left and gently takes my hand in hers. "Thank you guys. I'm sorry I'm not in a party mood.." I mumble. Rissa just squeezes my hand in reassurance but it doesn't help the gaping hole in my chest.

The girls share a conversation with their eyes and turn back to me. "It's okay sweetheart. We just wanted to do something small before school" Sage states as she sits by Calli at the end of my bed, while Angela sits on the other side of her. My mind begins to wander and my eyes glaze over. Memories flit through my head like a movie and the vile things, that took place only months ago, fill every corner of my head. And I'm stuck in my own mind, reopening old wounds that refuse to heal.

As if sensing my mind leading me away, Sage grabs my hand and looks at me. "It's okay to be sad or mad or even not know how you feel about everything. When I lost my parents, I thought I was going to drown in grief but it got better." I give her a genuine smile and shake my head to clear out my feelings. Cover it up. Don't make them feel worse. "I have to get up and pick out clothes for today. Do y'all want to help?" I ask with a painted on smile, hoping they don't see right through it.

Sage, Rissa, and Ang immediately jump up and go to my closet while trading ideas. Calli rolls her eyes with a smile and cuts her eyes over to me. "In all seriousness, are you sure you're okay? I know you don't like to speak about your feelings but I am worried about you. Since Sage, Ang, Rissa, you, and I did the soul sisters spell I've been able to feel what y'all do." Then she paused and muttered "unfortunately." I have to hole back a laugh at her face. It seems like just yesterday we tied our souls together.

     It was a hot summer afternoon. Rissa and I were really bored so we decided to call Calli and Sage, who we met years ago when they originally lived here with both of their foster parents. But now they're both emancipated and living together since we all graduated. Still feels weird to be a high school graduate. We decided to have a movie night and gorge ourselves with junk food. But later on we were all a little high and in our feelings, so I found a spell to seal us together forever through a Soul Sister bond. Though Calli, Ang, and Sage aren't soul sisters to each other since Ang is their soulmate, though she doesn't know that yet.

   Calli just stares at me waiting for a response and I shake my head of the memories. I really couldn't haven't gotten a better group of friends. I let a loud giggle out and she slowly allows a giggle out as well, still watching me carefully. By the time Ang, Rissa, and Sage come back into the room, we are crying from laughing too much. The three look at us with smiles and Sage comes over to give Calli a kiss. "Y'all are honestly the cutest set of soulmates I've ever seen" I say with a smile.

Ang shakes her head too and sighs. "I wish I had a soulmate." Calli and Sage give each other guilty looks so I pull Ang into a hug and rub her back. "You will find your soulmate don't you worry. Some hot supernatural guy or girls will sweep you off your feet!" She giggles and nods at me. Calli and Ang both send me thankful looks and I smile at them. "It's still weird that not all humans have soulmates" Calli mutters beside me. I shake my head at her as Sage pulls me out of bed. "You think humans are just weird period Cal" I add.

Calli shakes her head at me and flips me the bird as Sage pulls me around. Rissa giggles beside Calli and I just smirk back at her. "Come on sweetheart! We have to get you dressed and I brought a present!" Sage says. "Oh gods. Don't tell me it's a birthday tiara!" I whine with my nose scrunched. Sage turns red and awkwardly shifts. Calli laughs loudly and holds her stomach. "Of course it's a tiara! You know Sage and Ang." I give them a half smile and continue to the closet.

Sage pulls out a black leather skirt and Ang has a black sweatshirt. They really have two completely different styles. Sage wrinkles her nose and goes to tell Ang no but I cut in. "Ooooh I could totally work with that." Calli nods beside me and grabs my leather jacket and black doc martens, while I grab my fishnets. Rissa brings over my silver jewlery, that adorns her fingers as well and helps me put on my necklace. Sage and Ang look at us like we grew two heads but we ignore them. "They never approve of our outfits!" Calli whines quietly. Rissa just shrugs, as they always like her outfits. I snicker at her then quickly throw my outfit on and finish getting ready. Skipping my makeup, I grab my bag but I'm abruptly pulled back.

Her outfit

"Hey what gives Sage?!" I whine. She smiles and pulls out a Birthday tiara and sash. Calli tries to hold back giggles but fails and Rissa is out right laughing at me. "No way. No. No. No!" I refuse with my nose scrunched up. Her eyes widen and her lips form into a pout, successfully guilt tripping me. "Ugh fine! You're lucky I love you so much Sage" I complain with a grin. She just squeals and helps me out on my things. I really don't deserve them.

Her birthday sash and tiara

Ten minutes later and I'm sitting in the front seat of Calli's car wearing a fucking tiara. Ang, Rissa, and Sage drove separately, for whatever reason. I roll my eyes and grumble some more. Calli cuts the wheel left and pulls into a local coffee shop. "Do you think I would let them torture you and not get you coffee?" I pulled her into a hug and kiss her cheek. "If you didn't already have a soulmate, I would totally scoop you up."

She smiles and waves me off. "Stop it. Sage will smother you if she hears you're trying to hit on me." We both let out giggles but I take her threat seriously. Sage would actually kill me if I was ever legitimately flirting with Calliope. I sigh and get out of the car, grabbing Calli's hand. She intertwines our fingers and leads me into the coffee shop. I smile over at her and enjoy the warmth from her, as she isn't very affectionate.

The smell of coffee hits me immediately and I let out a small sigh. "I seriously love coffee. How does anyone run without it?" Calli shakes her head at me. "I agree. I mean I can only tolerate a few people before caffeine and my girlfriend is barely on the list." I shake my head at her but crack a smile which makes her shoot one of her rare, genuine smiles at me. "Speaking of girlfriend, when are you going to spill the beans to Ang?" I ask. Calli waves me off "ask my better half. She wears the pants." I stifle my giggle as we approach the counter.

What a perfect birthday.

Once we finally get our drinks and enough pastries to feed the town, we head to school, or college rather. As we pull in, my stomach twists. "You know, I don't think I can do this Cals. I- as much as I hate her, I should be starting college with my twin." I huff and run a hand through my hair. "I mean it's good that she doesn't know I'm alive and stuff but.. it just feels wrong. I hate lying to everyone about her disappearance and dad is barely keeping it together. I mean one of his daughters is a vampire that tried to, well did, kill his other daughter."

I feel my eyes start to water and Calliope pulls me to her. "It's okay Lils. You have every right to miss your psychotic sister. But you have to try and move on baby. She left, she's gone, okay? You have seven soulmates-" I cut her off quickly. "No. I have five. The other two don't count because I still haven't forgiven them." I cut in harshly. I feel my body begin to shake and heat up as power swirled through my veins. "They didn't show up until after I died and became a vampire. Then they left me again! They don't deserve me and nothing you or my father says will change that." My face morphs into anger and the clouds start building up around me. Thunder roars and Calli grabs my hand.

Calli squeezes my hand "I know Lils. Try to calm down though." She nervously eyes the ever darkening sky as lightning strikes a little too close. The storm outside gets louder and people start running into school. Calli grabs my face and forces me to look at her. "Hey! Calm down! I get it, you're right okay? But eventually you're going to have to speak to the pack again. Not necessarily them but you definitely need to speak to Sam. Look, you have to start your first day of college and I have to get to my first class before Professor Gilmore comes and finds me." I wipe my eyes and nod at her. She squeezes my hand once more before we get out.

I feel eyes on me everywhere and the tiara on my head doesn't help. Calli senses my anxiety and grabs them off of me, stuffing them in her bag while grumbling at Sage and Ang. She then intertwines our fingers and leads me to the front office. Along the way people stare and move out of the way, as if I have some type of disease. I notice almost all the same old faces from high school, plus a mix of new people as well. The local college is the size of a small high school building and is stuffed with freshmen.

    Calli is glaring at everyone and shoving people away before they can approach me. I don't know how I got so lucky to have her as my best friend. We finally make it to the office and she surprises me by giving me a hug. "You'll be okay. You, Sage, Rissa, Ang, and I have the same schedule so you won't ever be alone today." She kisses my cheek and runs to class quickly, before I could protest.

"Wait! How did you manage that?!" I yell at her retreating figure. I hear a small laugh and she says "you don't want to know." I shake my head at her and chuckle. No doubt she threatened the headmaster for matching schedules. I shake the smile off my face and enter the room. There is a pudgy lady with thick rimmed glasses who is typing quickly on a old computer. I clear my throat and she looks up to me, her eyes widening. "Oh hello Ms. Swan. Come for your schedule? Well you have to speak to the guidance counselor before you can get it. Mrs. Blakely's office is down that hallway on the left." She points to my right and I see a small hallway with one door on the left and only one on the right as well. I nod at her and start to walk off but her grimy hand grabs my forearm.

I look up to her, trying to hold my anger back and yank my arm from her grasp. "Do not touch me without permission!" She jumps and backs up at the venom in my voice. "I only wanted to ask about your sister.." she trails off. Great. Another gossiper. "I think there is enough information in the papers for that. If you have any other questions you can ask my father. You know, the police chief?" Her eyes widen even further and she quickly makes herself look busy as I start to walk away. What is wrong with people in this damn town. It's bad enough that Jessica spread lies that I killed Isabella.

I huff out a breath and then knock on the counselors door. I hear a muffled "Come in" and quickly open the door. There is a small woman with dark black hair and vibrant green eyes. "Hello Ms. Swan. Please sit down so we can have a little chat." I roll my eyes but comply. "So I've read over your file quite a few times. What took you so long to get back to school?" I narrow my eyes at the tiny woman in front of me.

    The anger that was once quelled ignites again, pooling in my stomach and I have to bite back the pure rage that courses through my body. The heat builds inside me and I slam my hands down on the guidance counselors desk, startling her. "I don't know counselor, maybe dying? Does it show that in the file? My twin is missing and I was dead for 10 minutes before my heart started beating again." My face is red as I try to control my powers, focusing on the pathetic woman in front of me.

Mrs. Blakely's face morphs into embarrassment and she stutters out an apology. "Am I done here now? I have a therapist and I need to get to class." She nods vigorously and doesn't make eye contact with me. Sighing, I get up and leave the office quickly. Now time for school.

My classes go by quickly with my friends and lunch is finally here. I walk in with Sage's hand in mine and the lunch room quiets. I see Jessica at a nearby lunch table, surrounded by boys and whatever bottle blonde girls she can get her claws in. I cock an eyebrow at Sage and she shakes her head. I just want to punch Jessica one time. Do you want to get kicked out before the first semester? Sage asks in my head. Huffing in agreement, we make our way to the Cullens table. Ang, Rissa, and Calli are already there, sitting with Edward, Alice, and Jasper. My face brightens at the sight of them and I run to Rissa. She laughs as I collide with her and she lisses my cheek. "Hello to you to Lils." I look up to her and smile brightly.

I embrace Jas, Ali, Rose, and Em but not for too long since we are still in public. "I missed you guys so much!" I say with a smile. "Lils, we slept over last night.." Edward mentions. I furrow my eyebrows and jut my bottom lip out. "I know that.. I still missed y'all. Well maybe not you now" I pout, leaning into Rissa. Edward's mouth drops open and Calli starts laughing. I join in, genuinely laughing for the first time in a while and soon the others join in. I take in the scene around me. We are all laughing but out of the corner of my eye, I can see Isabella's friends staring daggers at me.

The guilt hits me full force and I can't stop it. What feels like a ton of bricks drop into my chest, making it hard to breath and a metallic tastes fills my mouth. I furiously pick at my fingers, enjoying the pain as I rip off the skin on my hands. Tears start pricking my eyes and I know my laughter is going to turn into tears. "Ca- Calli.. ba- bathroom!" She jumps up and drags me to the nearest bathroom with Rissa following closely behind and makes sure no one is in there.

As soon as we are in the clear, I drop to the ground in tears. "Oh gods. I can't do this! I can't act normal! I died and my sister is the one that killed me! H- how am I supposed to move on?!" I pull at my hair frantically and curl my legs into myself. Calli and Rissa just stand back, not sure how to help me. "A-and, and she never would have done it if I would have been a better sister! I could have saved her! Why- I- I can't-"

My tears stream down my face and I hear thunder cracking outside. My powers. Calm down! But the tears won't stop and my breathing becomes erratic. I struggle to fill my lungs with air and I start to panic more, afraid of passing out. Afraid of the dark. The blackness. My eyes cut to Rissa and Calli, pleading with them "C- ca- can't b- bre- breathe!" I manage to strangle out, curling my hands around my throat as I start to see stars in my vision. Calli and Rissa both rush to me, wrapping their arms around me and hugging me tightly. "Copy my breathing! NOW! In.. out.. in.. out. Good job baby" Rissa whispers. I copy her breathing and slowly feel my chest return to normal. I don't know how long we sit in the bathroom with both girls holding me and rocking me but eventually my eyes close.

Dream/Flashback beginning

I open my eyes and I'm in my bedroom. I feel a sharp pain in my neck and another. Then I see Isabella walking towards me. I fight as hard as I can but my body isn't moving. Its like I'm just watching everything through my eyes again. I reluctantly watch as my life is taken away again and again and again. Each time Isabella rips my heart out, it starts again. Internally I'm screaming for it to stop but a heavy, numbing feeling just invades my chest.

The scene quickly changes and I'm in the hospital room with the pack, the Cullens, the Blacks, and dad around me. I feel my lips moving and hear myself say "Did you miss me?" Everyone's eyes snap to me and I lock eyes with my father first. He tackles me into a hug and starts crying. "It's okay daddy. I'm okay." He pulls back and I see his tear soaked face.

"Nothing is okay now Illiana" He wipes his eyes and backs away so other can hug me. But the look on his face shatters my heart. He looks tired and defeated. The Cullens are next and I get a big hug from each, minus Emmett because he's afraid to break me. Rissa sneaks in next, holding me close and not letting go. Then is the Blacks. Billy and Jacob don't dare touch me but apologize again. I nod my head but don't verbally accept the apology. I try to open my mouth and move my arms but to no avail. I'm trapped in my memories.

The pack is next and I notice a few new faces but what stops me is a pair of soft brown eyes. "Leah?" I hear myself say. She locks her eyes with mine and her face goes through several emotions. She mumbles "I'm sorry" and takes off. I furrow my eyebrows, feeling a bond snap into place and almost run after her. But I'm firmly held down by Rissa. Next I lock eyes with a pair of familiar angry ones. Shock takes over and I blurt "Paul? You're here too?" His face mirrors Leah's and he rushes out as well without so much as another look in my direction. I feel another bond snap into place and my heart hurts.

  My stomach twists with rejection and I look to Sam for help. He just shakes his head no and the pack leaves. Jacob edges closer to my bed and asks to hug me. I try to say no but he ignores that, moving Rissa out of the way and sending her a wolf grin. He bends down and wraps his arms around me, pretending to lay my back gently. He puts his head on my shoulder and whispers in my ear. "It should have been you that died. Not my Bella. First my mom and now her? I promise you Illiana, I will kill you one of these days. For good."

He lets go of me and my body is shaking. He smiles brightly and leaves with Billy. I hear my name being called and look to the others. None of them are speaking, just glaring at me as if they agree and I hear my name called again. Then everything fades to black.

Dream/Flashback over

"Illiana Nyx Thesis Swan!"

I abruptly wake up and knock my head on something hard. "Ow!" I rub my forehead and look up to see Calli standing over me. My eyes trail around the room and notice I'm in my home with Calli, Ang, Rissa, and Sage. "How did I get here?" I ask. Sage looks at me with sad eyes. "We have a lot to cover sweetheart. You were out for a few days." My eyes widen and stomach drops. "A few days?!" I screech. Th other cringe back at my tone. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. Why was I asleep for so long? And where are the Cullens? Are they hunting or something?" I ask confused. They are always here for me. Even if they have to take turns so they can feed. At that time, Jasper walks out alone and my eyebrows crinkle in confusion. "Jas, what are you doing here alone?" He looks down with a sad face but still answers.

"They left Lils... they're gone." And with that one sentence, my world falls apart.

Authors note: Hello everyone! I am so sorry this took so long to get out. It's been very hectic at my house and I have had a busy work week. I know this is a bit of a 'filler' chapter but things will get better the next chapter. New moon is just SO boring and I can only do so much to make it better.

• What did y'all think of this chapter?

• How do you think Illiana met Calliope and Sage? What about Rissa, do you think they were immediate friends?

• How do you feel about seeing a memory of her in the hospital? I wanted to flashbacks to show what happened and to keep it a bit of a mystery.

• What about the Black's? Do you think Illiana will end up hurting Jacob? Or will Calli kill him first?

• And what about Isabella? Do you think she knows about Lils yet?

• And finally, what would y'all like to see in future chapters?

Thanks my dears. 🖤 Please check out my other books:

- Abomination a 100 WTS book

- Apathetic a Twilight book

- Asperse a Percy Jackson book on BuckyVerstappen98 page :)

- Avenoir a 'future stories' book
(You can request a future story in this book)

- Autophobia a The Walking Dead book

- Acerbus a Marvel/Avengers book

- Alexithymia a Shadowhunters book

- Munificence a Santa Clause book

- Latibule a Sons of Anarchy book

- Aviothic a Fourth Wing book

- Crudêl a Chilling Adventures of Sabrina book

- Bellicostic a Game Of Thrones book

- Aeonian a House Of Night book

- Agathokakological a Once Upon A Time book

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