Gudako is idk. The unofficial official name for the female master of Chaldea (male variant is Gudao)

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Gudako: Ozymandias can you pass the salt?
Ozymandias: *Throws Gilgamesh across the room*

Mash, trying to stop Gudako's bleeding: what's your type?!?
Gudako: oh, slightly bookish, maybe a nerd...maybe not..definitely on the confident side...
Mash, more panicked: YOUR BLOOD TYPE.
Gudako: oh! B positive.
Mash: DON'T TELL ME TO BE POSITIVE AND TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Mash: why are you on the floor?
Bedivere: I'm depressed.
Bedivere: Also I was stabbed can you get Gudako, please

Gudako, negotiating with Ozymandias: We have Gilgamesh. Give us ten thousand dollars and he will be released unharmed.
Gilgamesh: ONLY TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS??!?!
Gudako:
Gilgamesh: MAKE IT ONE MILLION
Gudako: STOPPPP

Gudako: I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Ozymandias: *drinking toast* why do you say that?

Ozymandias: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk-in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Da Vinci: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Gudako: 'Prettiest Smile'
Roman: 'Nicest Personality'
Mash: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Gilgamesh: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

*The squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered*
Gilgamesh: You're acting pretty carefree for someone whose life is at stake. Who's to say you aren't the killer?
Gudako: It's a murder, not a tax audit. I'll be fine.
Levi: What about Roman? Nobody ever suspects Roman!
Roman: Well what about Mash? They have a gun!
Mash: Gilgamesh has a knife.
Gilgamesh: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *Stabs Levi in the arm*

Da Vinci: I CAN'T DO IT!
Mash, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
Da Vinci: I CAN'T F*CKING DO IT ANYMORE
Roman: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
Da Vinci:
Da Vinci: I appreciate it,
Da Vinci: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Em: Da Vinci-
Da Vinci: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!
EMIYA: Da Vinci we gotta-
Da Vinci: YOU GOTTA DRAW A F*CKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.
Da Vinci: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'
Da Vinci, motioning to Levi: NOT F*CKING THIS

Da Vinci: Okay! Let's play Kiss Marry Kill!
Da Vinci: First who would you kill?
*Gilgamesh points at Gudako*
*Roman points at Gudako*
*Mash points at Gudako*
Gudako: *Shrugs* I would kill me too.

Billy: Spell orange.
Nursery Rhyme: The fruit or the color?
Billy:

Nursery Rhyme: Guys where did Billy go?
Ko-Gil: They got arrested.
Nursery Rhyme: How the hell-
Billy: *Bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

Ko-Gil: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Gudako: How?
Ko-Gil: I need someone to take the fall.
Gudako: What did you do?
Ko-Gil: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Gilgamesh, from the other room: Oh my god.
Ko-Gil: ...
Gilgamesh: OH MY GOD!
Gudako: Make it a hundred.
Ko-Gil: Deal.

Gudako: Can you try seeing things from my perspective?
Billy: *Crouches down*
Ko-Gil: *Gets onto his knees*
Gudako: I hope you both get hit by a car.

Nursery Rhyme: WHY?! Why did you give Billy a KNIFE?!
Medea Lily: I'm sorry. He said he felt unsafe.
Nursery Rhyme: Now I feel unsafe!
Medea Lily: I'm sorry.
Medea Lily: ... Would you like a knife?

Billy: It's not gonna work, I'm not a snitch.
Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.
Billy: Lmao, @Gudako.

Ozymandias: I am darkness. I am power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am the fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Gudako: A ray of sunshine.
Billy: A cinnamon roll.
Mash: A sweetheart.
Ozymandias:
Ozymandias: ...stop it.

Da Vinci: Did it hurt when you fell-
Ozymandias: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Da Vinci: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Ozymandias: ...
Da Vinci: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Gilgamesh: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Ozymandias: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Da Vinci: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Mash, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Da Vinci, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Gilgamesh, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you.
Gudako, trembling: What are we playing?

*At a zoo*
Gilgamesh: What are they in for?
Ozymandias: Gilgamesh, this isn't a prison.
Gilgamesh: So they can leave?
Ozymandias: No, but-
Gilgamesh, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

Roman: Gudako, keep an eye on Gilgamesh today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Gudako: Sure, I'd love to see Gilgamesh get punched.
Roman: Try again.
Gudako, sighing: I will stop Gilgamesh from getting punched.

Billy: You lying, cheating, piece of sh*t!
Ozymandias: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Billy: I'm leaving, and I'm taking DA VINCI WITH ME.
Da Vinci, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.
Gudako: Does that mean I can get out of jail?

Bedivere: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.
Gudako: Okay, but in my defense, Ozymandias bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.
Bedivere: That's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Ozymandias & Mash: *Accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Ozymandias: We need an adult!
Mash: Ozymandias, you are an adult!
Ozymandias: We need an adultier adult! Get Gudako!

Gudako: I thought we were friends.
Gudako: I thought you cared about me. I thought we could get through anything together.
Gudako: But THIS?
Gudako: This is just cruel.
Gudako: How could you do this to me?
Gudako: I thought we were... family...
Billy:
Billy: Gudako, just eat your vegetables.

Some troubled antagonist: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!
Gudako: Cause I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!

Billy: *Holds a gun out to Gudako*
Gudako: I-I don't believe in guns.
Billy: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Billy, going to bed: We're gonna wake up in less than 4 hours. Because of you. I love you, but why must you kill me?
Gudako: Because we're friends. That's the price.
*4 hours later*
Billy, waking up: I have access to shrimp colors. I can taste my feelings. My life hurts.
Gudako:
Billy: I am going to murder you.

Gudako: Love is a weakness. An evolutionary mistake.
Billy: You're literally making Valentine's cards for everyone.
Gudako:
Gudako: *Points their glue gun at Billy* You're on thin ice.

Gudako: I made you a friendship bracelet!
Billy: Thanks, but you know I'm not the jewelry type.
Gudako: Well, you don't have to wear it-
Billy: No I'm wearing it forever. Back off.

Computer: Please enter a password.
Gudako: *Types in Billy*
Computer: Your password is too weak.
Gudako: You wanna saY THAT AGAIN-

Billy: Don't worry, I have a few guns up my sleeves.
Gudako: You mean tricks?
Billy, shaking a small armory out of their sleeves: I did not.

Gudako, showing Ko-Gil how to drive: So you're driving and you see Enkidu and the Goldie walk out in front of you. What do you hit.
Ko-Gil: Oh the Goldie for sure, I'd never hit Enkidu
Gudako, rubbing her forehead: the brakes. You hit the brakes.

Gilgamesh: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.
Enkidu: Thank you for your sacrifice, Ishtar.

Gudako: Punch me in the face.
Li Shuwen: ...Punch you?
Gudako: Yes, punch me, didn't you hear me?
Li Shuwen: I always hear 'punch me in the face' while you're speaking but it's usually just subtext.

Mash: I'm so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.
Nobu: Uh, Li Shuwen and Mori are not getting along.
Mash: They're not trying to kill each other.
Nobu: You may have a point.

Mash: Between Gudako, Nobu, Li Shuwen, and Okita Alter -- if you had to -- who would you punch?
Mori: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.
Mash: Li Shuwen?
Mori: Yeah, but I don't know why

Gudako: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.
Okita Alter: But are you shuffling?
Gudako: Everyday.
Li Shuwen: What language are you two speaking??

Gudako: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.
Okita, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

Mash: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.
Mori: That sounds like a challenge.
Mash: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Mori: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!
Mash: There is no challenge!

Gudako: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.
Mori: You mean you stabbed them?
Gudako: They ran into my knife.

Mori: It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.
Gudako: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory.
Mori: F*ck you.

*While the Squad is in a battle*
Mori, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!
Nobu: Take it back now y'all!

*While planning to break in somewhere*
Li Shuwen: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"
Mori: What?
Li Shuwen: "Get Help."
Mori: No.
Li Shuwen: C'mon, you love it!
Mori: I hate it.
Li Shuwen: It's great! It works every time!
Mori: It's humiliating.
Li Shuwen: Do you have a better plan?
Mori: No.
Li Shuwen: We're doing it!
Mori: We are not doing "Get Help!"
*A Minute Later*
Li Shuwen, carrying Mori: Get help! Please! He's dying! Help him! *throws Mori at guards, knocking them out*
Li Shuwen: Ahh, classic!
Mori: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating.
Li Shuwen, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

*Nagao teaching Em to drive and taking Mori along for the ride*
Nagao: That's a pothole. To the left!
Gudako: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Mori, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Gudako: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Nagao, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Gudako: Country Roads.
Mori: To the place.
Gudako and Mori in unison: I Belong!
Nagao, crying harder: What the f*ck?

Mash: What's it like being tall?
Gudako: Is it nice?
Billy: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Meltryllis: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Cu Proto: What is love?
Cu Caster: An emotional minefield.
Cu Chulainn: A neurochemical reaction.
Gudako: Baby don't hurt me.

Cu Chulainn: Can we go to a haunted house?
Gudako: What's wrong with the one we live in?
Cu Chulainn: Wh-what?
Gudako: Goodnight, Cu Chulainn.

Cu Proto: What is everyone for Halloween?
Cu Chulainn: I'm superman.
Gudako: A clown.
Cu Proto: So I'm guessing we don't need to get you a costume then?

Cu Proto: Gudako got into a fight.
Cu Caster: That's bad.
Cu Caster:
Cu Caster: Did she win?

Cu Proto: Cu Chulainn has no survival skills, his need to win has replaced them.
Gudako: That can't be true!
Cu Proto: Watch this.
Cu Proto: Hey Cu Chulainn, race you to the bottom of the stairs!
Cu Chulainn: *Throws himself out a window*