Status: edited

Johnny's P.o.V.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that about yourself."

I held the crying boy tightly.

"But i-i-it's true!" Ponyboy wailed. "I'm a terrible person!"

"How could you ever say that Pony? You're amazing." I tried to reason with him, but nothing seemed to be working.

All I had asked was if he had his eye on someone. I didn't expect him to get so upset.

His eyes widened when I asked and he began stammering that the person he loved would never love him back, and then when I tried to tell him he was great and any girl would be lucky to have him, this happened.

"No I'm not!" He yelled angrily. "I am not amazing!"

I could tell he actually believed that. He wasn't just trying to get my pity, he truly didn't think he was great.

"I'm terrible! All I ever do is cry, or whine, or annoy people. I can't ever do anything right! I'm even in love with someone who would never like me back because I'm so awful."

My heart sank. He's in love. Of course he is, what did I expect? It couldn't always just be us forever.

He had began to calm down some, his sobs quieting down to just small whimpers. "I wish I was dead." He mumbled and I gasped.

"Pony stop talking like that!" I yelled.

He pulled away from me. "Well I do! I want to end it all!"

My eyes widened. "What about your promise to me?"

Pony pushed me away. "I don't care about it anymore. You'd want me dead if you found out." He curled up in a ball.

"Find out about what?" I asked desperately. Did he not realize that I could never want him dead?

He looked up at me, anger in his eyes. "Go away." He breathed.

That hurt. "W-what?"

He stood up, trying the best he could to keep it together. "I said go away! Leave me alone! Please!"

I stared at him in disbelief, before nodding and leaving the room.

I stumbled into the living room and collapsed on the couch. I knew what I had to do, even if I really didn't want to do it.

The rest of the gang was there, all stuck in their own little worlds.

Sodapop eyed me curiously. "You alright there, Johnny? We heard Ponyboy yelling. Did you and him get into a fight or something?"

I looked into his eyes and frowned. He had no idea about his brother.

Sighing, I stood up. "Darry, Soda, I-I gotta speak to y'all alone." My voice only wavered once.

They raised an eyebrow, but followed me into the kitchen.

"Is everything okay?" Darry asked, worriedly.

I tightened my jaw and shook my head. "S-Soda?" I cursed myself mentally for stuttering, but I get nervous around anybody who wasn't Pony.

"Johnny what's wrong?" His eyes showed alarm.

"Remember that night Pony ran to the lot to be with me?"

He nodded and I took a deep breath.

"W-well earlier that day I had found him in the bathroom. He was trying to kill himself."

Darry sat straight up. "What!"

I nodded, timidly. "He promised me he wouldn't cut again, but today he told me he didn't care about the promise anymore. He wanted to die." The reality of that last statement hit me like a hard slap. "We gotta do something! He's serious! We can't let him die!" I yelled.

Darry told me to calm down, as he rushed to the phone to call the hospital. Sodapop, with tears in his eyes, ran to his bedroom to get his baby brother before he could do anything to himself. I felt terrible for them.

Darry rubbed his eyes and sat down across from me after he got off the phone. "Johnny...why does Pony want to.." he swallowed hard. "Why does he want to kill himself?"

I blinked. "I don't know. He says people hate him at school. He says that I'm gonna end up hating him, but I could never."

He sighed and looked down. "Oh Ponyboy..."

Soda came into the kitchen not long after, with Pony trailing behind. "What's going on?" Ponyboy asked.

Darry walked over to him and bent down to be eye level with his little brother.

"We know..." he whispered.

Pony's eyes widened, but only for a second. "Y-you know what?"

Darry looked down at the floor. "We're going to admit you to the hospital and have you put on suicide watch."

Pony's eyes widened in surprise and I tried to keep my head down. He let the information process for a few seconds, before looking over at me angrily.

"Johnny! You said you wouldn't tell!" I flinched as he screamed at me.

My eyes lowered. "I-I'm sorry Ponyboy. I-"

"You're sorry!" He yelled.

I whimpered and backed away from him. "Pony you said you were gonna kill yourself!" I tried to reason.

He was breathing very heavily. He sank to the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees.

When he looked up again, he wasn't angry. He just looked plain sad. "How long will I be gone?" He whispered.

By now Dally, Steve, and Two-Bit were standing in the doorway. They all looked to me worriedly, I only shook my head.

Darry bent down and rubbed Pony's head. "Only a week."

Pony winced a bit and Soda kneeled down next to him as well. "They're going to help you honey. We promise we wouldn't do anything bad for you."

I suddenly realized that they might want to be alone. Motioning for the gang to follow me, I walked into the living room.

Immediately, they began asking questions like: "What's wrong with him?" Or "Where is he going?"

"He's going to the hospital for a week. He'll be put on suicide watch." I answered them all dryly.

Two-Bit was the first to react. "He's depressed?"

Dally groaned. "Yes Two, try to keep up."

Two-bit looked at the ground. "Nobody noticed. We're terrible people."

Steve finally spoke up. "No, Johnny noticed, didn't you?"

I nodded, looking down.

They all sighed sadly and sat down on the couch next to me. "You probably saved his life kid." Dally ruffled my hair.

Saved his life?

Maybe so. But if he never speaks to me again then it's still really bad. But I would rather have him alive and hating me than dead. I stood up.

"I think I should get going."I mumbled.

Darry and Soda walked into the living room as soon as I started walking towards the door.

"Johnny, wait." Darry walked up to me and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you. Without you...if you hadn't..."

"It's okay." I got what he was trying to say. "He needed help."

Soda gave me a half smile. "He's packing right now. Maybe you should go up there with him?"

I felt my eyes widen and I shook my head. "No, he's mad at me right now."

Sodapop shook his head. "No, not really. He was upset. But I know my brother, and I know he'll be even more upset if he leaves without seeing you."

My cheeks flushed as I took a deep breath. "Well, alright."

The walk to his bedroom had never felt more quick. I was dreading going in to see him. Will he hate me? Will he not want to be my friend anymore?

I don't know what I was expecting when I opened up his door, but it definitely wasn't a warm embrace.

As soon as I stepped in the room, Ponyboy had rushed over to me. He buried his head in my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He kept saying. "Please don't hate me. I'm sorry for yelling. Please..."

I rubbed his back. "What did I say? I could never hate you."

"What I did was out of line. I feel terrible."

I breathed in his scent, sad to know that I'd be missing it for a week. "Forget about it, okay?" I pulled back slightly to look at him. "I know you didn't mean it."

Pony looked down and nodded, mumbling something under his breath.

"What was that?" I asked, a small grin on my face.

He looked up quickly, eyes wide. "N-nothing. I was just thinking that I'm gonna miss you a lot."

I sighed and wrapped and arm around his shoulder. "You'll see me again. Just don't do anything stupid."

He looked sad and frowned.

"I was kidding." I said quickly.

He nodded. "I know."

He looked so sad, so lonely. Like he was a million miles away from a person. I took a chance, and with a leap of faith I pressed my lips onto his temple.

His cheeks reddened and he eyed me. "T-thanks."

I nodded, and stepped out of his room quickly. Soda happened to be walking down the hallway at the same time. "You two make up?"

I swiftly nodded. "Y-yep."

While sitting on the couch, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't say enough to Pony. Like he still thought I was mad.

I found a piece of paper and a pencil and began writing him another note.

Ponyboy,
My intentions when I told your brothers were good, I promise. I know that you don't realize it now, but you need help. I don't know what I would do with myself if you died. I love you. Never forget how much you mean to me. You'll get through this, I promise.
Your best friend,
Johnny

I read over my note, and deemed it good enough. Just as I had finished it, Soda and Pony came into the living room, pulling along a suitcase.

"C'mon Darry." Soda said sadly.

I folded my note and jumped up. "Pony wait!" I rushed over to him and shoved it in his hands. "For the road?" I suggested.

He stared at it for a second, before looking back at me. "I only smile when I read these you know." He blurted, and then walked out to their old beat up Ford.