[The students are seated in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, decorated with portraits of its owner: Gilderoy Lockhart; the door to the office opens and Lockhart walks out.]

"Self-absorbed much?" Barty snorted.

Lockhart: Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher: me, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force
Defense League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award -- But I
don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!

"Now that just sounds like a lie." A random Ravenclaw stated.

[Lockhart awaits laughter. A few students smile weakly. Avery slightly gags at his smile, her friends snort loudly accidentally.]

Lockhart: I see you've all bought a complete set of my books. Well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about. Just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in...

[Lockhart begins to circulate papers. He hands some to Hermione, who blushes to Susan Bones next to her. Harry and Ron examine the questions. Ron whispers to Harry.]

Ron: Look at these questions. They're all about him.

Harry: 'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?'

Ron: 'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?'

"What type of bullshit establishment is Dumbledore running?" Bellatrix scolded.

"Oi, Auntie Bells... It gets worse." Jasper stated.

Harry: 'When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?'

Jasper: [leans up to the two in front him] You believe Moon now?

Avery: Wake me up when this class is over. [she burys her head in her arms on her desk]

"I honestly would've done the same." Marlene muttered.

Lockhart: You have thirty minutes. Start -- now!

[As quills begin to dart across pages, we dissolve to the same scene later. Lockhart rifles through the completed exams.]

Lockhart: Tut, tut. Hardly any of you remembered my favorite color is lilac. But Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions. Good girl.

Jasper: [mutters] That was highly inappropriate in my mind.

"He beat me by two seconds!" Sirius, Dorcas, and Evan shouted.

[Hermione beams. Lockhart's expression suddenly darkens.]

Lockhart: Now... be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your own worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here... [With a showman's flair, Lockhart turns slowly to the cage.] I must ask you not to scream. It might provoke them.

[A pale Neville draws back. Harry and Ron lean forward. Lockhart lets the tension build, then whips off the cover. Inside the cage are several electric blue creatures. Eight inches tall, with pointed faces and wings, they rattle the bars and pull bizarre faces at the students.
Unable tocontrol himself, Seamus snorts with laughter.]

Seamus: Cornish pixies?

Lockhart: Freshly caught Cornish pixies. Laugh if you will, Mr. Finnegan, but pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters. Let's see what you make of them now! [Lockhart flings open the cage. Instantly, the pixies rocket about, spraying the students with ink bottles, breaking beakers and shredding books. Two seize Neville by the ears, lift him into the air, and begin to circle the ceiling.] Come on now, round them up, round them up. They're only pixies.(brandishing his wand) Peskipiski Pesternomi!

"Is that even a real spell?" A Ravenclaw turned to young Lockhart who was smiling sheepishly.

"Maybe I grew up and made—"

"No that's not it, just own up to the fraudulent things happening in front of you." Ariel interrupted.

[The spell has absolutely no effect. A particularly obnoxious pixie makes a face, seizes Lockhart's wand and tosses it out the window. Lockhart joins the stampede to the door.]

Lockhart: I'll ask you four to just nip the
rest of them back into their cage.

"Oi! Is he serious?! Don't you even..." Lily scolded them turned Sirius.

"I don't want another bread roll thrown at me so..." Sirius threw his hands up in defense.

[Slamming the door, he's gone. Jasper, Harry, Ron and Hermione stand blinking. Ron swats a pixie gnawing his ear. Another pixie starts to pull Hermione's hair, Harry swats it with a book.]

Ron: What do we do now?!

Hermione: (raising her wand) Immobilus!

People cheered at the girl's quick reaction.

[The pixies freeze in midair. Neville falls, plops onto Lockhart's desk, shaken but unhurt. He looks at Hermione.]

Neville: Why is it always me?

[Avery slowly wakes up yawning and stretching. She looks at the mess in front of her. Her friends looked at her baffled.]

Remus turned to his daughter shockingly confused, "You sleep through all of that?"

Avery nodded, "It's going to happen a lot. I zone out or ignore my problems until they eventually just go away."

Avery: What the bloody fuck did I miss?

Jasper: Looks like you won the bet with Dean.

Harry: How the bloody hell did you sleep through all of that?

Ron/ Jasper: She's a heavy sleeper.

"Sounds like Jasmine." Natalia and Diane muttered.

Hermione: Well, you missed the lesson. And the quiz Lockhart gave. Better hope this doesn't ruin your marks.

Avery: [glances around the room, then notices the pile of shredded up quizzes] Yeah, Mione babes. The fraud let his little lesson shred up your quizzes.

Hermione: He let us handle the pixie situation as a lesson to always be prepared.

Avery: [blinks] Whatever helps you believe in the fraud, Jean.

[Fresh from the pixies, Avery, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Jasper, and Neville walk. The five with their hair askew and robes shredded, while Avery looks just fine.]

Ron: Can you believe him?

Hermione: I'm sure Professor Lockhart just
wanted to give us some hands-on
experience.

Harry: Hands on? Hermione, he didn't
have a clue what he was doing.

Avery: Tell her, Harold!

Hermione: Rubbish. Read his books. You'll
see all the amazing things he's done.

Ron: He says he's done.

Jasper: They're on our side now, Moon.

Avery: Let's welcome them to the smart side, Atlas. And remind me to collect my winnings from Dean.

"And I thought I had a gambling problem." Theo snorted.

Ron: What was the bet about?

Avery: I bet him three sickles that Lockhart would mess up his first lesson.

Harry: Love, I believe you have a gambling problem.

Avery: Harold, you swear to Merlin we're getting married right? [Harry nods] So, if, and I said if, I say yes, these winnings will be ours. Plus our trust vaults and inheritance, we would probably be richer than the Sacred Twenty-Eight families combined.

Peter shrugged, "That's actually kind of smart."

Jasper: [chuckled] Harriet is screaming, without the s.

Harry: [smirks] Well, than make us richer, love.

Avery: [smiles and shakes her head] It was a hypothetical, Harry.

Harry/ Jasper/ Ron: To you.

Hermione/ Avery: Imbeciles.

[Harry is walking down the corridor wearing his Quidditch outfit, accompanied by the rest of the team: Oliver Wood, Fred, George, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, and Katie Bell.]

"Ugh, when are you joining the team Jasper?" Sirius complained.

"Third year."

Oliver: I spent the summer devising a whole new Quidditch program. We are going to train earlier, harder, and longer. [glancing to his left, the rest of the team follows his gaze] What...? I don't believe it. [stepping out into the courtyard, they come across the Slytherin Quidditch team, also dressed for Quidditch, as Ron and Hermione are sitting nearby; Oliver directs his attention to the team's captain, Marcus Flint] Where do you think you're going, Flint?

"Ew, Merlin! Jump scare!" Barty shouted.

"He looks like an actual troll." Natalie scrunched her face up in disgust.

"I'm no longer hungry." Ron muttered, putting down a chicken wing.

"Give yourself five minutes, Ron." Ginny patted his back.

Marcus: Quidditch practice.

Oliver: I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today.

Marcus: Easy, Wood. I've got a note. [holds out a rolled up scroll; Wood takes it and opens it]

Ron: Uh-oh. I smell trouble. [he, Jasper, Hermione, and Avery get up and walk towards the two teams]

Oliver: [reading the parchment] I, Professor Severus Snape, do hereby give the Slytherin team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker." [looks up from the parchment] You've got a new Seeker, who?

[Marcus steps aside, and Draco steps out towards the Gryffindor team members]

Harry: [amazed that his nemesis is now a member of the Slytherin Quidditch team] Malfoy?

Jasper: Draco's the new seeker? That makes no sense.

Draco: That's right. And that's not all that's new this year. [puts his broom at his side; Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team examine the brooms Draco and the rest of the Slytherin team are holding]

Ron: Those are Nimbus 2001s. How did you get those?

Marcus: A gift from Draco's father.

Jasper: Now it makes sense.

Avery: Barbie Sr. to the rescue I see.

"Bribery. You've got to be kidding me." Regulus rubbed his face. Seeing his legacy has went down the drain.

Draco: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.

Hermione: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.

"Hell yeah!" The Marauders yelled.

[Draco glares at her in annoyance as he takes a few steps and stops only at arms length in front of her]

Draco: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood.

Narcissia's blood boils, she hates seeing her son act like this. "Lucius, I swear to Salazar Slytherin himself, I'm trying to restrain myself from performing the Cruciatis Curse on you in front of all these people and the bloody Ministry."

Bellatrix shrugs, "I'll be able to survive in Azkaban."

"You did." Ariel and Theo muttered.

Hermione slightly smiled, "Mrs. Malfoy, he apologized."

"And I still am." Draco added.

[Hermione glares at him with a mixture of hate and hurt as Draco sneers. Jasper sees Avery smiling and shaking her head. Not a good sign.]

Ron: You'll pay for that one, Malfoy! [he takes out his wand and aims it at Draco] Eat slugs!

[Unfortunately, Ron's spell backfires, blasting him off backwards and onto the ground. Jasper, Harry and Hermione immediately rush to his side.]

Jasper: You seriously need to get that wand replaced, mate.

Molly turned to her son, "Why didn't you just ask for another wand?"

"I didn't want to worry you. Also, I'm glad I didn't." Ron shrugged.

"You need not to worry about finances, Ron. You were just a child, that wasn't your problem. Besides, we're Weasleys. We can manage." Arthur winked to his son.

Hermione: You okay, Ron? Say something!

[Ron opens his mouth as if to say something, but instead he spits out a slug.]

Colin Creevey: [starts taking pictures of Ron] Wow! Can you turn him around, Harry?

Harry: No, Colin! Get out of the way. [he and Hermione help Ron to his feet] Let's take him to Hagrid. [Ron regurgitates another slug] He'll know what to do.

[The three of them rush off to Hagrid's while the Slytherins laugh at them. Jasper still sees his godsister sinisterly smiling at Draco. The twins start to catch on as well.]

"Oh shit." James muttered.

"I know that smile from anywhere." Dorcas added.

"It's identical!" Lily shuddered.

"Yeah, we learned the hard way." Theo and Draco grimaced.

"A lot of people were on the wrong side of that grin. Not me though." Blaise shrugged.

Jasper: Avery. Don't.

Fred: Aves, just walk away.

George: Just this once, Aves.

Draco: [notices Avery] Oi, what are you going to do? [walks closer to Avery] Am I supposed to be scared of a little girl?

Multiple people groaned at the idiot boy.

"Yeah, he asked for it." Evan laughed.

[Fred, George and Jasper sighs, knowing they can't stop her now.]

Pucey: [chuckles] Malfoy, seriously?

"That's Adrien?" Mary asked stunned. The future girls nod, "He's quite handsome."

Hazel smirks, "Like mother, like daughter. A plethora of good looking young men fawning over the deLay-Lupin girls for generations."

Jasmine and Avery dramatically flip their hair past their shoulders, waving the woman off.

Avery: [slyly takes out her wand and points it to Draco] Slugulus Eructo! [Draco falls to the ground, vomiting slugs] I believe that was meant for you.

The Marauders clap at their Legacy Marauder.

[The Slytherin quidditch team looks at her with wide eyes.]

Avery: [looks at the rest of the team] Anyone else? Because I have a lot of bloody spells I want to practice. And I see six dummies to try them on. Volunteers?

[They all shake their head, grab Draco, and leave the courtyard immediately.]

Avery: [huffs, then turns to Gryffindor's quidditch team] The pitch is all yours. You could practice without a seeker I'm sure. Right, Woods?

Woods: [shakes out of his awe state] Yea- Yeah [clears his throat] Yes, thanks Lupin. [turns to his team] Let's get a move on.

"He looked absolutely mesmerized." Lily snorted.

[The team thanks Avery as they walk past her to the pitch. Jasper wraps his arm around his godsister and they walk off to find Ariel and Amara.]

[The scene switches to inside Hagrid's hut. Hagrid rummages about, looking for something.]

Hagrid: Got jus' the thing. Set 'im down
on that chair o'er there.

[As Ron sits, Hagrid pitches a bucket between his knees. Harry and Hermione glance up questioningly. Hagrid shrugs.]

Hagrid: Better out than in. Who was he tryin' ter curse anyway?

Harry: Malfoy. He called Hermione, well, I don't know exactly what it means...

Avery shook her head, "Clueless."

Gaining a nudge from her boyfriend, who had a faux sad pout. She rolled her eyes and gave him a quick peck.

Remus slapped James upside the head.
"Ow! Moony, what the hell?!"

"You just had to have a son!" Remus argued.

Hermione: (quietly) He called me a Mudblood.

Hagrid: [gasps] He didn'!

Harry: What does that mean exactly? [Harry looks confused. Hermione glances at him, then away, obviously pained by this.]

Hermione: [tearing up] It means dirty blood. Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who was Muggle-born. Someone with non-magic parents. Someone like me. It's not a term one usually hears in civilized
conversation.

Hagrid: Yeh see, Harry. There are some wizards -- like Malfoy's family -- who think they're better than everyone else 'cause they're what people call pureblood.

Harry: That's horrible.

Ron: (belches forth a slug) It's disgusting!

"It's incest!" The dynamic duo yelled.

Hagrid: An' it's codswallop ter boot. Dirty blood. There's 'ardly a wizard today that's not half-blood or less. If we 'adn't married Muggles we'd've died out long ago. Besides, they haven't invented a spell our Hermione can't do... (taking her hand) Don' you think on it, Hermione. Don' you think on it fer a minute... eh? [Hermione nods and smiles brightly.]

Hagrid smiles at his kind words, seeing that he actually is a helpful, friendly giant.