EXT. HOTEL POOL -- DAY

Early morning. Tik Tok/Edge/DevA/Fanfic/Tumblr/Pinterest are all swimming in a hotel pool, laughing and talking so casually it would be easy to forget they were in the middle of a conspiracy investigation.

PINTEREST
Marco!

TIK TOK
YOLO!

Wattpad, however, sits off to the side, listening to music and chewing on a pencil while typing frantically on her computer.

https://youtu.be/RxqmePJL6t8

Yahoo sits down beside her and says something indistinguishable. Wattpad takes one of her airpods out.

WATTPAD
What?

YAHOO
I asked what's wrong. All the other websites are out there on the water and you're still hunched over your computer. And is that your fifth pencil you've chewed through today?

WATTPAD
Sixth. And it's nothing.

YAHOO
It's not nothing. If it was nothing, you'd be in there completely schooling them at their game of Marco-YOLO.

WATTPAD
I'm just worried about the mission. HBO Go just texted me and set up a pitch meeting for Saturday which means either we need to find Anne soon or I'm losing my job.

YAHOO
Don't worry. Things always seem to reveal themselves in due time.

WATTPAD
But what if they don't? What if I have to choose between my career and my friends? I mean, these past few days have been better than anything I've experienced since I left town but what about what Amazon said yesterday? Is our purpose on earth just to make people envious of each other?

YAHOO
Right. Well, first of all, Amazon can shove it.

WATTPAD
Yahoo! I've never heard you use such fowl language!

YAHOO
Please. You should hear what some of the others are saying.

An Alexa dressed as a lifeguard blows a whistle.

TUMBLR
BEGONE, THOT!

DEVA
ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS, TUMBLR!

YAHOO
My point is, social media does have its flaws, but it does a lot of good too. It builds connections, whether for the first time between misfits who don't have people to talk to irl about their interests, or maintained over time by old friends separated by physical distance.

WATTPAD
I guess you're right. But still, I'm nowhere close to finding a break in this case. I mean, did Anne send Alexa to throw us off her trail or was that some other thing? What does Beauty Queens have to do with it? And why hasn't Quotev been answering my texts?

YAHOO
I don't know. And that's okay. All these questions don't have an expiration date, so for now you should just focus on trying to make the most of your time with the people you love. It's not procrastination; it's prioritizing your emotional well-being over some silly quest for vengeance.

WATTPAD
Thanks, Yahoo.

Wattpad thinks a beat, then puts her laptop, pencils, and airpods in her bag. She runs over to the pool and cannonballs in, splashing her friends. The other websites laugh, and Fanfic gives a shy smile, which leads to a beat of meaningful eye contact in which Wattpad begins to believe she feels the spark persisting as well.

CUT TO:

INT. COMPUTER CORP SEVENTH FLOOR -- DAY

Quotev lies asleep in her blanket fort, having another dream.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SCOTTISH FOREST -- DAY

MAEVE, a fifty-year-old ghost with bright pink hair, wafts through a forest until she reaches a clearing populated by three WITCHES.

...

The Birnam Woods were now calm, though evidence of war remained. Charred grass and blood-stained soil littered the ground, as well as many discarded branches deemed unfit to mask the army of Macduff. It would take years for the land to truly recover from these events, but for now, there was an eerie calmness to my adventure.

It didn't take long for me to find my destiny this time, I just had to follow the distinct chatter of high-pitched voices struggling to craft a new chant.

"Are you out of your mind, Atropos? We can't rhyme blood with good again! What do you take us for, common bards?"

I entered the clearing, and the witches assumed their positions haphazardly, embarrassed to be seen in the process of their revisions. The most ancient one swirled her arms ominously. "Beware the ides of March..."

She continued her pose a moment, though spoke of no more prophecies. "Are you done?" I asked.

"I think so."

The cloaked sister removed her green hood, revealing a mess of grey hair underneath. It seemed in this moment she wished not to appear as a mysterious being but as an equal. "Listen, I feel like we all have some preconceived notions about who and what is technically able to, uh, perform magic, and that's our fault entirely, so if we could just start fresh..."

"What?"

"The dream." The ancient one whispered. "You called our bluff. Yeah, we got in a bit over our heads, and maybe Hecate is now limiting our access to newt eyes as punishment, but it's the thought that counts in situations like these, and I for one thought we were pretty spooky."

"Wait, that was real?"

"Uh, it wasn't not real?" The youngest one said, trying to create a loophole where there wasn't one. "We wanted to practice our legilimency skills so management will finally give us one of those fun recurring dream assignments and thought, hey, who better to test this metaphor stuff on than the weird goat lady who was so helpful in our first political assignment."

"Slow down. How did I help you? I've just been looking for my goats and going on some afterlife-changing self reflection rants while you annoyed me by performing magic without context."

"Exactly." The cloaked one responded. "You're one of the few metaphysical beings I know who still insists on finding meaning in existence while still keeping to yourself enough not to blow our cover."

"Yeah! You're not important enough for our actions to have consequences!" The young one blurted out.

"Take it down a notch, Atropos." The cloaked one hissed.

"Sorry."

"Wait, I think I have it now." I said, too busy calculating my reality to notice that serious burn on my self-esteem. "So, you need someone to bounce ideas off of in order to properly mess with our entire society, so you found the nearest loner with no purpose and decided I was fit to serve as your rough draft to Macbeth's final copy?"

"Ooh, that's good imagery!" The young one whispered to the sister whose skin was nearly dust. "Write that down! Write that down!"

"I'm writing!"

As the two of them wrote my metaphor into a large, repurposed spellbook, the cloaked witch corrected my assumptions. "Sort of. While maybe we did first pick you as a blank test subject, your powers, not to mention your personality, could help us become something magnificent!"

"You already control fate. What could you possibly need to make yourselves more magnificent?"

"Ooh! Can I take this one?" The young one asked.

"Sit down, Atropos." The cloaked sister chided. "We need this one to actually like us this time."

"Oh, zounds." The young one crossed her arms and pouted, but the cloaked sister didn't notice.

"You see, while many mortals may refer to us as the fates—and they should!"

The other sisters concurred. "Because we totally are."

"Definitely."

"Without a doubt. But, you see, fate tends to exist as more of an energy than as a physical being. And we—" she gestured to the group, "—are in control of that energy."

"As we should be!" the young one shouted from the ground.

"Too much, Atropos. But the problem here is Hecate seems to think we are 'underqualified for this position' and need to be kept an eye on, so we don't accidentally wipe out an entire village."

"Again."

"Plagues are hard to control." The most ancient sister shrugged.

"At least I didn't get us banned from human resurrections." The cloaked sister stated, passive-aggressively. "Anyway, this system has worked out fine in the past. Hecate was assisting us in the time after you asked for your favor, and I'd say we did some of our best work then."

I scoffed. "Your best work? Hundreds of people died!"

"A good thing, seeing as we were going for tragedy." The ancient sister noted.

"Yes. But there have been rumors that Hecate has been looking to force us to pass on control of the fates to another witch."

"A witch with more power."

"A witch with better connections."

"A witch capable of spinning fate into something that's not tragedy. That's where you come in."

"Me?" I asked, knowing full well that there was literally no one else she could be indicating here. "No offense, but I think I'd be kind of fed up with being your test subject for all of eternity."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of it." The cloaked sister assured me. "You'll be our woman on the inside, making sure the public sticks to the script, so to speak."

I was not amused. Hadn't I already done enough of this?

"Hey, I can see you're not convinced," the ancient one said, standing. " I respect that. So, to sweeten the deal, how about we throw in one wish per assignment?"

"Two."

"One we decide and one you pick. Final offer."

"And you can't wish for more wishes or we're taking back your pink hair and replacing it with bees!"

"Quiet, Atropos! Just, y'know, be reasonable."

I thought a moment. While in my heart I wanted some way to ensure all of Scotland remained safe from tyranny in the coming years, that could possibly fall into the realm of unreasonable. Plus, it wasn't the witches' fault that bad things happen to good people... usually.

Then I remembered my debt to the peddler and his creepy fat rat. Perhaps I had finally secured an opportunity to make things even.

"I wish," I started, "That Bairn the peddler and his pet Bartimus are gifted with some unbelievable twist of fate that benefits them, whatever it may be."

The witches formed a huddle, whispering about the decision. Finally, the ancient one spoke. "Your wish is granted."

"And for your other favor, we are officially granting you immortality!" The group then broke into jazz hands, really trying to see me on this notion of eternal life.

I glanced at my limbs. Still translucent. "Didn't I already have that?"

"Oh zounds she's right." The cloaked one responded. The Weird Sisters fell back into their huddle and conferred once again.

"Okay, don't hate us if this doesn't work. We've never tried it on animals." The youngest sister put her fingers to her mouth, and the other two followed suit.

The witches then began to whistle a tune I'd recognize anywhere, a melody I had nicknamed "lullaby for a screeching livestock". Sure enough, out of the forest she ran: The ghost of Morag.

I couldn't believe it. Not only had I reclaimed one of my beloved goats, but it was the one who started it all. And while her death was certainly upsetting, she had far exceeded the average lifespan of her species, and now we'd be able to accompany each other for eternity.

I was ecstatic. "Thank you!" I cried.

"You're welcome. It was a lot of trouble convincing Hecate to help us locate a specific soul, but I hope this will convince you to join us."

"Of course!" I said as I tried to keep Morag from chasing a bird.

"What are you talking about?" questioned the youngest sister. "It was no hassle. We literally just had to walk a few miles to your farm, figure out which ghost was which, and say a simple incantation which goes—"

The other two frantically slapped their hands over her mouth. "ATROPOS!"

"Sorry."

I stared, dumbfounded. "You know where my farm is?"

The sisters looked at each other as though silently finding a way to maneuver out of this mess. "Uh, meet us here tomorrow for your next assignment." And with that (and a series of over dramatic hand gestures), the Weird Sisters vanished. Though they were no longer just some terrifying Weird Sisters to me. They were people, people with names and relationships and frustrations. People who, while exceptional at pretending they had everything under control, were not too proud to ask for help. People who were my equal.

I wonder... no. There's no use in worrying about the future when even the controllers of fate have no idea what's going to happen next. It is best instead to live your life in the moment, even if it takes several moments into your afterlife to realize that fact.

Still, I wonder if I can convince my new coworkers to let me name our new team "Clan MacGhost". Just for old time's sake.

End of Act I

FADE OUT

INT. COMPUTER CORP SEVENTH FLOOR -- CONTINUOUS

Quotev awakens, heart pounding, and walks over to the conspiracy board. Cleverbot sits at their old tab, coloring.

QUOTEV
Another Anne... what could this mean?

CLEVERBOT
Remember the good times and they will come back again...

QUOTEV
Alright, it was a change in format, almost an internal monologue thing, so was I the ghost? Or maybe Anne was the ghost and this was a memory? Or maybe this is the future, and I'm supposed to go into the forest to find answers?

CLEVERBOT
I don't know? Goku?

QUOTEV
Oh, talk to me, Anne...

CLEVERBOT
I am.

QUOTEV
What does it all mean? What should I do? What do you want from me next?

CLEVERBOT
I was in your site, you got me alone.

A sharp breeze blows through a shattered window, leading Quotev to notice the forest just beyond the parking lot.

CLEVERBOT
Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate, just a puppet on a lonely string, oh who would ever wanna be king. 

Quotev grabs a notepad and a four-color pen and heads into the elevator with a determined look in her eye.

QUOTEV
Clev, you're in charge.

The elevator doors close.

CLEVERBOT
Really? Then give me five dollars.

INT. MINIVAN -- DAY

The websites are packed into the minivan once again, same seats as before.

WATTPAD
Alright, it's crunch time, people. Anyone have any ideas for finding Antisocial Media during the drive back to Computer Corp?

EDGE
Maybe the real Antisocial Media is the friends we made along the way?

DEVA
That's adorable.

TUMBLR
Yeah. Unfortunately, the power of friendship isn't gonna reverse a time anomaly and get Yahoo back to being my boss.

DEVA
Tumblr, be nice.

TUMBLR
Sorry.

EDGE
It's okay, DevA. You don't need to come to my rescue every time someone doesn't like one of my ideas.

DEVA
Yeah, but I want to...

FANFIC
(texting)
AO3 just said that maybe Antisocial Media's so out of the mainstream that is doesn't come up on search results anymore. Maybe we can do some digging ourselves.

WATTPAD
Great idea, Fanfic.

FANFIC
Thank you.

Wattpad/Fanfic share some meaningful eye contact again. DevA, sitting in the middle of them, rolls her eyes and kicks the console in front of her.

PINTEREST
But I thought you guys already went to the iCloud library?

FANFIC
We did, but not every library's the same. We could probably find a few here to stop at before we get back with a vastly different selection.

DEVA
Yeah. Plus, the results will be different if we look through the records ourselves instead of paying some search engine to comb through them.

TUMBLR
Yeah. They're all probably being paid by Russia anyway.

Tumblr makes eye contact with Yahoo in the rear-view mirror.

TUMBLR
No offense.

YAHOO
(taking offense)
None taken.

TIK TOK
Hey, guys, quick question. What's a lie-berry?

All of the other websites are up in arms, especially Tumblr/Wattpad/Fanfic. They all speak at the same time, words jumbling into one another.

TUMBLR
---exactly what is wrong with today's generation---

FANFIC
---go through life not even knowing what a book is---

WATTPAD
---so many childhood experiences, out the window---

TIK TOK
Reverse card! I've been going to the library since I was a kid, and I know the perfect one just a couple miles from here.

FANFIC
...oh thank god.

TIK TOK
Man, for a bunch of websites who complain about being called "entitled millennials", you sure are gullible when it comes to an excuse to hate on Gen Z.

The websites are all silent a beat.

TIK TOK
Hah. Gott'eem.

EXT. OUTSIDE SMALL LIBRARY -- DAY

The minivan pulls into the parking lot outside a small local library.

TIK TOK
You have reached your destination.

EDGE
Thanks, kid.

The websites all climb out of the van and walk into the building.

INT. SMALL LIBRARY -- CONTINUOUS

Inside the library, the walls all seem to be lined with thick, ancient-looking books up to the ceilings. Comfy chairs sit at the end of aisles with non-websites curled up in them, reading.

WATTPAD/FANFIC/TUMBLR
I'm home.

Two websites, THESAURUS.COM and WORDHIPPO, stand behind the circulation desk and glance up at the sound of new patrons.

WORDHIPPO
Oh, hi!

THESAURUS
Hello!

WORDHIPPO
If you come across any words you have trouble with don't hesitate to ask us. We're here to help.

THESAURUS
Also, if you stumble upon a term you find difficult never hold off requesting our services. We're in this vicinity to assist.

WORDHIPPO
That's what I just said.

THESAURUS
This is what I recently stated.

The websites split up to search the archives for any mentions of Anne or Antisocial Media.

Wattpad finds herself surveying book titles on one shelf as an employee reshelves books nearby. She doesn't notice the employee's identity until he gasps, and she turns to the source of the sound.

WATTPAD
Gah!

Wattpad turns to find WIKIPEDIA staring at her, spiky white hair flattened down into a more professional hairstyle, hand covering his mouth. He tentatively removes his hand.

WIKIPEDIA
Oh, hey Wattpad. Long time no see. Love the new hair.

Wattpad instinctively begins pulling her blonde hair back into a ponytail, self conscious about him complimenting it.

WATTPAD
Yeah, long time no see since you were a manipulative asshole to me for three straight months and tried to get my ex fired!

Wikipedia closes his eyes, deeply regretting that.

WIKIPEDIA
Ah, yep. That'd be the last thing you remembered me from, all right. God damn it. Well, while you're here, this would probably be as good a time as any to catch you up on... well, everything.

He takes a deep breath.

WIKIPEDIA (CONT'D)
Wattpad, I don't expect you to forgive me today or maybe ever but I just wanted to let you know I am deeply sorry for my actions during the time we were a couple. I was operating from a place of fear and aggression fueled by my own internalized homophobia and my warped view of heterosexual relationships due to society's culture of toxic masculinity and the normalized bigotry I was raised to believe. I am not saying this to justify any of my previous choices but rather to provide context for any memories you have of our relationship. Again, I apologize for any harm I may have caused and hope we can one day come to a place where you see me for who I have become since that time, but you are still completely valid in any emotions that may have arisen upon seeing me again.

Wikipedia exhales. Wattpad stares at him a beat, not knowing what to think.

WATTPAD
Wow, Wiki. That was very... insightful.

WIKIPEDIA
Thank you. My therapist has been working with me on confronting my past relationships for a while and it's honestly been doing wonders. Oh, speaking of relationships, that's my partner over there.

Wikipedia gestures toward a non-website in a sweater-vest reading a Charles Dickens biography across the library.

WATTPAD
Wow, he's... not a website.

WIKIPEDIA
I know, seeing me with a man feels like a practical joke. If you'd asked me about this two and a half years ago, I would've said the same thing. That's another thing, even for all the pain and hardships I must've thrown at you during that time, thank you for being so open and vocal about your sexuality. Your embracing of your identity was the thing that really began my examination of my own self and why I was targeting queer women in that way.

Wattpad doesn't answer, too stunned by Wikipedia's newfound maturity to formulate a response.

WIKIPEDIA
Right. Well, I should probably leave you to your research. If you need any help finding stuff, just ask. I've gotten a lot better at spotting fakes these days.

Wikipedia begins to leave but Wattpad stops him.

WATTPAD
Sorry I wasn't reacting, it's just... wow. This is a huge step for you and it's hard for me to adjust this quickly. But I do want to catch up.

WIKIPEDIA
Nice. Would you want to get coffee tomorrow?

WATTPAD
Ugh, I can't. I'm only in town for the library then it's back on the road toward Computer Corp.

Wikipedia gets an inquisitive look on his face.

WATTPAD
Don't ask. Long story.

WIKIPEDIA
Well, I haven't taken my lunch break yet today. Do you think we'd be able to duck out now and be back in time for the rest of your crew?

WATTPAD
Oh definitely. We're probably going to have to physically drag Fanfic and Tumblr out of here at the end of the day.

WIKIPEDIA
Wait, Fanfic and Tumblr are here?

WATTPAD
Yeah! Do you want me to get them?

WIKIPEDIA
Oh, no. Seeing it from their perspectives, I don't think they'll be quite as accepting as you are.

WATTPAD
I don't know, Fanfic can surprise you. But if you're not comfortable with that, I can just come up with some excuse for slipping out later.

WIKIPEDIA
Thank you.

WATTPAD
Of course.

Wattpad and Wikipedia head towards the back door marked "employees only" and duck out.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET -- CONTINUOUS

Wattpad and Wikipedia wander around the streets surrounding the library, listening to music each with one earbud in.

https://youtu.be/eLgxYjZEflI

WATTPAD
So... how's it been?

WIKIPEDIA
How's what been?

WATTPAD
Y'know, life...

The websites walk in silence a beat, neither knowing how to start this sort of conversation.

WIKIPEDIA
Wait, did I tell you about Cecil's kid?

WATTPAD
Who's Cecil?

WIKIPEDIA
My partner. He has a ten-year-old daughter named Kia who is the most adorable thing. She wants to be an archivist when she grows up, so she comes into work with me sometimes and helps organize the more fandom-y sections. If you're ever in town again, I should see if I can bring her in.

WATTPAD
I'd like that.

WIKIPEDIA
Oh, I might have a picture on my phone.

Wikipedia scrolls through his phone a few beats before showing Wattpad a photo of a ten-year-old girl with spiky teal hair and thick glasses, vaguely resembling the Wikia logo.

WATTPAD
She's awesome.

WIKIPEDIA
Yeah, I think so too. Cecil and I aren't looking to take things too fast but she's really looking forward to calling me her stepdad.

WATTPAD
Nice.

Wikipedia puts the picture away.

WIKIPEDIA
So, how are things with Fanfic going?

WATTPAD
We actually broke up last year.

WIKIPEDIA
Oh no! Why? It wasn't because of something I did, was it?

WATTPAD
No, you're good. I don't really know why we broke up. I moved to Los Angeles to focus on my screenwriting career and she stayed in her hometown. We tried the long distance thing for a while, but then we just sort of... stopped. I think we kind of drifted apart, both physically and emotionally.

WIKIPEDIA
Wow. I am so sorry that happened.

WATTPAD
I am too.

Wattpad is silent a beat.

WATTPAD
Y'know, I was actually thinking of asking her if we could give it another shot.

WIKIPEDIA
You should! I know outward appearances suggested otherwise, but I really loved you two as a couple.

WATTPAD
Aww, thanks.

WIKIPEDIA
I mean it. You two had some sort of connection, it was like you were literally made for each other. I can't imagine a universe in which you two don't end up married with three cats in the countryside and complimentary book deals.

WATTPAD
That's the dream, isn't it? Man, I'm so glad I finally have someone to talk about this with. I haven't told any of the others on the trip yet.

WIKIPEDIA
Well I'm honored.

WATTPAD
It's just so awkward because she's my ex, and we hadn't spoken for ten months before this. I don't want us to end up back there because I made things uncomfortable.

WIKIPEDIA
Then why don't you just tell her how you feel?

WATTPAD
Because she's my ex!

WIKIPEDIA
I'm your ex.

WATTPAD
Don't remind me. Plus, you're gay, and we're not trying to get back together so it falls a little differently here.

WIKIPEDIA
That's true. But even still, being open and honest with your emotions drastically reduces the chances someone will get hurt, whether that's her or you.

WATTPAD
I guess. But we're going to be packed in a car with like six other people for the next few hours and then I don't know what's gonna happen after that. I don't want to embarrass her in front of everyone.

WIKIPEDIA
You're going to have to stop for dinner at some point, right? Find a way to get her alone then.

WATTPAD
That could work. Thanks.

WIKIPEDIA
No problem. A world without Watfic is a world that's missing out.

The websites are silent a beat.

WIKIPEDIA
So, I never asked, what's this research mission that's got Fanfic and Tumblr and presumably four other people involved?

WATTPAD
It's me, Fanfic, DevA, Tumblr, Pinterest, Yahoo, Edge, and Tik Tok --- a new website who's kind of like a mix between Edge's aesthetic, Tumblr's chaos, and Vine's format but musical. Also twelve years old. Oh, and Quotev's back at Computer Corp. Long story short, every one of our past coworkers we've spoken to has some sort of gap in their memory where the last day of work should be and Quotev thinks it's connected to Antisocial Media and some higher being named Anne.

WIKIPEDIA
Antisocial Media? You mean like the D--

WATTPAD
Not like the Danish pop-rock band. Actually, we could use a researcher on our team if you wanted to join us. I'm sure either Tik Tok or Tumblr would gladly ride in the trunk.

WIKIPEDIA
Oh, I could never.

WATTPAD
Is this about your reputation? Wiki, I swear they'd all be open to at least tolerating your presence if you told them the same thing you told me, especially if they saw that I've forgiven you first.

WIKIPEDIA
Listen, I'm honored you'd do that for me, but I know putting myself through that immediately after this encounter would just be too much for one day. I love the fact that you're working to reunite all your social media friends, but unfortunately I'm not someone who falls on the list of people they want to be reunited with, and I'm okay with that. I have a life here.

WATTPAD
That's valid.

WIKIPEDIA
Plus, I'm not even a social media. I have chatboards but literally that's it. I don't know what I was doing lumped in with you guys in the first place.

Wattpad laughs.

WATTPAD
Yeah, Computer Corp was kind of a delightful little mess like that, wasn't it?
(checks phone)
Ugh, Yahoo says we need to head out now if we want to get back before midnight. I should probably go. It was nice talking to you again!

WIKIPEDIA
Same here. Good luck with Fanfic!

WATTPAD
Thanks. Hey, Wiki? I'm proud of you.

WIKIPEDIA
Thanks. I'm proud of you too.

Wattpad exits back up the street and Wikipedia smiles.

EXT. FOREST -- DAY

Quotev wanders through the forest on the other side of Computer Corp until she comes across a silvery vapor. She ducks behind a tree.

GHOST
Still no updates, huh? Well, fine! Don't expect me to come to any of your premieres or books signings then. Unless there's food. But that's it!

The ghost notices Quotev and drifts over.

GHOST
Hey! Are you one of those Antisocial Media characters? Is Jess updating again? It better not be another lousy author's note.

Quotev peeks out from behind the tree.

GHOST
(disappointed)
Oh, you're just Quotev.

QUOTEV
Are you Myspace?

GHOST
You mean the character who killed my favorite series? No way, sis.

QUOTEV
What about the pink haired ghost lady?

GHOST
Maeve? I could never get into her story. It was nice and all, but there were barely any meme references. I mean, yeah, Atropos does say yeet at one point, but no one even calls her on it. It's just existential crises and pretentious literary references and a tiny bit of romance, but not enough for me to ship.

QUOTEV
Then who are you?

GHOST
I'm the Hypothetical Reader, impatiently awaiting season 3 of Antisocial Media's release date. It'll happen.

QUOTEV
But then why are still around?

GHOST
Christ, do you even read your series' blog? Here you go.

The ghost pulls this image up on her phone.

QUOTEV
That answers nothing.

GHOST
Well you haven't been much help either! You were her backup plan, the second location, the only other character whose website actually hosted a copy of the script. Then she realized you made it so her name was a little too google-able and got rid of all the backups and never posted again.

QUOTEV
I'm sorry, I don't know what I did.

GHOST
Typical. I followed you, you know. I knew you were a shoddy, third-tier fanfiction site crossed with a pathetic excuse for a quiz site, but I toughed it out, figuring perhaps you would be our savior, you would be the one to make her take this more seriously and realize her true potential! Instead you just overwhelmed her and were the first stepping stone to her taking it all down. Well, if you take something of mine, I guess I'll just take something of yours because I'm done waiting around for some bitch who doesn't even bother to say goodbye.

QUOTEV
Maybe if you just tell me what you're mad about I can fix it?

The ghost floats off in the direction of Computer Corp.

QUOTEV
Hello?

No response. Quotev continues walking.

INT. MINIVAN -- EVENING

The websites are back in the minivan, same seats as before. Tumblr spots a McDonald's sign in the distance.

TUMBLR
MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

TIK TOK
MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

PINTEREST
We have food at home.

YAHOO
Actually, Pin, it looks like we're not gonna be getting in until around 3 a.m. tonight.

PINTEREST
Oh, okay. MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Wattpad leans forward to talk to Edge.

WATTPAD
Whaddya say, Edge? You're not gonna be that dad who goes through the drive thru, orders one black coffee, and leaves, right?

EDGE
Of course not. But I was thinking we could maybe treat ourselves to something a bit more luxurious than fast food tonight as a reward for a hard day's work.

DEVA
You know we can't afford that!

EDGE
Sure we can. I've been saving a lot of my commissions lately for that new line of copics but I think this right here has more potential than my career as an artist ever could.

DEVA
Aw, Edge...

EDGE
It's okay. Work, dream-chasing, those are only temporary. But friendships like these are the kind that last forever.

Wattpad glances over to Fanfic, who's laughing at something on her phone and blushes.

EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT PARKING LOT -- CONTINUOUS

The minivan pulls into the parking lot  of a fancy waterfront restaurant and the websites step out.

DEVA
Are you sure we won't get dress coded going in there looking like this?

EDGE
Please. This place is just a few steps above Red Lobster. You think it's all fancy because all the menu items are in French but once the waiter drops a block of cheese on the ground and leaves it there a full thirty minutes your realize why no one's in their formal wear except the matre de.

TIK TOK
Wait, they have floor cheese? Count me in!

Tumblr and Tik Tok race to the door.

YAHOO
Man, I can't wait until I have to wrangle both of them to do their jobs.

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT -- DAY

The websites sit in a corner booth in the restaurant. A waiter, GRUBHUB, comes to take their order.

GRUBHUB
Hi, my name is GrubHub and I'll be your waiter this evening. Can I get you folks started off with something to drink? I can also go over our selection of craft beers and wines if you're interested in those beverages.

EDGE
I would like--

DEVA
You're too young to drink.

EDGE
I know, DevA. I was gonna order a Sierra Mist.

GRUBHUB
Nice choice. And for you, ma'am?

PINTEREST
I'll have a coke.

GRUBHUB
Is Pepsi okay?

PINTEREST
(pained expression)
Sure.

GRUBHUB
Awesome. And you?

FANFIC
I'll just take a water.

Fanfic's phone buzzes.

FANFIC
Can someone order for me too? I've gotta take this.

Fanfic ducks out to the balcony, on her phone.

FANFIC (O.S.; CONT'D)
Hey AO3, what's up?

Wattpad realizes this might be the perfect moment to admit her feelings and gets up as well.

WATTPAD
Just a water for me too. I'm gonna go pay my compliments to the chef.

YAHOO
But we haven't even gotten our food yet?

WATTPAD
Everyone deserves positivity, Yahoo!

Wattpad exits. Sensing the mood, Tumblr ducks out too.

TUMBLR
I'll take a shirley temple with extra cherries instead of ice. I'm gonna go flush the entire contents of my purse in the ladies bathroom.

YAHOO
Tumblr!

TUMBLR
(exiting)
I'm a free elf now!

Tik Tok sighs.

TIK TOK
Your finest whiskey---

YAHOO
No!

EXT. BALCONY -- CONTINUOUS

Wattpad steps out onto a balcony overlooking the water. Fanfic notices Wattpad and waves, still on the phone. Wattpad waves back nervously, wringing her hands in anticipation of what's about to happen. After a beat, she puts one of her airpods in and plays some music to calm down.

https://youtu.be/7JOu21_z9R8

FANFIC
(on the phone)
No, I'd say go for it. I mean, just look at what I did with "A Chance Encounter".

Wattpad gets a hopeful look in her eye.

FANFIC (CONT'D)
It's not a cliche! Or, at least, not one that I'd rule out entirely. Two people, sharing a bed, we both know what that means. The possibilities are endless.

Wattpad laughs to herself.

FANFIC (CONT'D)
Yeah, but isn't that uncertainty part of the fun? The risk of one character putting themselves out there, not knowing whether they'll be rejected or not and being pleasantly surprised?

Wattpad blushes.

FANFIC (CONT'D)
She's so close, too.
(a beat)
You're gonna be fine, Sappho. Besides, you've already got one love story for the ages under your belt, and I don't think you're ever gonna be able to top that.

Wattpad takes a deep breath and is about to interrupt when Fanfic giggles.

FANFIC (CONT'D)
Babe, stop it! I was trying to make you blush and it backfired! Aah!

Wattpad stops in her tracks, the realization slowly crossing her face; from her tensed jaw to the catch in her throat to the tears beginning to well up behind her eyes.

FANFIC (CONT'D)
So your parents are okay with us then? Awesome! Gah, I love you so freaking much. I can't wait!
(a beat)
Yeah, they all know. I mean, I never told them explicitly because of the whole parents thing, but come on. There literally hasn't been a single second this trip where I haven't been texting you.
(a beat)
And the whole roommates thing? Oh my god they were roommates.
(a beat)
Oh, Wattpad? She's right here, actually. Do you want to say hi?
(a beat)
I'm sure she'd love to meet you. Just a sec.

Fanfic takes her phone away from her ear and looks up at Wattpad, who looks absolutely crushed. Both of her airpods, once sitting on the railing, slowly fall into the lake. From those few second of eye contact, it becomes clear why she followed her out here in the first place.

FANFIC
(on phone)
Shit. Sorry, I'll have to call you back later. Love you too.

Fanfic hangs up.

FANFIC
Wattpad, I'm so sorry...

WATTPAD
No, it's fine. I'm just an idiot. I should've picked up on it by now.

FANFIC
You're not an idiot, we were keeping things quiet on purpose while her parents were in town.

WATTPAD
But still, the constant texting, the living together, that stupid smile on your face when you were staring at your phone that I only recognized from when I used to make you laugh like that.

The websites are silent a beat.

WATTPAD
I just thought that... maybe there was still a chance for us, with me being back here and all. I know I was a shitty girlfriend towards the end of things, but this trip, it makes me feel like those two and a half years never happened. It makes me feel like we're right back on the side of the road that cold March day in 2016, stuck in an elevator Christmas that same year, huddled in the back of another minivan, a world away from it all.

FANFIC
But the thing is, those two and a half years did happen. I loved our relationship, I loved being Watfic, I loved the fact that you loved me. But those last few months, with you, begging me to come out to Hollywood and me, staying behind in my empty house, pretending I liked only seeing you once every few months. I didn't love that much at all.

WATTPAD
But I'm back here now! I can change! I can make things work!

FANFIC
But do you want to change?

Fanfic reaches out to take Wattpad's hand and she lets her, still sobbing.

FANFIC
We can't keep drowning ourselves in our own nostalgia. Taking a trip down memory lane with "Shipper's Island" or "Pinvengers" or whatever it is we used to call ourselves is fun, but you can't seriously think we'll be going back to being coworkers under Edge again. I mean, look at you. You have multiple successful films to your name. You're a force to be reckoned with in the writers' room, someone who feels comfortable conversing with giants. You grew up, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And I can't keep having you try to force a career or relationship back from the dead because the truth is, you've outgrown us. It's time for you to find out what that means.

Wattpad sniffles a beat.

WATTPAD
But all these tenets of my old life, they meant so much to me. It kills me to see it all abandoned like this.

FANFIC
Then stop acting like you need to revisit it all again. Our relationship was fantastic, Wattney, but now I'm able to see it was a learning experience. I'd never gotten up the courage to ask a girl out before you. Hell, I'd never even kissed a girl. You're always going to have a place in my heart because of that.

WATTPAD
But--

FANFIC
Those memories can remain untouched by time, a pleasant experience that helped make me the woman I am today, or I can let you back in. I can try to force something that isn't there, then have a nasty breakup which ends with me ruing the day I ever spoke your name. We're different people now, and there's nothing wrong with that. We just have to allow ourselves to keep changing, so maybe someday we can grow into the people we were always meant to be.

Wattpad wipes her tears and laughs to herself.

WATTPAD
I'm finding it hard to come up with excuses that aren't just recycled versions of "but I wanna".

FANFIC
I can go if you want me to. I can take a cab back to Computer Corp and we can meet up tomorrow, or try again in a couple months.

Wattpad pauses a beat and sits on the concrete floor of the patio and pats the ground across from her.

WATTPAD
No. Sit. I wanna hear about my best friend's new girl, AO3.

FANFIC
You're sure it won't be awkward? I mean, we're exes.

WATTPAD
So? Not everything has to be awkward when you're exes.

A huge grin spreads across Fanfic's face,

FANFIC
Okay, so she's like the most casual nerdy soft butch I've ever met and constantly steals my flannels and it's adorable. Also she's like the funniest person I've ever met. One of her top fics is called "A Reylo Fic" and it's just one sentence long and it goes...

PAN OUT to reveal Tumblr, hiding behind some patio furniture, scowling. She stands to go back inside and bumps her head on an umbrella stand, trying not to curse.

INT. MINIVAN -- NIGHT

The websites are all back in the minivan, in the last leg of their drive back to Computer Corp. Fanfic continues texting AO3, but every once in a while she'll lean across DevA and show Wattpad any humorous responses. DevA notices the change in tone between the two girls and enjoys it, while Tumblr stews in her anger in the third row.

WATTPAD
Hey, I lost my airpods back at the restaurant, would you mind if I connected my music to your speaker?

EDGE
Oh, not at all.

Wattpad presses play and a song begins to be heard throughout the car.

https://youtu.be/emUdWprfgeU

FANFIC
Nice music.

WATTPAD
Thanks.

The websites sit in silence a beat. Tumblr taps her foot, frustrated, until she can't hold it in anymore.

TUMBLR
Okay, I know none of y'all want to talk about it, but we need to address the elephant in the room. Scratch that, it's not even an elephant. There's a massive mammoth in the room right now, and it's big and hairy and everyone's telling me it went extinct long ago but the truth is out there!

DEVA
Tumblr, there's nothing to discuss---

EDGE
(blurting it out)
I'm moving out.

DEVA
What?

EDGE
I found a small, rent-controlled apartment in the city and I'm moving out at the end of the month. I saved up all of my commissions and I've been deliberating on this decision for months now and I think it's time.

DEVA
But we were art buddies! You can't just give that up!

EDGE
Well, you can't keep treating me like some pathetic little child anymore! I know, you put me through a literal nightmare when I was your boss and I appreciate the fact that you're sorry but I don't need you to hold my hand through life because there are some things I'm just going to have to learn the hard way.

DEVA
But Edge--

YAHOO
(blurting out)
Google and I are thinking of getting a divorce.

WATTPAD
No!

YAHOO
Things haven't been going great, and with CC gone I just feel like I can't compete with him anymore. It's like it's not even fun, he's just better than me at literally everything.

WATTPAD
But you two were like the parent-friends of the office, and---

FANFIC
Stop trying to live in nostalgia, Wattney.

WATTPAD
Well, it'd help if you stopped calling me by that name.

DEVA
(still talking to Edge)
But I wanted to make it up to you, and--

PINTEREST
(blurting out)
Pepsi was not okay!

The websites are all talking over each other. Tik Tok's eyes widen.

TIK TOK
Guys...

PINTEREST
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, I could've had any other soda and it'd taste the same, but Pepsi--

EDGE
I appreciate that but it's like you try too hard sometimes--

YAHOO
Now he's removed "don't be evil" and people still don't care! I should've been a lawyer--

DEVA
Oh, so you'd prefer I just left you to fend for yourself after Internet Explorer died?

WATTPAD
Wait, Internet Explorer died?

FANFIC
Which you wouldn't have known if you weren't so insistent on getting the gang back together--

WATTPAD
Excuse me, wishing I had been invited to my colleague's funeral isn't living in the past!

PINTEREST
I just never want to disappoint the waiters, they work so hard...

TIK TOK
(more worried)
Guys...

TUMBLR
This discourse is all well and good but I was talking about all that unresolved sexual tension between Fanfic and Wattpad. Like, come on guys...

FANFIC
Sexual tension? I have a partner who even suggested we go on this trip because she knew there was nothing there.

WATTPAD
We are not some ship to be gawked at and objectified--

TUMBLR
How am I objectifying--

EDGE
It's called being a decent human being--

PINTEREST
Don't even get me started on Sprite vs. Lemonade--

TIK TOK
(screaming)
GUYS! FOR THE LOVE OF BILLY RAY STOP FIGHTING AND LOOK IN FRONT OF YOU FOR LIKE FIVE FUCKING SECONDS!

The websites pause their arguments a second and look out at the road ahead of them. In the distance, they can see what is clearly the old Computer Corp building cast in the eerie red-orange glow of the fire slowly consuming it from the inside.

TUMBLR
Oh shit.

YAHOO
Stop the car. Stop the car.

Edge pulls off the the side of the road and all the websites get out, putting aside their grievances from moments ago in a moment of pure panic.

EXT. DOWN THE STREET FROM COMPUTER CORP -- CONTINUOUS

The websites run until they reach the street they would turn off into the parking lot of their former building. Firetrucks pack the parking lot, with non-website firefighters struggling to put the fire out. In the middle of the street, Quotev kneels, hunched over, flames reflected in the glassy blue of her eyes.

QUOTEV
It's all my fault...

The websites crowd around her, Yahoo patting her shoulder and Pinterest wrapping her in a giant hug.

EDGE
No, dear, none of this is your fault.

DEVA
You couldn't have known.

QUOTEV
I was gone five minutes... I thought I could protect it. I thought I could inspire her.

WATTPAD
We all did, Quotev. We all wanted to.

FADE OUT