A/N I have lost all perceptions of time in this story's universe. Somehow all episodes take place both on the day they're published and close together (like this would probably be the Wednesday after Episode 5 but also somehow in October?). I have no idea how this happened. Save me.

Edge has now somewhat been accepted into the normal "cast of characters". She's still an outsider, but her reoccurring presence makes it less of an interesting and surprising thing. But this episode isn't about Edge. Wikipedia walks up to Twitter's tab.

Wikipedia: Hey Twitter.

Twitter: Oh, hi Wikipedia! What do you need?

Wikipedia: Nothing at all. I just wanted to say hello to my best friend.

Twitter: *looks around* Who?

Wikipedia: You, of course! Who else is the most beautiful girl here?

Twitter: Facebook? Wattpad? Instagram? Cleverbot sometimes?

Wikipedia: Well, you're also a great conversationalist.

Twitter: No I'm not. I only have 140 characters.

Wikipedia: *sigh* Well, I still admire you... somehow.

*awkward silence*

Twitter: Seriously, do you want something?

Wikipedia: Well, now that you mention it, I'm almost out of good gossip. I mean, there's all this strange political news, but now that Edge is old news, we have nothing going on at this office. You know what I'm saying?

Twitter: I guess?

Wikipedia: Do you know any arguments that happened recently? Controversy? Secrets and lies?

Twitter: No, people just stopped telling me things because I take it out of context and tell everyone.

Wikipedia: I have the same exact problem! It's a wonder we aren't friends. But guess what? I have a plan.

Twitter: Oh really?

Wikipedia: Yes, of course! Do you remember where you were on the 17th of October 2015 at 2:14 p.m.?

Twitter: No??? Why would I???

Wikipedia: Well, I do. It was that moment when you first asked Google about your idea for a debate team. That was a gold mine.

Twitter: I'm glad someone here thinks so! Sadly, Google shut that club down about 3 hours after it started. It's a shame, that club really had potent-

Wikipedia: You can do it again.

Twitter: -tial. Wait, REALLY?!

Wikipedia: Well, I haven't actually asked Edge yet, but she's definitely going to say yes.

Twitter: *jumps out of her chair and hugs Wikipedia* Ohmigosh!!! This is literally the best day ever!!!!

Wikipedia and Twitter walk to Edge's office. Twitter is bouncing with all her excitement.

Wikipedia: Hey Edge.

Edge: Hello! *thinking* Twitter and Wikipedia, right?

Twitter: Yep!

Edge: What do you guys want?

Wikipedia: We-

Twitter: WE WOULD LIKE TO START A CLUB!

Edge: A club?

Twitter: Yeah! A debate team!

Wikipedia: We had one last year but Google shut it down.

Edge: Wow, I didn't realize Google was that strict! I love clubs, they're a great way to make friends and-

Wikipedia: Yeah, yeah. We didn't ask for your life story.

Twitter: #BURN!!!

Edge: I guess if you wanted to start it again I could help you guys set up.

Twitter: IS THAT A YES???

Edge: Yes?

Twitter: *jumping up and down excitedly* This will be so much fun!!!!

*

Scene changes to outside, where a stage has been set up, because Edge wanted the debate to be professional.

Twitter: Okay, so I already have 2 debates scheduled, but I'd really like to make it an even three.

Wikipedia: Technically 3 is an odd number.

Twitter: Well, we can't all be Math Magicians.

Wikipedia: Mathematicians.

Twitter: Whatever. Typos.

YouTube: You need people for a second debate, right?

Twitter: Third, but yeah.

Vine: WE VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

Twitter: Sorry guys, but YouTube's gotta be in the second debate with me and Instagram.

Wikipedia: *Instagram and I

Fanfic: *actually "me and Instagram" was correct

Wikipedia: *Actually "Me and Instagram" was correct. I win.

Fanfic: *angrily walks away*

Vine: Where were we?

YouTube: You were asking if we could debate with each other.

Vine: Thanks bro.

YouTube: No problem, bro.

Vine: Anyway, we're experts at fighting!

YouTube: One time I made him cry on camera!

Vine: I didn't take it down because it's just part of who I am.

YouTube: And it went viral so you were a meme for a week.

Twitter: I don't know, we'd need a third person, and nobody else-

Edge: Look! I found someone in the parking lot!

Vimeo: Hey dudes. I have no idea why I'm here, but I guess this is cool.

Twitter: But-

YouTube: Are we going on first?

Twitter: You-

Vine: Alright! YouTube, new girl, let's go.

Twitter: *sighs*

Edge: Coming to the stage right now are YouTube, Vine, and- What's your name?

Vimeo: Vimeo Adele Martinez.

Edge: Vimeo's fine. Now, what's do I say here?

YouTube: I'll take it from here, Claire.

Edge: It's Edge. And I guess if I have nothing to do here I'll take a break. See ya! *walks away*

YouTube: *takes microphone* Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, you're in for a good old fashioned roast. I will-

Tumblr: Is this gonna be like a rap battle?

Vine: I guess?

Tumblr: *jumps onstage* You coulda been anywhere in the world tonight but you're here with us in New York City. Are you ready for a cabinet meeting???

Facebook: Get off the stage!

Tumblr: Make me, Burr! That's right, I heard you singing along to "Wait for it" in your tab yesterday!

DevA: Tumblr, leave them be. You can practice Cabinet Battle #1 later.

Tumblr: Fine. But I get to be Jefferson.

DevA: Whatever.

Tumblr gets off the stage. YouTube and Vine look confused.

YouTube: Did everyone else not understand that? Good. Anyway, someone give me a beat.

Tumblr: *starts awkwardly beatboxing*

YouTube: Yo listen up it's about time for a roast
                    The only true art form coast to coast
                    Today I'm exposin' my pal Vine
                    His flaws are numerous but for now let's stick to 5 

Tumblr: NUMBER ONE!

YouTube: Only six seconds, is that really enough?
                    To encapsulate the true power of Shia LaBeouf?
                    He said "Just Do It", you took that advice to heart.
                    But when I see your dumb ideas I think you shouldn't even start

Tumblr: NUMBER TWO!

YouTube: "Do it for the Vine" What the hell's that even mean?
                    You're just some messed up kid who thinks he's living the dream.
                    These "challenges" ain't challenging
                     All you're doing is wasting
                     Our time with your loops & loops & loops & loops & loops &...

Tumblr: NUMBER THREE!

YouTube: Vine's a place where originality isn't profitable
                    Repeating memes, selfish dreams, the only thing that's marketable
                    At this point the discourse isn't even debatable
                    The only way to get followers is copy something "relatable"

Tumblr: NUMBER FOUR!

YouTube: You call it art, I call bullcrap.
                    So let's wrap this up, I'm gonna need a nap
                    Because you're so boring I can't even get to 5
                    Seriously, it's a wonder you even have a life.

Tumblr: Secretary Hamilton, your response.

Facebook: Stop.

Vine: You done yet? Okay.
           You may think that just "slayyyed"
           But I could do double, specifically eight
           Legit reasons for all your users' hate

Tumblr: NUMBER ONE!

Vine: This comments' section is a catastrophic mess
            JFC, the creators tried their best!
           Not ev'rything has to be as hostile as a roast
           But I guess that comment wasn't the smartest thing to post

Tumblr: NUMBER TWO!

Vine: Your algorithm's broken, busted, flawed.
           You recommend "Sitting and Smiling #236" My god,
           All I did was watch 1 prank video for a laugh
           2 hours later you're teaching me how to talk to a giraffe!

Tumblr: NUMBER THREE!

Vine: Remember "Harlem Shake" from back in 2012?
           That was way worse than just an epic fail
            5 people were in the hospital, some for many days
            And you livestreamed the whole thing, since it was the latest craze

Tumblr: NUMBER FOUR!

Vine: You're obsessed with so many British dudes it's actually alarming
           Your problem's worse than Wattpad, and you're a lot less charming
           Hey, it's great that you're bisexual, that isn't problematic
           But when your type's this specific it gets kinda erratic

Tumblr: NUMBER FIVE!

Vine: You're putting ads literally everywhere
            If I could just skip it I wouldn't care
            But nope I wasted 4 minutes, and I reckon
            With me you'll only waste six seconds!

Tumblr: NUMBER SIX!

Vine: You're not qualified to teach tween girls make up
            And your "conspiracy" videos aren't gonna ever make me wake up
            Wait I guess with both of those, I'd better add two
            But that's okay because the last one's a death blow to you. 

Tumblr: NUMBER—EIGHT?

Vine: "Fair use" What is this sh*t?
            Copyright system's broke and you know it
            Remember Derek Savage, creator of Cool Cat?
            Last year he fought IHE and almost won, like a rat.
            So I guess what I am trying to say
            Is don't accuse me of five, because you can't handle eight.

YouTube: Well, I-

Vimeo, who's been quietly ignoring them and checking her phone this whole time, steps forward and interrupts YouTube. The beat slows down.

Vimeo: If I could but in, slow the tempo down for just a minute
               You two could realize how childish you're really bein'
               While you were dissin' I was off dismissin' your dumb idea and going my own way
               Don't be surprised if one day the whole world knows my name
              And in this story my glory's gonna be on spotlighted on centre stage
              And you two are just stuck back here fightin' as side characters full of rage
              Because watch out, they'll tell you I'm not frail Mary Sue
              I'm anything but plain!

YouTube: Oh really?

Vimeo: Yeah.

Vine: Full roast. Ready?

YouTube: 1

Vine: 2

YouTube: 3

Vine and YouTube: GO!

Vine: Your glasses fake, huge mistake, makes you look too hipster

YouTube: You strut around here acting like some hotshot entrepreneur.

Vine: But you're just being elitist.

YouTube: Yeah you're basic as it gets.

Vine and YouTube: 'Cuz you only work for people with mega fast internet!

Vine: #Burn

YouTube: #Roasted

Vine and YouTube: #SquadGoals!

Thunderous applause. Tumblr is crying and giving a standing ovation.

Wikipedia: Thank you! That was... I have no idea what that was. Next up to the stage, Twitter and Instagram.

Twitter: As many of you know, last year I had a debate with Instagram and YouTube that got a little out of hand. This year I only have one thing to-

Instagram: "A little out of hand"? Understatement of the year. 

Twitter: Can I finish please? Anyway, this year I only have one thing to say. [clears throat] [straightens papers] [puts papers down on podium and walks over to Instagram] [slaps Instagram repeatedly]

Instagram: Ow! What was that for?

Twitter: I won. Say it!

Instagram: Fine! You won! Just stop hitting me!

Twitter: Thank you. *walks offstage*

Instagram: Is that it? I had a whole speech prepared!

Wikipedia: Get off the stage. She won.

Instagram: *sighs and walks offstage*

Wikipedia: Alright. Up next we have Fanfic and Wattpad.

Pinterest: Fanfic and Wattpad?

DevA: They've barely fought since April 9th!

Tumblr: And even that was just over not saving a memefic!

Wikipedia: Well, times are different now for them.

Instagram: I hope it's a happy fight like Vine and YouTube instead of physical violence like Twitter and me.

Twitter: YOU STARTED IT!

Wikipedia: *Twitter and I. And I guess we'll wait and see. Coming to the stage, Wattpad and Fanfic.

Fanfic: Hello. My name is Fanfic and today we will be discussing―[looks over] Where's Wattpad?

Wikipedia: She took the day off today.

Fanfic: Without telling anyone?

Wikipedia: No, she told me. I guess you're just that unimportant to her now.

Fanfic: I'm sure there's another reason.

Wikipedia: There isn't.

Twitter: Wikipedia, stop it! Do you want to be banned again.

Wikipedia: Sorry, I was just stating the facts. You can take it from here.

Twitter: Okay, we need someone to stand in for Wattpad. You seem pretty eager to argue with her, do you want to?

Wikipedia: Uh, no. I have better things to do. *typing on a phone, holds it up to ear* Hello, White house? Yes I'll hold.

Fanfic: I don't even really need to argue with anyone. Someone can just stand here while I read my note cards. Tumblr? DevA? Pinterest?

Everyone ignores Fanfic. Facebook steps forward.

Facebook: I'll do it.

Twitter: Great!

Facebook climbs onstage. Throughout Fanfic's speech she looks bored. Eventually Facebook interrupts her.

Facebook: I totally agree with everything you said, but tbh I wasn't even listening. Also, you're single now, right?

Fanfic: What does that have to do with anything?

Facebook: Your face is uncalled for.

Fanfic: Can you just stay quiet for one more paragraph? I literally only have 4 sentences left.

Facebook: Only if you can guess the password.

Fanfic: Please?

Facebook: [alarm sound] Wrong answer.

Fanfic: I'm serious [Facebook makes alarm sound] Stop! [Facebook makes alarm sound] Facebook. [Facebook makes alarm sound] If you don't stop I'll tell Edge about Myspace.

Facebook: You wouldn't!

Fanfic: Yes, I would. And I'd tell her with perfect grammar too.

Facebook: Just finish your debate.

Fanfic: Thank you. *finishes speech awkwardly*

Wikipedia: Since I have to award winners, by default Fanfic wins.

Fanfic: [quietly] Yes!

Wikipedia: But since I hate Fanfic, I'm awarding Facebook the winner instead of that fat, purple- haired witch whose only redeemable quality is her taste in women.

Facebook: But I didn't do anything!

Fanfic: That's not fair.

Wikipedia: Life's not fair. Better get used to it, sweetheart.

Fanfic: Sweetheart? SWEETHEART? I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S A "SWEETHEART"!

Fanfic tries to go after Wikipedia but Facebook and Twitter hold her back. Eventually she breaks free and jumps off the stage, but before she gets to Wikipedia, Google walks in.

Google: What's everyone doing out here?  Wikipedia, stop making Fanfic mad. Trust me, that's not something you want to do.

Twitter: We're out here for a debate team!

Google: Debate team? I thought we canceled that last year.

Wikipedia: Edge resurrected it in a sense.

Fanfic: YOU'D BETTER PRAY EDGE CAN RESURRECT YOUR FACE YOU... YOU DI-

Google: Fanfic! Keep this rated K!

Fanfic: 

Google: Tumblr? DevA? Pinterest?

Tumblr: No, this is gettin' GOOD!

Google: Yahoo?

Yahoo: Tumblr, be nice to your friend

Tumblr: I don't wanna!

Yahoo: [slightly more aggressive] Tumblr!

Tumblr: Fine. *goes to Fanfic* There there. I am support.

Fanfic: I'm fine. Let's just go.

They leave.

Google: I thought that the debate team was gone for good. Now I see Edge is bringing it back?

Yahoo: She's a browser. She can do that type of thing.

Google: Not without the popular vote! She's going over people's heads and not asking permission!

Yahoo: It's just a debate team.

Google: But what if it isn't? What else isn't she telling us? I don't want to be hacked again.

Yahoo: I was hacked last month, and I'm fine... I think? But it's not something to worry about right now.

Google: I know, but still, someone should keep an eye on her.

Yahoo: Uh oh.

Google: What?

Yahoo: I know that look. You've got an idea.

Google: No I don't.

Yahoo: Well, I hope it's a good one. I'll try to help out in every way I can, just don't do anything stupid.

Google: I swear I won't do anything stupid or my name isn't Eugene Google.

A/N First order of business is to tell you that I know almost nothing about rap and my favorite rapper is Alexander Hamilton so sorry I wasted your time

Secondly, tomorrow (10/15) is Fanfic's birthday so make sure to wish her a happy birthday!!!!

Also, here's a sketch of Vimeo ZSB2000 did a while back:

Stay golden, web fans!