Present Day

Reagan

"One second!" I raised my voice as I approached the front door, frowning and reminding myself to suggest to building management that we get proper doorbells with a monitor installed.

I opened the door, and air slammed into the back of my throat, then I quickly recomposed myself to put a blank expression on my face. Standing on the other end was Ben, my roommate Serena's boyfriend – although his current status was probably up for debate right now.

"Come on in, I presume you're here for the cat," I pretended to sigh. But the truth was that a nest of butterflies fluttered madly inside my stomach every time I so much as looked at him. I hated that he had such an effect on me, because I would never betray Serena, but at the same time, I couldn't help it.

He smiled a little, his eyes crinkling at the corners. And I swear, he could sell me used toothpicks when he smiled at me like that.

"Yeah, just came to check in on him and bring him a toy, actually."

My eyebrow lifted.

"A toy?" My voice reflected my surprise; then he produced some form of cat toy resembling a mouse.

"Trying to bribe the cat to forgive you?" I asked, trying my best to sound unimpressed.

He sighed and shook his head at my question. And my heart panged because I felt for him, just a little.

Ben's ex-girlfriend suddenly reappeared, asking for another chance, just as he and Serena started to see each other. He didn't know what to do, and Serena broke things off with him because she interpreted his need for time to think things through as him not being sure about really wanting to be with her. He was trying his damn hardest to get back into her good graces right now, quickly realizing that he was in love with her. But she took off to the other side of the world for a few weeks to get her head back straight again.

"Look, Reagan, I know that you're not a fan of me right now. But I can tell you one thing: expect to see me again. Because I'm going to keep turning up. I'm going to be in Serena's life. You don't have to like me – that's fine. But let's at least be civil with each other. Because we do have one thing in common – and that's that we both care about her."

That was true. Serena had been my best friend for the past eight years. She'd been the one constant in my life when everything else fell apart. There was no way in hell I'd ever jeopardize my friendship with her – ever. She was the kindest, best, most deserving person I knew, and she deserved everything good in her life, including a stand-up guy like Ben.

My jaw dropped a little at his forceful declaration, then I nodded. There was a lump in my throat for some reason, and I couldn't get a word out. Did he really think that I couldn't stand him?

"Fair enough," I managed to say with a straight face, feeling mildly relieved that he didn't see through my act.

Thankfully, just then, Lucky came running toward the door from Serena's bedroom, and Ben immediately scooped him up, giving his head a scratch as he showed him the toy. He laughed as Lucky immediately started purring with satisfaction.

"Go get the mouse, boy!" He threw the mouse down the corridor, and Lucky chased right after it, pouncing on it as though he'd caught a real mouse.

"He seems to like it," I smiled, letting my guard down for a second.

"I'd say the cat has forgiven me," Ben quipped, flashing that devastatingly handsome smile of his again.

"One down, two to go," I said nonchalantly as I motioned for Ben to step inside, closing the front door behind us.

"Come here; did you miss me?" He asked with his rich, timbre voice as he scooped my roommate's cat up into his arms again. Those tanned, muscular arms that set my pulse racing. I so wished that I could be zapped Freaky Friday-style and switch places with that damn cat for just one minute so I could feel his hands roaming all over me.

'Stop it, Reagan.'

"I have to get going in about ten minutes," I said coolly - completely belying what I really felt inside. My palms felt clammy because we were alone in my apartment. And even though he was completely oblivious to the inappropriate thoughts that crossed my mind, it still felt dangerous, somehow.

He looked up and nodded at me, those moss green eyes with flecks of gold looking a little sad and resigned. I knew the reason for that look, too. He was missing Serena, who was helping her sister Eva plan her wedding to Curtis Chandler. Curtis was a member of the biggest rock band in the world, Scarlet Shadow. The lead singer in the band, Austin Johns, was Eva's cousin, and she met Curtis through him at his wedding.

Of course, the Chandler wedding in Italy was set to be the damn wedding of the year, hence why the bride needed some help. But the fact was that Ben was pining after Ser, like I was pining after him right now, and I despised my scarlet soul for coveting what wasn't mine.

"That mouse you bought him is going to drive me nuts. The bell inside is going to make one hell of a noise when I'm trying to sleep." I scrunched up my nose, trying to sound annoyed and distant. It was a deliberate strategy on my part to keep him at arms' length. I'd die if he knew what was really going on inside my mind... it was better for him to think that I was still angry at him over what he did to Serena. To be fair, his worst crime was to need a few days to realize that it was Serena who he wanted. But it gave me a good excuse to act this way, so neither he, nor Serena would ever guess my terrible secret.

His lips curved upward into a lop-sided smile. And just like that, my treacherous heart was on a gallop again.

"Sorry, I didn't think of that; perhaps you should close the door to Serena's room and put him in there during the night," he suggested helpfully, because that was the type of guy he was. Fucking perfect.

"Perhaps I should."

I stood there, knowing I should leave him and the cat to play.

"I'll leave you to it," I sighed, turning around to get ready for my date with Tom, the guy I'd been seeing for the past few weeks. He was a highly successful I.T. professional – a hot, smart guy who had his shit together a lot more than I did. But I knew my heart wasn't in it, and I had a feeling that tonight was going to be the night that I'd be breaking things off with him. There was only so much pretending one could do, and I'd reached my limit.

A few minutes later, I heard Ben's voice travel from Serena's room. I placed my make-up brush onto the bathroom vanity, feeling guilty that I was trying to eavesdrop on his conversation. He was clearly talking to Serena over the phone, because I could hear the flirty tone in his voice, even though I couldn't quite make out what he was saying.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Saying a little prayer that somehow, I'd outgrow this highly inconvenient crush that was making my life hell right now. Hoping for some sort of miracle, where I'd be cured overnight. Knowing that no matter how strong that attraction towards him was, I would never, ever act on it and betray my friend.

"I miss you, Rena," his voice traveled, and I felt a pang shooting right through my heart. There was so much longing in there that I felt misty-eyed.

I opened my eyes, knowing that I couldn't endure much more of this. I needed to get out of here, right now, before Ben realized something was wrong.

I reached for my jewelry box and took out the blue sapphire ring that had been passed down to me as a family heirloom. I slipped it onto my finger and watched as the dainty dancing ballerina twirled to the tune of 'Once Upon a Dream.' I was obsessed with ballet as a young girl, and my mom gifted me the wooden jewelry box for my tenth birthday. I would always treasure it because it reminded me of a time in my life when I felt whole, without the giant void that seemed to live inside my heart since everything changed.

I hastily applied some bronzer, then put my heels on before stepping out in the direction of the kitchen, where I'd left my keys.

"On your way out?" Ben asked, looking up from where he was sitting on the sofa with Lucky on his chest. He seemed to have finished his phone conversation with Serena because his phone was lying on the coffee table in front of him.

I swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, I have a date with Tom," I explained.

He got up and gave Lucky's head a good scratch before putting him down onto the floor again.

"I guess I'll get going then as well." He flashed me another perfect smile, and my heart did another perfect somersault in return.

"I suppose I'll see you around," I said casually, even though the biggest part of me hoped that he'd stop by again soon so I could steal surreptitious glances at him and feed my secret addiction.

"Yeah, we're playing a game tomorrow, so probably the day after," he clarified.

Ben was a professional football player for the Los Angeles Rebels. At six-foot-three inches tall, he was built immaculately. Like a damn freight truck, to be more precise. Designed to perfection to take out the opposition with one swift motion of his finely tuned body. I could see the ridges and valleys of his muscles through the fabric of his t-shirt with every move he made, which didn't help things at all from where I was standing.

"Good luck with that," I said neutrally.

I'd always been a Rebels fan, and I knew that I'd have my eyes glued to the television screen for every single second of their game. Because since the moment Ben had walked into Serena's life, that feeling of excitement at watching a Rebels game had turned into a full-blown adrenaline rush.

"Thanks. Say hi to Tom." He picked up his phone, then started walking to the front door, and I followed him. Dear God, his proximity was almost stifling; I could barely breathe.

"I will."

But rather than a hello, it would probably be a goodbye tonight. It had to be. It wasn't fair to Tom or me to drag the inevitable out.

Ben turned around as he stepped outside, facing me, his lips curving upward again. "Have a good night, Reagan."

I gave half-a-smile, allowing myself to look into those green eyes of his for a moment, taking comfort in them. Because I already knew that tonight wasn't going to end well and that I'd be sliding into my bed alone and feeling sad later on.

"Bye, Ben," I said softly as he turned around and started walking away.

And as I got into my car to drive to Tom's place, I cursed the universe. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with Tom? He was a great guy. Good-looking, smart, and successful in his job. Why wasn't my heart logical, like my mind?

But then I remembered what my grandma always used to say when I had a hard time dealing with the loss of my mom. She said that tough times build character. That it was in times of adversity that we became stronger. And even though they were tough words to hear as a tender sixteen-year-old, with time, I'd realized that those words were true. I was forged from steel. Nothing could break me. I didn't allow myself to feel too much because the more you felt, the more you could get hurt. The only problem was that until Ben, no one had been able to break through the walls of my heart, either. But that was the thing about walls: no matter how strong and fortified, no wall was impenetrable.