"I heard you and Chloe, Nathaniel," I insisted, choking on my tears, trying to ignore the squeezing of my heart. I didn't want this to happen now, but then again, when did the universe ever make things go my way? The heavens just loved hurting Marinette Dupain-Cheng. "Loud and clear. You . . . you still love her."

"Then why? Why did you tell me you loved me? Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend, Nathaniel?" I asked, taking a step forward, my voice cracking. Questions that filled my head flowed through my mouth like a huge rush of water destroying a dam, and it couldn't be stopped. I poured the confusion, the sadness, the betrayal, into my words, hoping; praying to God, or whoever is out there, that it would reach the boy in front of me. I wanted him to know how much it hurts, and I wanted him to know that I deserved the truth.

But I felt like the truth wasn't even enough to make all this pain go away. There was still something — someone — lingering in my chest, and it wasn't making me feel any better.

Nathaniel's eyes were calm. They were always calm, and beautiful. It looked like the ocean. In different circumstances, I would've admired the softness of his electric blues. But today? It made me feel like total shit.

"Yes. I—I do . . . still love her," Nathaniel started, his voice shaky. "But, Marinette . . . I'm not in love with her."

"What?"

"I'm . . . not in love with her, and that I'm sure of," Nathaniel sighs, running a hand through his hair. That's what he does whenever he's trying to find the right words to say, or when he's stressed, or nervous, or . . . scared. "Chloe was . . . she used to be my world, you know? She loved me when I couldn't even love myself, and I guess that's why it's hard to really let go of her. She changed my life. She's still equally as important to me as she was before."

"These past few days, I felt like I was forced to choose. But in the end, I didn't really have to choose, do I? I'm happy with you, Marinette, and if I really was forced to choose, I'd pick you in an instant," Nathaniel breathed, forming a sad smile on his lips.

But I wasn't satisfied. It all felt like an excuse. A complete, ridiculous little lie just to make me feel better. For the first time, there was a second of regret that I ever talked to him in the plane all the way to Hollywood. If only he had stayed as my celebrity crush and just a colleague, this wouldn't have happened. I'd probably just go insulting Adrien Agreste until the shooting ends, and then have Nathaniel as a good friend from work, and Chloe would still probably be my unexpected make-up artist. And, maybe, they would be together again.

Would he be happy with Chloe now, if we never dated?

"Do you love me?" I asked, my chest tightening as I curled my trembling hands into fists.

"Yes, Marinette, I love you."

"No," I shook my head, recalling that night when I was behind the tree, listening to their conversation. "Do you love me? More than you love her?"

Nathaniel's breath hitched as his eyes widened at my question. Now that I think about it, the question I asked sounded selfish. It sounded like I was obsessed and possessive. But I had to know. I genuinely wanted to know. If Chloe's still occupying a huge space in his heart, then why bother? I'm used to being thrown away, anyway. This isn't something new. I shouldn't be bothered. I shouldn't be hurt.

But I am.

"Marinette, I chose you," he said, his voice sturdy, as if he was stating an unarguable fact. But his eyes seemed to tremble, as if he himself wasn't really sure if it was true or not. Looking into his beautiful blue eyes, I knew the truth. I didn't have to ask any more. The look in his eyes were enough to tear me apart, as if I wasn't already shred to pieces. "I love you more."

"No, you don't."

He pauses. He opens his mouth to speak, then he closes them again. We stood there, inside the trailer, in complete awkward silence, unsure if this conversation was done or if we even have the will to continue. My whole body trembled, but somehow I still managed to stand. Part of me appreciated myself for the remaining strength I had.

I was about to speak, when Nathaniel looks down at the floor and frowns. "But you never loved me, right?"

"What?"

"You," Nathaniel looks back up, his eyes glistening with tears. He looked furious, then softens into sadness, then . . . he smiles. As brightly as he could. "never loved me."

I remembered the day in his apartment, when he confessed that he loves me. Even though I'm very well aware that he's a good actor, I felt his sincerity. I heard how genuine his words were, and I knew that what he said was true. He loved me. But I couldn't say it back. But does that even matter, now that Chloe's back?

"I love you, Marinette, and if you're desperate to hear for any truth, then that's one thing I'm sure that is true. I love you. But you couldn't say it back," he spoke, his words sending daggers through my heart, but his voice soft, like a melancholic melody.

"But, Nathaniel, I trusted you. I cared for you more than I cared for anyone else. I was so certain that when I'd fall, you'd be there to catch me."

"But you didn't fall. And even in different circumstances, you'd probably never even fall, anyway. Because—"

He stopped.

"Because what?" I asked.

He looks down again.

"Because what, Nathaniel?" I say once more, taking a step forward, my breath getting harder to catch even when I wasn't running. My voice trembled.

Then, he looks up at me, surprising me with the emotions in his eyes that I couldn't comprehend. He didn't look mad. He didn't look confused. He looked as if he had it all figured out, as if he already knew the answer to a thousand unanswered questions. He looked as if he finally found the right and exact conclusion to a thousand word essay. And despite the fact that he found all he needed answers, he didn't like how it turned out. He didn't like the conclusion. He didn't like it, at all.

And I was confused until he opened his mouth to speak.

"Because . . ." he paused once more. ". . . you still love him."

At that moment, I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to deny it, that what he said wasn't real, and that he was just obviously just jumping into conclusions. My reply to him was supposed to be complete disagreement gathered into words. I just knew what I had to say, but I didn't do anything. I just froze.

"You still love Adrien, Marinette. Don't you?" he asks gently, his voice shaking. He didn't act hostile at all, just . . . sad.

"I . . . I don't —"

"You have always loved him and you never stopped. He was more than your highschool sweetheart, and so were you to him. Do you have any idea how crazy he gets whenever we talk about you? And . . ." he stops, takes a deep, shaky breath, then continues, " . . . do you have any idea how jealous I get when you two fight? It's like . . . it's like both of you have your own world, and no one else was allowed to get in, not even me. And I absolutely hated the fact that you looked so . . . so alive whenever you talk to him despite the insults. Did you know that Adrien couldn't control his smile after you two fight? And whenever he smiles like that, it fucking hurts, Marinette. Because I knew that he loved you still, but I refused to believe that you felt the same. But now, I'm sure that you do. You still do."

His voice cracked, sadness forming tears in his ocean eyes, making it twinkle. I couldn't process everything he said, but I knew what he was trying to say.

"No," I spoke, my fingers trembling as I ran then through my hair. "No. I don't. He hurt me. He ruined me, Nathaniel. More than you know."

"But when you found out that he had amnesia, you had hopes, didn't you? You felt the slightest bit of happiness, didn't you? Because it could be connected to whatever ended everything with the both of you?"

I stayed quiet, overwhelmed with strong emotions I couldn't comprehend. I didn't know what to say. All possible feelings and thoughts I never wanted to think about continued to bubble up inside of me simultaneously, getting stronger and stronger, creating a massive disaster inside of my mind and heart. And this was all happening because . . . because  I knew that everything Nathaniel said was true.

Every word, every letter, every syllable, was true. It was all so true. And this was the truth that hurt like hell.

With all this, tears rolled down my cheeks without my intention of doing so. This is the last thing I want Nathaniel to see. I don't want him to look at me cry because of this. It felt like I was crying over Adrien in front of him, and it hurt me, as much as I know that it's hurting him.

So I covered my face, not wanting Nathaniel to see more of my tears. I already hurt him enough. I didn't want him to comfort me despite the pain.

But knowing Nathaniel, the always sweet, caring, wholesome, and selfless Nathaniel, he did the exact opposite.

He slowly walks a few steps closer to me, then gently wraps both of his arms around my trembling body, engulfing me in a warm embrace.

"It's okay," he whispered, his voice shaking. I can tell that he was trying to hold back his tears from the cracking of his voice. His hands were trembling, too, and I can feel that he was trying to hold it back. It made me want to scream so loud, because I know he was just as hurt as I was when I heard him and Chloe. Maybe even worse.

"No . . . No, Nathaniel. It's not okay," I replied, hugging him back as tightly as I could, letting the tears stream down on my face. I wanted him to know that I was vulnerable and I'm not afraid to show it to him now, and that I wanted him to feel the same, too. If he wanted to cry, I badly wanted him to cry. I didn't want him to hide his emotions for the sake of trying to comfort me when he was the one who needed comforting the most.

"No, really," he lets out a broken chuckle then pats my hair. "It's okay. I hurt you. You hurt me. Let's call it quits, then."

Was he trying to make me laugh? That was bullshit. It made me feel worse.

"Um, that didn't work, didn't it?" Nathaniel awkwardly continued after realizing that I was crying even more. He hugged me even tighter, to the point where I can feel his heartbeat next to my cheek.

"No, it didn't, stupid."

We stayed there in each other's arms in silence, wondering what would happen next after this. I didn't want to move. I was afraid that when I step out of this trailer, every bad thing that's about to happen will instantly throw themselves at my face and break me once more. For now, Nathaniel's strong arms and warm embrace were my safe haven.

But only temporarily.

"So," Nathaniel finally speaks, placing his chin on top of my head. "I guess it's over for us now."

"Already?" I joked, trying to hold the tears that were threatening to come out. Even if he didn't say it, I know. Continuing a relationship like this would only make it toxic, and it would just hurt the both of us.

"Pfft. What, can't resist me?"

"Ah, look, I'm cringing."

Nathaniel chuckles once more. "I try my best to be even cringier."

We both laughed, still not letting go of our embrace. This would be the last time I'd be in his arms like this. This would be the last time, last minute, and the last second, that I could ever call my lifelong celebrity crush mine.

"Nathy?"

"Hm?"

"You were honestly the best boyfriend I could ever ask for."

Then it broke. His whole facade of being okay broke, after I said those words. His head immediately landed on my shoulder as his whole body begin to tremble.

He was crying.

And that was enough for me to know that he felt the same way about me, too.

a/n

im sorry for the vv late update but this made me  c r y