The days before the first premiere and supposedly my debut as an actress passed by like a blur. The moment I got discharged from the hospital, a swarm of people with blinding flashes of cameras were waiting for me by the exit door, screaming questions all at the same time, all their words jumbled and mixing along with the others.

That was not the only thing that bothered me more than I needed.

After a day or two, Nathaniel came to visit Alya and I early in the morning, looking even more tired than me with his hair messier than usual, his blue eyes dull and droopy.

"Marinette, please do not come to the premiere," he pleaded, not minding the fact that I just got out of the shower and was only wearing a towel around my body. I panicked, of course, and threw a shampoo bottle at his face which left a red mark on his forehead.

"Nathaniel!" I yelled, holding on my towel for dear life, eyes wide, breaths shallow, "You — I — Wait 'till I'm properly dressed! God! Where the heck is Alya?"

"Here," Alya replied casually, typing away on her phone while raising her hand. She looks up from her phone then sees me clutching on the wrapped towel, then looks at Nathaniel, then bursts out laughing. "Oh, no, Mari, I'm — I'm sorry, I forgot you were in the shower — mmph," she hastily slaps her hand in front of her mouth, her brown eyes watering.

"Alya!" I scowled, but I couldn't resist not chuckling a little. Nathaniel's eyes went from confused to realization, and his cheeks instantly flushed as red as his hair. He turns around and walks towards the door, grabbing the knob tighter than usual.

"I'll come back in when you're dressed," Nathaniel says, his voice quivering. He clears his throat as he opens the door and steps out, straightening his back, "I have something important to say and it can't wait."

As promised, Nathaniel came back in when I was finally fully clothed, his cheeks still flushed, but he continued to have a stone serious face. "Marinette, it's not safe. Penelope also told Adrien not to come," he immediately said before anyone else could speak, as if the conversation wasn't paused.

"Why?"

Nathaniel's eyebrows furrowed, clearly hesitating whether to tell me or not, but he ruffled his hair and sat on my bed, exhaling a heavy breath. "It's Felix. He's not okay."

Alya scoffs from the other side of the room, rolling her eyes. "I think everyone knows that he's sick in the head."

Nathaniel shook his head as I dried my hair with a towel, staying quiet, silently urging him to continue. The look on his face told me that there was something more and I felt a heavy weight crash down into my chest.

"No, he's . . . he really is sick," Nathaniel says after a long pause, his voice both spiteful and guilty, "When he was in London, he wasn't attending school. He spent one year in prison and spent three years in a psychiatric ward."

The atmosphere in the room suddenly darkened and I felt my feet turn cold. Alya shifts uncomfortably on her bed, finally putting her phone down, her face fallen. Nathaniel's gloomy face wasn't helping in lightening up the mood.

"Prison? For what?" Alya spoke first, breaking the silence.

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed, his blue eyes electric as he spoke in a grave voice, "Attempted murder."

I accidentally dropped the towel on the floor, my chest heavy. There were many crimes that I've expected to come out of Nathaniel's mouth, since Felix was obviously fully capable of committing them, but never have I thought about something as dark as murder.

"He was released after a year because he was instead diagnosed with a severe mental disorder," Nathaniel continued, sounding like he didn't want to talk about it more, but had to. "He was forced to stay in a psychiatric ward and got out simply because his family managed to bribe the hospital. Considering their wealth, even I am confused they waited for three years before paying him free."

"Who — who has he attempted to — to —?"

"—who else?" Nathaniel smiles humorlessly, "his beloved cousin, Adrien Agreste."

My knees buckled, and I fell on the floor, my body shaking in fear as I placed my hand on my mouth. Tears flooded my eyes and my chest tightened, though I don't know if the tears were from anger, sadness, fear, or just pure shock. He tried to kill Adrien. His own cousin.

"But I think we can all see the product of his attempt," Nathaniel continues, standing up as he placed both of his hands in his pockets, "it only resulted in Adrien's amnesia. But still, he was in a critical condition at that time and there was a fifty percent chance he'd live. Felix put Adrien's life on the line. For what reason? I don't know."

"So please, Marinette, don't come to the premiere. We think Felix is planning something again and I'm scared that we won't be able to save the both of you," Nathaniel said as he kneeled down on the floor, placed his hands on my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs. "Felix is so much more dangerous than we expected. I — I can't bear seeing you hurt, Mari."

I bit my lower lip and placed my hand over his, looking at him straight in his electric blue eyes, my body quivering. Felix was more than willing to use his energy in not just destroying his cousin's life, but also to kill him. What for? What the hell did that ass, Adrien, do to make Felix hate him so much?

"How did you know about this?" I asked, gripping my hand on top of his, trying to find a trace of joke in Nathaniel's eyes. Please just be a bad joke. Please just be a bad fucking joke.

"Connections," Nathaniel replied simply, trying to smile to light up the mood. "Promise me. You won't come to the premiere. Marinette."

I pursed my lips, thinking. Well, I've always wanted to see Adrien die —

— but I always thought about that without thinking that it would actually happen. In his movies, yeah, definitely, his death was my comedy. God-tier entertainment. But in real life? No, no, absolutely not.

"Did you manage to convince Adrien not to come?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "No — I don't know. He's stubborn, especially when it comes to Felix."

After a few more words, Nathaniel abruptly left, saying that he had to go somewhere urgent, and left Alya and I dumbfounded. We spent the afternoon in silence, still processing everything Nathaniel said. Alya fixed her bed while I swept the floor, the afternoon sun peeking through our windows being the only thing that lightened up everything else. I didn't know what else she did after, since I was too preoccupied with the internal debate with myself on whether or not should I follow what everyone says or follow my gut. This was taking such a dark turn and a part of me wanted to run away again, but the other part wanted to fight this time — but if I were to fight, I would have to risk a lot. Like, a lot.

Alya sat down on her bed, arms crossed, watching me sweep the floor in unusual concentration. She opened her mouth to speak, "Marinette —"

"— I'm still coming to the premiere," I blurted out, and I immediately stopped sweeping and looked at Alya, whose arms were now resting on top of her lap. "It's impossible for Felix to attempt something like . . . like that in front of the eyes of millions of people."

"We don't know what he's planning," Alya said sternly as she narrowed her eyes at me. "We just heard from Nathaniel that he was in jail for a year for a first degree crime — on his own fucking cousin, Mari! He's twisted!"

"Yes, but what we heard wasn't enough," I snapped back.

"What the hell do you mean?" Alya replied frustratingly as she flailed her arms in the air, her eyes widening in disbelief and annoyance. "Knowing that I'm about to deal with a literal fucking psycho is more than enough for me, Marinette. We're not — superheroes — we don't have superhuman powers or whatever!"

I paced back and forth, reliving the scene that happened awhile ago. Nathaniel only told us vague details about Felix's attempted murder towards Adrien. I doubt that he would do something that far in front of many people, and judging by his character, Felix did not seem to be the type to go that far and ruin his reputation.

I opened my mouth to speak when someone started knocking rather loudly on our door, which made Alya and I jump.

"Who—?"

"Marinette," a familiar male voice spoke through the door, his voice muffled, but I immediately knew who it was. "Marinette, it's me, Adrien."

Alya and I exchanged looks.

"Wait!" Alya stopped me before I could open the door, "are you sure that's him?"

I nodded. Even though Adrien and Felix look awfully alike, I realized that their voices were slightly different; I'd know Adrien's voice from a mile away.

As soon as I opened the door, I was greeted by a pair of frantic, glowing green eyes, and his arms wrapped around me swiftly, catching me off guard.

"Holy shit, you're okay. You're okay," he breathed into my neck, embracing me tighter, "oh my god. Did — did he do anything to you?"

"Adrien — I can't breathe —" I gasped, and he immediately let go. As soon as I got a clearer view of him, my heart dropped. There were still dark circles under his eyes, and he has a stubble slowly growing on his jaw and chin, his hair was messy, and overall, he literally looked like an overripe banana now.

"I was asleep until awhile ago and I got Nathaniel's message about Felix. I — I — He — Oh god," his glowing green eyes teared up as he placed both of his hands on my cheeks, looking at me as if I died and came back to life to bring him a miraculous news. "I thought I lost you again."

My chest tightened.

I thought I lost you again.

"Adrien, I'm okay," I said gently. As soon as I placed a comforting hand on his arm, he looked like he was about to break, and I couldn't blame him. "Are you? You look like you haven't slept in days. And your dad —"

I stopped before I could say anything else. Adrien still doesn't know about Gabriel Agreste's condition, and this would be a bad time to mention it. When I mentioned his father, Adrien's face turned bitter, and never in my life have I thought that I could feel so bad about Gabriel Agreste until now.

"That . . . he doesn't matter. He'll be fine after a few weeks," Adrien says and I wanted to slap him in the face. If only you knew about your dad's sickness.

"Adrien Agreste," Alya called from behind me, and we both looked at her. Her arms were crossed and her eyes shot daggers towards Adrien as her face scrunched up into a scowl. "You have no idea how much I want to throw you off a building."

"Alya, not now —"

But Adrien lets out a dark chuckle as he shook his head. "Trust me, I feel the same way about myself."

Great. Now I feel really bad. Ugh.

The sun was starting to set, and the pink-orange hue of the sky gently touched Adrien's hair and face. "Anyway, Marinette, I found something important," he spoke in a hurry. Why is everyone in a hurry these days? "I used to write in a diary. I'm thinking it could have something that can answer questions — yours and mine — and maybe we can figure this out."

"Okay," I merely said, not knowing what to say. Alya went back to her own space after I told her off with a look.

"And maybe — maybe we can start over again," Adrien whispers, holding my hands, his eyes full of longing as he looked at me.

Start over again?

You have no idea how much I'd want that, I thought, my grip on his hand tightening as I bit my lower lip, trying not to cry. But you also have no idea how I scared I am.

I wanted to speak. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. Adrien seemed to have got the message, and his hopeful eyes looked down as he sighed. Then, without a word, he looks back up, leans in, and gently presses his lips on my forehead.

"I know," he whispers, his voice quivering as he spoke, "I know you're scared. But know I'm willing to wait until you're ready."

His green eyes looked back at me again. "I'm going to fix this. I promise."

With a tired smile, he turns around and walks away, leaving me with my heart thumping loudly against my chest. These past few months I've been so confused with what I really feel for Adrien, and he himself was confusing, but now everything felt so clear once more. I still do love him.

God, I love him.

I don't know if that makes everything much more complicated or much better.