─────── • ❥ • ───────

Was Lee Donghyuck utterly terrified of what battle was about to prevail? Absolutely.

But was he ready to give his everything to Na Jaemin and save Renjun from the strange darkness they'd been living under for so long? Yes, he most certainly was. He needed to set the line straight as of now if he was ever going to make something of his challenging life. He never chose leadership. Leadership chose him. And now he was making at least one decision that would truly give him happiness.

He loved Renjun, he really did...just not in the way he had wanted to. And because he loved that crazy little male with the most endearing personality, he needed to let him in, and let him go. They weren't right for each other, and Mark Lee had unintentionally made sure of that before Donghyuck had ever even arrived. Renjun would probably never see romance again.

He wandered into his darkened room, noting that Renjun wasn't there, and moved onwards towards the kitchen where he usually would've been if not the armoury or with their tailor. His eyes were intaking his surroundings before the brunette pushed into the common space.

As expected, the Chinese boy was inside with an agitated expression while cutting an apple up a bit brutally. Donghyuck gulped in anticipation, but proceeded to enter with a brave face. "Hey, Renjun...."

The smaller immediately spun around, spirit raising ever so slightly at the sight of his boyfriend. "Oh, Hyuck! Where the hell have you been? You didn't come home last night again, and I was going to go out and search for you, but Taeil was saying-"

"I'm okay, aren't I?"

"Well, yes, but...." he trailed off when noticing the somber look the younger was portraying. "You have something to tell me...."

"I do. Mind if we sit?"

Renjun started to nervously shake his head, turning back around to cut his apple. "No. We aren't h-having this conversation."

"Jun-"

"Damn it, Donghyuck, I said no!"

"Well what the fuck do you want from me?! Don't act like you haven't been comparing me to your dead ex for three years, and smothering me and possessing me! Renjun, I'm finally bringing up a conversation we've been needing to have for a long, long time...but you knew that."

"I've been keeping you safe."

"Safety isn't suffocating me in cotton wool. Safety is looking after me and taking my side. When did you stop trusting me?"

The older slammed the knife down against the counter, picked up the mutilated fruit and bowled it against the wall in a fit of rage. "When you started seeing someone else! Who the hell do you visit all the time?! Why are you always leaving me on my own?" He turned to Hyuck once again, yet this time with diamond-like tears forming in the corners of his eyes and streaking down over his cheekbones. "Do you have any idea how late I stay up each night waiting for you?"

Donghyuck's heart felt pinched and sore. Of course he felt immensely guilty for betraying him this way. After all, he wasn't as heartless as he should've been. But backing down and bending to the other's will like he always did had to stop, and he knew that this was exactly what Renjun wanted. He always played the innocent and hurt victim when Donghyuck tried to rebel a little.

"Renjunnie.....I'm sorry, I really am."

"No. Stop!"

"I love someone else-"

"Hyuck, c'mon, don't do this!"

Now both were borderline bawling, sobbing uncontrollably like little kids, when they should've been stronger. Mafias weren't built on emotions, they were built on crime, fear, and strength. So as the taller of the two sauntered towards the other and pulled the Chinese boy in for a hug, he continued to mutter apologies. He whispered against his fluffy brown hair, kissing his forehead, trying anything and everything to make him feel better. To lessen the suffering he could relate to.

"I'm s-so sorry," he sniffled, pulling away and wiping Renjun's tears as well as his own. "But I couldn't help it. I feel how I feel."

"A-And what about m-me? You're leaving me alone, a-and I can't be alone..." He covered his pained face sorrowfully, "I love you, I really do. I promise I won't bring Mark up again i-if that's what you're upset about..."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising! Just stay with me. I can pretend you never said it. Please Donghyuck..."

The younger elicited a short exhale and stood back, running his sleeve over his eyes to dry up his tears and leave behind red cheeks. "Listen to me, okay? I do love and care about you. I don't want anything else to change, but that I needed you to know. I couldn't cheat on you, Renjun, so I knew I could be honest."

".......How long?" He whimpered. "How long have you felt this way?"

"A while. I've liked this person for a while now, I will admit. But I didn't know he felt the same until yesterday."

The smaller sighed, leaning back against the counter and biting at his lower lip to find some sort of method to recompose himself. His mind was swimming with depressive thoughts, pain, misery and any other emotions or ideas that had come from the death of his past lover. He knew that Donghyuck wasn't Mark, and now he was going to beat himself up over pushing him too far. 

"What's his name, then? You can at least tell me who's taken you from me, can't you?"

The taller pursed his lips firmly and shot his sights down to the ground where he didn't have to see those distressed and broken irises. This hurts more than I thought it would. "I can't tell you..."

"What? Why?"

"Just because."

"God, that isn't fair. Jesus, are you twelve? Aren't we a bit old for silly secrets about crushes?"

"You'll have to pry his name from my dying mouth. I promised him I wouldn't tell you, and so I won't."

"Does he know me or something? Or is this guy just one massive coward?"

Donghyuck thought of Jaemin for a brief moment and couldn't help but smile at the image in his head. "A bit of both, I'd say. I'm glad I finally got all this off my chest, and again, I'm sorry I wasn't right for you."

"No, that's not it," Renjun whispered quietly before rubbing his eyes tiredly. "It was me who wasn't right for you. I should've known better than to act the way I did. I hope this new person knows how to handle your...." he smirked, "wanderlust."

"Oh he definitely does," the younger chuckled, moving to sit down into a seat. "He's just like me."

─────── • ❥ • ───────