When I walk over to the football field, it's strangely cold and the weather is overcast. There's no sight of anyone since all of the sports practices have been cancelled because of the expected snow. I decide to sit on one of the hard grey benches that offer little comfort for sitting.

I sit my backpack aside and wait in silence for Marina to arrive. Inside of my head though, I'm a mess of thousands of speeches and thoughts that I'll never actually say to her. I try to figure out how best to approach the subject.

Should I lead into it? Should I say it right away?

Before I know it, I spot Marina walking over to me. Her long brown coat covers her figure, but I still take note of how stiff she is. Her face is empty of any emotion, as if she somehow knows how scared I am to tell her the truth.

"Thanks for meeting me, " I tell her when she's finally in speaking distance.

"I wouldn't leave my girlfriend hanging around," is all she says before she takes a seat next to me.

"I don't know how to say this, but I found something out. It's about Tumblr. I think that-"

"You know I'm Sea," she blurts out.

"What?"

"You took forever to figure it out," she says cheekily.

She maintains a calm aura, without even realizing the gravity of what she's just said. Her smile has good intentions, but I feel as if some kind of egoistic darkness is spilling out of her. She stands up and is about to just walk away, but I pull her back.

She's surprised as I stand up, yelling with whispers, ". . . what the fuck?"

"What?" She asks innocently.

"You can't just say that and leave. Explain!"

She's now clearly uncomfortable and she drops her bag to ground, then launches into her tragicically short explanation, "I knew you were Sun. You didn't know I was Sea. Isn't it nice to finally have that all out in the open?"

"No, it isn't fucking nice," I tell her mockingly in her same cheerful tone. "How long have you known?"

"Since the day I moved here and saw you in the classroom. Hearing your name as our teacher called out for attendance and eavesdropping on your conversations with Elliot only confirmed it."

I feel like yelling at her for not telling me. Grabbing her stupid bookbag and throwing it across the field as if I were a football player. Except I don't.

At least not yet.

Everything feels like it's moving so quickly even though it's not. I'm not sure how to react.

It takes everything within me to then say calmly, "you've been lying to me this entire time."

She starts to say, offended as she is, "no! I just didn't tell you. I never even mentioned it."

"Withholding the truth is still lying. Also, you did lie. All those times I asked you online if you knew who I was. When I confronted you in person about Sea. You could have told me the truth. You chose not to tell me."

Is it? Am I right? Am I wrong?

"I didn't do anything wrong, " she tells me firmly.

Based off of the look on her face, I know that she actually believes it.

With a few words, my heart has been completely shattered and my magnificent castle has been defeated. The troops used to defend my soul have all been killed. I, the queen of it all, have been severely injured.

All that's left is the enemy's mark on me, and the burning fire that still seeks to get rid of anything and anyone living.

I still have some fight left in me though, and I muster up the courage to yell, "you lied to me! Multiple times! You let me believe that I was betraying you and that I was a bad person by liking Sea! You don't feel any guilt?"

What the hell am I doing? What do I do now?

"I was scared to tell you. I wanted to see if you would still like me, even if you didn't think I was that girl on Tumblr," she quickly explains.

She steps toward me, and I walk away. The tears start to spill down her face, but I can't let myself feel feel an ounce of care toward it.

"Fuck that," I say harshly. "You let me go crazy over this and you don't even care."

"I don't know what you want me to say," she tells me honestly.

I don't think I know anything either. I guess we're both the same.

"I don't know either because you can't go back in time and change that choice you made."

She leans in, wanting to hold my hand but I practically shove it away. She's hurt, and anyone even a mile away can see it. She holds her arms closer to her sides, hugging herself in a way to make up for my lost touch.

I absolutely hate seeing her like this. I'm not so bold now, but I also never was.

"C'mon, don't be angry."

"If you call me angry then I will only get more angry," I say bitterly.

"Please don't give up on me," she practically begs. "I told you things that I've never even mentioned to anyone else. You know about my past and my parents. Ever since their divorce, I wasn't the same. You changed that for me! I moved here with my mom and suddenly, I didn't feel alone. I knew that you were always there for me, both in Tumblr and in person. Even if you didn't know who I was."

"I will never get past the fact that you knew it was me. The moment you walked into that school, you somehow knew."

"I pieced it all together. I'm not sure why I should be sorry for figuring out," she says defensively.

"Good job! Do you want some gold sticker for figuring it out?" I tell her, rolling my eyes. "I'm not mad at you for that."

She could have told me. She saw that I didn't figure it out. . . she should have said it.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out. "I really don't know what you want me to say. I didn't want to hurt you. I just wanted to see if you would still like me, as a real person rather than a stranger on Tumblr."

"I fell for the two versions of you. So, good work! Your experiment worked."

She says, "I didn't want that. I didn't want this to be some test. I just didn't want to ruin what we had."

"What did we have exactly?" I ask. "Because I don't know what was real anymore."

All I have is a fancy set of questions wrapped with a neat little bow that I know never will never be answered.

"They were both real," she explains. "I am Sea and Marina."

"I still can't get past that," I tell her. "You still felt some kind of need to test me and lie to me. You allowed me to ruin myself over this."

I don't know how I can explain myself.

"It wasn't a test!" She says, completely frustrated with what I'm saying.

"You knew what you were doing when you were stringing me along. Did it make you feel superior? It boosted your ego?"

"No! You don't know what you're saying."

"I know everything now. I know that you're a manipulative person," I tell her.

This time, she full on starts sobbing. I don't comfort her.

I can't handle being close to her again like I've always been. That's what I keep repeating to myself.

"I think life is full of disappointments and betrayal from both yourself and people that will never realize how badly they hurt you. I don't think you care that I'm upset. You care more that you were caught," I explain calmly, in contrast to my previous harsh words.

"That's not true. I'm sorry," she says weakly.

Her entire relaxed posture and atittude is gone, leaving behind her true manipulative and harsh scars. Neither of us are perfect people, but she wants to act like she is. She's always acted that way.

Still, I sigh and tell her, "maybe it's my fault. I was the one that trusted you. I was so attached to you, and I think your refusal to just admit that you hurt me makes this worse."

"I don't regret what I did. I was scared to admit my identity to you, and I think you should try to understand that," Marina tells me.

"I should understand that? Why don't you try to understand where I'm coming from? Why can't you realize that what you did hurt me, even if you didn't want it to? What you're doing right now is fucked up- trying to frame yourself as the victim. As if you did nothing wrong."

"Really, I think that you should calm down," she says.

I'm making a big deal out of something that doesn't even matter to her. We're not on the same page. . . At all.

Her empty face has now twisted into this sinister smile that I never thought I would see from her. The old tears on her face are long gone, as if they were never there in the first place.

"I should leave now because you'll never understand."

"That's your choice," she tells me, completely unbothered.

"I hate you," I practically spit out.

She stands taller, taking advantage of the extra inches she has on me. She looks down on me, saying, "you don't hate me."

She's right, but I won't admit that. Not right now.

"I'm leaving," I say, but I remain standing still.

I can't find it within myself to walk away like how she's always been able to do so easily. In that aspect, I'm jealous of her. How she can bear to run away from everything. How painful emotions don't pierce her as much as they do for me. How she can believe she did nothing wrong, despite the person who had become her entire world yelling it at her.

"If you hate me so much, then why can't you just leave? Leave me. I dare you," she says fiercely.

It almost feels as if she's laughing at me.

This time, it's me who's shamelessly crying, and I drag my backpack that was on the dull grass to my side. I take one last look at her smug face, and I do what I should have done from the start.

I walk away.

The world around me has collapsed, with the raindrops falling from the sky at the same pace that my tears fall down my face. I look around my school, and think about how childish it is to have this entire fight at my stupid school. Luckily, the area is empty and I don't run into any of the irritating teachers who would probably call my parents if they saw me like this.

When I finally make it to the parking lot, I look back.

Marina is still in the same spot as where I left her. Standing there, with a blurrier version of her smug face.

I feel angry with myself for still feeling some guilt toward confronting her. That's how I am though.

People can betray me and tear me down, but somehow I will still feel guilty for doing the right thing and talking about it. I will still study all of my actions and try to determine if what I did was okay, even though the other person could never do the same for me.

Marina could never do the same for me.

Woah, an important chapter! What do you think will happen with Idalia and Marina?