Teacher:  Okay class, today we're going to be working with our lab partners to invent a new type of acid!  The groups will be Aries and Sa-... oh god, I'm not putting you with Saggy.  Aries and Virgo, Taurus and Saggy, Gemini and Libra, Cancer and Pisces, Leo and Scorpio, and Capricorn and Aquarius.  Hop to it.

Aries:  Okay, let's mix sulfkillyou and hydrochloricdeathinacan!

Virgo:  Think about what you just said.

Aries:  Look, we're trying to make something lethal, right?

Virgo:  *Inspecting sulfkillyou* This has got to be breaking some sort of school health code.

Aries:  *Mixes sulfkillyou and hydrochloricdeathinacan*

Virgo:  Stop- oh, it's too late... *prepares for explosion*

Test tube:  *Nothing happens*

Aries:  Aw, it didn't explode!

Virgo:  THAT'S A GOOD THING!

*Elsewhere in the class*

Taurus:  We're inventing acid?  Seriously?  We could be making something fun like solid gold but instead we're making acid.

Saggy:  *Trying to put safety goggles on*

Taurus:  *Sighs dramatically* *Pours water into the test tube* Whee.

Saggy:  Ya gotta make it interesting.  Like this.  *Steals Taurus's sandwich and puts it in the test tube*

Taurus:  Wait-!  That's my sandwich!

Saggy:  This is in the name of science, my dear Taurus.

Taurus & Saggy:  *Watching the test tube very intently*

*Elsewhere*

Gemini:  Okee, so what now?

Libra:  This seems unsafe.

Gemini:  I guess.

Libra:  How about we mix water and oil?

Libra's mind:  Two substances I know will not make an acid.

Gemini:  Sure!  *Dumps oil in water*

Libra:  Wait... is that petroleum?

Gemini:  You said oil, didn't you?

Libra:  Where did you even get that?

*Elsewhere*

Cancer:  I'm not sure that we did this right.

Pisces:  *Watching a fish swim in the test tube* I'm naming him Charlie!

Cancer:  How did that fish even get in there?

Pisces:  Charlie the fish!

Cancer:  There is a fish swimming in a test tube that is supposed to be holding acid.

Pisces:  *Making faces at the fish*

Cancer:  A fish that has mysteriously appeared when there was no fish there before.

Pisces:  Look how cute Charlie is!  *Points*

Cancer:  Awww....

*Elsewhere*

Leo:  Haven't all the acids already been invented?

Scorpio:  Yeah.

Leo:  So, what is the point of this?

Scorpio:  *Shrugs*

Leo:  Well.

Scorpio:  *Pulls out a vial of hydrochloric acid* How about we claim to have invented this?

Leo:  Sure!  *A pause* Should I be disturbed you carry a vial of hydrochloric acid in your pocket?

Scorpio:  Uh...no.  *Fingers plutonium isotope*

Leo:  Okay then.

*Elsewhere*

Capricorn:  There are no new acids.

Aquarius:  Hang on, I got this!  *mixing chemicals*

Capricorn:  These are all going to be lab-safe isotopes, anyways.

Aquarius:  *Smoke billowing from the test tube*

Capricorn:  *sighs*

Aquarius:  Got it!

Liquid:  *burning a hole through the table*

Aquarius:  I invented a new acid!

Capricorn: ...SPLIT THE MONEY

*Elsewhere*

Aries:  I'm putting in sodiadeathly!

Virgo:  STOP

Aries:  *Puts in sodiadeathly*

Test tube:  *Explodes*

*Smoke goes everywhere*

Virgo:  ARIES YOU IDIOT

Aries:  SUCCESS!

Taurus:  GUYS WE INVENTED AN EDIBLE ACID!  *Drinks vial of acid* Ta-dah!

Libra:  Gemini, where are you getting all this petroleum?  *Brushes smoke away from her face*

Gemini:  Oh, there's a bunch that keeps shooting out of my yard. *Ducks a flying flaming ruler*

Libra:  ...really?

Cancer:  *Screaming as test tube chunks fly everywhere*

Pisces:  *Stuffs test tube in his backpack* Must protect Charlie!

Leo:  AAAHHH AQUARIUS'S ACID IS BURNING A HOLE THROUGH THE FLOOR

Scorpio:  Cool.  *Taking a video*

Aquarius:  Nuuuu come back acid!

Capricorn:  *Stealing the formula*

Virgo:  WHY DOES NO ONE EVER LISTEN TO ME???

Aries:  WOOHOO *blowing things up*

Saggy:  *Also blowing things up*

Taurus:  *Eating more acid*

Gemini:  *Talking to Libra about oil*

Libra:  *Talking to Gemini about oil*

Cancer:  *Hiding behind Pisces*

Pisces:  *Escorting Charlie away from the exploding things*

Leo:  *Cowering*

Scorpio:  *Has posted her video and has 100000 hits on youtube*

Capricorn:  *Making a multibillion dollar deal selling Aquarius's acid to the government via cellphone*

Aquarius:  *Making more acid*

Virgo:  *Is 100% done and escaping out the window*

Aries Saggy & Aquarius:  *Burning a hole in the door to escape*

Cancer:  Wasn't that unlocked...?

Everyone:  *Escapes*

Teacher:  Wow.  Okay.  *Sips coffee*

===============

Epilogue:  Gemini sold his oil for a billion dollars and he bought a mansion for himself.  Libra lives in the mansion because she helped him sell the oil, and Capricorn also lives in the mansion because he helped pay with his acid money.  Also Scorpio became internet famous for her youtube video.  All in all it was a pretty normal day in chemistry class.