Chapter 72: Subconscious Need

Dawn brought no closure nor closer to the answer she truly wanted to seek.

When morning came upon the world of Kivotos, Miharu made her way to the subway. Swiping the SCHALE badge on the gate, it provided her with the pathways she naturally should be allowed to go.

After hearing the briefing from Sensei and Rin on how these lanyards work and their natural authority, and now being outclassed by a woman who knew Kize more intimately than even she did who ultimately proven herself reveal how selfish she had been this whole time, she wanted to see for herself.

What was his indelible impact in the world of Kivotos.

'Arius.'

That was where her eyes latched onto, before tapping it on the screen. Subsequently, the subway train doors opened with a hiss, followed by a monotone, robotic voice.

"3 minutes until the door closes to destination: Arius district."

Miharu didn't say anything else, before walking into the train, clinging gently to the hand rails.

It felt odd. It felt weird. It felt like she just stepped into a world she now knew was truly foreign.

She hoped that by bringing Katashi back, he could guide her here.

But how could a dead man guide in a land where he wasn't even buried in?

Three minutes passed before the doors finally hissed close, and the train soon pushed itself to its intended destination. In the back of her mind, she asked herself.

Was this worth it? All these years to chase a ghost who might not recognize her. Who might choose to reject her. His previous life.

Were her feelings for him even real?

She wished it was. She hoped it was.

Elsewhere, in the cold breaches of a world Miharu may never know, the hunt began.

A 14.5x114mm bullet was loaded into the magnanimously large and long single fired rifle. A pull on the chamber, and their sights were carefully adjusted to observe the moose. Deep in the taigas, a sighting to behold. A large, furry animal on four legs and some really big horns.

"They're called antlers," Tomoe pointed out. The designated hunter team stared at her in response.

The fact she was here was annoying, but they had to let her tag along.

Sensei had fallen asleep near the fire. And last they checked, he was wrapped in a blanket with the Shittim Chest switched off, yet still facing towards him.

He was with the builders all night, pointing and telling them where they should place the timber and knocking down other walls.

Strange.

He never claimed to be an architect. Doubt he even was, considering how every so often, he had to take a step back and consult with the Shittim Chest about the model and infrastructure. But he was, admittedly, still with them. And that spoke more than anything else they could ever see.

Tomoe had rested, and now was brought by the hunting team to watch how they hunt. Both due to a requirement from Cherino for information, and a potential incentive so that they would have more bullets for their hunt. A way to prepare themselves before they took the dip into the river.

"Okay, we get it. You're more educated. Just remember who's feeding you," one of them rebutted in exasperation, before rolling her eyes and returned to observe through her binoculars. Tomoe slowly reached towards her own sniper rifle, wanting to have a closer look to the moose in the faint distance, only for a hand to take hold of her wrist.

"No. Glint of scope. Exposes location."

Tomoe stared at them this time. And then back to the moose. It was facing away from them, and from what she understood, the bullet cartridge was enough to kill a moose.

Or rather, more than enough, but that was the necessity in Red Winter's taigas.

Compared to Tomoe's OTs-48, which was just an attempt at a modernized Mosin-Nagant rifle, the PTRD may as well be the most necessary level of overkill here.

And then that explained why their rifle had no scope.

"But there's barely any sunlight," she protested.

"Safe than sorry. So shut up." A beat passed. "Please."

So she did, observing at the distance she stood upon.

So this was what they do to survive in these harsh winters. She knew Cherino would always send those she purges here. She was the one sent by Cherino to oversee them with Kize, but to observe that this was a weekly activity, a necessity for their survival, it was a bit of an eye opener.

Not that she would admit it outright. She needed to keep up a facade.

Steady were their rifles, anatomy accounted. Shoulders ready for impact. Their eyes focused on the spot they always aimed for.

"To the left," whispered one. The riflegirl moved to the left.

Perfect angle.

A pull of the trigger.

BANG!

A spurt of blood. And then it fell to its side.

Success.

In the world of dreams, none knows you better than yourself.

At least, that was what Kize wanted to believe in the moment.

"It's nice to see you involved in an initiative for once," Kuzunoha cooed, sitting beside the ghost, who seemed to be in static motion in a void of emptiness. A light in the dark.

Quite literally so, considering how she was floating and glowing around.

"....."

His expression softened, even as he said nothing. Kuzunoha's glow brightened slightly.

"Not going to say anything? Not surprising. It does take time getting used to, doesn't it, Sensei?"

"Why do you keep being here?"

She was never often in his dreamless sleep. Her appearance was always predicated by events that shook Kivotos. First, after Hyakkiyako's salvation, second, right before the court case to dismantle Kaiser Corporations.

And now here, rebuilding 227. As if everything he did here was going to be something that shook Kivotos at its core.

Then why wasn't she there when he rebuilt Arius?

"Because you're healing. After everything you did? After proclaiming that you're 'just a replacement', and now here you are... Staying."

"... Because they need it."

"There it is."

Kuzunoha's giggle echoed in the void, as Kize slowly propped himself to sit down, as if there was a physical ground to do so.

"You changed your words this time. Are you finally accepting that you're becoming a Sensei this time?"

"No."

The lack of hesitation, followed by Kize seemingly shrinking into a ball, caused Kuzunoha to sigh.

"Still? After all this? You're still going to regress again?"

"......... No."

"... Huh."

What a contradiction. A man who doesn't regress, yet is static in his actions. As if that wasn't what he's been doing for the past couple of months. A rare acknowledgement that he knew his own patterns, but refuses to change it.

How painful.

At least he knew his own issues. That's rarely anything anyone ever admits.

"So you admit that you're not Sensei."

"I'm not him..."

Kuzunoha didn't give him a rebuttal. She instead waited, watching him as he seemed to articulate the words he intended to say.

A slight raise of his head, and then, he answered.

"Because I'm doing what I should."

"Isn't that what a Sensei is obligated to do?"

Kize gripped his wrists slightly harder.

"... Perhaps."

"Then you're already on a path. Not to become the Sensei they want."

She reached out towards his shoulder, a gentle hold upon it.

"But the Sensei they need."

"..."

A sigh, as he felt a hint of warmth wrapped around his wrist. Did someone touch him while he's asleep?

"Isn't he... Already like that?"

"Sensei?"

Not Kize. Sensei himself. The Sensei that Kuzunoha knew was awake, but chose to withhold that information.

Some truths don't need to be told by a prophet in a dream one would forget.

"He is. But unlike him, you don't speak."

Kize glanced at her. Her golden glow, her long, pale blonde hair stirring across the empty void, her outfit that screams modernism with traditionalism joined together to perform an anachronism of culture.

"You act. And that's more powerful than just words of encouragement."

"....." A shaky breath left his lips, just as he heard a faint voice calling out from somewhere.

Shigure's.

"Sensei's really good. I doubt he's the best. But the fact he's here and he's doing everything he can? That says a lot."

Kuzunoha's glow brightened once again.

"They love you."

"Overstatement."

Kuzunoha giggled.

"My mistake. They acknowledge you, then."

He didn't say another word. Just enough for him to recalibrate his thoughts. The ceiling changed, and he looked up.

No longer was the view that of a void. It was the same, dark blue sky of the night he was intimately familiar with. But it lacked something.

It lacked the typical halo in the sky.

This was his vision of the outside world. Outside of Kivotos.

Why?

"... This is what you wanted, Sensei?"

Kuzunoha asked, as their setting changed. There, Kize sat on a bench, with his surroundings being that of a train station. The same one where he stood on before the day.

The day that everything went downhill.

"...... What is this?"

"It's your subconscious desire. The last place you felt real. At least, the one before you appeared in Kivotos."

She came to an easy conclusion.

"You're opening up."

He stood up immediately after. A palpable thought stretching across his mind as he walked towards where the stairs were. And right there, standing where he remembered so clearly on where she was.

Miharu. No lab coat, no formalities of work. Just a woman in a blue t-shirt and jeans, and a playful smile on her face. She adjusted her glasses, making sure that he was in her sights properly.

"Hey, Katashi."

"....."

This was his subconscious.

"You left without saying goodbye for four years. That fucking hurts. I waited back home with your parents too, you know."

"... I couldn't risk letting you find me."

"Dumbass. You think I could? I'm not like some technological expert."

Miharu giggled, before she approached Kize. He didn't move, letting her grow closer and closer to his presence.

"Still. Do you think you could ever come back?"

"....."

His hand shook. So many things he could say. So many things he could just take back, all thrown into the void that he couldn't possibly make out.

His feelings were indelible. But what of his heart?

"... I don't know."

"... You don't know?"

"I don't know. I... Can't tell."

"You can't tell in the way of you not telling me anything or you don't..."

She trailed off when she looked towards Kize's glance. A knowing glance that knew what exactly he meant by that.

"I've only been here for... Two months?"

"And you did what no one else could. You use your authority to make a change."

Kize didn't say a word. Not yet.

"... You know what? I think it suits you."

Kize looked at her, confused.

"You've always had a way with the law. And in a world where laws are rarely, truly enforced? You're in your element."

"......... But I'm still someone else, aren't I?"

"No one gave a law that you can't be both Katashi and Kize."

"..."

"And while you can decide who you can be... You're always their Sensei. Remember that, you son of a bitch."

He found himself scoffing. The smallest hint of a smirk appeared on his face, looking away from Miharu for all but a moment.

"What the hell do you know? You're just a part of my imagination."

"Because I'm your memory. And some things aren't as cut and dry as it looks. Like this."

She took hold of his collar and pulled him in--

"You're stirring awake."

Kuzunoha's last words crawled into his mind.

He woke up.

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