Present Time...

Nathalie

There's so much going on in my life recently. I was so consumed by jealousy and frustrations that I don't know if what I am doing is right or wrong.

I wound up being a college drop-out when I gave birth to Nadia Therese on my third year in college.

I was supposed to be the heiress of our chain of hotels but Dad and Mom both took back what they said and did not give the title to me. My Kuya Nathan barely returned home since he graduated as a top flight attendant.

All I ever heard from him was he was pursuing being a pilot afterwards. I know that it has always been his dream. I will always support him.

I was so heartbroken with Billy in my younger days that led to me finding love in all the wrong places and ended up pregnant with Nadia. At first, I blamed her. But eventually, I adored my little child.

Nadia has this beautiful hazel orbs that she got from me. Her thick lips probably belonged to her dad whom I cannot even remember.

It has been five years since I gave birth to her and now, she's gotten so big quickly and I cannot imagine my life without her.

Ever since the day that I became pregnant, my father has disowned me. His reputation was ruined because I messed up big time.

I worked and thrived for me and Nadia to survive. Mom supported us secretly on our first year but Dad found out about it and was firm with his words and threatened Mom that if she ever helped me, he will file for an annulment.

I just love my Mom so much that I told her to stop supporting us. That I will work my way to survive for my child.

I went and worked several jobs. Most were for bars and casinos. I worked day and night.

I am just glad that I have someone to look over Nadia while I was gone. I met Cynthia Arnolds who became my first friend in the real world. She was the one who also offered me a job at the bar. Her cousin was the owner of it.

Cynthia was due to give birth also in three months time so she has to stop working for a while four years ago. She took care of Nadia during the times I was away.

Now that my Nadia is five and her son, Calvin, is four, both kids can manage to behave like one while she  takes charge of her small carinderia just outside her humble abode. She has two cooks and two waiters to assist the customers.

Recently, I saw Billy with his buddies whom I met years ago. They were our customers for that night.

Suddenly, all the jealousy and frustrations came crawling back to me. I controlled myself not to sleep with him which I had outwon that same night when they became drunk that I have to assist them to their cars.

That night, I have no choice but to checked in with Billy in one of the hotels I used to bring my customers in. I never wanted any man to touch me since I held Nadia in my arms. I don't want her to know that her mom has become a prostitute just to survive.

I was a little drunk too that I woke up beside Billy with our clothes barely on. He was on his phone and I heard Sarah's name as he talked with her.

I was indeed envious that they remained strong through the years. That time, my Nadia was confined in a hospital and I have not enough money to pay the bills.

I resorted to my last plan. To lure Billy into a trap. I threatened him that I will spread our scandal that will make their relationship ruined.
He was too weak so he gave in.

I was only supposed to do it once. But when my daughter was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease, napasubo na ako.
I needed all the money I can get.

I do not plan to rob a bank. I do not plan to work myself up because I still want to take care of her when I got home.

Kaya pinanindigan ko. The day when we are both sober, I didn't know what came over him when he attacked my lips when I was simply searching for my clothes on the floor.

Suddenly, he was touching my bare back and before we know it, we were so busy with each other. I was sent to heaven that I didn't know what to respond.

I took advantage of it. One meeting led to another until I could not let him go. I decided to push thru with it and even asked someone to take some photos of Sarah with different guys to make him leave her and be with me.

But he was too lovestruck with her. I resorted to the final plan.

And I didn't expect that he will encounter such horrendous accident.

I learned he became paralyzed from the waist down.

And my guilt and conscience are eating me up.

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