"I am a firm believer that whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah will be rewarded with something that is much greater and better"

Assalamu Alaikum all,

I am really sorry for my absence, which is something - by now - you are used too.

I am good Alhamdulillah, my health is well, my education is good too and even my job (I started tutoring two kids), and you may be wondering now 'why the hell was she absent then?'

Before I start, I want to say thank you for all those who messaged me and kept asking about me. Thank you to those who were firm believers in me and never gave up on me. Thank you to those who, despite not knowing me in person, were a family to me. Jazzakum Allah all.

I hope you read my announcement to the end, and please know that what I'm about to say now is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire 18 years of existence.

Lately, I have been unable to write. It felt like my mind was blank. I have the ideas, the plot and what not, yet I wasn't able to write a single word. A friend of mine told me that sometimes you need to let your talent go for a bit, and then it will come back at the right time.

Indeed, that was what I had done and yes my talent came back. I was able to write again BUT every time I tried to write, my hand would feel paralyzed and I would feel sick. I couldn't do it anymore and I'll tell you why...

I have been thinking about it a lot, when I first started writing, it was because I loved it. I wrote romance stories about teens and what not.

Then I started getting more deep in deen and realized that what I wrote was haram, so I removed them (with the same belief of getting rewarded with something better) and began writing Islamic stories. In my opinion, MPVMT which reached millions reads and having a family like you guys, was my reward and I will forever be thankful for this...

However, I no longer feel that what I am writing is 'halal' or 'beneficial'. I have put a kiss scene, a descriptive scene, a scene that makes you hormonal... and all of those are haram.

Someone told me this, Love stories can never be halal, and even if it is a marriage story, what happens in marriage should stay between the walls of the house... I honestly tried to prove the person who said this wrong, but I failed

Also, Think about it like I did. I spend about two hours in writing a single chapter, and you guys spend about 30 min reading one. And on judgement day, Allah will ask us about the time we spent on this earth, was it beneficial? Was it wasted?

And to those who say my stories were beneficial, I partially agree. It is true that I helped some people become better (myself included), but I have built fantasies that can never happen in this life. I have built dreams whose destiny are to be shattered in this cruel world. We all believed that love is everything (thanks to the stories we read) but it is not!

Salah matters, Qur'an matters, AQIDA matters! Akhira matters, but this life doesn't!! Those are the things we need to focus on.

To be honest, the thing that made me stop and think was imagining myself being asked on the day of judgment about my writings, and to be honest, I couldn't come up with a satisfying answer.... And even my readings....

Also guys, lately I have been losing myself. A year ago, I was a much better person. I was always working hard to be more religious, I stopped reading romantic stories, and my Iman was at its finest.

But now, I have been relapsing. I don't feel the same, I always find myself coming back to reading werewolf stories, romantic ones, and other things I stopped, and I just feel depressed.

I want this to end...

I am not a better person then you are. In fact I am worse, way worse. At one point of my life, I was an addict (not drugs, chill :P but a certain type of addiction,) and I honestly don't want to relapse again.

I am not doing this because wattpad is my only sin, no wattpad might be my tiniest sin, and I am trying to get rid of them ALL. ALL with no excuses....

For that guys, I am quitting.

I will no longer write stories on wattpad (I will keep 'Thoughts of a Muslimah' and "Abandoned Sunnah") and I will remove the stories

Forgive me

But I am never leaving, I will be here.

Now I can be here with no guilt. I will always be by ur side, because you are my family. So message me whenever you want, I will be there in shaa Alllah

I asked a lot of people and took their advice, all of them said that it was the right the thing to do. So I hope you stick by my side,

Jazzakum Allah all

Forgive me

Keep me in your prayers