Me: "Hello, beautiful people! I'm back from the dead! This time, requested by Angelic-Light , I have Zöe Hange from Attack On Titan!"

Hange: "Hi! Hello!" *waves to crowd*

Me: "So Hange, are you excited to Google yourself?"

Hange: "What does that mean?"

Me: *mutters* "Oh right, technology doesn't exist in your universe yet... Just sit down at the computer."

Hange: "Oooh, what kind of gadget is this?" *taps screen*

Me: *grabs her wrist* "Please don't touch the screen."

Hange: "Why not?"

Me: "Just don't."

Hange: "Okie doki!" *spins in chair* "This is fun!"

Me: "So, I want you to type your name in the search bar."

Hange: *stares at keyboard* "I just push the buttons with letters on them?"

Me: "Yes."

Hange: "Okay!" *obnoxiously loud typing sounds*

Me: *cringes*

Hange: "Okay, I typed my name in the rectangle! Now what?"

Me: "...you press the enter button."

Hange: "Hm... enter... enter... aha! Here we go!" *taps enter and gasps* "IT'S ME!"

Me: "Right? Isn't it cool?"

Hange: "Yeah! But how could that be? I'm right here!"

Me: "It's science, sweetie."

Hange: "Oooh, I need to crack this thing open and see how it works!"

Me: "Please don't-"

Hange: "What do we now?"

Me: "Add the word "fanart" to your name."

Hange: *pokes screen* "How do I do that?"

Me: "Please stop doing that... just move the mouse to the search bar, left click it and type 'fanart'."

Hange: *blinks* "I'm confused. Where's the mouse? I don't see an adorable rodent."

Me: *facepalms and does it for her*

Hange: "Whoa, incredible! What are these pictures? They look like me but... different!"

Me: "They're like... paintings! Paintings of you!"

Hange: "Amazing! But how do they get the tiny piece of paper into the glass?" *taps screen for the third freaking time*

Me: *internal screaming* "It's more science. I can give you a modern day science textbook after our session."

Hange: *ignores me* "I love how each painting has their own style!"

Me: "Would you like to look at some more paintings?"

Hange: "Of course!"

Me: "Okay, then type in NSFW after your last search."

Hange: "Wait, I think I remember how to do it..." *more obnoxiously loud typing* "I did it! Now I press the enter button, right?"

Me: "Righto."

Hange: "Okay, here goes!" *taps enter and freezes*

Me: "Well...?"

Hange: *becomes serious* "Misty."

Me: "Yes...?"

Hange: "These paintings are... *lights up* so well drawn!"

Me: "Huh-"

Hange: "Nude artwork, I like it! People in the future have fine tastes!"

Me: "T-this doesn't bother you?"

Hange: "Not in the slightest! It's just how people see me, right? Levi on the other hand would have murdered every artist who drew him like this."

Me: "I-I see..." *thinks* "Let's try something different." *goes on Archive Of Our Own, looks up Hange Zöe Smut and clicks on a random fanfic* "I want you to read this."

Hange: "What is it?"

Me: "It's a fictional story."

Hange: "About me?"

Me: "Of course."

Hange: "Okay, let's give this a read."

Hange: *clears throat* "(Y/N) pinned Hange down on the- wait, who's this "why-enn"?"

Me: "It stands for "your name". This is a self insert story."

Hange: "Oh nice. Now where was I..." *glances over page* "Oh, here! (Y/N) pinned Hange down on the bed. 'Time to punish you, my sweet~' he said with a smirk. Hange laughed nervously as he pulled down her pants with such great force and began to..."

Me: "...how is she reading this with a straight face?!"

Hange: "'Oh Corporal, I'm going c-cu-' Before the brunette can finish her sentence, white liquid erupted from both of them. 'Well, that was fun.' the brunette said with a blush. 'Can we go for another round with me on top this time?' 'Why not, dear Hange?' (Y/N) agreed, switching positions."

Me: "Is it over?"

Hange: "I think so? There just a note from the author after that last sentence."

Me: "So, what are your thoughts?"

Hange: *shrugs* "I've read worse erotic stories."

Me: "Seriously?"

Hange: "Yeah, and the grammar was horrible! How does anyone expect to get turned on by this?"

Me: "Actually, that's a good point. Want to find a better one?"

Hange: "Why not?"

*A Few Hours Later*

Me: "How are you so good?!"

Hange: "Why do you mean?"

Me: "You're not mad? Disgusted? Freaked out?"

Hange: "Why would I be?"

Me: "Never mind. Well, that's all the time we have today folks! Be sure to vote if you liked this chapter! See you around!"

*crash!*

Me: "What the fuck?!"

Hange: *bashes computer with baseball bat* "How do I get the story out of the box?!"

Me: "Why would you do such a thing?!"

Hange: "To harass Levi with it! He would be mortified!" *evil laugh*

Sorry this took so long lmao