I woke up with a sick feeling to my stomach. I was hot, in the literal meaning of the word. I could feel my shirt and pants sticking to my skin, and whatever wasn't covered from my clothes were slick with it.

Bitter bile rose in the back of my throat and my burning eyes snapped open. I looked around, not taking time to get a sense of my surroundings. I found a bucket placed right next to me and my hands reached out to clamp around it. My head lowered and I vomited into the bucket. It burned coming up, and the weirdest thing about it is I don't remember eating in the past few hours.

I gagged at the smell, only causing another wave of nausea to slam against me and pressing against my stomach. Again, I threw up heavily into the bucket, gasping between it to breath.

When I pulled back and wiped my mouth, my eyes opened to reveal a heavy color of red mixed in with the contents. Did I just vomit up blood?

This couldn't be good.

"Let me throw that out." I snatched my head to the direction in which the voice came from and saw Silo with his hand reached out.

It took a second for my brain to process his words, but when they did I slowly moved my eyes from him and took a look around me. I was in what looked like a barn, only one of those for horse riding. I was sitting in a ground of sand, and the ceiling stretched upwards. On my right, a large opening revealed the forest and a trail that probably led from the forest. There were many weapons lining the walls, along with targets propped up under them in unsorted stacks.

"McKenzie." I looked back at Silo, and everything came back to me. Every single thing, from where he greeted me in the forest, to where he shot me with a fucking tranquilizer dart.

"You have some fucking nerve," I whispered, nearly cringing when I heard my voice. It was raspy, sounding as though I hadn't spoken in years. "You ... Motherfucker ... Any trust I had decided to put into you is gone." I was shaking a little, either out of the heavy weakness I was feeling, or, even possibly, rage.

Something flashed in his yellow-green eyes, but disappeared just as quickly. "I apologize for doing that to you, I really am, but I —"

"If you even," I cut off, putting my hand up and closing my eyes, counting to ten and taking a breath in, "try to tell me you had no choice, or that it was necessary, I promise you right now that you'll regret it."

Risky? Hell yes, but I was officially done at this point. Being pushed around was irking enough, but being shot with a tranquilizer really put the ball in the game.

And in all honesty, I wanted Shark's opinion on this whole fucking screwed up situation. Unfortunately, it seems that despite my awakening, she was still unconscious herself.

He let out a sigh. He was crouched in front of me, still wearing the shorts and shirt from earlier, but looking more exhausted.

"Listen," he murmured, running his hands up and down his face, "you were hysterical. I needed you to calm down, okay?"

"I was hysterical because you told me I was going on a suicide mission!"

He gave me a look. "It's not a suicide mission, McKenzie. We have every intention on getting you out of there alive."

"Alright." I sat up and leaned towards him, narrowing my eyes and clenching my jaw. "You want to send me in there? You want me to bait these people without any sort of training or knowledge of what's going on?" I stretched my arms out on either side of me, eyes not leaving his. "Fine. But I want you to look me in the eye and swear on your life that you can promise to get me out of there alive."

For the first time, I managed to get Silo in a place of discomfort. He wouldn't meet my eyes, and he almost seemed submissive towards me in this brief moment of my words.

"I thought so." I pulled back and staggered to my feet, my hand pressing against the wall to steady myself. "If I really don't have a choice, then I guess I should get ready to go."

He stood up as well. "Wait—"

"No. I'm done waiting." I put one of my hands on my hips and stretched my aching shoulder, letting out a breath and wincing. I then straightened myself and turned to look him in the eye. "From now on, don't make promises you can't be sure you can keep." I turned around and headed out of the barn like building and walked back to the village, somehow knowing that this path led there.

I didn't care why he brought me to that place, I don't know if he expected me to sit like a good girl and listen, or if he wanted to talk to me more and hope I would just let what happened fly over my head.

I had thought he was smarter than that. I would be lying if I said I wasn't let down by Silo, on the first official day of being in this Clan.

-:-

I twisted my hair up into a high, tight bun as I stared myself down in the mirror and told myself that I could do this. Again, not like I had any choice in the first place but having some support for myself was always nice right?

I sucked in a deep breath and released it again, chanting to myself in the mirror the same thing over and over. I can do this. I can do this. I. Can. Fucking. Do. This.

I can't do this. My hands, lowered at my sides after finishing my hair, had grown clammy. I moved my fingers around, finding them growing numb and sweaty.

Blood pounded in my ears, which I hated. The sounds of heartbeats were a pet peeve of mine, why is not really known. I just don't like listening to heartbeats or any similar steady beatings.

Sweat gathered under my pits and along my forehead. My fingers uncurled and trotted their way up the cool marble of the sink, instead anchoring themselves there. I leaned forward and stared myself in the eyes, searching my own eyes for expression.

I heard a knock at the door, and I jerked my head. How did anyone get into my house without me hearing the front door open? How did I miss the repeated footsteps across the floor as they got closer?

A few more knocks. "I know you're in there. It's just me." My shoulders sagged upon hearing Jada. I reached forward and twisted the knob, pulling the door open.

"Hi," I breathed, relieved it was only her and not Silo — or Tommy for that matter. Still, it was sort of embarrassing to be standing in front of my friend in only a sports bra and running shorts. I had changed into them when I returned so I could cool off before I got ready for the stupid fucking suicide mission I was being thrown into.

"You're half-naked," she said, glancing up and down my body before leaning against the doorway and raising her eyebrow at me. "It's an interesting sight."

I rolled my eyes, turning back to the mirror and fidgeting with the faucet in the sink, eyes lowered. "Thanks for pointing that out. I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't told me," I replied, a hint of sarcasm dripping into my words.

I heard her breath out. "Jesus."

I bit the inside of my cheek, my fingers tinkering with the handle that controlled the cold water. I sent her a glance and saw her looking at me with a slightly put off expression. Feeling guilty, I muttered, "I'm sorry. I'm not really in the best mood right now."

Jada took a step towards me, close enough to where she could reach out. She did, her warm hand gently resting on my shoulder blade. "I heard about the raid."

"How do you figure these things out?" I asked, pushing myself up lightly and turning my head so it was angled in her direction. "Seriously, you're on top of things."

She smirked at me. "Do you honestly think I'm going to let those assholes treat me like a child just because I'm not one of those mutated freaks?"

Ouch. Even for me, the jab really stuck into my side like a thorn. I cleared my throat, cocking one eyebrow and lowering my chin as I gave her an expectant look.

I don't think she meant anything insulting by it towards me, but the words still poked at me. I was one of those mutated freaks, after all, even though she had a point.

She seemed to realize her mistake not long after they left her lips, because her teeth gnawed at her lower lip and she suddenly looked queasy.

Jada flushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean — I ..." She whistled low, her hand leaving my shoulder and instead locking with the other and going behind her back.

"It's fine." I shrugged. Doing so, however, woke the tightness in my neck and back. It felt like I slept on a bed made of wood and metal, which wouldn't surprise me seeing as Silo had put a fucking dart in my spine.

"By the way, remind me to find a gun."

This sparked amusement from my end, and I gave my short friend a small eyebrow raise once more. "I don't think I can trust you with a gun," I said, but made the mental note to remind her anyway. "Where did that even come from?"

"So I can shoot every single person who touched you," she said dryly, pointing to my shoulder. I glanced at it and saw a slight yellow bruise that was healing from when I hit it during my fight in the Council House. I didn't even know it was there until earlier that day.

"That's old...ish." I reached up and rubbed it with a shake of my head. "It's healing pretty quickly considering how recently I received it."

Jada squinted and grumbled, "Not everybody gets to have special healing abilities like you and the other people here, you know."

"Don't be salty, Jada."

"I'll be as fucking salty as I want, bitch. I'll be so salty that when you eat chocolate, you'll still be able to taste the saltiness on your tongue."

"I don't ... Wow." I shook my head at her. "You can't just ask for a gun to shoot one person. You'd get yourself kicked out of here."

"Possibly so, but I also know about the asshole shooting you with a tranquilizer," she states. "Turn around."

"How the hell—" but before I could finish my sentence, the smaller girl had whipped me around so I faced the sink. I glanced behind me and saw her staring at my back, around the area in which the dart had connected to my skin. I couldn't help but ask, seeing as I had wanted to know, "Any bruises?"

"I'm going to kill him," she spat in reply, her eyes burning with rage. I felt a soft touch on my back, but when it was applied with pressure I jumped. The pain was more than I was expecting it to be, not thinking that the object would cause me anything but a bit of soreness. "It's black and purple around where he had it. I can see the where the tranquilizer fucking punctured a hole in your skin, and then it's really dark brushing around it."

"Wonderful." I pulled away from her touch, starting to grow uncomfortable with hands on my back. I wasn't one for physical touch in all honesty. My entire life I didn't receive much of it, so I grew to dislike it altogether. I didn't really enjoy hugging Tommy until later in our relationship, we rarely cuddled, and sex was a complete negative for us.

"May I please get a gun?" She begged me, looking up at me with a huff. "Pretty please? I won't kill 'em, or nothing, I just want to take a shot at their feet."

"No," I said, breaking out into laughter. "You're not allowed to have a gun unless it's self defense here. Plus, I haven't seen many guns here. They might not have but a couple."

She scowled. "I will find one."

I chuckled, making my way to the bedroom to get changed into the clothes laid out for the raid. "Yeah, alright."

The outfit chosen for me by my grandmother, who had came only to choose the outfit and then wish me luck, was a dark green thermal jacket with dark green pants, brown combat boots, and leather brown gloves. They didn't at all look very good together in my own opinion, but if we are discussing survival then I'm not complaining.

I walked with Jada in silence to the center of the village, where three trucks were parked and being loaded with crates and heavy boxes.

"What's all that for?" I asked to the nearest person, an adult woman with blue eyes.

"On the raids, they like to take as much as they possibly can besides freeing some people," she told me. "Medicine, weapons, files, anything that could be useful for the Clan."

I swallowed, the idea of being used as bait for this becoming more and more unsettling. They wanted me to prove myself, but how could I do that if they were sending me into this without any sort of training? I don't know how I can get by with just running around and trying to maul the guards and shit.

Silo handed a box to the person on his right and said something in Giselle's ear. Her lips pursed and she nodded, lifting her hand in the air and flicking it. "Everybody going on the raid load up now! We leave in five!"

Silo strides over to me and pulled something from his waistband. I froze and glared at the gun he was holding out to me. "You look fit for battle," he said. "Go ahead. Take it."

I hesitated, but reached out and curled my fingers around the cold object. He met my eyes for a moment, as though trying to reassure me, before moving his hand and giving me full control.

The gun weighed more than I expected, even for one as small as this. He pulled yet another object out and held it towards me as well. A hunting knife.

I took it and held both objects, staring at them, then at Silo then back at them. "Um. What do you want me to do with these? Wait for them to do tricks?"

"Put the gun in your waistband," the chieftain ordered, stepping towards me. I did as told and then he grabbed my right arm, rolling the sleeve of the jacket up.

He pulled out a strap from his pant pocket and I said, "Do you just happen to carry random shit around with you?" Ignoring my remark, he wound the black strap tightly around my arm until it made rest of my arm below the strap numb. He grabbed the knife, and to my shocking flinch, gently wriggled it down between my skin and the strap, securing it.

He pulled the sleeve back down, effectively hiding the sharp weapon. "Be careful not to angle your arm upwards to the point where it can jab your skin," he told me, grabbing the end of my sleeve and shaking the entire arm. "And don't worry about the numbness. You'll get used to it." He dropped my arm and turned, glancing at me. "Load up with Giselle."

He walked off and Jada said, "He looked like he was waving a wet noodle around."