a/n: quick rant

when your iTunes music expires and you lose ALL of the music you downloaded because you haven't renewed it yet. lost over 200 songs. the last time it happened it was a major hassle to get it all back because the downloading of 200 songs really makes your phone be like "error: to much fucking music"
k so enough of my rants. on with the story.

-:-

My eyes shot open when I felt a sharp sting in the side of my face. I yelped out and held my cheek, my eyes quickly darting around. They landed on a fuzzy figure not two feet above me, which soon formed a fuming Jada when my vision cleared.

"What the fuck?" I rasped out as best I could. I inwardly cringed at the sound of my own voice when the words were spoken, realizing very quickly that it was due to the fact that my throat was dry and sore as hell. "What the heck happened to me?"

Jada blinked her furious eyes at me, the frustrated flame slowly dimming to a concerned flicker. She hesitantly lowered herself on the edge of the bed next to me and reached a hand out, her warm fingers interlocking with mine, which were resting on my blanket-covered lap. "You .. don't look like you're dying."

My eyebrows drew together and I gave her a look I was sure she saw as one that was weird or funny looking. "I .. no. I'm not..?" I trailed off, ending the response in a question as I stared at my new friend.

"It's just.." She reached up and drew her free hand through her brown hair, her expression holding both a sense of relief and even a bit of a disgruntled appearance. "Your heart .." she whispered, her lips trembling, ".. it stopped beating."

As the words tumbled out of Jada's lips, I was pretty sure it stopped beating again. My lips parted in shock, unsure of how to reply to the other girl who had just told me that I had been apparently dead. I locked my lips together tightly and grazed my teeth over the bottom lip sharply, encouraging and welcoming the stinging it brought as a result. I drank in the silence, grinding my teeth over my lip until it was numb and probably starting to bleed.

A sudden thought flashed through my mind and I moved my fingers from Jada's own and instead gripped her wrist. She tugged it as a surprised response and glanced down at me worriedly.

"You didn't call anyone did you?" I demanded, swallowing gulps of air and blowing large amounts through my nose. Preventing a panic attack was going to be very hard from this point on, I just knew it. "Please don't lie. Did you?"

Jada tugged her wrist from my grip. I let it happen and dropped my hand to my side, feeling terrible for scaring her and possibly hurting her for gripping her wrist that tightly. But she didn't look to be scared of me, she simply rubbed her wrist and after a few seconds reached out to place her palm over mine. "No," she told me in a soft voice, "I did not call anyone. Your heart only stopped for a minute, and I was about to call for an ambulance, but then your heart started again and I wanted to wait to see if you would wake up before doing anything else."

Relief filled up in my tummy and my throat, and I allowed myself to slump back against the pillows. "Thank you," I managed out breathlessly. "I-I'm sorry for grabbing you like that."

Jada shrugged her shoulders and looked away from me for a second, either because she didn't want to look at me in the eyes or because she was taking a moment to collect her thoughts. I went with the latter, because she moved her head again and cocked it while meeting my eyes. "It's alright. I'm more concerned about you right now .. What exactly was that?"

"That's what I want to know," I said, shrugging my shoulders and reaching up to rub the side of my temple. It throbbed when I added light pressure to it, so I immediately pulled my fingers back.

"You were in the shower," Jada remembered, tapping her fingers against her chin thoughtfully. "I think you were having some sort of anxiety attack."

"I was," I confirmed with a nod.

She nodded and began pacing the room. "I was in there with you when I heard your sobs. You passed out the second I got in, and then two minutes later your heart stopped briefly."

I winced. "Ah. I'm really sorry about that .. There's a lot going on with me .." I trailed off, searching for things to say to her without having to reveal my secret.

"Is it something you'd like to talk to me about?" Jada offered, scooting up so she was laying next to me on the bed with her arms behind her head. "I promise you, it won't scare me off. I'm not easy to intimidate." She winked playfully.

A small smile lifted my lips. At this moment, I was extremely grateful I had decided to let Jada come with me to Wyoming because she made a great companion and knew exactly when I needed some cheering up.

But I also had to remind myself that, for now at least, the secret I carried couldn't be revealed to her. I'm sure Jada could keep it to herself, but I'm not sure of how safe it is to talk about it out loud. I was sure there was someone after me, and if that was true I could risk dragging Jada into it.

Which meant, that at some point, I needed to part ways with my new friend. The very thought nearly knocked the breath from my lungs, like a fist punching me right in the throat until I couldn't breath. I curled my fingers into the sheets next to me and bit my lower lip, breathing in and out.

"Kenzi?" Jada's hand touched my shoulder. I glanced at her, and for the brief seconds my eyes were on her I noticed the concern and worry in her widened eyes. "You're not having another anxiety attack are you? Was it because I asked about your reason for running?"

I sucked in a breath and murmured out, "Just give me a quick minute." She went silent, telling me that she understood the stumbled words that had come rolling off my tongue. This wasn't Jada's fault, she doesn't know what's happening with me. My heart, which had started racing like a train, was now slowing to its regular beat. My body stopped feeling tense, and I could relax a little again. I reopened my eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry," Jada murmured, her hand still on my shoulder gently. "I really shouldn't have asked you about that–"

"Don't apologize," I interrupted firmly, shifting my eyes and narrowing them determinedly at her. "It is not your fault."

"Don't try to pretend it isn't," Jada claimed weakly, shaking her head and moving a strand of her wet brown hair behind her left ear. At this moment, she looked smaller, fragile and exposed, tired and worn even. Was that how I looked these days?

"Please don't beat yourself up, Jada. You really had no idea that it would trigger me."

"But it did trigger you. I should have enough common sense not to ask you questions about shit like that. I know it's personal, but I–"

I interrupted again, "But you didn't know that it would have an affect on me. I'm not blaming you, I'm not mad at you, and I prevented the anxiety attack. See? Everything's okay now. Please stop fretting, because you're making me nervous."

She cracked a smile. "I'm making you nervous?"

I picked at a loose strand of string on my cotton shirt sleeve, puffing my cheeks at her tauntingly. "Yeah. It weirds me out to see you freak out like that."

"Sorry."

"Stop saying that."

Silence. Then, "My apologies."

I gave her a dry look, but when we stared at one another for a second we started to laugh. We laughed for a few minutes straight, each time we tried to recover ended up in another laughing fit.

By the time we were able to compose ourselves, we were both tired. Today had been one hell of a day, and both of us were on agreement when it came to getting some serious sleep.

As I reached over on my side of the bed to switch the lamp off, a distant howl of a wolf sounded. I paused and listened to the call.

My head resting on the pillow, I tried to ignore the aching tug in my heart. A tug to add my song to the wolf's, to be free.

-:-

Chieftain Silo trotted through the forest. His long, dappled golden tail grazed over the thick undergrowth as he walked the path back to the Clan.

As the breeze drifted around him, an undefinable scent struck his nose. It was familiar, very familiar. It smelled like .. One of them, him and his people.

He stopped suddenly and lifted his nose, closing his eyes and opening his jaws to drink the scent in. It was a female, teenage years, only a few days old, and in town.

Silo haunched his muscles and started into a sprint back to the Clan, his speed increasing with each paw that landed on the ground.

The people had scented his distress and were gathered in the middle of the neighborhood, looking at him with wide eyes.

He shifted in mid halt and turned to his Tánaiste, eyes meeting hers. "I want you to alert the Council, now. We have a new shifter in town."