TW- rape, violence

This chapter is dedicated to supercollide
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I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF NATHAN. I thought that I had finally overcome this fear, but right now, looking into this same face that haunted me for years, I realize it isn't so simple. I am still frozen, that same little girl he manipulated years ago.

"Let me go, Nathan," I say, trying to move back. His grip turns tighter.

"I feel like we should talk," he says, grinning like a wolf. Like a hunter. I am the sheep; I am the prey.

"Get the fuck out of my way," I hiss.

He only laughs, his blonde hair shining in the dim lights of the corridor. We're too far away from the party, the music is too loud, and I know even if I scream, no one will hear.

I am trapped.

I'm trapped. Shit.

Tears start to shine in my eyes as overwhelming hopelessness threatens to choke me. After all this time, after all I've been through, I'm still afraid. Am I really this weak? This cowardly?

"Beg for me, Cade," Nathan says, smiling down at me.

Now it's fury that pours through my veins, fire that slithers beneath my skin. I can't just let myself be taken, I will fight. I'll make this hell. I'll kick and scratch, no matter what it costs me. I won't be an easy target, not for him, not for anybody.

Nathan leans down, his lips crushing forcefully against mine. I go rigid for a moment, but then I start to struggle. I push and pull at him, but his mouth doesn't leave mine. He tastes like cream and caramel.

I finally manage to get one good swing at him, a jab at his ribs, and he takes the hit with an explosion of rage. As though me causing him pain is not only a nuisance, but a sin. Something that merits punishment.

"You little bitch," he sneers, his sugary mask finally dropping. "We'll see about that." He grabs both my wrists hard enough to crack them, and then he shoves me against the wall. Cold tile hits my back.

I shudder at the iciness, but then Nathan's tongue is on me, his hot breath, roaming my neck, shoulder, even my collarbones. I feel disgusting, with his thin coat of saliva smearing my skin. I feel dirty. A whore. A cheap, easy picking.

"Please," I say, the tears finally falling. "Don't do this. You don't have to do this."

Nathan pulls back, letting me see his face, the cold glint in his eyes. "Oh, I don't have to. I want to."

"No!" I say, trying to thrust my arms at his chest. "No, no!" I kick at his ankles, his legs, but he uses his whole body to press against me. I feel crushed, suffocated.

I bite at him, scratch at him, but it doesn't deter him.

"Help!" I scream out, although I know it's useless. No one can hear. "Help! Someone! Help!"

Nathan's face comes close to mine, the cornflower blue of his eyes bright.

Before he can say anything, I spit on him.

With an ugly snarl, he takes my wrists and pins them above my head with one hand. I feel exposed, vulnerable. I knew I shouldn't have spat at him, but that moment of pride is enough to help me keep my dignity now, as his fingers find the slit in my dress.

There is a thigh-high plunging cut in my black dress that Nathan discovers and uses to his advantage. His rough fingers find their way between my legs, and I shudder, clenching my thighs together in protest, disgust.

"Don't touch me!" I say, trying to kick at him, but he splays my legs with his own. The belt buckle comes off, and I feel a sick sensation.

Oh, god, not here. Please, no. Not here.

I close my eyes, knowing there is nothing I can do now. Not as I feel the harsh, scraping sensation against my skin―

"Get away from her!"

I hear screaming, shouting. The pressure of Nathan's weight on me is relieved and I hear a crash and a thud as bodies fall to the ground, punching, kicking, shoving. Too dizzy and nauseous to watch, I slide to the floor, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

I close my eyes as I hear the harsh sound of punches hitting someone in the gut. I don't look to see who is winning.

After one final blow that ends with a whimper, I hear someone say, "You alright?"

I don't know who I expected―Angel, as the most likely―but it's Dominic who stands before me now, hand outstretched.

He is gentle as he says, "Come here, Cadenza, let's go."

I stand up and take his hand. He brushes the tears from my eyes and fixes my hair. He slips my dress straps back up my shoulder and says, "You look beautiful as before." When my eyes drift towards the silhouette of Nathan, he says grimly, "No, it's best if you don't look."

As he leads me away, I glance back anyway. Nathan is curled up―still breathing―but almost unrecognizable with his bruises and bloody skin. Dominic beat him up bad, real bad, and although I know violence is wrong, I can't help but feel glad.

"Thank you," I murmur, and Dominic only nods.

But just before we leave the hallway and go back into the light of the dance and music, he stops me and says quickly, as though he's doing it before he can change his mind, "Leave now, Cade, go and don't come back."

I scowl, a fresh wave of anger burning. "After everything, you still hate me that much?"

"No. I don't hate you at all. And that is why I'm doing this. Leave now and don't come back, for your own safety."

"I don't get it! My place is here, with Angel. I'm not leaving."

Dominic looks torn, struggling between two loyalties. Eventually he spits out, "She's going to betray you. She's going to give you up to the higher up, the big boss. The Grim Reaper."

"What?" I say, flustered. "That's not true. What would this . . . Reaper . . . possibly want with me?"

Dominic shakes his head, as though he's seen some bad, bad things. "What that asshole almost did just now . . . and worse."

I swallow. "Angel would never do that. She'd never give me up like that."

"That's where you're wrong. Run, run now, Cade, and don't look back. Please."

I tear past him, out into the crowd. The music swallows all sound and I leave Dominic behind as I barrel into the dancing people. Angel? Betraying me? I don't believe a word of it. But still . . . if Dominic wanted me gone, all he had to do was leave me there for Nathan to rape me. He didn't have to save me. So why is he lying now?

I decide to head to the bathroom. I know Dominic said I looked fine, but I haven't seen myself yet and I know I need to. I want to.

The mirrors are sparkly clean, and I survey myself with wonder as toilets flush and a woman washes her hands.

I look like . . .

I don't look like myself.

My blonde hair, short ever since I cut it, is half up and half down, with strands framing my face. My eyelids are coated in shimmery gray dust, my lashes darkened and elongated. I look mysterious, dark. And my dress completes the look. The neckline plunges down, bearing the middle of my chest down to my stomach. My waist is cinched by folds of thin black silk that flows down to the floor. The slit where Nathan was able to get easy access is high and revealing, showing smooth leg and tender skin. I look like the Black Swan.

I don't look like myself, I look darker. Power-hungry. With a sharper edge.

With a start, I realize I like it. I like this look.

As I leave the bathroom, I run right into Angel. She steadies me, noticing the way my hands still have a tremble.

Without even me saying, she asks, "Where is he?"

How . . . how does she know Nathan is here? Something is off about this. "Dominic took care of it," I say stiffly.

She nods, but she doesn't answer. "Are you okay?"

"Dance with me," I say instead.

She leads me out to the dance floor, and we lose ourselves in the crowd. We have arrived just as a song ends, and the lights suddenly darken to almost pitch-black. Swathed in shadows, I am forced to move closer to Angel in order to see her better.

A slow song starts to play, and she wraps her arm around me. I suddenly feel warm, protected. Dominic's words leave me, and I know they couldn't possibly be true anyway. When Angel is holding me like this, everything fades. She would never betray me.

"You know," she whispers into my ear, as we sway softly, "you're incredible."

"You already told me that," I say, laughing.

"No," she says seriously. "I told you you were beautiful, but it's not the same thing. You're incredible because you're smart, you're crazy smart. You figured out where the Jewels are, and not only that, you understood all the clues when no one else could. You're also funny, and I love the way you laugh, and smile. And . . . you're also so kind. So compassionate, even when you don't have to be. You barely knew Alessandro, but you refused to leave him behind. You stayed with him as he died."

This memory brings tears to my eyes.

She continues, "And even though your mother is, well, not the best, and that piece of shit stepbrother of yours ruined your childhood . . . you're still strong. And brave. And sweet." The song reaches its saddest point, and I feel like crying, I feel like kissing her.

"I love you, Cadenza," she whispers at last. "I love you."

I grab either side of her face with both hands and kiss her mouth. A slow, deep kiss that leaves my mouth tingling. When we part, I slowly open my eyes and look into hers, admiring the golden encircling her pupils. "I love you, too, Angel Falcone."

>>>

All's good in paradise, right? Right? Well, here's a chapter for you guys. They've finally said I love you.

You guys know that joke about a lesbian's second date involving a U-Haul? Well, three weeks of knowing each other by lesbian standards is practically marriage and children already. So I consider this some pretty slow burn tension.

Anyways, continue on!

From the moon and back,
Sarai