August 6, 2007

"All right, we're leaving now! See ya later, fellas!"

L threw a weary glance over his shoulder. He caught Cassandra's nervous expression right before the elevator door closed. Maybe he shouldn't have allowed her to go out with Misa Amane. But she'd cooped herself up since her arrival, depriving herself of human contact and even sunlight. She needed this. And with some luck, by the end of the day, they'd finally be able to move forward with the Kira-case.

"Watari," L addressed his manservant and guardian in a soft voice. "Please follow them from a distance. Bring Cassandra straight home if anything happens."

The stately man with gray mustache and spectacles didn't reply. With a mere nod, he put down the tea tray and left. L heaved a sigh. Judging by Watari's silent demeanor, he still hadn't forgiven L for dismissing his concern about Mercy.
But L hadn't dismissed it. He knew very well Mercy was responsible for the man's death. The odds of her being on board that airplane at the exact time a person suffering from grief and an underlying heart condition had died were too much of a coincidence to ignore. He'd simply chosen not to burden Cassandra with the daunting truth just yet. Especially not after seeing her sketches the past week. 

Watari had diligently accomplished his task, delivering the items L had asked for just as he'd been about to go back downstairs after he and Cassandra had... whatever they'd done. Apart from two dozen books, L had made Watari buy a sketchbook, a pencil kit, color crayons, and markers. That same night, it'd become clear he'd made the right call to get Cassandra the things she needed to continue her creative therapy.
The things he saw in the sketchbook were alarming. Deformed creatures, the stuff of nightmare. People without faces lying in pools of blood. Carmine eyes that popped off the page and drove themselves into his very core. Each night, a few new sketches had been added. Each night, L's dread grew more.

I'll have to take action soon, he pondered, thumb to his lower lip. This can't go on. I promised Watari. I promised Cassandra. But I need to talk to C about it first. She's the only one with a connection to Mercy. Let's hope today's outing will bring her out, otherwise... she'll leave me no choice. 

"Hey, Ryuzaki." Light wheeled his chair closer to the detective. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, fine," said L, eyes never leaving his computer screen. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You and Watari are barely speaking. C's been a no-show, and now Cassia's going shopping with Misa. That all seems a little... off."

Hm, most astute, Light Yagami. I'd almost forgotten nothing gets by you. 

"I assure you, everything is fine. Cassia is going out with Misa Amana because C is absent. As you'll probably have gathered by now, Cassia is very introverted. Almost agoraphobic, actually. We're hoping C will come out if we force Cassia into a panic attack."

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" wondered Light aloud. "Panic attacks are no laughing matter. Cassia could need medical attention if you're not careful."

"That is precisely why I've sent Watari after them. He knows what to do. We've reached an impasse in the Kira-case and need C. I've given her the chance to come out on her own, but we cannot afford to waste anymore time. Kira isn't stopping, so neither can we."

"Hm, yes, I suppose you're right."

L turned his head to face Light. "You worry about her."

"Huh? No, I —"

"That wasn't a question."

L peered at Light with a knowing gaze. The brown-haired young man huffed and shook his head with a roll of his eyes. But by the way he peeped at the detective from the corner of his eye, pretending to have resumed his way on the computer, L took his statement had hit the right chord. He'd already observed Light seemed perturbed about C's presence — or the lack of it, rather. And now his remark about taking matters into the extreme and his silent denial of his concern...
The audio-tapes from the car from when Light and C had gone to the hospital and the daily interactions L witnessed with Chief Yagami substantiated C's claim about the junior college student going through life with little emotional attachment. Not once did Light use the word 'love' when talking to his father or about his sister. He cared, yes. But he didn't love. As if he was incapable of it.

So... why C, then? Could he be attracted to her? Light was a late-teen in his sexual prime, after all. It wouldn't be too far-fetched to think this was the case. Although... no, he paid attention to C, but little to none to Cassandra. They had unique personalities, but still shared the same body. It couldn't be a physical attraction, else he'd also show it toward Cassandra.
Was his interest then perhaps purely from an academic perspective? Her affliction was, after all, what had drawn L himself to her at first, as well. He'd expect someone matching his own thirst for unraveling mysteries to want to learn more about DID by studying a person affected by it up close and personal.
Or did he feel the net closing around? If anyone would uncover Kira's true identity without questionable doubt apart from L, it would surely be C. So did Light Yagami, the number one suspect in the investigation, know this was the end for him? 

📓💀📓

"I'm so happy you came along! This is gonna be super fun!"

Cassandra grimaced, trying her best to fake a smile. She was already regretting this. What had ever possessed her to agree to go shopping with Misa? If she hadn't heard the blonde's excited shriek and seen her jumping and clapping her hands in glee the moment the words had come out of her mouth, she would've thought C had for sure set her up again. But this had been her own stupidity.

Maybe this'll get C to come out. She's bound to show up if she senses I'm uncomfortable or in danger.

But even as she tried to hold on to that small sliver of hope, Cassandra knew C wouldn't rescue her from Misa. If anything, her alter ego was probably enjoying this. She was 'getting out of her comfort zone'. And that frustrated Cassandra beyond measure.
She didn't want to go shopping. She didn't even want to be in this damn city. All she wanted was to return home to her little cottage in England, where she didn't have to worry about people dying because of her, and where she didn't have to face L every single day. Not that they'd spoken much the past week. Nothing beyond a 'hello', 'how are you?', 'sleep well', and 'pass the tea, please'. 

I hope you're happy with yourself, C, Cassandra bitterly spoke to her inner self. You've ruined everything.

"So, where do you want to go first?" asked Misa suddenly.

"Huh? Oh, um... I'm not sure," answered Cassandra, shaken out of her thoughts by her chirpy companion. "I don't know anything here."

"Wait, haven't you been here like, two weeks or something?"

"This is the first time I'm leaving HQ since you took me out that first day."

"What? You mean to tell you've been stuck in that stupid tower since then?" Misa fumed and crossed her arms. "Well, that simply won't do! Don't you worry, I'm here now, and I'm gonna show you all around town!"

"Actually, Misa, um... I-I'd prefer if we don't go too far."

"Nonsense! Come on, let's go!"

Before Cassandra could object, Misa was already pulling her along into one of Tokyo's famed shopping areas. Her senses were instantly assaulted. The colors in the many clothing windows exploded before her in a blur; the scent of sweet and salty food invaded her nose. But nothing alarmed her more than the noise. 
People were talking, shouting, laughing. Mismatched music clashed all around Cassandra in a deafening cacophony. Yet the drumming of her heart was the most harrowing sound of them all. With each thump, her blood roared in her ears like a thundering river. Cassandra tried to focus, but on what? There was so much going on. She couldn't. 

"Ow!" Misa was yanked back in her determined strut. "Hey, what's going... on? Cassia? A-Are you okay?"

The blonde stared frightfully at the redhead, who stood frozen in place, her fingers locked around Misa's wrist in a deadlock. Cassandra panted, trying desperately to catch her breath. But the air around her was stifling. She was suffocating. Drowning in an ocean of people in the middle of a city. Too much. It was too much!
Suddenly, something caressed her cheek. Fingertips gingerly brushed her skin. Her instinct was to shrink away from this stranger's touch, but she was paralyzed. The haze that had fallen over her eyes dissipated until she met a pair of kind hazel eyes. They sparkled green, amber, and just a hint of cerulean, too.

"You're okay," said Misa. "I'm here."

She took Cassandra's other hand and brought it to her chest. Her heart slowed, mimicking the steady beating she sensed underneath Misa's skin. Breathing no longer felt like a battle. The figures walking by weren't the monsters from her nightmares but ordinary people going about their ordinary day in an ordinary street.

"Let's go in here," said Misa. "You'll feel better away from the crowd, with a cup of tea or cocoa."

Cassandra allowed her companion to coax her away. The hustle and bustle from the outside world changed to the calm interior of a quaint little tearoom. The walls were a soft beige, and the chairs were of dark wood with plump pine-green cushions. Only two tables were occupied. Finally, Cassandra could breathe again. 
Misa took her to the far back and made her sit facing the room. She sat on the other side of the table, but not directly opposite her. Cassandra had a clear, open view of everything and everyone. It was then she noticed the aquarium filled with guppies and angelfish. They swam between corals and weed, their colors shimmering in the white light attached to the tank. For the first time since leaving HQ, Cassandra felt at ease. 

"Better?" asked Misa.

"Yes. Thank you."

"No problem. I know a thing or two about panic attacks, and we were close to this place. It was sure to work."

Cassandra tilted her head curiously. She wouldn't have guessed someone as carefree and giddy as Misa would've known what to do during a panic attack, let alone that she'd experienced one herself. She wanted to ask about it, but bit her tongue just in time. That would've been highly inappropriate. 
As they waited for the server to get their order, Cassandra caught a man with gray hair, a boulder hat, and glasses seated three tables away from her. Her fingers clutched the hem of her oversized purple sweater. L must've sent Watari to keep an eye on her. Had he seen her in the street before? If he had, why hadn't he swept in to take her back to HQ? 

"Ow, this looks so good! Thank you, miss!"

Cassandra blinked at hearing Misa's voice. She'd completely missed the server returning with their order. A cup of hot cherry tea stood in front of her, above an inviting plate of cherry-flavored ice mochi. 

"Hey, those look yummy too," remarked Misa. "Wanna trade one for some strawberries?"

"Oh, um... I-I can't," said Cassandra. "I'm allergic."

"Really? That sucks. How about just some whipped cream, then?"

"No, it came in contact with the strawberries. I can go into shock. It's nice of you to offer, but I have to pass. You can take a mochi, though. I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, be my guest."

Beaming, Misa plucked one of the dark-red frozen dumpling of Cassandra's plate and popped it in her mouth. She hummed in delight. Cassandra couldn't help but chuckle.

"So, I guess shopping is a no-go, huh?" asked Misa.

"I'm sorry," said Cassandra with a sigh. "It's just... the noise. I got a little overwhelmed. It was raining the other day we went out, so it didn't bother me that much then. Fewer people and so."

"It's okay, you don't need to explain. We can sit here for a while and then go back. Just have a little girl-time, ya know?"

"Um... sure?"

Cassandra couldn't even begin to understand what that entailed. She remembered having friends when she was little, but since the Glass House, the only people who dared to come close to her were L and Near. Even Watari and Rogers only entered the same room she was in when absolutely necessary. Yet here she was, in a tearoom with Japan's favorite sweetheart, Misa Amane. Did the blonde actually want to be her friend? 

I need to be careful, though. Lawliet warned me there are people within HQ he suspects of working with Kira. Misa seems harmless and a complete ditz, but if there's one thing I learned from C, it's that looks can be deceiving. Maybe I can keep the conversation on her. 

"I-I saw you in a magazine the other day," said Cassandra. "You're a great model, Misa."

"Naw, that's so nice of you! It's hard work, of course. I'm actually trying to expand my skills. I'll be starring in a movie soon."

"That's awesome."

"How about you? Light said you were a painter?"

Cassandra quickly pulled her sleeves over her colored fingers. "At home, yeah. I-I use pencils and crayons while I'm here."

"What sort of stuff do you draw?" asked Misa.

"Um... animals, mostly," lied Cassandra. "Flowers. You know, nature... stuff."

"How about portraits?"

"I've tried a few times."

"Can you do one of me some day? I'd love to have my own portrait!"

"Sure... I guess."

Cassandra cast her eyes down to her mochi. She poked the ice-cream-filled dumplings with her spoon. A portrait... That's how it'd all started five years ago. How she and L had grown closer to each other.
She'd found him playing chess against Watari, who'd been posing as a doctor in the Glass House. The way L had appeared so absorbed in the game, so focused... It had enthralled Cassandra so much, she'd captured the vision in her sketchbook. She hadn't even realized L had noticed her drawing him until he stood next to her, watching her draw his likeness in fascination. From that moment on, they'd become friends. Then a few weeks later... 

Gloomily, Cassandra's thoughts wandered again to what had happened last week. Five minutes of absolute bliss had been shattered in a mere second, a mere glance at L's aghast expression. Their deal had been nullified in that one moment. L had been adamant about them not having any sexual intercourse from the very start, yet he'd also been the one to come to her after seeing her on the video. Cassandra had tried to get L to talk to her, but he'd shut her down and excused himself from the room every single time.
Because he regretted it. She knew he did. L didn't blame her, but himself. He blamed his weakness. It's why things had become so awkward between them. But was what they'd done really so bad? Why could they kiss, but not do more? Why did L insist on breaking her heart when he knew she loved him? 

"Cassia? You okay?" Misa's inquiring voice pulled Cassandra from her spiraling thoughts.

"Fine," she replied. "Just... thinking."

"Anything I can help you with?"

"Not really."

Cassandra cut the mochi with her spoon and put some in her mouth. Though the rich cherry flavor instantly burst in her mouth, she really only tasted ashes. Sadly, she pushed the plate away and rested her elbow on the table to hold her head up. She was so tired. She just wanted to go back to HQ and go to bed. 
Suddenly, a hand gently touched Cassandra's arm. The redhead looked up. Misa had a little sympathetic smile on her lips. "I know we're still strangers to one another," she said, "but I can tell when someone's been through a lot. I watched my parents get murdered. You have the same look I sometimes still see in the mirror. Whatever it is, just know I'll listen. No judgment."

Cassandra stared at the perky blonde, at a loss for words. She bit her lip. Did she dare to confide in Misa? She was right here and willing to listen, while L, the one who should've been there for her, wasn't.

Don't, spoke a stern voice in her head. 

Shut up, she told her alter ego. It's your fault, anyway. If you don't want me to talk, come out and help L catch Kira so we can all go home. 

She waited. Any second now, she'd be swallowed by the darkness, losing who knows how much time, until she'd wake up in her room at HQ, perhaps even at home in England. But to her surprise, C still didn't take over. The darkness didn't come. Nothing happened. 

"Promise you won't tell anyone else?" Cassandra asked Misa.

"Of course." The blonde held up two fingers. "Scout's honor. Or whatever the phrase is, I don't know."

Hesitantly, Cassandra shot a glimpse at the table Watari was seated at. She doubted he was close enough to hear, but the founder of Wammy's House had 'lipreading' among his impressive skill-list. She couldn't take any chances. Quickly, Cassandra changed seats, so she sat directly across from Misa, thus obstructing his view somewhat. 

"All right, I guess I should start with..."