P H A N T O M   B L O O D

"Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So the village is called Windknight's Lot?" Jojo asks seriously, though he doesn't look very serious in his odd little outfit. Why so many layers? It's unfair that he's still able to look like an angel in such an ensemble.

Then he goes and asks you to coordinate with him. Loosely. In a cute way. Very vague is he, very stylish is you. Kind of.

You're wearing a long-sleeved button-up with a cute little bowtie (because Jojo has one duh) and above that this blue jumper with short sleeves (because Dio shredded your wardrobe) and above that a darker blue waistcoat so that you still looked slightly Victorian. Besides that, you had some standard trousers and wellies that you hadn't need to go shopping for. Not to forget some nice dangly blue earrings that started with silver patterns and ended in a series of blue gems.

You'd sat next to Jojo just to flirt with him but no, it's time for plot. Oh right, where were we? Jojo's just asked about the name of the town you're all driving to.

"Right, they've had a series of disappearances lately. People vanishing after dark," Speedwagon replies, "And folks have caught glimpses of a fella who looks like Dio."

Zeppeli looks displeased, "We're out of time now. Your final test will be one of life or death my pupils."

"Yes sir, I'll meet him in combat and lay him low," Jonathan says determined whereas you gasp in horror.

"But Mr Zeppeli, it's not even Christmas yet! I can't die like this, I'll go on the naughty list! I'll get coal!"

"If you fail this test, coal will be the least of your worries when you're burning in hell," Zeppeli says coldly.

Damn. Haha, get it? Damn? Damnation? Cuz Mr Zeppeli was talking about hell? Yeah okay, the joke sucks.

This whole thing sucks. What a bummer.

"Chin up (Y/N)! Between you and Jojo I'm sure you can give him hell instead!" Speedwagon announces, just as determined and brave as the Joestar. He's quickly distracted by the tunnel you're approaching, "Look, everyone! The entrance to Windknight's Lot!"

Were you actually chasing after Dio in a town with such a bottleneck entrance? Was the whole place sealed off? Did strategy mean anything to these idiots? You were totally gonna get attacked in this stinking tunnel and die before you could spouse up Jojo and Erina.

Seems none of the guys dragging you along on this quite frankly bizarre adventure had thought this through.

"We'll attack Dio while there's still plenty of light left in the sky!" Jojo says and the other two nod, oblivious to your despair.

The blue-haired boy looks out the window before tightening his fist, "...I swear I will return to her!"

You and Speedwagon look at him baffled.

After a few moments of silence, you gulp and admit, "I've got a bad feeling about this, lads."

Almost as soon as you speak there's a thud from outside the carriage and you all come to an abrupt halt. Damn you for never being wrong in these situations.

"Why did we stop?" Jojo asks.

"Oi mate! Hurry it up!" Speedwagon yells out to the driver before leaving the carriage to check on him.

"Keep an eye out, sunlight can't protect us in here!" Jojo warns, leaning out of his seat slightly. You try and lean out too but unsurprisingly a strong arm pushes you safely back behind the bluenette. Freaking bravery.

"Well, what's wrong?" Speedwagon asks casually before gasping in terror. Then screaming in terror. Then the music picks up a notch and the colours around you change.

'Shit.' You think.

You three Hamon users get out of the carriage and look around warily. You get why the carriage stopped now. The horses had been beheaded, along with the driver who was still sat alert in his seat.

With a horse's head stuck to his neck.

What the fuck, that's Simon's corpse, isn't it? You've known the dumb bastard all your life and now you have the great displeasure of seeing him dead. You're totally gonna puke. Who the bloody hell did this?

"Is it Dio? It has to be him." Jojo says and you look at your green-tinted boy in bafflement. Sure Dio's doing the whole killing people business now but this isn't like the blonde at all.

"Listen, all of you, step away from the horses," Zeppeli says slowly and you don't need to be told twice to back away from the now writhing throat of one of the dead horses.

"What in the blue hell? That crazy blighter's inside of a horse!" Speedwagon screams as a man's head slithers out of the horse's throat.

This is going to give you nightmares in the future. If you don't die doing the Barons odd test thing that is.

"Good god! This one's mad as a hatter!" Speedwagon yells as an odd purple undead man leaps out of the horse covered in blood.

"Dio's evil yeah, but I ain't seen him jump out of any animals so far!" Speedwagon continues and you have to support him slightly as he panics. Thank goodness you have a great poker face after the brief Hamon training or you'd be falling over yourself as well.

"He must be gathering minions and who knows how many he might have!" Jojo yells as well.

This is going to be a very long and unpleasant experience, isn't it?

. . . that's what she said.

"Stand aside my young friends, I will do the fighting," Zeppeli commands, sticking a hole in the bottom of his wine bottle and pouring it into his small glass, "He is a zombie, they must feed on living flesh to survive. However, they are in constant thrall to their master, not unlike marionettes."

"All you lots bout as white as a sheet," The now revealed Londoner zombie snarls and you scowl, "All the blood is drained from your faces. Maybe I should cut off those useless heads of yours and watch it spray out of your necks!"

The zombie shoves his own shining blade right into his face and through his cheeks. Jojo and Speedwagon both gasp.

There's no way you aren't going to take the blade once the zombie's been killed. It was pretty. You also plan on taking the chance to insult the zombie, "Not the most intelligent creatures are they?"

"Now you mewling corpses to be, prepare for the carnage!" The zombie roars before standing still and posing so the baron can teach.

"Tell me what's his next move? You must think as he does!" Zeppeli instructs, "(Y/N), Jojo, this strategy will serve you in good stead. Ask yourself 'what would be the most advantageous thing for my foe to do next?' Him for example, if he blocks off the tunnel entrance we can't retreat to the sunlight."

Without missing a beat the zombie picks up the carriage and throws it at the tunnel's ceiling. Causing an avalanche of rocks to fall and block the light and the entrance.

"Just as I predicted he's blocked our retreat!" The Italian man yells into the darkness.

"If you predicted it why didn't you prevent it?!" You huff, running out of the way of some falling rocks, "If this is another weird lesson thing I'll ruin you! And not in a sexual way!"

"Speedwagon! Jump!" Jojo yells and you turn just in time to catch the street thug as he dodges the raining rubble roof.

All the Italian man says after the rubble stills is, "Try harder."

The zombie apparently takes it personally as an array of knives start bursting through its skin.

"Why would- Why would you say that?" You ask your mentor incredulously.

"Knives are coming out of him!" Jojo states, looking much more determined and composed than earlier. God, you wish you got to hold him as much as Speedwagon and his damsel in distress fainting response.

"Baron Zeppeli! You didn't say nothing about fighting a pin cushion!" Speedwagon says angrily, though the brunette ignores all the constructive criticism and sips some of his wine.

The zombie grunts angrily and all of the knives fire out of him like a stabby grenade. Zeppeli merely laughs and manages to deflect the blades with the sparkling and spinning technique, "Hamon cutter!"

"I'm afraid your blades are rather dull compared to my Hamon cutter," Everyone but the Zeppeli seems shocked as he continues, "Students this creature illustrates a principle. Imagine a minuscule flea, so small that it's barely visible. Why is it that they bite humans who tower over them without a single thought to their own safety? Would you call their behaviour courageous?"

"Of course not! It's hunger compelling them. I will tell you what courage is students!" Zeppeli stands completely still and undaunted as the zombie charges at him, until the last minute when it lunges and Zeppeli catches its blade in the bottom of the wine bottle, "Courage is to look your fear in the eyes and know that it has no dominion over you. Fear scatters your breathing! When you toss your fear into dust, breathing is the sword ever at your hip! Breathe with courage and you will never want for Hamon!"

"Bravery is our birthright comrades and for all the abilities they may bring into battle, courage is something a zombie relinquished when he took this form! They're no better than fleas!" The Italian rushes at the zombie in a wave of golden light and sparkles, raising his Italian leg to knee the undead creature, "Sendo wave kick!"

The zombie falls backwards, the entire left side of him melting. Zeppeli turns back to the thoroughly shocked three of you, "A knee to the head full of Hamon seemed to cure this one's braggadocio."

"I don't believe it! He didn't even spill any wine!" Speedwagon exclaims in awe, walking up closer beside Jojo. Was he... Trying to shield himself?

"Jojo, (Y/N) you two finish the creature off. Destroy the brain, it's the only way. Anything else and you risk it coming back," Your mentor instructs.

You scowl, this is the test? All that mortal peril drama for this dumb zombie? Goodness, what were you worried about.

The zombie leaps up and grabs an odd-looking lever out of nowhere. He pulls it and reveals a hole in the wall, "Time for the slaughter naughty little pigs! I'll cut you to shreds one by one!"

Oh no, the horror.

The zombie jumps into the hole and Speedwagon gasps, "Don't tell me we're following him into that passageway!"

"It has to be destroyed. But we will be doing no such thing," The baron says, filling up two glasses full of wine and chucking them at his students, "(Y/N), Jojo I expect you to finish off the abomination without spilling a single drop."

"Alright, one last bit of advice before you go. There were no Vikings in the land of... Norway... Until the north wind blew in and created them. If even one drop of that Veno goes to waste, I won't even care how utterly you defeat the zombie. I will abandon you, here and now!"

"Oi listen to yourself! Have you gone insane?" Speedwagon yells, getting all up in the Italian man's face.

"I know what I'm doing!" Said Italian responds angrily.

"I will do my best! Like the Vikings, I will be strengthened by hardship!" Jojo exclaims and Speedwagon gapes at him. The Joestar grabs a torch and starts making his way into the wall.

"The Viking metaphor would work better if this was mead," You stick your tongue out at the Zeppeli before following your friend, oh well, booze is booze, "Skål!"

"(Y/N)! Get back here this instant! Don't you dare drink that wine!" Mr Zeppeli yells and you stop to yell back while Jojo continues walking with his cup.

"But Mr Zeppeli! The wine may be gone but the zombie isn't!" You say, pointing further into the tunnel.

"Get your ass back here right now! My poor wine! Leave the zombie to Jojo! Thank goodness one of you is competent!" Zeppeli curses in Italian, grabbing you by the bowtie.

"Yeah, Jojo's amazing! Now let me help him kill the zombie!" You say, trying to wiggle away.

"No! You're one job was to not spill the wine, I'm not letting you ruin this for everyone else!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't kill prostitutes or horses, please. Shit like that kinda sucks.

Hope you enjoyed!