"Fredrick..."
I said breathlessly.
His eyes looked down at me and widened at the sight of me.
"Amelia? What are you doing here?"
I looked away from him feeling the guilt of ten years weighing on me. I look back at him and slowly raise my left hand as I hear my son run to me.
"Mother, who is this?"
I quickly turn my attention to William.
"T-This is an old friend of mine, William say hello to Monsieur Kahn."
Fredrick looks at me then down to my son. He smiles and kneels down to be eye level with him.
"Hello, William is it?"
"Yes Monsieur."
"How old are you?"
"10."
"My what a big boy you are. What is it you like to do?"
"I like to dance and play the piano."
"An future Artist! I'm a dancer too."
"Really?! May I see?"
"Maybe tomorrow, I'll teach you something's if you would like."
"Thank you Monsieur!"

"Time for bed now William. I'll be in, in a moment."
William nods then leaves to get ready for bed.
I turn back to Fredrick.
"Your a mother?"
"Yes."
"You seem like the perfect mother for a child."
I smile.
"Thank you."
"But that must mean that you are married to Monsieur DeChanty."
He says with sadness.
"Yes. Our family's arraigned for us to marry after you left for war."
"So you don't love me."
"No! I- I mean, I still care about you it's just..
Fredrick please listen to me. Our love was childish, it was a lust filled relationship."
"But it was love Amelia. I loved you, and I still love you."
"But you can't love me."
"Why not?! Because of your marriage, or because you never replied to any of my letters?"
"What letters? I never received any letters."
"When I was in the trenches, I wrote to you everyday not knowing if I would ever see you again. And when I came back you where gone. I almost lost all hope."
"Fredrick.. I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you."
"I know you don't. You would never want to hurt anyone, and that's why you agreed to this marriage didn't you?"
I looked at my feet.
"Didn't you?"
"Yes.."
"And you think you have learned to love him but in your heart you know you love another man."
"I don't know! I have learned to love and care for Patrick but my love for you has always stayed. But it can't happen again."
"Why not?"
"Because we are not children anymore! We are not teens that confess their love then have sex the night before they leave for war. I can't be the same person I was then. And I can't change the fact that I love two men that both love me."
I started to walk away but he pulled me back to him.
"Fredrick you have to let me go."
"I can't.
Loving you is not a choice,
It's who I am.
Loving you is not a choice
And not much reason to rejoice,
But it gives me purpose
Gives me voice to say to the world:
This is why I live
You are why I live.
Loving you is why I do
The things I do
Loving you is not in my control.
But loving you, I have a goal
For what's left of my life...
I would live,
And I would die for you."

"Don't say that."
"Then Say you don't love me!"
"But you know I do.
Loving you is not a choice,
It's who I am.
Loving you is not a choice
And not much reason to rejoice,
But it gives me purpose
Gives me voice to say to the world:
This is why I live
You are why I live.
Loving you is why I do
The things I do
Loving you is not in my control.
But loving you, I have a goal
For what's left of my life...
I would live,
And I would die for you"

"Fredrick I can't."
"Please let's talk after this meeting."
"I don't know."
"Please I want to stay in your life."
"And I want to stay in yours but I don't know. Please give me some time."
He nods and we both walk to the study.

I sit down next to Patrick as he continues to talk to Charles. I feel his are lightly sit on my thigh.
"So What is this book about?"
Patrick asks as Fredrick sits down across from us.
"Love that has been lost."
"Humm very interesting, tell me more."
Fredrick looks at Charles then proceeds to tell the story.
"In this book a young woman has fallen in love with our main character. When he needs to leave for business she says that she will wait for him. After three years, the man comes back home to find that she has left. He continues to ask her family what has happened to her, but he finds nothing. Then as he's about to lose all hope he finds her, in a small home with rags for clothing and nothing to eat. He learns that she was given away because she was not married by the time her parents had told her to. As he apologizes repeatedly, she forgives him and admits that she has never wanted to marry anyone else but him. She confesses her love to him, but when she hopes to hear the same thing back from him she is quickly denied. He tells her that he has just been engaged. As he leaves her she sobs and takes the kitchen knife and kills herself. When the man finds her dead he surprises himself that he still feels love for her and doesn't want to marry his fiancée. After he breaks up the marriage he builds a home in memory of his greatest lover, and lives their until his death. In his final moments he hears his lover call out to him and say that she has forgiven him. She tells him to come to her and they will life a happy in eternity."

I look over at Patrick, as he starts to think. I look back to Charles who has a hopeful smile on his face. Then I look at Fredrick, he looks at me with soft eyes. I know the first part of the story was about me. This is him telling his story of heart break. And I can't handle it anymore.
"Patrick I'm going to put William to bed. I'll be in our room after if you need anything."
I whisper in his ear as he nods and kisses my cheek.
"Gentleman I hope to see you both again soon. Goodnight."
As I walk to my room thoughts run through my head.
I have to tell him... I have to tell them both.