Castiel

Cas walks home, a feeling of lightness in his chest. Everything seems so much brighter; the trees' autumn colors brilliantly contrasting to the dark wood, birds calling to one another, even the air seemed to take on a ethereal quality. He felt...happy. It was almost as if the crushing, suffocating depression that had plagued him all his life had taken a leave of absence.
Cas hasn't felt this way in God knows how many years, and it's all because of the curious man walking beside him.
"So, Cas, how was your first day?"
Cas starts a bit, having been absorbed in his thoughts of green eyes and blond hair.
"It was good," Cas gives his standard answer, then adding "Better than I thought it'd be. Much better."
Dean laughs easily, something Castiel envies.
"How so? The calc teacher is an asshat and we've already got homework!"
Castiel shrugs, feeling unreasonably defensive. "I don't know, it was just a good day for me."
"If you say so," Dean says, smiling.
Cas has to fight the urge in his expanding chest to laugh or scream or cry out of the pure and unadulterated joy in his chest. He never thought he'd feel like this again, and for the first time in a long time, he was happy to be alive.
Cas looks over to Dean, smiling, but pauses when he sees the look on his face. Dean's face is creased with sadness and internal conflict.
"So, Cas..." Dean starts in a tone that brings Cas's mood way down, "I wanted to talk to you about something."
Cas nods and swallows, knowing what was coming next. The accusations, the hurt and angry yelling, the inevitable death of a friendship.
"Yeah, Dean?"
Dean takes a deep breath, shuddering as if it pained him to do so.
"When we were back at the dorm...I saw...I saw your wrists. And I'm sorry for bringing it up," he adds quickly, seeing the pain on his new friend's face, "but I need you to know that, well, I'm here for you, man. Anything you need, got me?"
Castiel nods, tears pricking his eyes. He was silent, for he knew if he spoke he would lose it.
"Say something, Cas. I need to know you'll talk to me, and if not me, then someone else who can help you."
Cas inhales shakily, "Yeah, Dean. I will."
Dean nods, visibly relived. A few moments pass in strained silence, and Castiel is about
to say something, anything to break the tension, when Dean starts talking again, slowly and haltingly at first, then faster as he gained momentum.
"I...I have a kid brother. Sammy. He...he used to do this too. I talked to him today while I was waiting for you to get out of English. He told me..he told me that I needed to talk about it with you as soon as possible, because if I didn't and you...I don't know, went too deep or something, I would never forgive myself. So, here I am, talking to you." Dean finishes with a weak, watered-down smile that didn't reach his eyes.
Cas is silent, the joy he felt earlier completely gone. His initial fear was gone too, replaced by stifling sadness and guilt and self-hatred. God, when would he ever stop fucking things up?
"I understand, Dean. Thank you for your concern. I appreciate it greatly." Cas says robotically, regressing to the matter-of-fact voice tone and language he use when he was too emotionally involved to give an actual answer.
Dean gave Cas a sideways look, "Cas, it's not just concern, buddy. It's caring. It's love, okay?"
Cas looks up quickly at the last words, excitement sparking in him despite the circumstances.
Dean backtracks hastily, "You know what I mean, Cas. I'm doing this because I don't want you to end up like my brother."
Cas cocks his head, "I thought you just spoke to him?"
"He's not dead, although if I hadn't found him a few years back he would be. He tried to kill himself, Cas. He cut way too deep, and instead of calling for help, he just cut deeper and took a Tylenol-NyQuil-tranquilizer cocktail. It was bad, Cas. I don't want to see you do the same." Dean finishes, his breath catching on the last sentence.
Cas is crying now, tears running down his face silently. He's imagining  what would happen if Anna had his same problems. What would he do if she tried to kill herself? Cas stifles a sob when he pictures his little sister's body, deep lacerations down her arms, lying in a bathtub full of warm, blood red water. Dean has to look away so he won't break down as well.
"I-I'm sorry, Dean," Cas chokes out, inhaling a stuttering breath. "I promise I'll talk to you, but..."
"But what, Cas?"
"But it's going to be really hard for me. Please be patient. Years of hating myself isn't going to go away overnight." Cas says, not meeting Dean's eyes.
"God, Cas...I'm so sorry..." Dean says in a pained voice.
"Don't be. You're the first person not to yell or be angry with me when they found out. And also the first person I promised I'd talk to and actually mean it." Cas admits.
Cas takes another deep, shuddering breath. A huge weight had been lifted off his chest. His throat was tight with  tears, but his heart was free. He had finally found a friend.
"I'm glad I could be that person for you, Cas. I just wish I had found you sooner."
"Me too, Dean. Me too."

***

Dean

Dean unlocks the door to the dorm, and just as Cas is about to turn down the hall, he makes a split second decision and pulls Cas into a hug. The smaller man stiffens, then slowly relaxes into him. Shaky fingers find their way into the fabric of Dean's hoodie and clench its fabric, balling it up as sobs shake Cas's body. Dean rubs his hands over Cas's back soothingly, his heart twisting when he feels the bones protruding even through his trench coat. Dean strokes the back of Cas's head, surprised at how soft his hair is. Dean tries not to think how out of character this is for him. "No chick-flick moments" was his policy. But his heart had a soft spot for the dark haired boy clutching to him like a drowning man does a life preserver.
"Cas, hey, it's okay. You're okay. It'll be okay. You're going to be okay. One step at a time, all right?"
He can feel Cas nodding into his shoulder, his finger still tangled in the fabric of Dean's jacket.
When they finally separate, Dean hooks Cas's chin and forced him to look in his eyes.
"I need you to give me your blades, okay?"
Cas's eyes are full of tears of self-hatred and desperation. Dean's heart aches. He can't imagine how it would tear you apart to be dependent on something that literally destroyed you.
"Dean...I can't. I...I need them.." Cas cringes, tears spilling from his blue eyes as he squeezes them shut. "God, that sounds awful..."
Dean nods, "Yeah, yeah it does. But it's okay. Just give them to me. We have to start somewhere, okay?"
Castiel inhales and closes his eyes. "They're in my suitcase. There's a false bottom on it. They're under there."
Dean nods, slightly concerned about the security levels of his blades. He leaves Cas in the hallway, staring at the floor tiles.
Dean finishes collecting the blades--finding two more in the bathroom that Cas didn't tell him about, which worries Dean greatly.
Dean returns to Cas, who is where he left him, kneeling on the floor, arms wrapped around his slight frame.
"I got the ones you've told me about, but I found two more in the bathroom. Are there any more I don't know about?"
Castiel nods, a pained look in his cobalt eyes. "Yes, but I kind of just want to sleep right now. Can I get them in the morning?"
Dean reluctantly nods. "Okay, but I want you to sleep in my room tonight, all right?"
It's Castiel's turn to nod reluctantly, but he looks grateful as well.
"Okay."
Dean smiles, a genuine one that warms Cas's heart.

***

Castiel

Castiel lays on his makeshift bed, staring lifelessly at the wall in front of his. Dried tear tracks are sticky on his cold face, and he wishes Dean hadn't found those two razors.
Cas turns over to look at Dean's form on the bed above him. He can tell from the relatively shallow rise and fall of the young man's chest that he's only pretending to be asleep.
Despite this, Cas quietly gets up, and pads over to Dean's bed. He gets in carefully, trying not to let the bed springs squeak as he slips between the covers. Dean's breathing grows irregular, and Castiel knows that Dean knows he's in bed with him. Dean hadn't said anything up to this point, so Cas took it to mean he was okay with it.
Once Cas is settled, he falls asleep almost immediately.

***

Dean

Once he hears Castiel's breathing slow into sleep, Dean is careful not to wake Cas up as he turns over and slowly, slowly reaches his arm over the sleeping boy and snuggle into him. Dean knew Cas needed compassion, so he was willing to set aside any heterosexual misgivings he might harbor and comfort him.
The two sleep peacefully through the night.