Castiel

Cas stares at his Blizzard, thoroughly uninterested in his food. It's not that he was still having trouble eating (although he was), it's just that he was sick to his stomach about the man sitting across from him.

"You gonna eat that or just give it el ojo?" Dean asks him jokingly, trying to lighten the somber mood.

Cas looks up, a smile turning the corners of his mouth up. "Where'd you learn that phrase? 'El ojo'? That's Spanish for 'the evil eye'"

"Eh, I took up a Spanish course so I could translate everything you've called me earlier this year." Dean said with a shrug, smiling.

Cas turns bright red, remembering the suggestive things he told Dean as a joke in Spanish, knowing the man wouldn't understand.

"For example, did you know 'Te ves bien de rodillas' means 'you look good on your kn--"

"Check please!" Cas frantically waves down a waiter while Dean cracks up.

***

"So..." 

"So." Cas echos Dean as they both sit in the Impala.

Dean laughs nervously, running his hands through his hair. Cas notices that it's gotten much longer.

"I don't even know where to start. I didn't even think I'd get this far."

Cas exhales, unaware that he had been holding his breath. "Well, I guess we can start with an apology on my part."

"Cas, you have nothing to--"

"Yes, I do, Dean," Cas interrupts, "God, I was so stupid. I had the world in front of me and I chose to throw it away. I'm still not 100% better, but I'm well enough to know I made a gargantuan mistake. And the way I treated you when we broke up...it was really out of line. I'm sorry."

Dean nods, digesting his boyfriend's words. "I don't think it was out of line. I did something incredibly stupid and dangerous and unnecessary and I deserved everything you said to me. I'm sorry. I would do it again, though. The only thing I regret is how much I hurt you."

Cas stares at a spot on the dashboard, his mind a cacophony of thoughts and questions. One part of him was elated that he was back with Dean, the other part of him was still furious and hurt that Dean had done this to save him. To save him, of all people. The broken and useless creature that was Castiel.

"I accept your apology. It's not okay, what we both did, but forgiving each other means that we let go of the weight in our shoulders. We don't have that kind of power over each other once we forgive. I am sorry, and I know you are too. I love you, and I know we can make it through." Cas says, sliding his hand across the seat and squeezing Dean's. 

Dean breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay. That's good. I'm really glad. I forgive you too, Cas."

Cas smiles at him and reaches over to kiss him. "I'm glad too. I'm going to go to Manhattan and get my stuff. I actually managed to get my associates already, so I'll go back to school next year and try for a bachelors. I didn't really tell my family I left, so I should come back anyway. Are we okay?"

Dean laughs softly, "Yeah Cas, I think we're okay." 

***

~two weeks later~

Samuel

"Cas!" 

Castiel is greeted by Dean's not-so-little little brother, a smile stretched across his features. 

"Jesus, Sam, you've grown like 3 inches, what the hell," Cas laughs, pulling the youngest Winchester into a hug.

"Castiel."

Cas freezes, his eyes travelling upwards to see his older brother Gabriel staring at him.

"Oh...hi, Gabriel. Um...." Cas falters, his ears burning in shame when he saw the look on his face.

"Where the hell were you, Castiel?" Gabe barks, anger seeping out of his pores. "The last time I heard from you was almost nine months ago and you were in a fucking hospital half-dead and I was worried sick about you! I would have gone to see you if I wasn't balls deep in family stuff!

"Did it occur to you, at all, to call us, to text us, to let us know you weren't on the side of the road somewhere bleeding out? I covered for you for a while, I know how you hate us getting involved in your life, but eventually I broke down and told Mom and Dad that I had no earthly clue where you were. Anna wouldn't stop asking about you, Michael lost his job because he was trying to find you, and Raphael just took off and told us that he didn't want to witness the family fall apart again. Hell, when Luci caught wind of this, he actually came over to the house to help us find you. Of course, that didn't go well, but you need to fucking understand that when you do this kind of shit, it doesn't just affect you. It kills all of us. We thought you were dead, Castiel."

Cas looked so small, so broken now. His eyes were downcast and glistening and he clutched his coat cuffs as if they were the one thing grounding him.

"I'm sorry." Cas whispers.

Gabe snorts, "You're sorry. That's all you have for me? Not 'gee, Gabe, I feel terrible about taking off like that', not 'I understand how much this kills you, let me put it right', just sorry?!"

Dean cuts in, "Look, Gabe, he's sorry. He never meant for this to happen. It's all my fault. We got into a fight and he took off. I thought you guys knew, and I'm sorry. Any way that we can make up to you, we'll do it."

Sam felt terrible. All those times that Gabe was over and asked him about Cas, he lied. He lied to his boyfriend to keep his brother safe. God, did he screw up.

"And you!" Gabe whirls on Sam, as if reading his mind, "You lied to me! Every fucking day, I asked you if you knew where my brother was, and every day you said you didn't know. That's kind of a deal breaker for me."

Sam inhaled sharply, his stomach clenching when he realized the implications of Gabe's last sentence. "Are we...?" 

"I don't know what we are yet. I'm too angry to think straight. Cas, you're coming home with me and you're explaining yourself." Gabe snaps, his eyes looking more tired than they ever have.

"Gabe--" Dean protested.

"No, Dean. It's fine. Gabriel is right. I need to fix this. I'll see you later, Dean. I love you, okay?" Cas says quietly, briefly touching Dean's hand as Gabe escorted him out of the dorm.

"I love you too..." Dean says to himself as he watches Gabe angrily open the car door for his younger brother.

Sam comes to stand next to Dean. "Do you ever think things will be okay again?" 

"I don't know, Sammy. I hope so." Dean says, his voice shaking.

"I hope so too." Sam says, leaning into his brother to feel his warmth and to ground himself. That was one thing he always loved about Dean. He was strong, solid, and loved him more than anything. He watches Gabe and Cas speed off into the night, never knowing if he would see his boyfriend again.

Sam didn't know what a truly broken heart felt like until then.