I feel extremely alert. My eyes are suddenly wide open and all this adrenaline has kicked in as we're bolting down the stairs towards the back exit, Liam is behind me with my suitcase in one hand and a box of Zayn's cigarettes in the other. He looks like he's about to pass out because of his anxiety alone, and I can understand, because there is toxic butterflies running through my veins right now. Harry stayed upstairs, trying to keep good time. His sister was already outside, they informed me that she was waiting there because they knew I'd agree. I didn't think I'd ever run away, but I surprise myself sometimes.

No matter how much time I spent away from Zayn, I knew it was a good thing to do. I needed space. I needed time to regroup and to heal correctly after everything I had experienced. It was too much for me. I couldn't catch my breath when he wouldn't even let me breathe.

But for some reason, when Liam wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head to say goodbye, I started to really cry. A kind of crying that takes a weight off your body, the kind of crying that makes you feel weightless afterwards. Maybe it was how soft he was with me, how kind they were all being by helping me, or maybe it was just the fact that I felt like I was making the wrong choice all of a sudden. Too many contradictions, too much confusion for me to even think about right now. It had been done. I couldn't just go back and pretend I didn't want to do this.

It was just so much more complicated. When you run away, people think you're just being careless, just being selfish. But sometimes that's not the truth. Sometimes you run away because you need to, because you feel like those four walls are prison.

Liam put my bag in the trunk. "Gem, this is Anastasia."

The lilac haired girl smiled brightly at me, her features similar to Harry's somehow. "Nice to meet you, Anastasia, hop in. We'll take you for the ride of your life."

Liam groaned, but I smiled through my tear stained face. "I'm ready."

He put his hands on my shoulders. "Be careful. I'll be checking in with Sophia to check on you, and I'll let you know of anything that happens here. You'll be alright, kid. Just take care of yourself."

No more Zayn.

No more us.

No more warmth.

No more feelings.

The idea of not seeing Zayn anymore was one that I had managed to put in the back of my mind. I couldn't think about it. If I thought about Zayn, if I thought about his name, or his face, or his hands... Anything that concerned him, I knew I'd never leave this place. Even if I was leaving this way, that didn't mean I didn't love him, that didn't mean that I wasn't aching for him to be with me. It just meant that I needed to learn to walk on my own.

I nodded, giving him one last hug before I got into the front seat of her car. "Thank you."

We take off just like that, just as the sun begins to set so early. It seems like everything around me is cold and empty, and as much as I try not to, I think about Zayn. We drive for a few minutes, not really saying anything, but her warm hand on my shoulder as I cry quietly is assuring. Minutes turn into hours and it starts getting really dark, there's no moon and no stars out tonight. It feels exactly how I feel inside, empty and without anyone in the world to care.

"How long have we been on the road?" I ask, not sure when I had fallen asleep and for how long.

She turns down the radio. "We're just getting into Philadelphia."

This feels really wrong to me all of a sudden. Being in this car with her, a stranger who I know nothing about, is really sketchy to me. I thought it was nice of her to try to help me, but I keep remembering what Zayn said about trusting people.

"You're brave," Gem says suddenly, breaking our silence.

"Why?" I ask her quietly, looking at her focused on the road ahead of her.

She smiles to herself. "You decided to put yourself first, sometimes that's hard for people."

"Harry told you everything, I'm guessing?"

"Some, but I understand. I know what Zayn's like, he's not really the easiest person to be around."

"How do you know?" I ask her suspiciously.

Gemma grows serious, she loses her confident smile and bright eyes. "I don't know if that's a good subject to talk about."

I know what she's talking about. "I want to know."

Sigh. "Zayn and I had a very brief... relationship... when Harry first started to get close with him. I didn't really like him at first, but he has a way of drawing anyone in... literally, anyone... it wasn't the best. He wasn't the best boyfriend to me, he was really shitty."

"How so?"

Gemma looks at me with compassion. "He just treated me like shit, all the time. He'd treat me like I was nothing to him, he'd only be nice when we were amongst other people."

"Is that why you're helping me?" I can feel myself becoming angry and she's noticed. "Because you think Zayn treats me like he treated you?"

"That's not- that's not what I meant..."

"Zayn doesn't treat me like I'm nothing, Gemma. He loves me."

She shakes her head, clutching the steering wheel tightly. "That's what he might want you to think, why are you so protective over him? He brainwashed you. Why do you want to be around that? No woman should have to put up with that abuse, Anastasia."

"Stop the fucking car," I seethe, but Gemma looks determined to not listen. "stop the car, I'm not going to repeat myself."

"What are you gonna do? Do you know how far we are right now? We're three hours away from Zayn. He's not gonna come save you, you know that? I'm not stopping the car."

"That's what you think."

She looks at me just as I pull out Zayn's lucky blade, the same one he told me I could keep with me just in case of emergencies.

It's funny, because I remember him laughing when he said that to me.

Even though you'll never need it...

Why not?

You'll always be within my reach. Whoever tries to fuck with you is gonna get a bullet right between the eyes, no questions asked... I don't hesitate.

"Put that away," her voice is shaky as the tip of the knife adjusts itself into her neck, tauntingly.

There's something in me running in overdrive. It's hitting me right now, hours later, that I can't be without him. This was all a mistake. How could I have done this? I didn't even listen to his side of things and I just ran off like a child. I just threw a tantrum and left him all alone, even after I promised I'd never leave.

I dig the tip deeper, this frightens her. "Stop the car. What's the lock code for your phone?"

"Z-zero, one, one, two."

Zayn's birthday.

She pulls over to the side of the road and I immediately snatch her phone from the cupholder it was lying in. Gemma looks fucking terrified as I wave the knife in her face, little beads of sweat have gathered at her brow.

"Why is it Zayn's birthday, Gemma? Why am I really here?"

Gemma doesn't answer, but she's crying now. Her cries are high pitched and almost desperate, like she just can't take the fact that she's lost, because she really has right now.

This was all a set up to her, but to who else?

I open the car door, taking her phone with me. I don't bother taking my bag with me, I know that I won't need it. I know that all the things in there are just as replaceable as Gemma's phone is.

"Drive away."

She does.

And just as her car disappears in the distance, I begin to dial Zayn's number. My hands are shaking and the wind is blowing really hard right now. I don't know where I am but I'm comforted by the gas station that's just across the street. I don't know where Gemma was taking me, but this doesn't look like any highway. It just looks like a little town in the middle of nowhere, I didn't even know places like this existed nearby.

"Hello!?" Zayn answers, his voice is like knives.

"Zayn," I let out a breath, "It's me."

He curses loudly, I can hear something shatter in the background. "Where the fuck are you, Anastasia? Where are you?"

I close my eyes for a second, happy to hear his voice even if I know I'm fucked. It even brings tears to my eyes, because for some reason, I felt like I would never hear it again. If I had gone through with this, would Gemma have tried to take my place in Zayn's life? Would he have let her? I feel sick thinking about it.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask stupidly, innocently.

He mutters a couple of things I don't understand. "No, baby. No, no, I'm not mad. Where are you, princess? Do you know how worried I've been?"

I hear a familiar voice in the back. "Who is it?"

"It's Anastasia, Liam... Baby? Are you there? Where are you? I'm gonna go get you baby, tell me where you're at."

"I'm in Philadelphia, at a gas station."

Zayn groans and his voice sounds so needy. "I'm going to go get you right now, Anastasia, stay there. I'm gonna send someone for you right now and I'm picking you up. Why'd you do this, baby? Why'd you have to disappear like that?"