A/N:

Habol tayo sa Watty's. Char!

***

Things are not going well for me.

Pagdating ko sa bahay after akong ihatid ni Lena, nasa dining area si Gin at kumakain ng hapunan.

Tiningnan niya lang ako tapos pinagpatuloy ang pagi-slice sa steak.

Even saying hi to him was awkward now.

Nagiging claustrophobic ako when he's around.

Hindi ako makahinga.

Hindi ko alam kung magsasalita ba ako o hindi.

At kung magsasalita naman ako, ano ang sasabihin ko?

But I can't postpone our talk.

The longer I delay it, the harder it is for me to say anything.

"Can we talk?" Tumayo ako sa tapat niya at hinila ang upuan.

"I'm eating." Patuloy siya sa pagnguya.

"You've been avoiding me." Umupo ako.

"So?"

"We have to talk, Gin."

"What's there to talk about?" He was talking with his mouth full.

He knows it was one of my pet peeves.

But he seemed to delight in my annoyance.

Lalo niyang nilakasan ang panguya.

"We have to talk about us."

"You're the only one who has a problem with us." Inabot niya ang bote ng Corona at tinungga.

"Gin," Pinatong ko ang kamay sa braso niya.

"I'm not happy anymore. I've been feeling like this for a long time."

Dahan-dahan niyang nilapag ang bote sa lamesa.

"It's Lena isn't it?" Her jaw hardened.

"This has nothing to do with her." Kalmado lang ang boses ko.

"Oh yeah? Ever since that day na nakasama natin siya, lagi ka na lang distracted. Malimit kitang mahuling nakatulala. Akala mo hindi ko napapansin?"

"Why can't you just accept the fact na even before we came here, we are already over."

"Not to me, Hazel."

"It's my fault."

"Don't give me that bullshit."

"Totoo, Gin. I've been wanting to break up with you for a long time."

He opened and closed his fists.

"Pero hindi mo magawa dahil hindi ka pa tapos sa akin ganoon ba? You needed my help and my money."

"That's not true."

"Who are you kidding? If I didn't have the money, I don't think you'll be with me. Iyon naman ang totoo di ba? Ginamit mo lang ako. I gave you a place in my home when you have nowhere to go."

"I told you no, di ba? Pero kinausap mo si Ate." Hindi na ako nakapagtimpi.

He was being unreasonable.

Hindi siya nakikinig sa mga sinasabi mo.

"I even followed you here, Hazel."

"Sinabi ko din sa'yo na huwag kang sumama. But what did you tell me? That you don't want a long distance relationship. I even broke up with you pero hindi ka pumayag."

"You don't want me here dahil nandito si Lena."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"If I'm here, it won't be easy to do what you want."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? Hindi mo alam? Di ba iyan ang plano mo all along.? Ang sundan ang ex mo?"

"You're being unreasonable."

"Am I? Or hindi mo lang maamin sa sarili mo na totoo ang sinasabi ko?"

"You know the reason why I came here. So don't act like an idiot and blame someone else for our problems."

Natahimik siya.

"I am trying to talk to you. I'm being honest."

"Are you really being honest?"

"Yes I am."

"Mas madali nga kung honest ka talaga eh. Dahil mas madali kong matatanggap kung bakit nakikipaghiwalay ka."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to admit that you still love her. Iyon lang naman eh. But you couldn't bring yourself to say that. Kung anu-ano pang alibi ang sinasabi mo. You don't have to make a fool out of me. "

Kinuha niya ang plato at tumayo na siya.

She threw the rest of the food sa basurahan before going upstairs.

That night, tumawag si Ate.

Kalalabas ko lang ng banyo ng mag-ring ang phone ko.

Hindi lang phone call kundi sa Skype mismo.

I have a feeling na this has something to do with Gin.

"What are you doing?" Iyon agad ang banat niya sa akin.

Walang hi or hello.

Sa galit na expression ng mukha niya, alam na kung bakit tumatawag siya.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Haze, you have a good thing going on with Gin."

"How do you know? You're not the one who's on a relationship with him?"

Umupo ako sa kama habang patuloy na tinutuyo ang buhok ko.

"She was there for you. For us. She's a good person. Suddenly, malalaman ko na lang na naloloka ka na naman dahil sa Lena na iyan."

"It's so easy to blame her rather than deal with the fact that we have our own problems."

"Then why is it coming out now? Hindi mo na sana siya kinaladkad diyan sa Canada kung magkakalat ka rin lang."

"Is that what she told you? Na kinaladkad ko siya dito?"

Hindi siya sumagot.

"I broke up with her pero ayaw niya."

"Then you should have stood your ground at hindi iyong nandiyan na kayo at ngayon naman kayo nagkakaproblema."

"Kilala mo si Gin di ba? Mas kinakampihan mo pa nga siya kumpara sa akin eh. If I didn't know any better, I would think na siya ang kapatid mo at hindi ako." Naiyak ako bigla.

Si Ate naman, natigilan.

"I never told you what's going on, what I really feel dahil you were emotionally vulnerable ng time na iyon. Sinarili ko lahat at pinilit kayanin ang mga problema. Hindi lang ang naiwang utang ni Daddy ang iniisip ko kundi pati na din ikaw. You broke down when I needed you the most. You were the older sister and yet I have to be strong for both of us. Now that I want my freedom, you're taking Gin's side."

"Haze, I'm not..."

I shook my head.

"You've always been close sa kanya. You never really like Lena."

"I have my reasons."

"Ang kahirapan niya di ba?"

"That's not true."

"Ate, noong buhay pa sina Mommy at Daddy, you've always pointed out how old Lena's clothes, shoes and bags were. Ano nga iyong sabi mo? She's baduy. You were so focused on the outside appearance na hindi mo naaappreciate ang kabutihan niya sa akin. But things are different now. We no longer have the luxury we enjoy. Level na ang playing field with Lena."

"You're being unfair to me. I am capable of showing compassion."

"Because you were unfair to her noon pa. When she's at our house, ni hindi ka lumalabas to talk to her. Binabati ka niya parati pero anong ginagawa mo? You barely open your mouth to acknowledge her."

"So, this is about Lena then?"

"This has nothing to do with her but somehow, she was dragged into this mess." I pulled a tissue from the box at pinunasan ang mata ko.

"Is she really what you want?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that question?" Inis na tanong ko.

Is there something in my face or at the top of my head that says I want Lena?

"Haze, don't be mad. It's just a question. Noong umalis siya, hindi mo siya nababanggit ."

Bumaba na ang tono niya.

Hindi na siya high blood.

Dahil siguro sa umiyak na ako.

"That was because I was mad at her."

"You were mad at her?"

"Oo naman. I told you why di ba?"

"Wow! Grabe ka pala talaga magalit. Nagtatanim ka, sis." Tumawa siya.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side at baka mablacklist ako for life."

"You're family. You're different."

"But it doesn't mean na hindi ka magagalit sa akin?"

"I probably will. Kaya be nice to me. I am here not because I was trying to win Lena back. You know that."

"Alam ko, sis. I'm sorry kung naging mahina ako when you needed me the most."

"It's okay. I'm just hoping that this move will be the break we're waiting for."

Kinumusta niya ako and how I'm holding up after my fight with Gin.

I noticed the change in the tone of our conversation.

Lumayo na from her original intent to confront me about what I did to Gin.

She was more sympathetic towards my plight and at not to my soon-to-be ex.

"Haze, I'm worried for your safety. Baka kung ano ang gawin ni Gin sa'yo."

"To be fair, hindi naman niya ako pinagbuhatan ng kamay."

"But who's to say that he's not capable?"

I didn't know what to say.

Mas lalong umiwas sa akin si Gin after our confrontation.

Alam na din ni Maddie ang nangyari.

Nakausap niya daw si Gin noong naabutan niya ito sa bahay isang hapon.

Day off daw nito at umiinom habang nanonood ng movie.

Nang kinumusta niya, dineretsa siya agad.

Sinabi ni Gin na break na kami.

I didn't feel relief.

Kinabahan nga ako eh.

Something doesn't feel right.

"Maghahanap daw siya ng malilipatan. Masikip na daw ang bahay na'to para sa inyong dalawa."

"Siya ang bahala." Sabi ko na lang kay Maddie.

"Kaya ba natin i-shoulder lahat ng gastos?"

"Gin has to talk to Keith. Boarder lang naman tayo dito eh."

"What if i-give up niya ang bahay at kailangang maghanap tayo ng matitirhan?"

"May choice ba tayo?"

She looked worried.

"Mads, pasensiya ka na kung pati ikaw, nadamay sa gulo namin."

"Naiintindihan ko naman. Kaso lang, ayokong maging homeless tayo."

"Ano ka ba? Hindi tayo magiging homeless ano?"

Two weeks later, pinatawag kami sa office ng franchisee namin na si Keith.

Matanda na siya, payat with silver hair and thick square glasses.

Kinausap na nga siya ni Gin.

Magmomove out na ito in two days.

Tinanong niya kami kung kaya namin ni Maddie ang rent at utility kung kaming dalawa lang.

Between us, we had to pay around $750.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Maddie.

There will be a $250 increase sa gastos namin.

Hindi pa kasama ang pagkain at personal expenses.

"If you can't ,then you have to find someone to foot the bill. If not, I'm sorry but you have to find your own place."

"But it's in our contract that you have to provide us with accommodation." Katwiran ko.

"Which I did. But I surely didn't expect Gin to move out."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"You just paid for this month's rent so you can still stay. But I suggest looking for a new roommate. If not, you'd better search for a new house. I'm sorry, ladies. This is a business not a charity."

Hindi ko alam kung saan kami kukuha ng roommate or ng malilipatan in such a short time.

"Haze, anong gagawin natin?" Tanong  ni Maddie.

"Ikaw? May naiisip ka?"

"Isa lang ang paraan na naiisip ko." Sagot niya.