Amoeba - Clairo

THEA'S POV:

Humming a tune to myself, I sat in front of the vanity, tongue poking out of the corner of my mouth while trying to put some butterfly clips in my hair. Pink and purple weaved through the garden of dark brown strands. I turned my head left and right to check my hair from all angles, then exhaled in the mirror.

The weekend had arrived promptly with no intent on dillydallying. Part of me was dejected knowing I'd have to be away from Synn, but the other part was energised by the fact that Danny would be arriving soon. After our last chemistry lesson, I'd managed to pass her my number and address on a small sticky note. We'd only exchanged a couple of texts so far but even those had me terribly anxious.

Conscious now, my eyes combed through my bedroom in search of anything spoiling the view. I'd cleaned it at least three times. I nodded firmly to myself and clambered down the stairs in search of my mother.

Immediately, I was met with the scent of fresh salan and roti. Spices drifted about the kitchen, catching the back of the back of my throat to make me salivate: turmeric, garlic, cinnamon and cardamom. Mama's back came into view at the stove, her black curls tied in a high bun and shawl draped over her shoulders while lunch simmered.

I tiptoed up to her. Abruptly, I stuck my fingers in her sides and made her stiffen.

"Boo!"

I laughed at her when she whipped her head around and gave me a gentle scowl. "Thea," she said disapprovingly. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," I drawled, twisting my toes on the linoleum floors. I hopped beside her. "What are you making? I don't know if Danny can handle spicy food so could you please make it mild?"

"Danny?"

"Mhm, Danny. My friend... my friend who's supposed to be coming today..?"

Mama looked at me blankly. "Is that a boy?"

"No!" I said all too quickly. "Danny, short for Daniella. She's a girl, Mama."

"You didn't tell me she was coming."

My shoulders slumped. "But I-I did. I told you on Thursday, remember?"

Again, her eyes appeared vacant and she returned to the pot at the stove. I'd made sure to tell her. I was certain-

"This food is for Auntie Sonia. I told you that her daughter was getting married next month, right?"

"Auntie's coming today?" I said rather faintly, my hopes flooding down the drain by the second.

She put her wooden spoon down and turned to me, suddenly more engaged in the conversation than ever. Her dark brown eyes glowed with tenacity. I eyed her face warily. "Did you know she's looking for her son now?"

"Looking?"

"For marriage."

I gave Mama a tight, nervous smile. "That's good for him."

I didn't like where this conversation was going.

"Thea." Mama clasped her hands in front of her, an embarrassed smile twitching on her face. "How would you feel about talking to this boy?"

My jaw slackened. I blinked at her. "Bu- Mama, what are you- I'm- I'm still in school!"

"Hush, I'm not asking you to get married right now. After your education, of course."

"M-My education will finish after three more years. I'm supposed to go to university next year-"

"You don't have to."

My heart entered the dark pits of my stomach. It sat there, wilting like a flower with no sun. "What?" I whispered.

"You don't need to do any of that," Mama said, in a supposedly comforting voice. "It's not important, not when your husband is going to be working."

"But," I stopped myself from choking, "I want to work. We... We talked about this. I'm supposed to study English and- and enter a teaching course. I want to teach kids... isn't that what we agreed on?"

"Plans can change, beti. You don't need to be so stuck on these things." Mama brought a hand to my arm and gently squeezed it, running her fingers up and down my skin. I tried not to recoil from her. Instead, I bit down harshly on my tongue, feeling the ridges of my tastebuds. "Look, we don't need to talk about it now. I'll discuss it with Auntie. She'll be coming in a short while, hm?"

[Daughter.]

I looked away. I stared at an oil stain on the white marble counter, silently wishing it would turn to fiery lava and burn this house from under my feet. I didn't understand. I couldn't. How could my mother so quickly switch from a state of revulsion to males to the excitement of getting me married to the same boys she'd told me to stay away from? It didn't make any sense. And to suggest I drop my studies altogether. I'd dreamed of being a teacher for most of my life. From the age of six, I'd slept and envisioned my future of playing with children, helping them grow and develop into beautiful people. How could Mama ask me to throw that all away just to entertain a boy who I was sure to be terrified of?

"Can-" My voice was soft, defeated, trapped in turmoil. "Can Danny come over today?"

Mama looked at me. She sighed and rubbed the side of her brow. "How about you go to her house instead? I didn't prepare for so many guests."

I nodded, hands drifting to twiddle a piece of hair resting over my shoulder. My stomach squirmed as I left the kitchen and returned to my bedroom. A sickness was building, one which paled my skin and turned my eyes a glazy red. I stopped at my desk. I picked up my phone. My fingers hovered over the screen, hesitating in search of the right words to message Danny.

T: Hey I'm super sorry, things have become really busy at home

T: Would I be able to come over instead?

T: If not, we can always reschedule

T: I'm really sorry

A few minutes passed, a few minutes of pacing my bedroom and fiddling with my stuffed toys and gnawing at my lips like a rabbit, but soon enough, my phone pinged.

D: sure that's fine

D: i can send you my address

A piece of my heart fluttered back to its position.

Danny sent me her address. Surprisingly, she didn't live very far - only a short bus ride away.

After packing my backpack, stuffing my chemistry notes inside along with a comfort toy and some snacks, I pulled on a sweater and made my way outside. My bag bounced rhythmically against my butt as I made my way to the bus stop. I disappeared inside when it rolled to a halt in front of me and took the window seat in the back corner, mind buzzing like a hundred worker bees. Silently, I hoped my mind would find peace, that the bees would trickle out the window and into the grey sky. Why did I always, always have to be thinking about something?

Mama couldn't be serious. I was only eighteen. I wasn't necessarily against marrying young but for her to set me up with a man whom I barely knew, just like she was set up with Papa, had unease constricting my pharynx. Not to mention the fact that I had someone I liked. If it was Synn she'd asked me to marry, then...

I sighed and fiddled with the strap of my bag.

Fifteen minutes later, the bus came to a stop. I uttered my thank yous and stepped onto a street which I followed for another few minutes. Gradually, the lush leaves painting the trees around me turned a stark grey and I found no flowers in sight, instead replaced by potholes and empty alcohol bottles which came to roll and clink against the curb. A cold breeze brushed through me and I carefully minded my step, hoping I was going the right way.

Eventually, I reached the right address. The house was semi-detached and painted a cold white. Moss streaked the lower ridge of the house, green and wispy like feathers, and a green recycling box was stationed out in front; part of me feared it would burst from the number of brown and green bottles inside. One had rolled over to the gate. Carefully, I bent down and put it on top of the other bottles. There were a couple of toy cars abandoned by the porch along with two broken Barbie dolls, their arms having been detached and tossed aside.

I took a deep breath.

I rang the bell.

A few seconds passed, and then I heard the sound of locks being slid, unbolted and unchained. The door opened.

There stood a dishevelled Danny with a wince on her face, and a number of screams and shrieks behind her. I barely had a chance to take in what she was wearing (a red vest tucked into some baggy jean shorts) because my eyes were flickering all over the chaos behind her, wide in surprise.

The source of the noise came from children: children of all ages and a variety of ethnicities, each of them with a different toy or token in hand. Out popped a little boy with war paint marking his cheeks, lips curled in a snarl and a plastic bow and arrow perched upon his back, and then he was disappearing down the hallway with the sound of a battlecry. A pre-teen girl was next, phone glued to her hand and head bowed down to give her a hunchback posture as she wandered into a kitchen. Then there was another girl, a toddler, followed by another - twins with the same curly hair and dark, beautiful skin. I couldn't count how many there were!

"Can you guys shut up?" Danny yelled behind her, to whom I assumed was the boy with the war paint and another child I hadn't quite seen yet. Clearly uncomfortable, she scratched at her wrist until I could see red lines appear on her pale skin. "Sorry for the noise. And the mess."

"N-No, it's okay," I smiled and waved my hands, hoping to reassure her.

"I guess you should come in?"

Bowing my head, I uttered a soft, "Thank you," and stepped inside. Instantly, I narrowly avoided a collision with a young, teenage boy holding a Nerf gun but didn't seem to realise I was there, brushing past me to chase another kid into the living room. I took in the colourful scribbles at the bottom of the stairs and a puddle of something sticky at the end of the corridor. This was definitely an... interesting household?

"Should I take my shoes off?" I asked, already reaching for my converse.

"No. No, no, um, keep them on," said Danny, patting the air with her hand. "Let me show you around." I smiled and nodded.

She gestured with a lazy hand to one room.

"That's the kitchen. Don't go in there. I think Henry was sick around there."

So that's what the sticky puddle was.

"Uh, this is the cleaning cupboard- ignore that. I don't know why I'm showing you that. Let me show you... this is the living room, where most of the living is done."

She waved toward the room which I'd caught a glimpse of. Black leather sofas were pressed against the wall and a television screen flashed brilliant colours from the wall opposite. What I didn't first notice was the man lounging on an armchair at the side of the room. A beer bottle dangled from his hand and he scratched at his tummy, eyes stuck to the television. Automatically, I stiffened. He hadn't seen me yet. There was a hazy look in his eyes, like he wasn't quite seeing, and yet his eyes remained fixed on the wall.

"Hey dad," said Danny, stepping forward. A small child rushed past my legs. "Dad. Hey. Dad."

Slowly, the man turned his head. Subconsciously, I sidled behind Danny. It was just her father. He wasn't about to hurt me, let alone when it felt like he was practically looking past me. Vacant eyes stared back in our vague direction.

"I brought my friend over. This is Thea."

My breathing slowed as he continued looking at us. I almost didn't register that she'd called me her friend. I realised then that his eyes were exactly the same as Danny's - that familiar grey-blue, so foggy that I couldn't quite see into them, nor understand them. Trying my hardest, I forced a smile and a hesitant wave from where I was standing. He stared for another second, then looked away. Not a word for an answer.

I thought I saw Danny's fists clench in the corner of my eye.

"Let me show you my room," she said tightly and turned. Obediently, I followed, risking a glance behind at the man staring so emptily at the TV screen. Yells and screams were tossed about like volleyballs, along with an actual ball which almost hit my head if I hadn't ducked. It almost made me laugh from how energetic Danny's home was; it was quite the opposite of her.

Before we could pass into a new room, Danny suddenly snatched something from a little boy's hand.

"Hey, didn't I tell you not to play with that?" she snapped, eyes flaring at the shaving razor she'd taken.

"But Ella, Ree-Ree said I could-"

"I don't care what Riley said. Do you listen to Ella or to Riley?"

"But-"

"Do you listen to Ella or to Riley?" she said slower, giving him a stern look.

The boy huffed. "Ella."

"That's right." She stood up and ruffled the boy's brown hair. "No razors."

Part of me was in awe of Danny. It was one thing to say I wanted to work with children but it was a complete other to see it in action. The patience she had, the care which would sprinkle from her fingertips... this was a completely different side of the girl, one which I hadn't been expecting at all. Also, it was adorable that they called her Ella. As we passed the little boy, I gave him a bright smile. He stared at me, mouth parted like a little angel until I'd entered the new room and my friend was shutting the door behind her.

Bare was the only word to describe her bedroom. Stark white walls. Clean white bed sheets. A total opposite to the rest of the house. There was a shiny, white desk and a mini desk mirror, along with a small, narrow shelf on the side. In some ways, I'd expected music posters, pictures and portraits, perhaps some clothes strewn on the floor or on the back of her chair, much like Ember's room; but Danny wasn't Ember. She was precise and clean, organised yet relaxed. A breath of fresh air.

"You can sit anywhere. We can work on my bed if you want?" suggested Danny, tightening her blonde ponytail and raising her brows.

Eagerly, I nodded my head and smiled. I untied my shoes and shuffled onto the white sheets whilst being careful not to crinkle them. As I got comfortable and began pulling out my papers, suddenly, I felt movement near the pillows.

A small squeal escaped me as a head popped out from the duvet.

A little girl.

Her eyes were green buttons, almost too large for her face, and a small, flat nose adorned her from the centre. Fawn locks poured from her head but they were stuck up in every direction, messily clouding her face from view. Swiftly, her small figure crawled from the bed and jumped straight into Danny's arms. All the while, I clutched my chest at that little jump scare.

"Daisy, you have to stop doing that," scolded Danny and hoisted her further up, positioning the girl on her hip. "Come on, aren't you going to say hello to my friend?"

Laughing, I relaxed and looked up at the girl. She was adorable. Daisy's eyes were still wide and staring from her position and she had a sleeve in her mouth, anxiously gnawing at the brown material. As if assessing me, she continued staring for a moment, then turned her head and buried her face into Danny's neck.

That was the first time I saw Danny smile.

Pale pink lips spread like a pair of wings across her face, so soft, so loving. My heart squeezed at the sight. Warmth flickered through the blonde girl's eyes like fluttering flames, then extinguished in the snow of her gaze. When she looked up at me, she cleared her throat as if she was embarrassed to be caught. I only smiled back at her.

Comfortingly, she patted Daisy's bum. "Come on, you big lug. You can sit with us while we study, alright?"

Both of them nestled on the bed beside me: Danny in the middle, Daisy seated on the side, legs propped out in front of her.

"Don't feel hurt. She doesn't really like people... or noise. Most of the time, she camps out here with me. I don't always realise it until she comes out of one of her hiding places," quipped Danny.

"No, it's okay," I said, shaking my head. "She's adorable."

This time, I looked directly at the cherub.

"How old are you, Daisy?" I asked softly, giving her my best, friendly smile.

She didn't answer. She sucked on her sleeve.

"Daisy, come on. You can count," said Danny, playing with her messy strands. "How old are you? Count on your fingers."

Daisy looked down. She pulled one finger out, then two, three, four, five. She stuck out her hand in front of me.

Five.

"Five years old?" I gasped playfully. "That makes you such a big girl! Almost a grown lady."

Her eyes moved rapidly about my face, from feature to feature like she was connecting stars. It almost made me feel conscious but I knew kids liked to stare. Leaning forward, Danny reached for a notebook on her shelf along with a pencil case and dumped them on the bed. "Let's get started then, smiley."

"Um, before we start, can I ask you- wait. Did you just call me smiley?"

"Yeah," she stated bluntly. She stretched her hands out in front of her. "Every time I've seen you, you've been smiling. It's kinda creepy sometimes."

"Well... I'll take it as a compliment," I grinned.

Danny blinked, eyes flickering over to Daisy who was staring at something on the shelf. "Sorry, you were gonna ask me a question. What was it?"

"A question? Oh! Um, yeah, I was just wondering if..." Carefully, I pondered to ensure my words came out right. "Are all of you guys... siblings?"

"What? We don't look alike?" she smirked.

"Well, not particularly..."

She sighed and leaned back against the wall. "My dad's had a lot of girlfriends. Most of us have different mums."

"Oh," I said understandingly and nodded. Part of me wanted to ask about her mother, but we weren't that close yet. And yet, the girl must have been a mind reader because she answered my thoughts without hesitation.

"I still don't get the logistics of the custody shit but basically, none of our mothers wanted anything to do with us. So they dumped us on our dad. I haven't seen my mum in... well, I don't even remember."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, looking between the two sisters for a similarity but found there was none at all. I couldn't imagine how that would feel: to be abandoned by your mother. In some ways, I had the exact opposite. I had Mama who was willing to sacrifice everything for me, but also wanted to control a part of my life like a puppeteer. She meant well, I knew that. I knew that but... I didn't know which one was better - Danny's situation or mine.

"So, are you the eldest?" I queried lightly.

"No, I have an older sister but she fucked off as soon as she graduated. So it's just me taking care of these little demons." Turning to Daisy, she ruffled a hand through her light brown hair and the little girl blinked, shaking her head in return. "My brother Riley helps out sometimes, especially with the toddlers. I think you saw him downstairs. Maybe. I don't know."

"It must be hard," I said while clasping my hands in my lap.

She dropped her arm and looked at me. "I don't want you to pity me."

"Pity? N-No, I don't pity you! I just- I admire you in some ways. I promise, it's not pity."

"I don't deserve any admiration for what I do," she said in confusion.

"I'm just- really bad with words," I rushed, heat crawling up my body. "I-I- you're just doing a really good job. You're... a great sister."

Danny watched me for a brief moment, glossy, pale hair illuminated by daylight and blonde lashes catching stray sunshine like gemstones. Her expression almost had pink streaking across my cheeks. Bowing her head, she smiled smally. She opened her textbook to a random page and pulled out a blue biro. I took it as a sign to start flipping through my own notebook, clearing my throat.

"So, which part did you want to start with?"

"I'm fine with anything," she shrugged.

"Hm, can you give me a bit of guidance on where you're struggling?" I said, tilting my head to the side.

"Shit, I have no idea," she sighed and ran a hand over her head, smoothing out the darker strands of her ponytail. "Probably somewhere around kinetics. I get the gist of enthalpy change and stuff but I pretty much zoned out when Mr Daws reached Hess' Law and..."

For the next hour, we babbled about the complexities of chemical science and browsed through notes upon notes and diagrams upon diagrams. My black pen moved swiftly against the page and I tried my best to suggest solutions to the problems she was having. Daisy had grabbed a book from the shelf and slowly progressed with a finger moving across the pages. All the while, Danny scratched her head and tried to block out the rancour beyond her bedroom door. A part of me sympathised with her and her inability to study; I wouldn't be able to understand chemistry either if I were always surrounded by siblings vying for attention. But her determination was strong. I could sense it in her gaze, in the permanent line between her brows and the pursing of her lips.

Eventually, she reached a point where frustration came as a blockade and she tossed her pen onto the bed. "Fuck, this is so hard."

"Hey, you're doing really well so far! We only have..." I flicked through the textbook. "Five pages left!"

"Five?" she groaned and I giggled at her as she began cursing under her breath and running her hands through her bangs.

"How about we take a break?"

"Thank God."

Dramatically, she collapsed back on the pillow beside Daisy, making her jump. I turned to my backpack. I stuck my hand inside and rummaged around before locating the bag of cookies I'd packed and pulling it out. A cookie in hand, I held it out in front of Danny. She peeled one eye open and eyed the baked good carefully.

"For you," I beamed.

"Really?" she questioned, propping herself up on one elbow. Her eyes widened as she blinked. "Thanks... smiley."

I pulled out another and slowly held it out to Daisy. Having grown tired of reading, she'd rather eagerly gone back to chewing on her sleeve. Now, she looked up at me, her large emerald eyes glimmering like stones. "This one's for you," I said softly, offering the girl another encouraging smile. Bashfully, she raised a small hand and gripped the cookie between her fingers. Joy swelled inside me as she brought it to her mouth and began nibbling the treat like a mouse.

"You're pretty good with kids too, you know," said Danny. I raised my brows in surprise.

"Well, I-I do like them a lot," I blushed.

Eyes flitting about, I took my own bite of a cookie and quietly savoured the chocolatey goodness on my tongue. Danny watched me from the corner, still lounging on the bed with her pale legs stretched out in front of us. She took a big bite of her cookie. Much like with Ember, I found myself sinking into conversation with Danny with ease. There was a nonchalant aura about her which had my shoulders unwinding, but it still took me some time to break out of my shy-zone.

"You're really... innocent, aren't you?"

I furrowed my brows. Smiling embarrassedly, I brought my knees to my chest. "Where's that coming from?"

"I don't mean it as an insult," reassured Danny, then used her hand to gesture all over me. "You've just got this... vibe. Really innocent, very kind. I find it refreshing, in all honesty, don't get me wrong."

"I'm not that innocent," I huffed, but the compliment still burned bright on my cheeks as I chewed my cookie. She wasn't the first who'd called me innocent. My thoughts flickered over to Carmelos.

She cocked an eyebrow at me and rolled her tongue along the inside of her cheek.

"Do you spit or swallow?"

I stared at her confusedly.

"You ever gotten past first base?"

"Um, in-in baseball?"

"Anyone given you head?"

"Why would anyone give me their head?"

"Ever heard of skunk? Coke? Molly?"

"Well, there's this girl in the other class called-"

"Yeah, that pretty much proves it," she nodded to herself. All I could do was stare at her - dumbfounded - my brows crinkled together as I tried to make sense of anything she had just mentioned. I wanted to ask a thousand questions but she'd already stuffed the remainder of her cookie in her mouth and was straightening on the bed. "Don't think too much of it. It makes you cute."

"Cute?" I frowned.

"Yeah. Cute. I don't have many cute friends."

She called me her friend... again. My insides turned into jelly.

"So, what are your other friends like?" I asked curiously, resting my chin in my outstretched hand.

"My other friends? They don't go here."

"They don't?"

"No, most of them are at university. They're the fucked up kind," she grinned all of a sudden, "Just like me."

"But- y-you're not... like that," I frowned. Why would she think that?

"I don't mean it like that, I just mean they can be a bit crazy sometimes. They make me forget about things. But most of the time, they end up at some loser's house to party."

"Party?" I repeated after her in disbelief. The last time I'd been invited to a party was when I was thirteen and the girl who'd asked me to come had only done so because it was a "class" party. There had been music and birthday cake but it hadn't been very fun since most of the girls had been busy among themselves.

"Yeah, I'm going to one tomorrow night to celebrate my excellent grades," she continued sarcastically before pausing. She looked at me for a while. "You know what? You should tag along."

"But-But I don't know any of your friends," I stuttered.

"You don't need to know anyone to come to one of these parties, smiley," Danny snorted but my teeth refused to stop gnawing at my lower lip in uncertainty. "And besides, you'll have me there. Come on, it'll be fun. You'll get to dress up and act like every other teenager our age."

I fiddled with my fingers, tracing the edges of my nails in deep thought. This was my chance to break out of my shell; to start anew with totally different people and make a good impression; to finally renounce my title as the outsider and make more friends. Besides, I didn't see any harm in attending a party where there'd be birthday cake and balloons and presents - watching people open gifts was always fun.

"Would I really be allowed to come?" I asked with a hopeful smile.

"Of course."

My mind became a whirlwind of prospects and thoughts but, just at that moment, my phone started to ring. Synn's name appeared on the screen.

"You need to take that?" she gestured and I nodded my head, unsure of how to politely ask for some privacy. "Great timing. I'm gonna use the bathroom. Don't mind Daisy, she won't disturb you."

I nodded my head with a smile and watched Danny clamber off the bed, tightening her ponytail as she opened and shut the door behind her. Releasing a breath, I recollected myself before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Fuck, I've been dying to hear your voice all day, baby."

A dazed smile pulled at my lips at the sound of his deep, throaty voice and I tried not to squirm in delight at the fact that he had remembered to call me. He'd barely said a word and I was already a pool of gloop and emotions. When I found Daisy staring at me with wide eyes, I cleared my throat and straightened against the wall. That was embarrassing.

"I missed you too, Synn," I whispered, warmth pouring through me.

"How's my girl?" he asked, his voice now soft and inquisitive. "Hopefully safe and sound?"

"Yes, perfectly safe and sound," I said with a smile running through my words. "But I have something so amazing to tell you!"

"Really? Dime."

[Tell me.]

"You know that girl I was going to study with this weekend? She's the most wonderful person ever!" I exclaimed. Before he could respond, my mouth was already moving along like a train. "Her house wasn't what I was expecting at all but it's so fun and lively and she has these adorable siblings- no, half-siblings, and even though I haven't met all of them, I'd really love to. And I told you she was pretty, right? Because she is! She's so, so pretty, and she's so nice to me. She even offered to bring me to one of her friends' parties tomorrow! Isn't that amazing?"

"Party?"

"Mhm," I replied absentmindedly, already imagining all the possibilities for tomorrow. "It's gonna be so fun-"

"Baby... I don't feel safe about you going to a party without me there."

I paused. "Why not?"

"It's... not the kind of party you're thinking of," he phrased carefully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned. "Just because I haven't been to one in a while, that doesn't mean-"

"Trust me, it's not something you want to go to on your own. And that's not the only thing," he interrupted. I could hear it in his voice, how hard he was trying to keep his voice calm and level. A picture of him came to mind: his perfect face twisted in frustration, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, head bowed and black locks toppling forward. He took a deep breath and exhaled, then spoke again. "How do you know you can trust this girl?"

"What- do you think she's working with Elusion or something?" My heart plummeted and I found myself growing slowly angry at his words. "You don't even know my friend, Synn. I know her."

"You've spent how long with her? A day?"

"It's been more than a day. We know each other from school. All- All she's been is kind to me and confided in me. I don't understand how you can accuse a person when you don't even know them," I refuted.

"I'm asking these questions because I want you to be safe, Thea. You promised me. You fucking promised me that you wouldn't do anything dangerous."

"And I'm not doing anything dangerous!" I exclaimed, pushing my hair away from my face. "Danny is my friend. She only means well. She just wanted me to have a good time with her. Is that so bad?"

"I hate to say this but you're not exactly the best judge of character, baby."

I stopped. I looked down at my phone, fingers gripping the edges tightly. How could he say that to me? Tears blurred my vision as I stared and stared at the screen, my world turning to a comforting, painful haze. Every word from my mother this morning poured into my mind. The disappointment, the rejection, the control. Why did everyone think they knew what was best for me? Why was I not allowed to do things on my own, to do things I wanted? Was I supposed to marry whomever Mama chose and only do as Synn said?

"But she's so nice to me," I croaked. A tear rolled down my cheek and I hastily wiped it with my sleeve.

"Thea." Synn's voice broke over the phone. I heard the shudder in his voice, the regret in his tone at having hurt me. "The truth is, nice people aren't always good people."

"So like you then, right?"

There was a moment of silence as more tears began to pour down my face, hot and wet and sticky like tar. I didn't mean to say it but the words had gathered on my tongue, bitter and poisonous, and my body had repelled them. Had I crossed the line? Had I hurt him? Synn hadn't said a word and I wasn't sure if he was angry or perturbed by what I'd said; either way, I knew the outcome wouldn't be good and my automatic response was to apologise. But before I could do so, he'd spoken to only confirm my suspicions.

"You're not going to that party."

His voice was deep and foreboding, triggering something inside me which made my fingers tighten around the phone. Shakily, I exhaled and looked down at my lap.

"We'll talk about this when I get back, entiendes?"

[Understand?]

"Fine," I snapped.

I cut the call and tossed my phone on the bed. Whimpering, I buried my face in my hands; all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and sob my eyes out. I wasn't used to these feelings of anger and frustration inside me. They were pure acid, burning holes straight through my stomach and liver. My instinct was telling me to listen to Synn, to talk it over when he returned, but this intense ache in my chest was telling me something different. I thought he'd be happy with me for breaking out of my shell and going out of my comfort zone. Why wasn't he proud of me?

My thoughts snapped in two when I felt a soft, clammy hand on my arm. Lowering my hands from my teary face, I looked down to find Daisy. She was watching me closely, chubby cheeks a rosy red, and before I knew it, she was crawling into my lap and resting her head against my chest.

Now I wanted to cry even more.

I hiccuped as I combed a few fingers through her soft hair and embraced the little girl wholeheartedly. "Thank you, Daisy," I murmured, stroking her head.

She didn't say anything.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to check out my soap collection. You could take a bar if you... want..."

Danny stopped at the doorway, suddenly lost for words. Her eyes flickered from my red, puffy eyes to her sister curled up in my arms. Swiftly, I wiped my face with my forearm.

"Are you... alright?" she said awkwardly and scratched her wrist.

I nodded and gave her a teary smile.

"I-It's all okay now," I breathed and clutched the tiny girl tighter. I paused. "So, u-um..."

I sucked in a deep breath and pushed my inner turmoil aside.

"What time's that party?"

*****

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Hey fudglings!

OOF I'M SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE BUT I HAVE AN EXPLANATION - I actually got stuck in Lancaster this weekend and didn't have access to my laptop so I couldn't update ,_, I'm safely back now so here you go haha 

Thoughts on Thea and her mum at the start? OOP that part wasn't in the original but this is something I really want to explore hehe AND I'M SO EXCITED EEEKKKK and thoughts on Thea and Danny? Danny's family situation? I also wanted to explore Danny's character a lot more in this version so I hope you gained an insight into her personality and the burdens she carries - I love her :(( and what about this party then? WRITING THE ARGUMENT BETWEEN THEA AND SYNN MADE ME SO SAD LIKE JUST STAY BESTIES FR but I can understand both perspectives. Thea has always had someone in control of her life (normally her mother) so you can definitely see why she'd want to do something of her own choice and have fun BUT at the same time, Synn knows what these "parties" are like and only wants her safe. He doesn't know what could happen if he's not there ,_, my poor babies

I'VE BEEN SO BUSY THESE PAST FEW DAYS I honestly feel like I've been on a different planet. I had the clubs and societies funfair today and since I'm VP of a society, I was there the whole time and IT WAS SO FUN OMG HOW ARE THE FRESHERS SO CUTE I wanted to give them all a squish. Also my weekend in Lancaster was so fun for no reason even though we were stuck without toothbrushes and pyjamas like I was literally just making a vlog of the whole thing and how hilarious it was

ALSO I MAYYYYY HAVE A NEW CRUSH?? Okay it's super teensy weensy but he's a guy in my year, he's like 28 (LMAO HE DEFFO SEES ME AS A KID I'M ONLY 20), and omg he's just so nice? Like so gentlemanly? And so MANLY BRO like I'm tired of these little boys who just play around, this guy looks AND acts like a man and he's so sweet and friendly AND HIS ARMS?? DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED HSDJSKJF HE HAS SUCH DEFINED VEINS IN HIS HANDS AS WELL anyway it's super tiny and I'm not SUPER invested but he's deffo cute and in my good books ._.

Potato question of the day: What's your zodiac sign and do you think it speaks about your personality?

I'm a Pisces and I don't FULLY believe in zodiac signs (I don't believe in daily horoscopes at all) but I must say that some qualities do reflect my character. Like one of my traits is that I'm always offering to help and listen to people's problems (so I'm empathetic) but I'm quite a closed off person and I don't really talk about my own problems. I'm also supposed to be very emotional (CANNOT EMPHASISE HOW TRUE THAT IS) so I follow my heart and I'm quite idealistic. I'm supposed to be easygoing and sociable I gUeSs but I'm also easily lied to and too trusting which makes sense because I'm very gullible eek ._.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you did, please do vote, comment and share this book with your friends! I love you all!

- Fudge x