New Person, Same Old Mistakes - Tame Impala

THEA'S POV:

"Don't hog the blanket."

"I'm not!"

"How can someone so small take up so much space?"

"I'm gonna beat you up, Em," I grumbled and tried to finish writing my last bullet point in my notebook without her nudging me.

After somehow persuading Mama to let me have a sleepover at Ember's house, I'd arrived with the intention of revising together for next week's mock exams. But, like every other time we tried to study together, me and my best friend would often fall into conversation about menial, irrelevant things. We lay in her bed, both snuggled under duvet and different accessories in hand: me with my notebook and revision notes, and Ember with her phone held over her face as she leisurely scrolled through social media.

"Thee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still fluttering over her screen, her brows furrowed at something on her screen and I glanced at her.

"You know The Saints, right?"

"Hm?" I frowned. "Is... Is that a band?"

Ember's gaze snapped to mine and she lowered her phone. "You haven't heard of The Saints?"

I shook my head dubiously and squeezed my pencil.

"You know, the biggest gang in England? The one in London?"

"I didn't know there were any big gangs in England," I said softly, confused. "I thought they were just teenagers."

"Thee, what the hell?" she exclaimed and propped herself up on one elbow. "Of course there are gangs! There are gangs in every country. I mean, I shouldn't even be calling The Saints a gang. They're more like a Mafia."

"A Mafia?"

Such words were alien to me, a distant world far out of reach. When I heard the word Mafia, I pictured the narrow, winding footpaths of Italy; thatched baskets of flowers hanging from balconies; men smoking cigars, fedoras pecking their foreheads. I didn't picture gloomy, grey pavements and boys in hoodies and low-hanging sweatpants. What would a criminal organisation want to do in England of all places?

"I've heard they're ruthless," said Ember, "Especially their leader. They say he's killed over a hundred men and with traitors, he shows no mercy."

"How do you know all this?"

"From my sources." She shrugged and I frowned at her, an uneasy sensation growing in my stomach. "And you know what else they say?"

Using one hand, she gestured for me to lean in. I clutched my notebook tightly and obeyed.

"They say he plucks out his enemies' eyes while they're still breathing and keeps them like trophies."

I gaped at Ember. I shook my head. "Where do you even hear these things, Em? I think you've been watching too many murder documentaries," I scolded lightly.

"Hey- I'm telling the truth! It's what people say!"

"Nope, nope, nope," I said and shook my head. "I refuse to believe you."

The girl scowled and collapsed back on her pillow, staring up at the ceiling. I lowered my pencil back to my notes and tried to recollect my newly scrambled thoughts. Picking up her phone, Ember unlocked it and continued swiping down her screen. She glanced at me through the corner of her eye, a devilish grin crawling across her brown cheeks.

"You know, there are rumours that The Saints have business in Mospe..."

"Shush. You're just trying to scare me now!"

"I'm not, Thee! It's the truth!" I glared at her through furrowed brows, but she only snorted and covered her mouth. Mumbling under my breath, I returned to my paper, only to hear her speak again. "If I'm being honest, your man looks like he's stepped right out of The Saints. With those tattoos and those scrumptious arms... yeah, he's definitely Mafia daddy materia- hey! Don't hit me!"

"Then stop being silly!" I laughed. "And stop calling him that. How many times do I have to tell you we're just friends?"

Butterfly wings batted wildly in my heart and I tried to hide the warmth in my cheeks by raising the duvet.

"Yeah, friends my ass," she said and drew the collar of her shirt into her mouth.

Suddenly, the door squeaked open.

I looked up. Pierce hovered at the doorway, calm eyes drifting across the room. I stiffened under the blanket but said nothing, letting my gaze drop down to the words I'd scribbled.

"Don't you know how to knock?" Ember huffed and raised her head.

Dismissing her question, he pressed his shoulder against the doorway. "Pizza's here. Dad said to come downstairs so we can put on the cricket."

"Okay, tell him we're coming."

My heart thundered quietly as I drew hearts next to my notes, waiting for the boy to leave and tension to dispel itself from the room, but he didn't. Cautiously, I peered over the top of my book. I found him staring at me. Sharp, grey eyes squinted in amusement, a hundred thoughts lingering in his gaze, and I swallowed. I wanted to crawl under the bedcovers and hide.

Realising her brother hadn't left the room, Ember's head poked up again. She grabbed the tennis ball next to her. "I said we're coming," she growled and chucked the ball in his direction.

A belt of laughter as he dodged her throw. We heard the ball connect with the wall behind him and fall to the floor by his feet, lightly bouncing. Pierce pushed himself from the doorway. Leaving the door open, we watched his tall frame descend the stairs along with his clumsy, heavy footsteps. I let out a quiet breath I didn't know I was holding. Ember mumbled something under her breath.

"He's always so annoying."

Thoughtfully, I squeezed my pencil tight.

"Should we get going?" she said and kicked one of her legs out from the duvet. "I've been craving pepperoni all week."

I shook my head of the doubts fluttering in my mind and smiled. "Yeah, let's eat. I need energy to celebrate after Pakistan beat England."

"Not happening."

"It's gonna!"

"You wanna put money on it?"

Our bickering dwindled down the steps, down to the dinner table where the sight of greasy, delicious pizza awaited us. I would have liked to say my nerves calmed down when we sunk into the sofa and the match started but dinner was an uncomfortable feat, despite the lightheartedness which always accompanied Ember's dad. He was a hearty eater and never failed to make me laugh and put me at ease.

However, with Pierce in the room, I felt like a glass teetering the edge of a table. Every motion of his hand, every cheer and curse that left him only added to my instability and nudged me closer to falling. He sat across from me in the living room, legs spread wide apart as if to intimidate me by taking up as much space in the room as possible. He was a predator, eyes carefully flitting to mine whenever they could.

To everyone's surprise, Pakistan did end up triumphing. My cheeks were full of smiles as we wished Ember's dad a warm goodnight and thank you for dinner. All the while, a pair of eyes burned through my back and I couldn't help but hold my breath as we climbed the stairs. Only when we were out of sight did I grant myself the luxury of air. I couldn't decipher Pierce's emotions from the last time I'd seen him; his calm and calculated words language contradicted the flames flickering in his eyes, melting them into bubbling pools of silver.

"Thee," called my friend, snapping her fingers in front of my face. I blinked at her in surprise before glancing down at the clothes she was holding out for me to take.

I accepted them and felt the soft material of the small t-shirt and shorts. It was quite a revealing outfit with a large neckline and the shorts doing little to cover my behind, but the only reason I didn't mind was because her dad would be the only other person staying in the house. He would always give us our privacy and knock before coming in to ask us what we wanted for breakfast. But this time was different.

There was a monster sleeping next door.

"Can't we sleep in the same bed tonight?" I asked with hopeful eyes. Ember gave me an unimpressed look but the more I stared at her, the more her resolve wavered. Jutting out my lower lip to deliver the final blow, she rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Only because you're cute," she grumbled and I smiled, pulling her into a hug. She automatically started to complain and I let go, laughing at her distaste for human contact unless it was of her own accord. I left the room with Ember tossing another pillow onto the bed and grabbing her own pyjamas from her drawer. Swiftly, I locked myself in the bathroom, changed into my sleeping wear, and brushed my teeth with the toothbrush I left at her house for these special cases.

We messed around for a little while and indulged in a few bites of chocolate before huddling into bed. My friend was the type to hit the snooze button as soon as her head hit the pillow so I was left alone with the tense, dark thoughts sweeping over my head like a shadow. I didn't feel comfortable when I knew who was in the other room. It must have passed twelve at night when I felt drowsiness finally consume me and with my arms curled around Ember's waist, I drifted off into much needed sleep.

That dreamy slumber didn't last for long, however.

For some reason, I found myself too troubled to last the entire night and, letting out a small huff, I stared up at the ceiling and willed my body to go back to sleep mode. I twisted and turned under the duvet covers. I tried to count the number of music posters on the wall. I played with one of the tennis balls lying on the floor. I even stared at the clock and watched the hands move round and round until it reached two thirty in the morning.

I cleared my throat and winced once I realised how thirsty I had become after waiting for so long. I pushed myself into a sitting position on the bed. Glancing over at Ember, I gently nudged her shoulder and tried to wake her. "Em," I whispered and wiggled her arm. She let out something that sounded like a grunt and shifted back onto her side, facing away from me. "Em!"

She was completely out of it.

I sat on her bed for what felt like another hour before forcing myself to leave and get a glass of water by myself. Cautiously, I pushed myself out of bed and tiptoed over to the door, opening it as slowly as possible to stop it from creaking. I poked my head around the corner and glanced at Pierce's door. It was closed. Biting down on my lip, I padded quietly past his door and listened out for the soft snores leaving his room, internally sighing with relief.

I carefully stepped down the stairs and rushed to the kitchen. Reaching for an empty glass in the cupboard, I filled it up with water from the jug and raised it to my lips. The burning sensation in my throat was swiftly quenched by cold, cold water lining the inside of my mouth. I gulped once, twice, thrice, before letting out a satisfied breath. A few droplets had spilled down the corners of my mouth and met the white fabric of the t-shirt I was wearing, leaving it a little see through. I didn't realise I was that thirsty.

I placed the empty glass back in the sink and rubbed my eyes as I started to head out of the kitchen. No. I barely made it a few steps before I saw who was at the door.

"What are you doin' up, sunshine?"

I stopped and stared. He was supposed to be asleep. I heard him snoring!

I couldn't stop myself from hiccuping as I found myself staring into the grey storm clouds of Pierce's squinted eyes. "Um, I was," I stuttered and all of a sudden, the massive kitchen was too small of a space for the both of us. Even though he was standing on the other side of the island, it felt as if he were already hovering over me with his hot skin being inches away from burning mine. My mouth was dry all over again as I gestured to the sink behind me. "W-Water."

His lips pulled up into a malicious smirk as he leaned forward, resting his arms on the island in front of us. Only then did I realise that he was shirtless. This was the very first time I had seen the body of a man in the flesh, aside from my father sometimes, and I could hardly breathe. He was lean and strong and the soft lines of abdominals could be seen traced into his black skin. I raised both hands to my chest and forced myself to look away, my heart hammering from inside my rib cage at how compromising this situation appeared to be. We were both hardly dressed.

It scared me.

"You wouldn't mind getting me a glass too, would you?" he gestured, the smirk still on his face.

Hesitantly, I nodded my head and grabbed another glass. The glass trembled in my hand as I filled it up with the jug, the water rippling at the jerky actions of my body. I half expected Pierce to have closed the distance between us when I turned around but he was still on the other side of the island, watching me intently like a hawk with a mouse. "Here," I mumbled and slid the cup across the island. It made it halfway.

"Thanks, sunshine," he said and reached over for the glass. All of a sudden, his hand was knocking it over with a clink and the water had splashed at me. "Oops, silly me. Would you look at that? I'm such a klutz."

"It-It's fine," I reassured him with an awkward smile. He didn't look particularly apologetic when I noticed where his eyes were directed, completely transfixed on my chest; the water had soaked through the material of my tee and since I didn't sleep with a bra on, it didn't take much to realise what he was staring at. I was absolutely mortified. "Um! Um, I'm gonna head to bed."

"You sure I can't do anything to help you with that?" he nodded, seemingly concerned by my little problem. He took a step towards me and I flinched. I could feel my breathing growing more and more laboured as his shoulders flexed and his body neared mine. Pierce cocked his head to the side with a false sense of amiability, his tall figure shadowing my own small one. I felt as if I had swallowed my tongue. "Let me help you, sunshine."

Let me help you.

"I need- I need to go to bed," I croaked, starting to shudder uncontrollably. He didn't look bothered at all by the way my entire body was reacting, by the way I was suffocating right in front of him, but seemed too focused on the way my nipples had hardened from the cold and were straining through the material of my shirt. He reached for me and his fingers met the hem of my top, the heated graze of his skin on my stomach leaving me paralysed.

I couldn't breathe. A wire was tightening around my windpipe. My fingers spread, bent in panic. I was all alone, just like that night. There was no one to save me this time. He was going to hurt me.

Hurt me.

Suddenly, I was met with a surge of energy and pushed myself the other way.

My legs turned into quicksilver and I was running, running out of the kitchen and away from him. My bare feet slipped and slided against the floors and I dragged myself forward, my ears ringing and pounding with the need to escape. I could feel him behind me. I could feel him getting closer. I could feel his heat and his strong body and his breath and his eyes completely fixed on me as I skidded to the stairs.

I heaved myself up the steps and ignored the pounding of footsteps from behind me, the sound of my blood rushing through my ears. I turned and sprinted into Ember's room, slamming the door shut behind me. I was panting and crying and could hardly see a thing with black dots clouding my vision. I yelped when I heard a fist being thrown at the door, knocking into the wood until I feared he would break through.

But then, silence.

I stood there, frozen to the spot for years and years while staring at the door, waiting for another noise.

There was nothing.

No more heavy breathing, no more grunts of effort from behind me, no nothing.

Reluctantly, I paid a glance behind me at the bed to find Ember still fast asleep, completely unaware of her brother having tried to break into her room. She let out a mumble of something incoherent and scratched her nose. And that was it.

Tears streamed down my face freely. I tangled my hands in my hair, tugging at the strands painfully to distract myself from his terrifying face. His cruel, kind, silver eyes. I refused to believe what had happened. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe he really had knocked the glass down by accident. Maybe he really wanted to help me like a good person.

My guts screamed no! and I broke down into sobs.

It was all my fault. All my fault. I should have never come. I should have never given him the opportunity.

Blindly, I searched for my phone and staggered into the bathroom. Sobs wracked through my chest as I locked the door behind me and slid down until I was nothing but a heap on the bathroom floor. I could hardly see a thing as tears dripped onto my phone screen, making my fingers slide. I didn't even know what I was doing as I raised the phone to my ear and heard the comforting rings of the mobile.

My face screwed up with a mixture of emotions when I heard a voice on the other end.

"Baby, it's three in the morning. Why the hell are you still awake?"

At the sound of Synn's throaty, angry voice laced with the remnants of sleep, I let out a soft cry and dropped my head onto my knees. He went quiet. I rubbed my eyes and smeared the tears on my cheeks while trying not to make too much noise. I couldn't speak. Words didn't want to leave my mouth.

"Thea."

I coughed, grabbing my throat with one hand. Why was it so tight? Forcing a breath, I inhaled sharply and pressed my head against the door.

"S-Synn," I cried and held myself harder.

"Tell me where you are," he said lowly.

"I'm," I sniffled, my head starting to pound from trying to hold back tears. I forced another breath. "I'm at m-my friend's house."

"Address. Now."

Through burbles and cries in between, I managed to get the words through the cracks of my teeth. I could hear the sound of movement from the other end but he didn't say anything after. "I don't know how- I don't know how far you live from here," I hiccuped. "You don't need to-to come. I just wanted to-"

"No."

"N-no?" I whispered, pressing my hand into my chest numbly. My heart was stuttering and stammering just like me, mirroring my fragmented language.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." He sounded calm, scarily calm, and it made my blood run cold.

"It's- It could be a forty minute drive. You can't make it in-"

"Watch me."

His voice was a dark growl that sent shivers down my spine. In any other situation, I would have found it extremely attractive, but he was angry and I didn't know what that meant for me.

My screen turned white and I looked down to see that the call had ended. Shakily, I lowered my phone to the bathroom floor. I bowed my head, fresh tears pricking my eyes. Should I have called my parents? Although part of me wished to, I knew that wouldn't have been the best thing - Mama would throw a fit and ban me from ever visiting my best friend again. And so I rocked myself back and forth in Ember's bathroom and whispered sweet nothings to myself until I could think again.

Taking a shaky breath, I finally mustered the courage to unlock the door. My heart clenched when I saw that she was still sleeping soundly, innocently, and it was then and there that I decided I couldn't tell her what had happened; even though she argued and fought with her brother, she respected him too much for me to completely destroy her perception of him. I took a sticky note from her desk and, after wiping my face messily, I scrawled something down.

Sorry I didn't wake you. I felt sick during the night so I called my dad to pick me up. I'll see you at school!

I stuck the note on her desk and turned to start packing my things, stuffing my folders back into my bag and my old clothes. A knock on the door forced me to grow still and I stopped what I was doing. It was a soft knock, nothing compared to the heavy fist that had pounded on the wood before. My lips trembled as I glanced at the door and wondered if I should open it or not.

"Ember? Thea?"

It was their dad.

Letting out a relieved sigh, I unlocked the door and pulled it open a fraction. He was wearing his pyjamas and looked rather baffled. I gave him a weak smile.

"I heard noises," he said and glanced behind him. "Footsteps too. I thought there was a burglar or something, Jesus Christ. Are you guys alright?"

"Actually, I'm not feeling too good," I explained and I was thankful my back was to the moonlight so that he couldn't see the tears glistening on my cheeks. "I called someone to pick me up if that's okay. Is... that okay?"

"Of course that's okay," he frowned and raised a hand to pat my head. "You sure you're alright? We have some paracetamol or ibuprofen if you need it but-"

"What's going on, dad?"

I froze and looked around the corner to see Pierce lingering outside his room, glancing innocently between the two of us. I opened my mouth to say something, to scream and tell them the truth about what had happened, but his eyes gave glimpse of the terrible things he would do to me if I did. For a moment, I thought he smirked at me, but then he plastered on another look of concern and ran a hand over his shaven head.

"Thea's just leaving," their dad replied thoughtfully and looked back at me. "She's not feeling great."

"That's a shame," said Pierce, his grey eyes never leaving mine. My hands turned into fists and I looked away, grabbing my school bag with all my things inside. I brushed past his dad and gave him another fleeting smile.

"Thank you so much for having me," I added, wishing that he'd be able to see straight through my barricade of lies. "It's been lovely." He just nodded his head with a look of confusion and worry still on his face. I didn't bother to look at the brother for I knew that I'd only see a smug smirk on his plump lips, taunting me for not being able to speak.

"Take care," Ember's dad trailed off and I rushed down the stairs, pulling on my boots before they could say another word.

With that, I flung the front door open and stumbled outside, shutting it swiftly behind me. I paused and stared into the bushes, no longer having to fight the tears wanting to resume their descent down the lengths of my face. They trickled slowly as I inhaled the musky air of the night and hobbled down the steps. I couldn't stop the broken smile pulling at my lips when I saw the red car parked in front of me.

Within seconds, Synn had thrown the car door open and stormed up to me. His dark hair was tousled and messy from the wind and the black ink on his neck looked silver in the moonlight. He was wearing a tight, white t-shirt which outlined his broad chest, clinging to him like a second skin, and a pair of grey sweatpants hung low on his hips. From the hard expression on his face, I could tell he wasn't amused and I was scared he was going to shout at me.

But I didn't care.

I went to him racing and crashed into his warm, large frame with every ounce of me.

He stopped in his tracks.

I shuddered against him, arms around his waist. I didn't feel the cold. I didn't feel the wind's breath on my arms nor the whisper of leaves through my hair. For the first time in my time of knowing Synn, I just felt him.

And that was all I needed.

"Synn," I sobbed hoarsely and I balled the back of his shirt in my hands, desperately clutching him. "Synn."

The man's hands twitched beside him, conditioned not to touch in fear of causing hurt.

But his resolve soon crumbled.

The next moment, his arms were wrapping around me as if they were my shield to the world and his chest was my only sanctuary.

His ringed fingers threaded through my hair. His breath brushed my cheek. His cologne draped over my shoulders and his heart hummed loudly in the night, playing a tune only I could hear. Every part of him spoke to me, surrounded me, and I sobbed gratefully for the arms that crushed me with softness against him.

"I've got you, little baby," he murmured. "I've got you."

I whimpered and buried my face in his shirt. My thoughts were a whirlpool; so were my senses. I didn't even notice his arm sliding down to lift me, nor the way my body naturally wrapped around his large one in response. I burrowed my face in the crook of his neck as he carried me into the car and shielded my head with one large hand. As soon as he was seated, I curled myself against him and moans of grief came pouring from my mouth. He hugged me tightly.

"You're okay, Thea. You're okay, mi chica preciosa. I've got you. I'm right here," he said softly in my ear.

[My precious girl.]

I didn't know why those words eased the hollow ache in my chest but his gruff, sleep-filled voice was enough to wash over me like a warm embrace. My head pounded with exhaustion but I wanted to stay awake to explain myself to him. He didn't deserve me troubling him so often when I offered him nothing in return.

"Don't cry, baby," he said in a voice like dark chocolate and ran his fingers through my hair. I looked up at him through teary eyes as he smoothed away the wet strands that had caught my cheeks and pressed his fingertips against my scalp. My heart was melting and melting with each graze of his hand. "Please don't cry."

I hiccuped, my vision a blur of the tattooed man. The moonlight caught his eyes like diamonds.

"Don't... Don't leave me," I whimpered.

Synn cradled my cheek with one rough, wet hand and looked down at me with so much sincerity I didn't think possible.

"Never."

And just like the night he first saved me, he pressed me into his chest and my eyes fluttered shut. It was those hands, those hands as gentle as the sun, that saved me once more.

*****

Read ahead on Patreon: patreon.com/Fudgecakexox

Hey fudglings!

GUYS I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS CHAPTER HSHKDJS ISN'T THAT INSANE? ME NOT BEING A HATER? The world must be ending but yeah I'm actually a huge fan of my writing for once

What did you guys think? Thoughts on The Saints? I REALISED THAT I NEVER GAVE SYNN'S GANG A NAME IN THE LAST VERSION-  More importantly, thoughts on Pierce and Thea? Bro. I feel like the tension was really well built in this chapter. Pierce is such an unnerving and scary character but he's probably my favourite to write BECAUSE he's so scary. MY POOR BABY THEA CAN'T CATCH A BREAK WITH THIS GUY BUT AT LEAST SHE AND SYNN MOVED UP A STEP AHHHHH THEY HUGGED FOR THE FIRST TIME I actually found Synn's reaction so cute like he didn't know whether he could hug her back or not because he didn't want her to be scared stfu they're so adorable who decided to write something so cute i'm gonna beat them up :(

KEEPING IT SHORT, I HAVE EXAMS ON THE 30TH MAY AND 1ST, 2ND JUNE SO PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD BECAUSE I NEED ALL YOUR PRAYERS RIGHT NOW TO GET ME THROUGH THIS YEAR thank you very much ,_, i love u also I started reading the book Never Let Me Go and bro it's so good?? I know it's very popular but bruh I didn't realise how easy it would be to get into it and ALSO DID YOU KNOW THAT THE AUTHOR OF THAT BOOK (Kazuo Ishiguro) - HIS DAUGHTER WAS IN THE SAME ENGLISH LITERATURE CLASS AS MY BIG SIS AT UNI?? HUHHHHHHH WTF MAN WHY CAN'T I MEET CELEBRITIES' CHILDREN ._,

Potato question of the day: Would you ever get a tattoo?

In Islam, you're not supposed to permanently mark your body so I'm not really allowed to BUT IF I was allowed to, I would be tempted to get one. Maybe a really cute one on my wrist or my finger or somewhere on my hand or collarbone because I don't have the highest pain tolerance and I'd probably cry the whole time because I'm a crybaby. I still probably wouldn't get one, just because I like leaving my skin natural and unmarked, but I'd definitely be tempted by cute designs.

Anyway, thank you so much for readingggg. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and if you did, please do vote, comment and share this book! I love you all!

- Fudge x