Floating (feat. Khalid) - Alina Baraz

THEA'S POV:

There was quiet as Synn processed my words. It was only after they had left my lips that I registered their meaning and I parted my lips to speak, but my mouth grew dry at his ice blue eyes. They were staring back at me, so intense and powerful. Dark threads scattered through his irises, replacing the caramel flecks near his pupils; I couldn't fathom what he was thinking.

"You want to... touch me."

I shifted on the bed. "I, um, I don't mean that in a weird way or anything! I was just wondering what it would feel like to touch a guy because I haven't done that before, with my fear and everything. And since we're getting more comfortable, as-as friends, I thought it would be okay to... poke you or something? Is that weird?"

"You can do more than poke me, Thea," he said in his wonderful, deep voice.

He raised one of his hands, palm facing upwards. No matter how many times I'd seen them, I was hypnotised by his ringed and tattooed hands. They were large and inviting, a sea of skin and valleys for me to explore. Unlike the rest of his body, his palms were void of ink and I found my fingers hesitantly drifting over to his; they had always wondered what such a beautiful person would taste like.

And then, our hands were grazing.

We were touching.

I waited for some reaction, some explosion, for him to grasp my wrist in threat and draw me forcibly closer like a man was supposed to, but I was met with no such thing. Instead, his calloused fingers kissed mine like a lover. They were rough, rougher than I'd imagined, but incredibly warm. As my fingers carefully pressed his skin, they reached his palm and traced the lines which travelled the lengths of his hand.

"Is... that okay?" I asked. My cheeks heated and I cautiously glanced up at Synn, only to find him already looking at me.

"That's okay," he replied.

Releasing a careful breath, I returned to the warmth of his skin. My fingers dove deeper into the heat of him and met his wrist where the tattoos began. I turned his hand over.

I had always considered myself a fan of art, drinking in the colours of every painting and savouring every sweeping line of a graphite pencil, but I had never witnessed an artwork such as this. Black petals fluttered across the back of Synn's hands like butterflies. The colour had drained deep into his soul, leaving skeletons of nature to draw roots in his skin and breathe the remnants of life into flowers, flowers I couldn't come to name. Almost fearfully, I traced the dark ink.

They were never ending, slipping beneath his black sleeves.

"Your tattoos are so beautiful," I said in awe and looked up again. "Is there a reason you have so many?"

Synn slowly clenched his fingers in my hand, then unclenched them. "I can't say. I had them done when I was young, fifteen, sixteen. For some reason... I found comfort in them."

"Comfort," I repeated softly to myself. Passively, I fiddled with the ring on his index finger, spinning it round and round. "Comfort in the pain?"

He was quiet, brooding for a moment. "They make me feel different to the person I was before."

"Who was he?"

His eyes were fixed on our connected hands, watching me twiddle with his rings like toys. The more I looked at him, the more solemnity seemed to settle in his features, as if something grave were missing. Black, tousled curls fell about his perfect face and his ethereal beauty grew tenfold at the sadness in his eyes, water sloshing about in contemplation of memories I couldn't see myself.

"He was kind," he whispered. "He was sweet, he was forgiving... He was a very different Synn."

It felt as if someone had plucked one of my heart strings too hard and severed it. I stopped playing with his hand. Instead, I squeezed it tightly.

"What are you talking about? You're still all those things."

At least to me.

His mouth slowly curled at the corner. "You think I'm sweet?" he questioned and I bit my lip in embarrassment.

"No, I-" I wrapped my fingers around his thumb and turned his hand over. "I think these flowers are sweet."

"Oh?"

"Mhm." Swiftly, I smoothed my thumb over his knuckles. My eyes flickered up, then back down. "Why flowers?"

He paused.

"My mother likes flowers."

A big smile formed on my face and I nodded, heart warming at the notion. I continued tracing his hand with my fingertips. Only now did I notice the difference in sizes, with my fingers being far smaller and perhaps daintier than his roughened, masculine ones. There was something sweet about it. An inkling inside me told me to slip my fingers through his but I didn't think he'd be comfortable with that. It wouldn't be very friend-like.

"My mama likes flowers too," I said. "Papa keeps telling her off because she buys too many for the garden, so I think our mums would get along."

Synn's mouth tilted upwards.

"Are you close with your mum?" I asked, then stopped. I shrunk into my shoulders. "I'm sorry, I-I know none of this is my business and I know I ask lots of questions. If I'm getting annoying, just-"

"Shh, baby. You're okay." His low voice washed over me like a sedative and my heart squeezed at his words. Blue, honest eyes focused on mine. "You're not annoying. Nunca eres molesto." The way he said that sentence almost hinted at anger, but perhaps it was assertiveness, compelling me to believe him. "To answer your question, sí, I always feel very close with her, even though she may not live here."

[You're never annoying.]

"Oh," I mumbled and nodded, swallowing. "That must be hard, being away from home and family."

"I miss her but I have... other reasons for living here."

Other reasons? There was something ominous about that phrase but even though he'd reassured me that I wasn't irritating him, I didn't want to make a mistake and overstep. I decided against asking.

Instead, I clasped his hand in both of mine and smiled. "I've always wanted to go to Spain, you know. We used to study Spanish at school but that was ages ago, and it was so unfair because all the students studying French got to go to France on a school trip but they never let us go to Spain! I still don't know why! I wanted to try the churros, the paella, and all the food in the whole country. And even though I don't remember anything from Spanish class, I'm sure if I keep saying contigo, it'll get me somewhere, right?"

[With you.]

Synn stared at me and I stared back, beaming with a wide grin. A second later, he was hunching forward and laughing. His broad shoulders gently shook and his mouth shone like the sun in the form of a smile, pink lips spread apart and eyes creased at the corners.

My heart turned into a butterfly garden.

*That line makes me so soft it might be my favourite ever*

"Joder, ¿en qué se está convirtiendo esta mentira?" he murmured to himself. He breathed out a final laugh. "You keep saying that, Thea. I'll be behind you every step of the way."

[Fuck, what is this lie turning into?]

"Hmm, if I were to live in any place in the world though..."

I paused and tapped my chin with one finger, then grinned.

"I wanna live in Turkey!"

"Turkey?" he mused.

"Yup, yup, yup."

"Have you ever visited?"

"Well, no..." I frowned and looked at him. "Actually, we haven't been to many places at all, but I still wanna go to Turkey."

"And why is that, my little baby?"

"Because I've watched lots of Turkish shows and it looks so beautiful!" I squealed, unable to contain my excitement. "And there was one show I watched where the main character was very wealthy so she got to live in a big, big house, and it looked so ancient but the decor was so pretty. And also, there are lots of cats around and cats are my favourite! I could just squish them all day. And the food looks so tasty and the culture is so beautiful and..."

I continued to go on and on about the country, from the dazzling cities I had heard of to the crystal waters and evergreen-clothed mountains I wished to explore someday. All the while, Synn sat and listened. Barely a word escaped him, only to ask a question when he desired, but the room was predominantly filled with my chatter. He listened as if he were seeking the last drop of water to quench his thirst, eyes following the every move of my lips, the every crease of my eyelids, the every twitch of my nose.

And we held hands throughout.

It wasn't that I forgot I was holding his hand, but it felt so... natural for him to be there. For his fingers to wrap around mine like gossamer threads of a web. Delicate. Soft. Distractedly, his thumb stroked over my knuckles, his rough hands against my soft ones, and his rings provided relief from the heat growing inside me.

"...so me and my cousins went to my uncle's room but we found our auntie asleep in bed! But we saw her go into the bathroom!" I insisted. "It still doesn't make sense to me."

"Perhaps you were dreaming, no?"

"That's what I thought too but me and my cousin both remember it vividly. There were definitely ghosts in that house."

Synn chuckled, looking down for a moment, and when they returned, I realised just how close we had grown in proximity while talking. Just like we were holding hands, it had gone unnoticed, natural. Like magnets gravitating towards each other. The dark haired man paused as if realising as well. His gaze fell to my lips where they darkened. I dug my teeth into the lower petal. When he spoke, his voice was deeper than before.

"Don't bite, Thea."

At the reminder, I quickly released my lip, wet. There was silence as we stared at each other, my heart quickening at the sight of such a dominant man before me who made me feel such things. The air was thick, thicker than ever before.

But then, everything stopped. We looked at each other.

There was a jingling of keys, followed by the sound of the door opening downstairs, and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

A familiar tension returned to my body and I grasped Synn's hand tightly. Faint murmurs and the rustling of shopping bags being taken to the kitchen sounded up the stairs, letting me know that my parents were home.

"Thea!"

It was as if someone had poured ice water down my back. Mama's singsong voice had my blood thinning at the realisation of what I'd done: I'd brought a man into this house; I'd brought a man into my room. I'd done exactly what she predicted I'd do on the night he drove me home, and even more. If she found out, she'd get angry and hurt me all over again. She'd never forgive me.

Never.

"You need to hide," I said, eyes wide with alarm. "Synn, you need to hide. You need to hide right now! Mama- she's gonna come and, no, she's gonna find you and-and she'll get angry with me and- please let me hide you. I need to hide you."

I snatched my hands away from him like he was poison. It felt like my lungs had been punctured, air slowly escaping as I tried to calm my erratic heartbeat. What had I done? What had I done, what had I done? Mama was going to find me. Mama was going to know I'd betrayed her. Hurt her. I couldn't let her find out. I couldn't.

"Okay, calm down for me, baby." Synn's soothing voice rose from the noise in my head and I looked down at him, struggling to find comfort in his blue oceans. "Cálmate para mí, ¿entiendes? Tell me where I need to go and I'll go."

[Calm down for me, understand?]

My eyes were already beginning to moisten from the stress and I tried to calm down, like he'd asked, by taking a slow breath. "I, um," I paused. "Could-Could you hide in the bathroom?"

He looked at me in question.

"Please?"

Slowly, he nodded and pushed himself up from the floor. Running my hands down my face, I dropped them to my sides and dug my nails into my palms, listening for the faint hustle and bustle downstairs. That was when I heard footsteps ascending the stairs. Hastily, I looked towards the ensuite where Synn had hidden himself behind the door, purposefully leaving it ajar just a fraction.

I ignored the pain in my knees and dived for my desk, the heavy metal clattering against the wood as I opened my laptop. As soon as I had done so, the bedroom door swung open. Mama stood there with some notebooks in her hands, her brown eyes finding mine automatically. I tried to control my breathing as she stepped towards me, which happened to be near the bathroom. My eyes flickered over to where Synn was hiding.

"How are you, baby? Were you studying?" she asked.

"Mhm, yeah, I was," I breathed and subtly wiped the sweat from my palms.

"I bought you the notebooks you wanted."

I smiled as she placed them on the side of my desk and uttered a small, "Thank you, Mama." Forcing my lips not to tremble, I looked up at her. "Did you get to buy redcurrant puffs?"

"Of course," she grinned. "Two packs."

I beamed in response. Mama's eyes flickered to my desk which was absent of any textbooks or notes and she frowned.

"How's your revision coming along?"

"I think it's going... well," I said and spun left and right in my chair. "I came up with a revision timetable but I couldn't stick to it so I'm trying to use to-do lists now."

"Thea, you should really stick to a timetable," she said disapprovingly, "And you need to get your head down these days. You don't have that long before your mock exams, do you?"

"Mama, I was just-" I stopped. I sighed, levelling my tone so as not to anger her. I knew she just wanted what was best for me so I shouldn't have been getting annoyed. I really should have been studying instead of wasting time. "I was just taking a break. I-I had a stressful day at school today. Pierce was there and he-"

"Pierce? Ember's brother?"

"Yeah," I mumbled and averted my gaze.

"I didn't know he was back from university already," Mama said to herself, still hovering beside me and the bed. On the inside, I was panicking. If she took one wrong step, I was sure she'd be able to hear the sound of shallow breathing from the bathroom or catch sight of the man. Instead, she gave me a look of warning. "You stay away from that boy, alright? I heard some questionable things about him while he was over there and I don't want you getting involved with any of that."

"I know, Mama," I muttered again. I looked up from my hands. "Is Papa home?"

"He's in his office. You should come down and say hello before you go to bed," she smiled. She turned towards the door. My heart clenched as she wrapped her hand around the door handle, hoping she would leave, but then she paused.

Please don't look in the bathroom.

Please don't look in the bathroom.

Please don't-

"Thea, what's that smell?"

I stared at her. The only difference in smell was the fragrance left behind by Synn's cologne. It was noticeably masculine and lingered strongly in the air so I couldn't deny that it wasn't there. As I struggled for an excuse, she frowned at me in suspicion.

"Ember gave me a new deodorant!"

I paused.

"She was spraying something at lunch and-and I told her it smelt really good so she let me take it home. It smells nice, doesn't it?"

After watching me for a few moments, Mama nodded her head. She continued to hover by the door for a second longer and her eyes scanned the room briefly. Then, she turned and left, but not before shutting the door behind her.

Once I knew that she'd reached the landing downstairs, listening for her footsteps, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My hands reached for my neck as I focused on inhaling and exhaling. I stared, wide-eyed, into my lap. That was close. Never in my life had I experienced so much tension in my body, exempt for the night in the alleyway, perhaps. But to feel it around my mother felt even worse.

The sound of shuffling broke my concentration and I looked to see Synn cautiously reentering my room.

He was so tall and broad, I feared his head would hit the light hanging from the ceiling. If it weren't for the soft glow of the lamp behind me, I would have thought he were a shadowy monster of the world outside that had been etched in charcoal, the sun having set already. He fixed the cuffs of his suit and I couldn't help but smile at how incongruous he looked to the setting of a teenage girl's bedroom, his dark demeanour juxtaposing the vibrant colours around us.

"Your mother really is protective, isn't she?" he said and glanced at the door.

That was an understatement.

"My parents are maybe... overprotective," I phrased carefully, twisting my hands in my lap. I stood up from the chair. I eyed his taut and tense figure as he continued to stare at the door as if thinking hard about something to himself. I wondered what it was. "I'm sorry for panicking, by the way. I just got- I-I overreacted."

Synn's eyes softened as he looked down at me. "You did nothing wrong, baby. Don't feel bad for something like that, bien?"

[Okay?]

Hesitantly, I nodded. But the more I gazed at him, the more my heart deflated.

"Do you have to go now?"

He stepped closer to me, forcing my head to lean back as I looked up at him. "Don't pout. I'll visit again soon, if you let me."

"Can't you stay a little longer?" I asked, hoping that my voice wasn't as desperate as my words. "We could watch a movie like we were going to? I'll make sure to lock the door so Mama can't come in! Pretty please?"

"Vas a ser la muerte de mí," he murmured and his necklace dangled between us. The frown didn't leave my face as I continued to stare at him wishfully, not wanting the day to be over so soon. Him being here with me, out of his very own will, felt nothing short of a dream and even though night had already fallen, I hated the idea of him leaving. He had other thoughts, however. "I think it's best that I leave now so you can get some rest, sí?"

[You're going to be the death of me.]

"I don't need rest though."

"Thea, you have school tomorrow," he said softly, yet with a stern edge to his tone. "You're going to rest now and wake up fresh and early tomorrow, aren't you?"

I frowned. "But I wanted to-"

"Aren't you?"

Although it was against my better judgement, I fell quiet and stared up at him through angry, furrowed brows. The expression on his face told me he wasn't particularly threatened, however, and his eyes contained his laughter, instead declaring undeniable authority. I scowled but at some point, my eyes slipped, weakened, and I looked up at him pleadingly. That was when I saw a crack in his rind.

"Don't give me that face."

I purposefully stuck out my lower lip in a pout and tried to catch his eye with my signature puppy eyes. I had perfected the technique to work on anyone, whether it be Papa or my best friend or even my teachers, although I'd adapt depending on who I was using it on. Sometimes I even did it subconsciously. And now, from the way Synn was struggling to keep eye contact with me, I could tell it was working its charm.

"I'm being serious. Don't-Don't look at me like that. Me estás matando, mariposa," he said in a strained voice and pushed his tousled, black hair back.

[You're killing me, butterfly.]

"Please, please, please stay. Just for a little while?"

Synn inhaled sharply, gaze flitting to me one last time, and then he clenched his jaw. A look of pain crossed his face. "Carajo." He looked away. Confused, I tilted my head to the side in question. Raising a hand to the neck of his shirt, he pulled it slightly and turned to the door. "Hurry and brush your teeth. I'll stay until you're ready for bed, pequeña mocosa."

[Fuck.]

[Little brat.]

I bounced on the balls of my feet and beamed at him. "I'll be super duper quick!" I said, grinning, and raced into the bathroom. My heart pounded strongly inside my chest, and not because I was scared Mama would walk in on us this time.

Humming to myself, I did my business and changed into light blue pyjamas with white love hearts on them - one of my more adultish clothes compared to my kitten printed favourites. After that, I tied my hair into a loose bun in the mirror. I never did like my hair, nor my eyes. They were too dark, too plain. They were nothing like the forests and cliffs captured in others' irises like detailed photographs. I scanned myself over in the mirror.

My eyes flickered to my gold-brown skin which seemed to hold an abnormally healthy glow, and over to my lips which I had been chewing a bit too often. Exhaling, I applied some lip balm and almost ran back to my bedroom in fear of the man disappearing.

Synn was leisurely perusing through the papers on my desk, his fingers tracing the graphite marks of some drawings I had been working on. To my surprise, he seemed absorbed by them. His tattooed fingers danced over trees, lakes, seashells like he was summoning them from the plains of paper. Embarrassed that he'd even noticed them, I approached the desk.

"You never told me you could draw," he rumbled and looked up from the pages.

"That's because I can't." I clasped my hands behind my back. "I just do it when I'm bored or procrastinating."

Again, he looked down at the pages. "These are beautiful." I blushed awkwardly and rubbed my wrist. Following the movement of his curious hand, I eyed my old sketches and internally cringed. For some odd reason, I hated looking at my drawings after they were complete but I thoroughly enjoyed the process of sketching. Part of it must have been insecurity. I stopped at Synn's next question. "Do you ever draw people?"

"Um," I started, reflecting back to drawing his eyes. "No, no, I don't."

"Would you ever draw me?"

I have drawn you.

"Maybe," I said, extending the 'y', and swayed left and right. "But I'd need to practise."

That answer was satisfactory enough for the man and he nodded, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards. I feared my warm cheeks had already given my lie away. However, he didn't linger on the topic any longer. Slowly, he moved towards me and closed the distance, leaving me blinking upwards at the tall, tattooed man. For a moment, he just stared at me and I wondered what thoughts existed in those pretty blues. He leaned down.

"Bed. Now."

My shoulders slumped.

"Fine," I sighed. Not putting up much of a fight, I crawled into bed and gathered my stuffed toys in my arms, making sure none of them felt left out. Synn lingered at the bedside table as I pulled my duvet on top of me. He crouched down and I turned on my side to get a closer look at him.

"Put on some new plasters tomorrow, okay?" I nodded my head. He raised his fingers to my eyelids and softly closed them. "Now duerme."

[Sleep.]

My eyes blinked open again and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Duerme," he ordered again, his fingertips grazing my eyelashes.

[Sleep.]

For a few moments, I kept a straight face and kept my eyes closed. But then a grin pulled at my lips and I opened my eyes again, letting out a giggle.

"You really like being fucking naughty, don't you?"

"Of course not," I grinned.

Narrowing his eyes, he placed his hands on his thighs and pushed himself up. "You're going to sleep," he said sternly and leaned down to turn off the lamp, but I was too distracted by his stunning physique to register it. He adjusted the rings on his fingers and his biceps bulged against his black turtleneck. Wow. Threading his hand through his hair, I gazed longingly at him once I realised he was about to leave, his eyes already planning their route through the window.

Without even thinking, I grabbed his hand.

His warm, rough hand.

Synn's eyes swirled as he turned to me, a thousand different emotions rippling through water while my fingers cautiously gripped his thumb. A moment later, his hand was wrapping around mine and my heart stuttered.

"Have a safe journey home, okay?" I said faintly.

His gaze softened.

"I will, baby. Have sweet dreams for me."

With reluctance, he released my hand and made his way across the bedroom whilst I watched from the safety of my bed. His dark figure blended into the shadows of the room like camouflage, his every chiselled edge turning into a blur; it was as if he belonged there, in the darkness, for it only embellished his features that glowed sharply, ethereally, dangerously. I didn't know when I had made the shift to trust a man who belonged in the shadows, but the more I came to know him, the more light fell on him like a crown.

And there was one thing that was made certain now as he swung his leg over the windowsill and cast me one final glance.

I was quite helplessly falling for Synn.

*****

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Hey fudglings!

I'm not gonna lie this is one of my favourite chapters I JUST FIND IT SO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL so I was excited to post this one :)

So what did you guys think? BRO I'm actually in love with the descriptions of Synn's tattoos like I can picture them so vividly in my head and he looks so beautiful 🥺 and I loved their soft little conversation and the way Synn just patiently listened HSSJHSJ HE'S SO LOVELY but I am so proud of Thea!! She's come so far MY BABY HOLDING HANDS WITH A MAN shut the fudge up ,_, it's so cute how Synn is so wrapped around Thea's fingers that he just has to listen to her when she tells him to stay. He can never say no to his baby >:(

OKAY BUT I CAN NOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO FOUND IT SO CUTE WHEN THEA KEPT OPENING HER EYES AND SYNN WAS GETTING FRUSTRATED AND THEN HE CALLS HER NAUGHTY LIKE SHSHSJ I DON'T KNOW IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME I THINK I WOULD COMBUST HE KEEPS STEALING MY HEART

It's finally Ramadan so Ramadan Mubarak to all my fellow Muslims!! :D Ramadan is always my favourite time of the year, it just feels so peaceful. I also love all the pakoras my mum makes hehe :3 but I actually have so much revision to do so that's nasty ._. I enjoy revising neuroscience (my favourite topic) but the rest?? Nah get that outta my face I am not a fan of the GI system nor the sexual reproductive system, tis not fun. Most people I know really hate neuroscience because it's difficult (I agree), but it's so interesting to me, especially the psychiatry parts

Potato question of the day: Do you like milk?

Okay I know this is very random but it is a question that must be asked. To anyone who genuinely ENJOYS drinking milk and drinks it out of their own free will, I am filing a restraining order against you at this very second. I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T MAKE THE RULES 🤥 if I ruled a country, the first thing I'd make illegal would be milk. The only way I can drink it is when it's warm and has sugar or honey in it, and even then it's extremely questionable. COLD MILK? No.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and if you did, please do vote, comment and share this book with your friends! I love you guys!

- Fudge x